Concerned -soon to be- Dad

[HaggisShuu]

Hi all, 

I'm a first time poster and currently typing this from my car after an 11 hour night shift so expect typos! 
 

I've been a church member for roughly 2 years now, I joined at a low point in my life (mainly due to pornography addiction) after a year I met an amazing woman and we got sealed to her. I was overjoyed to hear we are now expecting our first child. 
 

I have a few things I need to talk about however, Initially, I couldn't shake the porn habit. I'm ashamed to say, I lied in my baptismal interview, priesthood interview and even temple recommend interview, once my wife found out it made things very difficult but she forgave me, and now genuine recovery efforts are being made - with the help of the Bishop. We are currently in a very happy place, and we both agree moving past from such a difficult start to a marriage has made us very strong in a very short time. 
 

My choices separated me from God and so for almost all my 2 years of Church membership, I've had a very, very weak testimony, at times the only thing that kept me attending was my spouse. It's only recently through some serious time and effort this testimony has begun to develop. 
 

The very first verse of the Book of Mormon sets out the importance of family. Nephi was able to achieve all he could due to being raised and taught by "Goodly parents". 
 

I live in a ward where many large and wonderful families were once active, now reduced to a small handful. 
 

The news of pregnancy scares me, given my problematic past, how can I be a righteous father capable of raising strong children like Nephi? How can I prepare my children for a cruel world full of malicious people where technology kills testimonies with easy access to evils such as the CES letter and pornography? 
 

I am hardly the spiritual patriarch my family deserves, but I want desperately to raise these children in the Gospel. 
 

Guess I'm just a bit bewildered with it all at the moment. 

[zil2]

Welcome to ThirdHour, @HaggisShuu!  Congratulations on your continuing efforts to repent and live the gospel.  If you were to talk to the RS or EQ President, they could tell you that everyone you look at is going (or has gone) through something you wouldn't want to face, whether sin or sickness or loss or abuse or whatever.  So while you may feel like everyone around you is "more worthy" or some such, that's just another of Satan's tools. Learn to recognize and reject his nonsense and drama.

The only advice I can give you is to do whatever it takes to keep living the gospel.  There will be times it's hard and times when it's easier, times when you want to do it, and times when you want to give up on it.  The basics (prayer, scripture study, Church attendance, callings, temple attendance, follow the counsel of prophets and apostles) really do make a difference, but they make more of a difference if you make them yours - find your reasons for doing them, find your ways of making them meaningful to you personally.  Make these things habits.

One of the things I did was to stop thinking of them as tasks or things external to myself.  For example, instead of setting a goal to read the Book of Mormon every day (for the rest of my life), I set about "becoming the type of person who is in the Book of Mormon every day".  My focus changed from "doing a thing" to "becoming a type of person".  That has helped me.  Find your own ways to internalize the gospel, make good habits, and let Christ change your heart. (I don't believe we are capable of changing our own hearts - I think it's something we have to desire, plead for, and choose to let Christ do.)

Best wishes on your journey!  (NOTE: Activity here tends to be lower on Sunday mornings - everyone getting ready for and going to Church, I guess. )

[LDSGator]

7 hours ago, HaggisShuu said:

am hardly the spiritual patriarch my family deserves

Don’t be so hard on yourself bro. You are going to do just fine. Congrats. 

[Traveler]

Greetings and welcome to this forum @HaggisShuu :

I am of pioneer heritage and goodly parents and in the waning years of fatherhood, grand fatherhood and great grand fatherhood and on this Sabbath – Well wishes to all for Father’s Day.

We all have sinned and are in need of repentance.  From my experience and what I was taught I would offer as advice - that advice I received in my youth on how a Latter-day Saint can deal with the temptations of the evil one.  This was brought to bear while at the age of 17 (Vietnam era) I joined the army reserves.  Defenses against a superior enemy need to be carefully prepared and planned.    In scripture it is likened to taking upon you the whole armer of G-d.

Number 1.  I was taught to select a favorite hymn to memorize and sing to myself during dark and difficult times.  The hymn I selected was of importance to my grandfather on his mission to New Zealand over 100 years ago.  It is the hymn, “Oh My Father”.  To this day, I still rely on this hymn to draw near and call upon the spirit when things are in need – it has become so sacred I often cannot sing it without being overcome.  I suggest you select a hymn of most importance to you.

Number 2. Have a favorite scripture to quote to yourself in your mind.  I have used many scriptures – my first was 1Corinthians 13.  Lately I have been using Doctrine and Covenants 132:5.  I like having available a short scripture that can help me quickly focus.

I have used numbers 1 & 2 in circumstances when I am ambushed or surprised by the advisory and I need something to help we quickly focus and react before I become pinned down, hopeless and overcome by the advisory’s assault.  Especially when I have made a mistake and wronged someone – this can help get back on track – bringing back the spirit to guide you to what to do next.

Number 3. Is for longer term planning, preparations and training.  It is a two-part prayer.  One in the morning and one in the evening.  The morning (or beginning of action) prayer you discuss with Father in Heaven your thoughts, plans and intentions for the day.  I suggest that you be honest and open with your desires and intensions.   For example, tell your Father in Heaven you plan to avoid temptations of pornography and if something is not avoided – your plan to escape the temptation.   Ask if your plan is good or if other things need consideration.  Explain your expected outcome and ask for his assistance. (Point – this need not apply to only temptations but anything you desire to accomplish – I have utilized this method for problem at my professional workplace.)

The second part, the evening or task faced – report in prayer.  In your prayer, again. be honest and report directly and fully your successes and failures.  Explain in detail what happened.  Be thankful for your successes and acknowledge your failures.  Ask G-d for help where you need help and for recognition for your efforts.  Ask what you can do to improve and for G-d assistance to see beyond to things that you have missed.

These are things that have helped me many times.  It may be needful for you to personalize these things to your circumstances.  I have witnessed success every time I have employed these things – I have also seen success as others have employed these things.  I believe that with G-d and through the spirit – all things are possible.

 

The Traveler

[HaggisShuu]

16 hours ago, zil2 said:

they make more of a difference if you make them yours - find your reasons for doing them, find your ways of making them meaningful to you personally.  Make these things habits.

One of the things I did was to stop thinking of them as tasks or things external to myself.  

Thank you for your response and this particular suggestion. 
 

It's given me some room to think about how I can go about integrating what's taught on a Sunday into my life a bit better, ties in nicely with Alma 5 I think. 😃

[HaggisShuu]

@TravelerThank you for sharing some of your insights here, there is a-lot to unpack. I think the main takeaway for me will be getting into a better routine with prayer. I've always prayed at least once a day - most days. However, this is normally whenever I can find the best time. I don't think I've ever made time for it. I've never started my days with prayer either. 
 

I do have a favourite scripture in mind. D&C 93:1. I like to think of this verse as the moment I decided I wanted to get baptised. I had been investigating for about a month. Read through most the Book Of Mormon. Out of curiosity I picked up the D&C on a random page and that's the first verse I read. For the 2 seconds it took to read it, everything made perfect sense and I felt the spirit compel me to commit myself to the Church. 

[Vort]

Welcome to the forum, @HaggisShuu.

Embracing and living the gospel consists of two steps:

1. Getting on the path

2. Walking the path

These two steps are the same for everyone. It appears that you have successfully managed to get on the path, and that you're motivated to follow the path. So your only remaining step is to walk the path. Sounds like you have already begun doing this, too. Making the baptismal covenant was your first step, the one that put you on the path. Now you do what all the rest of us do: Put one foot in front of the other. If pornography is your current challenge, then get with good people, maybe your elders quorum president or bishop, and figure out how to take steps. It's that simple.

But simple is not the same as easy. Self-improvement is often not easy. Here's the thing, though: Self-improvement may be hard, but in the long run it's far, far easier than any other path you could take.

God bless you in your efforts.

[Traveler]

10 hours ago, HaggisShuu said:

@TravelerThank you for sharing some of your insights here, there is a-lot to unpack. I think the main takeaway for me will be getting into a better routine with prayer. I've always prayed at least once a day - most days. However, this is normally whenever I can find the best time. I don't think I've ever made time for it. I've never started my days with prayer either. 
 

I do have a favourite scripture in mind. D&C 93:1. I like to think of this verse as the moment I decided I wanted to get baptised. I had been investigating for about a month. Read through most the Book Of Mormon. Out of curiosity I picked up the D&C on a random page and that's the first verse I read. For the 2 seconds it took to read it, everything made perfect sense and I felt the spirit compel me to commit myself to the Church. 

I am super impressed in your choice in scripture.  I would never have thought of it myself on my own.

May I say something about prayer.  I believe there are formal prayers and there are in circumstances emergency prayers.  Sometimes emergency prayers are one word (HELP) when something immediately is needed.  Sometimes – Help me?  Sometimes there are a few more words – Help me help them.

I have thought to add something about pornography.   In my work I often was traveling and away from home for extended periods of time.  From time to time there was a great deal of stress involved in solving problems associated with what I needed to do.  Under such conditions I needed to unwind for a bit to be able to get a good night’s sleep.  I would crash in my hotel room and think to watch something of TV.

Very often, too much to be a coincidence the TV would immediately produce pornography.  I like to brag that I am spiritually strong and can resist anything but temptation.  I mentioned this phenomenon to a close friend and associate (good LDS).  His response was somewhat of a surprise.   He believed that evil temptations are like an infectious disease.  That an infected person could leave behind infections or pass them on to others they associate with.  He suggested that when I check into a hotel while traveling that I utilize my priesthood to bless and disinfect my room.

Since employing this procedure, I have never had the problem TV problem.  I would suggest that at any indication that you are being infected that you plead for help.  Do not try to solve difficult things on your own.  Even if you only plea for help relying on the name of Jesus Christ – you will receive help when you need it and truly desire it.

 

The Traveler

[mordorbund]

For your consideration, make The Family: A Proclamation to the World one of your family's governing documents. A relevant portion reads:

Quote

Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

You've seen how these principles have gotten you this far in your marriage -- build on them.