applepansy

My husband and I listened to the soundtrack and had no desire to see it.

In a nutshell ----Service! I asked the question several years ago in prayer. I kept being told "You know." Stubbornly I kept asking. While driving alone one day I got a clear answer.... Service. After thinking about it more and reading scriptures and studying and praying. Its really not as simple as one word although that one word does say it all. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about Love. We show our love when we live the Gospel. We live the Gospel by loving our neighbor as ourselves. We act on Love by Serving God's children. so.... Service. :)

First of all, you and your wife need to get on the same page. Stop criticizing each other's parenting skills. You have your way and its needed at times and she has her's and its necessary too. This is one of the reasons it is so important for children to have two parents. Then, you need to set some rules (fences). Hopefully you'll both eventually get to a point where you will recognize the value of the other's parenting and can express appreciation for those skills. If that is too difficult to think about, then ask Heavenly Father to help you recognize and appreciate each other's parenting skills. Second, Don't argue. Don't put up with disrespect, either of you. And don't talk to a blank wall of "whatever" and "I don't care." When having a discussion like the one you describe calmly and firmly set the consequence and explain the discussion will continue when the child is willing to listen and talk calmly. And that's the end of it when there is anger controlling the attitude and words. Do Not Argue or discuss until things are calm. At another time (sooner rather than later) discuss and resolve the issue. Third, Your son had a good point. His sister's attire made him uncomfortable and he asked her to change it. She over reacted. Then I'm sure he over reacted. And it all dissolved in to contention. This would be a good time to remind your daughter about modesty. It applies even at home, and even when going from bathroom to bedroom after a shower. She can dress in the bathroom, just like she would do if you had company staying over or she was at a hotel or other similar situation. This is showing respect for herself as well as her brother. It is also showing Heavenly Father she loves Him enough to be obedient. I remember similar fights with my brother. I'm the oldest and he's 11 months younger than I am. We fought terribly as teenagers. Mom never did understand, until we explained, that the month when we were sort of the same age was the worse month of the year. :) Then I raised three boys and a girl with the girl being the youngest. Oh boy, Boys fighting as teenagers is so much worse. Rules saved us. Then our daughter his puberty and new rules had to be set. I learned the following in dealing with my teens. 1) Set rules. Nothing changes a rule unless a calm, carefully reasoned discussion can take place and then even that might not change the rule. But it will be respectful. 2) Do not engage is discussion when everyone is angry. This is the reason for the rules (of engagement ). 3) Disrespect will not be tolerated, period. Not to parents and definitely not to siblings, and most definitely not to other adults in authority. Number 3 is a biggy. This is the time when you and your wife will teach your children how to fight fair. This means you model the behavior you want your children to emulate. Let them see you disagree. And let them think they are eaves dropping. :) You will find after you set the rules, in writing if necessary, that the fighting will diminish in time. They will test the fences (rules). Its your and your wife's job to not move the fences. Fences can only be moved after calm and reasonable discussion and then only if both Mom and Dad agree. Kids are smart. It won't take long for your teens to realize that if they want something that they can't get it by arguing and fighting. Also, Make Heavenly Father a partner in parenting. Good Luck!

Yes I've had the kind of spiritual experiences but sharing them in a public forum just doesn't feel right. They are sacred after all. I appreciate the effort to elevate the tone here though. :)

I didn't mean to imply that there aren't exceptions. Of course there are. But, the statistics show that society is failing to support The Family.

The Usborne Book of Lullabies Usborne Books Home This book is cute to read and it comes with a CD with the music for the lullabies. I haven't heard the CD because it was lost from the copy of the book my sister gave me.

I'm officially an old ignorant bat. Now on to the topic of this thread: I feel sorry for the women who are fighting (yes they are fighting) to hold the Priesthood. I feel sorry for them because they don't understand what they have. If any of them are married in the temple then they don't understand they hold the Priesthood with their husbands. Men alone and Women alone are but half of the whole. Also, horse unequally yoked will go around in circles. I believe Heavenly Father gave the Priesthood to men for some of the reasons stated in this thread. I think some men would leave a lot up to the women if they didn't have a defined reason not to. I think its more than that though. Heavenly Father knows his children. He created us, men and women, to fulfill roles, to be the other half, so that the most important entity in society, The Family, would survive. Look outside the church. Look outside all religion. The family is under attack and failing. The statistics are clear. Too many children are being born without a traditional family. Men need to feel needed and be fathers. Those who don't have the teachings of a religion don't see the need or don't think its important. Its hard to be a parent (father or mother). Why not just enjoy making babies and moving on? Men who hold the Priesthood of God (in my opinion and experience) are more likely to be the kind of stand up guys Heavenly Father meant them to be.

Yes. :) Not a fun feeling.

You won't forget until the source of "hurt" stops, first of all. If your husband continues to say hurtful things in anger then the offense is still happening and its fresh. You can not add to it by choosing to not argue and contentious back. After a "hurt" is done it is possible to forget, but it takes a long time and it takes faith. It also depends on the "hurt". In marriage there are many things that can be hurtful. Pray and ask for what you seek. If you choose to forgive ask God to help you forgive. If you choose to forget ask God to help you forget. With Him anything is possible.

I wouldn't be one bit surprised to find that the RS and YW presidencies are involved in discussions. :) And, why wouldn't they be? Women have been in Leadership roles in the church since the RS was organized. Their opinions and responses are valued. I would be shocked if the General RS President said they were shut out of meetings about the role of Women in the church.

Congratulations.

Traveler gave you some good places to look on the other thread. I hope you're able to find someone to help.

Best Wishes.

My parents weren't married on April 1st. LOL It is a running joke now for over 50 years. :)

I agree its complicated. Have you thought about how each of you are going to go about teaching your children about God? Think about it. Usually we teach children about God in church, regardless of which denomination. Are you going to be ok if he takes the children to LDS church and is he going to be ok if you take them to an Episcopalian church? Are both of you going to be involved in both religions? If you're not going to go to church how are you going to teach about God? I don't need answers to these questions. But you do and so does you boyfriend. Best Wishes P.S. When you both together figure out the answers then discuss this with future inlaws.

I agree with Windseeker. Marriage is hard without the added stress of religious differences. But it is not impossible if you truly love and respect each other. For marriage to succeed you both have to be willing to accept the differences without thought of changing the other person. As for children, you'll both need to support your children learning about both parents beliefs without interference from anyone, including grandparents. Windseeker brings up two very important things you'll need to accept, tithing and the Word of Wisdom. Tithing might become an issue when there are bills to pay and children to feed and money is tight. The WoW might become an issue at a party where there is celebration with alcohol, i.e. weddings, anniversaries, work parties, etc. I also agree that your boyfriend will need to be willing to choose you. He's not just adding you to his family and you're not adding him to yours. The two of you would be creating a new family and that new family must always be in the Number 1 position of priorities. Especially if there are disagreements with extended family, spouses must always support each other. Even in marriages where both are members of the same religion "cleaving unto" a spouse is difficult for some when it comes to separating from parents. Be aware that his mother's disappointment may continue. But don't take is personally. She might or could be just as cold and unwelcoming to an LDS woman who she doesn't see as "good enough." As a Mom of adult son's, I was surprised to find myself so protective. My 32yo just married this last fall. He isn't active in the church and married a wonderful girl who is not a member. I was disappointed. I was surprised at how strongly I felt. But how I handled my disappointment was a little different, at least I hope it was. When he started bringing her around she barely talked to us, which made communication difficult. But after he proposed she opened up more and more and has become a lot more friendly. We tried to be welcoming. But..... I did take my son to dinner and talk to him about the pitfalls he will face in the future. His fiance was nervous about this Mother/Son dinner/conversation. He assured her of his love for her and told her that I had always done this with my children. And I had... I started when they started school and at least once a year took each child to dinner or lunch and let them talk. So, for my son it was nothing new and he expected it, but she was nervous. We love our daughter-in-law. But I still worry. Its what Mom's do I guess, because I can't stop worrying. They are expecting their first child in May. I have lots of questions, i.e., will the baby be blessed in the LDS church? Will they teach both religions? Will they allow the child to be baptized? If my son decides to return to his religion will she get upset? etc. All I can do is be prayerful and faithful because our children have their agency, most especially when choosing a spouse. I wish you the best.

I think I need to watch the movie again.

Satan and the Natural Man

Miscommunication and misunderstanding are often the root of divisiveness. How do we bridge the gap?

The Beatles

We don't sleep separately but his snoring and my pain keeps us awake. In 38 years of marriage there have been times when its been difficult to sleep in the same bed. I have sometimes joked "My sleeping disorder is named (insert hubby's name)." I don't anymore because I realized it was hurtful to my husband. There was a time when I was working and I considered sleeping in the other room. But I didn't follow through. It would have irreparably hurt our relationship. Losing sleep is a small price to pay for a healthy marriage. Because we didn't make an issue out of separate bedrooms we are more considerate of each other's sleep and general well-being. If I feel I'm keeping hubby up or I feel he's keeping me up I will go downstairs to the couch. And hubby does the same. And... we don't feel slighted if one of us ends up on the couch. The important thing is we started the night together and we spend the majority of nights together. Night time is the only time when we are together without most other interruptions even if we are asleep. (In the last 4 years I'm often up at night with our grandson age 6 this month, so I really mean most other interruptions.) Sleeping together is an important bonding time. Having said all that I would like to emphasize that marriage is a two way street and both parties need to be thinking of the other's welfare and giving 100%. I can hear the frustration behind your words. Have you tried to talk to your husband without fighting? Don't argue. Just calmly and quietly state the issue, then ask him to help you fix it. Men love to fix things. He can say he doesn't see the problem but that doesn't mean its not there. Give him time to digest and chew on it awhile. Do not reinterate or remind. If he hasn't come up with a solution in a reasonable time frame, bring it up again, but always walk away from arguing. I know it takes awhile for my husband to think things through and make sure he's using words and phrases that aren't going to push my buttons. ( :) Yup! I fly off the handle faster than he does.) Men often are the ones that take time to think through a problem and come up with good solutions. Above all ..... Remind him repeatedly that you love him, love him, love him, love him. And ... Do not make your physical relationship (sex) part of the sleeping issue. I wish you both the best in working this out.

Thank you PC. I think its always a good to look inside and evaluate where we are personally. I also think its a good idea to realize not everything (especially in online forums) is aimed at us personally. Thank you again for summarizing.

I saw this pic on facebook and thought it appropriate to this thread. :)

Maureen (((hugs))) Nobody is holding a grudge here. Can we let it go?

Nurses and Doctors have an odd sense of humor too. Dinner table talk usually takes some getting used to. :)