Marriage 101 FOR DUDES. From a totally unqualified man

[Midwest LDS]

Just now, MormonGator said:

 My FIL told me that my wifes dowry was "two tickets to a minor league hockey game and a beer." We still laugh at that. 

Hey that's more than I got . Although technically my wife did bring an old Geo with her when we got married so maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong poit of view😁.

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, Midwest LDS said:

 an old Geo

OMG, dude in college I had a Geo Metro! It was all I could afford back than. 

[Midwest LDS]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

OMG, dude in college I had a Geo Metro! It was all I could afford back than. 

Yeah that's the same reason we kept her car. Not enough greenbacks.

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, Midwest LDS said:

Yeah that's the same reason we kept her car. Not enough greenbacks.

It was a great little car. I delivered pizzas back then in order to claw my way through college and that car was super reliable. 

[Midwest LDS]

2 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

It was a great little car. I delivered pizzas back then in order to claw my way through college and that car was super reliable. 

Ours did it's job. Honestly other than a couple of bad alternators, it lasted a long time.

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, Midwest LDS said:

Ours did it's job. Honestly other than a couple of bad alternators, it lasted a long time.

I gave mine to a cousin when mine was close to 300,000 miles. He got about 25,000 more out of it. They lasted forever. 

[dddd]

18 hours ago, Maureen said:

Permission? I'm assuming your oldest daughter is an adult. I'm agreeing with @Fether regarding this tradition. The only person's answer that matters when a man proposes, is the woman's. A woman is not the property of her father (not like in the olden days), so it is very condescending to think that a father's permission is required for his adult daughter to marry. If you think some kind of tradition is necessary to show respect, I can see asking the woman's parents for their blessing, but that's as far as I would go. Men can show respect to their future parents-in-law without having to cater to condescending traditions.

M.

I'm a 25 year old woman and I do tell people (even jokingly) my parents own me. Even being financially independent now...They gave their life to raise me. They invested everything they had to get me to the point of adulthood where I CAN consent and legally make binding decisions for myself. And because I love them and trust them and know that I'm here because of them, I do want their approval in this. And that's the tradition. I see nothing in the tradition that the mother is not aware and consulted as well.

Edited June 8, 2018 by dddd

[dddd]

On 6/7/2018 at 11:15 AM, Lee said:

Heads up my wife once asked me if I loved her or my mother more. I told her it was no competition of course I love my mother more. I think I slept on the couch for a couple of weeks. If your wife ever asks you that just lie. 

The Bible says cleave unto your life and none else, so basically your wife has a biblical pass to put you on the couch.

Edited June 8, 2018 by dddd

[JayKi]

3 hours ago, Maureen said:

I agree with this idea but it works both ways. Your daughter will be marrying not just her future husband but also his family. But you don't expect her to ask her future mother-in-law for permission (symbolic or actual) to marry her son. This idea that a man is not showing respect if he doesn't ask for his future father-in-law's permission (whether symbolic or actual) is ridiculous. I can understand wanting both families to give their blessings for the marriage, but this one sided tradition of permission is just demeaning in my opinion.

 

You are wrong is no one sided because I ask my mother if okay for my girlfriend and I to marry. She told me yes so when I ask my girlfriend to marry me she already knew my mother grant permission else I would no ask her to be marry with me. Is ridiculous that you dont understand how the tradition works but will question it anyway. 

[dddd]

On 6/7/2018 at 11:07 AM, Lee said:

Seriously? If you have found the woman you want to marry and who God wants you to marry, then to bail because she or you are unsure about being sexually compatible is a terrible idea. Sex with your spouse should not be a consideration of whether it is right to marry your fiancee, that is carnal and completely wrong.  

To think of sex as only carnal is wrong. Sex is the highest expression of love and a huge physiological way couples bond...I think its selfish to demand it of your spouse but also selfish to withhold it. You could uncover these attitudes before getting married and save yourself a lot of pain. Find out if you're going to be on a different page for eternity.

[Lee]

2 minutes ago, dddd said:

The Bible says cleave unto your life and none else, so basically your wife has a biblical pass to put you on the couch.

I do cleave only to my wife but that doesn't mean I can't love my mother more than her. 

[Lee]

2 minutes ago, dddd said:

To think of sex as only carnal is wrong. Sex is the highest expression of love and a huge physiological way couples bond...I think its selfish to demand it of your spouse but also selfish to withhold it. You could uncover these attitudes before getting married and save yourself a lot of pain. Find out if you're going to be on a different page for eternity.

Nonsense it is not selfish to withhold sex.

1) I never said sex is only carnal so...

2) Sex is powerful and should only be engaged in when both partners desire to. One partner making the other feel bad because they don't want to is disgusting and a misuse of trust. 

[dddd]

1 minute ago, Lee said:

I do cleave only to my wife but that doesn't mean I can't love my mother more than her. 

Well the first question you get when you get to the judgement bar won't be about how much you loved your mother.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1981/07/brethren-love-your-wives?lang=eng

[Lee]

Just now, dddd said:

Well the first question you get when you get to the judgement bar won't be about how much you loved your mother.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1981/07/brethren-love-your-wives?lang=eng

It isn't my fault that God gave me the greatest woman as my mother. 

[dddd]

1 minute ago, Lee said:

 

2) Sex is powerful and should only be engaged in when both partners desire to. One partner making the other feel bad because they don't want to is disgusting and a misuse of trust. 

Agreed but who said anything about shaming your partner into sex? 

What about making a marriage partner feel bad because their spouse is not willing to be intimate with them? I think that would hurt anyone's spirit and self esteem.

[dddd]

3 minutes ago, Lee said:

It isn't my fault that God gave me the greatest woman as my mother. 

Do you love your children or your mother more? Genuine curiosity

Edited June 8, 2018 by dddd

[Lee]

2 minutes ago, dddd said:

Agreed but who said anything about shaming your partner into sex? 

What about making a marriage partner feel bad because their spouse is not willing to be intimate with them? I think that would hurt anyone's spirit and self esteem.

Why would the spouse feel bad because they aren't having sex. That is nonsense as long as you are showing affection by hugging, kissing, holding hands etc, there is no reason to feel bad about not having sex. 

[Lee]

1 minute ago, dddd said:

Do you love your children or your mother more? Genuine curiosity

I don't have any kids but my wife is pregnant 

[dddd]

Just now, Lee said:

I don't have any kids but my wife is pregnant 

Congrats! That's so exciting!!!

[Lee]

Just now, dddd said:

Congrats! That's so exciting!!!

I am not excited about having my life destroyed and likely I will love my mother more.

[Maureen]

15 minutes ago, JayKi said:

You are wrong is no one sided because I ask my mother if okay for my girlfriend and I to marry. She told me yes so when I ask my girlfriend to marry me she already knew my mother grant permission else I would no ask her to be marry with me. Is ridiculous that you dont understand how the tradition works but will question it anyway. 

I understand the tradition, I'm just not in favour of it. You said you asked your mother, did your fiance ask your parents for permission to marry you? Do all Costa Ricans follow this tradition?

M.

[JayKi]

Just now, Maureen said:

I understand the tradition, I'm just not in favour of it. You said you asked your mother, did your fiance ask your parents for permission to marry you? Do all Costa Ricans follow this tradition?

M.

Why would she need ask my parents permission? My mother is my only parent and she gave me permission to propose so my fiancee know we have my family blessing or I wouldnt have propose to her. If my fiancee wanted to propose to me then I expect she speak to my mother and her parents before so when I accept her proposal I already know we have blessing. 

 

Most people do yes. I have 4 sister and I expect any man who want to marry them to ask me for at least my blessing if not permission. 

[dddd]

So you view having a child as life being destroyed? Was this unplanned?

14 minutes ago, Lee said:

rro

https://thoughtcatalog.com/matthew-fray/2017/07/the-uncomfortable-truth-on-if-you-should-love-your-spouse-your-parents-or-your-children-most/

Edited June 8, 2018 by dddd

[Lee]

2 minutes ago, dddd said:

So you view having a child as life being destroyed? Was this unplanned?

https://thoughtcatalog.com/matthew-fray/2017/07/the-uncomfortable-truth-on-if-you-should-love-your-spouse-your-parents-or-your-children-most/

Children are a blessing in some way but it wasn't a blessing I was hoping for. I am not ready to share my life with another person. 

[Fether]

Just now, Lee said:

Children are a blessing in some way but it wasn't a blessing I was hoping for. I am not ready to share my life with another person. 

Spencer W Kimball calls this idolatry towards yourself