Lindy

@Lindy & @LiterateParakeet thank you for your kind words.  I'm trying to find hope and strength.  I have a very good friend who I spent a couple hours taking with yesterday.  She is wise and had insight.  I have an appointment with a new counselor but it's not until next Monday cuz she's on vacation this week.  I'm not ready to get rid of my plan...I feel like I need something just in case.  I'm am trying and trying to have hope.  It feels so hard right now though.

I totally agree - giving up keeps you from the blessings to come. Enduring may be hard, but we must endure. I found this wonderful quote from Jeffrey R. Holland:
“Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”
Good things will come!
 

And on a happier topic... a happy cow!
 

And on a happier topic... a happy cow!
 

I have been married to the same woman for over 30 years. In the entirety of that time, I have spent exactly 0 seconds worried that she is going to commit adultery. It simply has never even come up, in any context. We have discussed the intellectual possibility of infidelity, of course. But I don't worry about that for a single moment. She is faithful, and I'm comfortable in that. I cannot speak for her and say whether or not she has worried about such things, but I know myself. For all my numerous imperfections, I know better than to have sex with someone who is not my wife. I spend little more time worrying about my own fidelity than I do my wife's.
Decide deep down in the core of your soul that you will be a faithful partner in marriage. Then marry someone who has that same belief. Voilà! Problem permanently solved.

This is my 2 cents.  Free over the internet. 
If you are looking at marriage so heavily upon what it can give you so much so that you get paranoid over the thought of having to feel pain then you're not ready for marriage.
When you get to the point where you actually desire so much with all your being to give everything of yourself to bring somebody else closer to Christ regardless of whether she lifts a little pinky finger for your gratification then you're ready for marriage.
If my husband leaves me for a pair of 20's tomorrow, I would be very sad, but I wouldn't have changed anything in the past because I've had the privilege of passing through life by his side even just for one day, let alone 20 years.

Stop exposing yourself to infidelity stories then.  Consider them as pornography to your soul. 
All better?

I'll let others share "what works for them", and just point out that I find it immensely annoying when the driver in front of me (A) follows the driver in front of him (B), even though (B) isn't going where (A) wants to go.  Specifically, this happens where roads split into turn lanes.  (B) slows down as he starts to move over1, and (A) follows him half way, also slowing (forcing everyone behind him to slow), then realizes at some later point that he doesn't want to turn, and so comes fully back into the main lane and goes around (B).  Why didn't he just go around (B) to begin with?
My point being: don't follow people who aren't leading where you want to go.  Don't immerse yourself in crap (or websites that exist to tell stories about crap) and expect to come out sparkly clean.  Immerse yourself in good, in stories of success and happiness, in stories that show you how to live the gospel.
My aunt watches true crime tv (the ones that look like they were filmed in the 1980s), and is therefore paranoid and suspicious of everyone.  She demands that people be proven innocent (not just people accused of crime - everyone she might have to trust) rather than assuming people are generally good.  This position has certainly not helped her - indeed it has hurt her in many ways.  I told her to quit watching that crap, but I doubt she has.
1Unrelated, but the proper sequence of events is: make sure the way is clear, signal, get out of the main traffic lane, then (and only then) slow down.  Turn lanes aren't for the turner's convenience, they're so the turner doesn't impede traffic - that intent is nullified when the turner slows down before entering the turn lane.  (NOTE: If the law doesn't agree with me, I don't care (and the law is stupid).  This sequence is logical and respects one's fellow drivers; unnecessarily impeding traffic isn't and doesn't.)

I really recommend you talk more with @Jane_Doe or @LiterateParakeet both of whom have experienced and overcome tremendously difficult situations. 

And on a happier topic... a happy cow!
 

And on a happier topic... a happy cow!
 

The Liberal Party promote socialist policies (universal healthcare, national pension plan, national college loan and repayment programs, etc.) but are not for Socialization of the entire Canadian economy.  But lately, they've been veering more and more towards full blown Socialism which is part of the reason why they're getting pommeled by the Conservative Party lately. 

Petty3- I implore you to reconsider any plan you have on ending your life. My father took his life and it has affected me, my brothers and sister ever since.  I know that wasn't his plan to emotionally hurt his family like he did, but that is what happened. He let depression take over his life, and would'nt talk to anyone about it because....... you got it..... he didn't want to be a burden to anyone.
He missed seeing his great grandson get married and the birth of his great-great granddaughter a year later. We all missed the chance of seeing the love and joy of him holding his 5th generation.
 Things CAN be different- you have to keep trying different things till you find one that actually helps.
Writing helped me, talking to good friends (not family), collecting sports cards and watching hockey! Different things for different people! :-)
You might think it'll all be good when your gone - but it's not. The heartache, mental anguish and emotional scars will stay with those who love you.
Don't give up...... try, try and try again. You could try watching hockey!
 

@Petty3
Having a plan for suicide is bad news! Push that thought away. Need to call one of these services! 
https://utahsuicideprevention.org/get-help
http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/utah-suicide-hotlines.html
Kim Myers Suicide Prevention Coordinator, Utah Department of Human Services Utah Department of Human Services 195 N 1950 W Salt Lake City, UT 84116 United States Phone: (801) 538-4028 [email protected]

Petty3,  I'm so sorry you are sad and paste on the happy face when you are around others.... depression is not a fun thing to deal with alone (when your not alone). I actually found a lot of good help and solace on this site from a lot of different people that helped ease the burden. Someone told me to see a LDS mental health counselor - best advice I could have had. I learned to visualize the Savior giving me a hug and absorbing my burdens, heartache and sorrows. Knowing that Jesus is always there when I needed Him..... what a blessing! I prayed and cried unashamedly when my heart was breaking.... and found solace and peace. It was a learning experience that worked for me.
Don't forget to put your name on the Temple prayer roll ........ prayers are important!
 
 

One thing you might consider is finding a really fun and fulfilling volunteer opportunity.  And when i say fun, i really mean it.  Don't go do something that doesn't seem like fun to you.  But just about any hobby, and there's a way to volunteer doing it.  The poet help kids with writing in a school, working at a animal rescue facility, the equestrian helping kids at a therapeutic riding facility, and on, and on.  volunteermatch.org is a good website for this.
It's really nice to be wanted and valued and needed.  And that's the only reason i say to do things like that.  Not because of "forgetting one's self".  To be honest, i think that's horrible advice - especially for someone who has suffered abuse.  It's because often the people will show you in ways that can't be misconstrued, that you are not a burden.  And they often do that in such genuine ways that you can believe it about yourself too.  
You're definitely not a burden, and i don't think the bishop is bad.  But the dynamics almost inherent in an interaction like that - i just don't think it engenders the best feelings in all participants.  
Really sorry you are feeling like this.
btw - i frequently say stuff that is stupid - mainly because i don't understand situations entirely.  So if i did in this case, and that's totally obvious to you, please accept my sincere apologies and forget everything i wrote  

(Old Testament | Psalms 55:22)
22  Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
 
Perhaps you could also listen contemplatively to hymn 110
https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/cast-thy-burden-upon-the-lord?lang=eng
Cast thy burden upon the Lord, And he shall sustain thee. He never will suffer the righteous to fall. He is at thy right hand. Thy mercy, Lord, is great And far above the heav'ns. Let none be made ashamed That wait upon thee.  

Petty3, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Please contact your counselor ASAP. Based on the limited information you posted here, once every 3 to 4 weeks isn't enough. Please keep us posted.
YOU ARE LOVED.

Petty3, it would be better for you if you think of your depression like a broken arm.  So, like, when your arm is still broken in the constant care of your orthopaedic doctor and you don't feel that it's progressing, you can't just stop seeing a doctor and  leave the arm broken.  You'll need to figure out if you'll need a new doctor or if you'll need to see the doctor more often or if there's some instructions your doctor is giving that you somehow missed, etc.  The thing is, mental issues is a lot more difficult to heal than a broken arm so it would take a lot of time and perseverance. 
But the goal is clear - you need to develop coping mechanisms that allow you to go around your mental health challenges and live healthy.  Putting on a smile and everything else is not coping if it is making you more unhealthy.  What you need to do is to be honest with people that you are struggling and that you're still figuring out ways to cope and don't have the energy to smile.  When you do decide to smile, then do it as a service to people... there should be joy in service, not "draining".  If it is draining, then you're not ready for that service.  Be honest to yourself and to everyone else around you.  Don't worry about what they say.  If the bishop says you're overwhelming don't worry about it.  All you need to worry about is that you are honestly and diligently and with an open and humble heart seeking peace.  Pray to God for inspiration and forgive those who hurt you.
And that's all I really have to say about that.  I have mental health issues.  Everybody knows it, even my kids.  I don't pretend to be happy when I'm not happy.  I simply tell my friends and family - "I am grumpy right now but I'm working hard on it but I would really love to serve you I just don't know how yet".

Having been there, here's my advice:
Seeking professional help is a good thing.  You're doing this, and that's good.
Now speaking of non-proffesionals, let's start with some basic observations--
-- Obviously a non-proffeisonal they can't fix professional grade issues, so let's not expect them to.  
-- Also depression can warp perceptions.  So when something seems funky, let's double check it.  The weird communication with your bishop is an example of this.
-- Other people do have their own burdens.  Folks find certain things easier to work through but other things may be really hard for them.
 
When I was struggling with my abuse issues, I found it really hard to.... I either wanted to say nothing & lie, or to spiel out my entire life story.   I didn't really have a middle setting of saying "I'm sad today".   Working through things, I found that it helped to be able to reach that middle ground-- so I could get some assurance from a casual friend, but didn't need to go into the whole big thing. I also found that talking to people as respecting: "hey are you super busy today or do you have some time?"  helped a lot as well.  Also developing healthy coping mechanisms is an important part of healing: like if I'm just a little sad, perhaps I go out and exercise to cheer up. 

I had a quick talk with him again and he said he never said I was a burden.  But I know he did say that word because it hit me so hard when he said it.  He specifically said I was intense and overwhelming.  (which being overwhelming is the same thing in my eyes as being a burden right now)
I was at the church again last night to help the YW with something and the RS pres was there.  I took her aside and said to her that I wanted to apologize for being overwhelming and that I was sorry if I had been a burden to her.  She looked me in the eyes and told me she thinks of me as a daughter and that I have never been a burden and that she only wants to help me.  She said I can talk to her anytime.  She said that the bishop probably was trying to take things off her plate and thought I was overwhelming to her.
It still makes me want to pull away though.  
I am seeing a counselor once every 3 or 4 weeks.  I have felt like this counselor has helped, but I feel like I have stopped progressing with her.  I just don't have it in me to start over and find someone else, but I will try.
Ever since our talk Tuesday evening I have felt like crying (and I'm not a crier).  I woke up early Wed morning and couldn't stop crying.  My husband finally gave me a blessing.  Then I went to the temple this morning (it took everything I had to get myself there) and did initories and cried through the whole thing.  I hate feeling like a burden.  I know that isolating and pulling away is not a good idea, but I don't want to be around others feeling like this.  I am fighting myself and forcing myself to take care of the things that I need to do.  I try to put on a smile,  and do what I have to do, but when I get home each afternoon I have nothing left and I head to bed.
 

Oh, I'm prepared to get worked up over Brown.  Anteater on Sunday?

Me too.  But when folks start getting offended on behalf of someone else, well, they might just end up offended that particular day. 

Get in line.  I'm still waiting for Disney to release Beauty and the Beast where Beauty is the guy and Beast is the girl.

Trav, I've tried to understand what all you are saying, but it sounds more like a dictatorship demanding a military obligation in order to vote in a free democracy? 
Doesn't sound very free to me.