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As someone who has been investigating the church for just over a year and a half, I've found it very hard to find out anything outside of Doctrine and Scripture about what it's truly like to become a member, not so much the being a member after baptism etc.

I'm lucky enough to have a friend who is a life long member and has answered every question I've had. Ive found it really difficult to connect with all the missionaries as it's a very foreign concept to me to be "put with" people I don't know but who are assigned to be my friends. I also have difficulty because even though I'm a girl, I've never had many girl friends, I've always got along better with boys and find it really hard to connect with the sisters or any girls in general, so much so that I felt anxious every time I saw them in a Church and had an anxious breakdown when I had a lesson alone with them as it felt like I was cornered and being pushed towards baptism that I definitely wasn't ready for, I was holding back tears the entire meeting. It really made me feel like I didn't want to go any further and felt it pushed my confidence down. If I hadn't had my friend, I would never have gone back. I know for certain that if I'd been on my own and looking in to joining the Church, I wouldn't have even got as far as the front door if I'd been left to be led there and guided by missionaries. I'm always amazed how people have gone on the journey this route as its so alien to me. It would be really useful to have some resources from new converts or current investigators as to how they are coping with everything. 

My biggest hang up is baptism, I just don't know how I'm ever going to reach it. I'm absolutely terrified at the thought of the ceremony, having people look at me, being a focus, it fills me with dread but I so want the gift of the Holy Spirit I would gain from it 

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14 hours ago, Phoenix7093 said:

. It would be really useful to have some resources from new converts or current investigators as to how they are coping with everything. 

What type of thing are you looking for?

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15 hours ago, Phoenix7093 said:

My biggest hang up is baptism, I just don't know how I'm ever going to reach it. I'm absolutely terrified at the thought of the ceremony, having people look at me, being a focus, it fills me with dread but I so want the gift of the Holy Spirit I would gain from it 

I can understand this. My wife struggles with anxiety, and the thought of being the center of attention can be a real trial. I have just a couple of thoughts.

1. Right now large gatherings are not allowed. I don't know how they are doing things in your neck of the woods, but we are not allowed to have more than a few people at any baptism. Right now, it's likely your baptism, if you choose to go through with it, will be a very small affair with just the people you want to be there.

2. It's not a long ceremony. In normal times when there is no pandemic the entire thing is usually around an hour, but the baptism itself is quick, 5 minutes tops outside of changing times. Also, I don't know if you've received a blessing or seen one given, but receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost also doesn't take very long. It's almost certainly going to also be around 5 minutes or less as well perhaps shorter depending on who is performing the ordinance.

3. It's worth it sister! That feeling of knowing, as you come out of the water, that your sins are washed away and the feeling of peace and comfort that come from receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost are beyond compare. Talk with your bishop or branch president and your missionaries and I am sure they will work with your concerns to help you feel comfortable at this ceremony. 

Also as far as resources for new members, there are a ton of talks and stories from converts online. Also this website https://www.comeuntochrist.org/ is designed for investigators and new members and is a great place to start looking for resources, comfort, guidelines etc. I'm sure there are other things too. Reach out to your Bishop/Branch President or Relief Society President for more local resources. God bless you sister. I'm a convert too (I joined when I was 8 ) and this is Christ's church. The Lord will help you with your concerns, I know he will.

Edited by Midwest LDS

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If you ever get REALLY bored read my thread Missionaries.   
 

Personally, I preferred being taught over the phone rather than in person.  I suspect if you go to the link above and chat, you could probably find missionaries to teach you remotely.  That said, why do you think you want to join the Church?   That should be your driving force.   Personally, I wasn't sure I did want to join at the time.   Yet, here I am.  
 

You need three people at your baptism.  That's it. There doesn't need to be a big hooah.  My wife felt the same way you do. I'll answer any questions you have as best as I can.  

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On 7/18/2020 at 10:29 PM, Phoenix7093 said:

My biggest hang up is baptism, I just don't know how I'm ever going to reach it. I'm absolutely terrified at the thought of the ceremony, having people look at me, being a focus, it fills me with dread but I so want the gift of the Holy Spirit I would gain from it 

That's not gonna be your biggest hang-up, I don't think.  Baptism can be a private affair if that's what you prefer.  You only need the priesthood authority to baptize you and 2 witnesses to make sure it's done right.

Where you're gonna have a hang-up is membership itself.  This is not a passive church.  Being a convert is an ongoing action - receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost is supposed to inspire you to share the gift with others.  There are Sunday school classes, compassionate service, church fellowship activities, church callings which could include teaching and... because you're a woman, you become an automatic member of the Relief Society and will be called upon to minister other women.  You can, of course, decline all of these.  But being an active member of the church, people will be in the habit of asking these things of you.

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