MARRAIGE FOR THE OVER 30s

[COUNTRYBEAR]

As a middle aged man recovering from a divorce from an apostate wife i now find my self faceing the daunting prospect of finding a new celestial partner in life and eternity. However, it seems that their is an all pervasive element of worldliness, arrogance and elitisum reminiscent of the days of the Nephites amoung the sisters of this church. I am a decent, carring and good priesthood holder with a resonable prospects I may not be a great catch but I am a good man is this enough any more? Being over 35, not a returned missionary of average height and strong build I like so many priesthood holders like me thrust into the coldness of singledom look around and canot help but notice that while there are many sisters of the church there seems to be a diminishing number of daughters of god, the difference being that the latter respect a good preisthood holder who is decencnt, kind and loyal above all other traits. Is there any hope for us or are we doomed to singledom for the rest of our lives. The honest, brutal truth please particularly from the sisters.

[Aphrodite]

middle aged man recovering from a divorce from an apostate wife

What did your wife do? I only ask as it seems to have marred your perception of women somewhat.

[Moksha]

Best not to approach any relationship with an over-judgmental attitude. For the most part, I have experienced women as being more spiritual than us men folk.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I know plenty of single middle aged women (divorced or widowed) who say the same thing about the lack of available spiritual worthy priesthood holders.

[COUNTRYBEAR]

APHRODITE, all in all she gave up ont the gospel and allowed past demons, from before we met, to over come her testimony thus leading her to an affair with a much older no LDS man. To the others, as for spirituality I personaly see not much to choose between the sexs on that count these days though I am hopeful but it is hard work sifting through the fools gold to find the genuine artical. I do try not to be jaded but there is this feeling in the soul that he world has darkened and that as the decades pass the time is approaching when the sisters no longer respect the priesthood, even when they deserve it

[Alaskagain]

Do not despair, CB. Keep yourself in good and holy places, and there you will eventually see a good woman.

[skalenfehl]

Do not despair, CB. Keep yourself in good and holy places, and there you will eventually see a good woman.

Amen.

[checkerboy]

APHRODITE, all in all she gave up ont the gospel and allowed past demons, from before we met, to over come her testimony thus leading her to an affair with a much older no LDS man. To the others, as for spirituality I personaly see not much to choose between the sexs on that count these days though I am hopeful but it is hard work sifting through the fools gold to find the genuine artical. I do try not to be jaded but there is this feeling in the soul that he world has darkened and that as the decades pass the time is approaching when the sisters no longer respect the priesthood, even when they deserve it

Your story sounds exactly like mine, are you sure we aren't the same person. Yeah it is hard to find good women these days. I think I may have gotten lucky but only time will tell. My philosophy is this, if she is worthy to go with me to the temple then all the other little things will fall into place. Sure there may be things that I don't quite appreciate, but the thing is is that covenants can refine us. So that is what I am putting my faith in.

[michaela]

CountryBear,

To be honest and perhaps brutal, I'm afraid maybe you've confused respect for the priesthood with respect for the man.

This is what I have observed: My father became the most eligible bachelor in his ward following my mother's death. He was "gathered in" by many of the family's long-time friends, but he also received a lot of dinner invitations from single women in the ward. He remarried (in the temple) about a year and a half later---but not one of the local ladies. He and his new wife met online through on one of the LDS sites. They do seem blissfully happy.

• My father is good-looking, well-dressed, well-educated, and financially secure. He is warm and witty and genuinely fun to be with.
• The women in the ward knew him well from his activity within his church callings. At the time, he was the ward geneology librarian, but he also supported my mother in all her callings.
• The women in the ward knew how he treasured my mother. They knew how he treated her with love and respect.

To be honest, dating after divorce is difficult whether you're a man or a woman. Your posts sound angry---and that's never very attractive. Perhaps you need more time to come to terms with your ex-wife's abandonment. Nevertheless, you're also not entitled to female attention just because you hold the priesthood.

michaela

[Maya]

I have many good frends ...women ... that have devorced... they have stayed single as there is no men around. Maybe you should look outside USA borders.... I met my DH at 38he was 47. I met him in a church activity... stil we have two wonderful boys, you are only 35... you are still young, you have time... good hunting!

[kona0197]

Well I feel your pain. That sucks. At least your a member and did get married once though - that's farther than I've got!

[COUNTRYBEAR]

MICHAELA, some times the truth isn't very attractive and putting a sugar coat on things only masks the reality. Perhaps I do need more time to heal but if sisters such as yourself feel that being a worthy priesthood holder dosn't entitle you to companionship then what dose, and if nothing dose then it just proves my point that women have become cold. For certainly the Lord feels that all worthy priesthood holders should seek a temple marraige he would't have said it if we didin't deserve it. The real truth michaela is that some times in life the deserving don't always get what they should not beacuse they arn't worthy or entitled but because it is denied to them. Surley every human being is deserving of love heaven surley thinks so, so why not you.

[SMG]

Well, painting all of us single women with the same brush is hardly fair. =/ I'm sure Heavenly Father has a prized mate for you waiting in the wings and that you'll meet her when the time is right.

[Elgama]

nothing entitles anyone to companionship, plenty worthy sisters go unmarried, I think sisters have maybe raised the bar a bit - my husband needed to be a good man as well as a priesthood holder, - I personally chatted mine up because he had long hair and beard and did not assume because he was a returned missionary he could get any girl in the place and that he had to work at it. There is no greater turn off in an LDS community sorry Countrybear but its how I feel that a man that assumes women should fall at his feet because he is a priesthood holder or a returned missionary but so many do. I personally like the fact that my husband loves me as a person and not because he feels he is entitled to companionship.

-Charley

[COUNTRYBEAR]

Elgama, so you only like a man if you can seperate him from his priesthood, why? is it about power, jelousy, femanism, spiritual emasculation what? Further Is it not women who are constantly saying that a man needs the priesthood to be their equal. If it such a big turn off in the LDS community to be a priesthood holder why should we bother.

[skalenfehl]

Elgama, so you only like a man if you can seperate him from his priesthood, why? is it about power, jelousy, femanism, spiritual emasculation what? Further Is it not women who are constantly saying that a man needs the priesthood to be their equal. If it such a big turn off in the LDS community to be a priesthood holder why should we bother.

I think you're missing the point, brother. And it feels like your emotions are governing your posting more than your rational thinking. I hope things work out for you and I agree that there is a special someone out there for you who is very likely sharing your very same concerns.

[michaela]

Countrybear,

You misunderstand. I'm not saying you don't deserve to be married. I'm just saying that the priesthood isn't the only basis for marriage. You have to have similar values and likes and dislikes and goals and expectations. You have to love each other.

If you think you're entitled to a wife just because you hold the priesthood, you might as well go down and join the FLDS. They will assign you a wife (or two or three)---whether she wants to marry you or not.

michaela:D

[kona0197]

Polygamy is nothing to joke about. All you are doing is adding to the tarnish that hides the truth.

[Ray A]

However, it seems that their is an all pervasive element of worldliness, arrogance and elitisum reminiscent of the days of the Nephites amoung the sisters of this church.

Somehow I don't think that's the problem. For a start we know next to nothing about apostate women in the Book of Mormon. It was the men who went astray, and their women followed them.

[blunt]Your ex, and your personal experience, isn't an excuse to label all women in the Church, nor all women in the world. [/blunt]

Best of luck in your search.

[kona0197]

Wow

I think he was looking for a shoulder to lean on guys. Not to be told over and over he is wrong on this and that.

Let's be more supportive?

[skalenfehl]

I agree with you, kona, and I think my post was supportive.

[siouxz72]

Hey CB! I have to agree with whomever said to keep yourself in holy places and eventually you will meet the right person... I've had two really good friends go through very similar situations. One took the time to really just chill and work out her issues, focus on her kids, church, etc and after several years (alright about 5) all the sudden here was the man she'd been searching for! The other was looking looking looking taking no time to recover from the trauma of a 20 year marriage falling apart...he married before his divorce was even really final..that marriage lasted about a second! I'm all for the first method. Relax, recover, rediscover who you are and what makes you happy and the women will come flocking. Okay, maybe not flocking..but they'll be there. Good luck, CB!

[COUNTRYBEAR]

Question, what is the FLDS? Michaela point taken I understand this I just woundered if you did. Finally, support is great but so is the truth some times its good to see things from other peoples perspectives perhaps Iam still to close to the event to see things objectivly. However it cannot be denied there is a great cloud of apostasy hanging over the church and its a 50/50 problem these days. Hope is a slim commodity in this neck of the woods, may be I need to cast my net wider and go where the good people are, any one know where they are hiding (HaHaHa). As far as apostate women in scripture are concerned I wount risk the wrath of all coverns I mean Relief Societies (HeHe) this night by digressing from the subject. I guess in the end that's all I was hopeing for a reason to keep hopeing, thanks to all and to all a good night. Countrybear.

[Ray A]

Question, what is the FLDS?

Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They still practice polygamy.

[kona0197]

And still get in trouble for it as well.