estradling75

Perhaps instead of asking what is wrong with shoulders and trying to defend and justify the standards set, we should reverse it. Ask what is Right with shoulders to justify and defend breaking the standards. Can someone really make a good case for the reverse?

Or you could make it really easy and bless that we might enjoy them

Which is the very point of this thread... OP is asking should she get married to what is a mixed faith marriage... She needs to know if she is up for it... And that is exactly the answer neither side (or anyone on this board for that matter) can give her.

So you are binary.... Either you can handle everything or you can't. That is rather extreme view and not matching what many of us have seen in real life. The phrase the Straw that Broke the Camel Back is a very real thing to many of us. So we watch carefully the loads we take on or recommend. And you do get a choice on many (not all) of the big issue in marriage. Don't want to deal with mixed faith then don't marry some one of a different faith

Possibly depends on the level... but in that case it is focused on your spouse, and having a healthy sex life within marriage is a good thing.

I believe Isaiah 8 :19 summarizes the position pretty well 19 And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead? Basically it is sure they might have some power, but you are better off turning to God for your miracle needs. I did have a very interesting discussion with a Chaos mage while online a while back.

Rephrasing the full question So if you were ask to advise someone considering marriage and therefore had a choice on which 'big issue' items to add to their marriage. Would you advocate adding more 'big issues' or less 'big issues?'

So is that a yes or a no on what you would advise a friend to do if they had a choice?

Agreeing with JudoMinja here... While not necessarily wrong it is considered better to let the Lord choose... So while it might be helpful to prod the servant of God into asking, when they do let the answer come as it might

It does.... So if you were ask to advise someone that had the choice on which 'big issue' items to add to their marriage. Would you advocate adding more 'big issues' or less 'big issues?'

Alright try this then Divorce rates among inter-faith marriages just over halfway down A 1993 study published in Demography showed that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) were the least likely of all faith groups to divorce: After five years of marriage, only 13% of LDS couples had divorced. But when a Mormon marries a non-Mormon, the divorce rate was found to have increased more than three-fold to 40%. Similar data for Jews were 27% and 42% Although personally I see the need for only one addition to be in agreement with your general statements

I'd say both yes and no... No men should find also some one worthy... But yes men don't get a pass. They get a kick in the butt to go find someone worthy. I don't know if this is a cultural thing or a numbers things (more worthy women then men) But the guy is expected to be able to find someone. This might change, it might even be changing right now. Btw Backroads I tried to respond to you PM but it appears you have me blocked

Here are the stats I used U.S. divorce rates: for various faith groups, age groups and geographical areas In summary the commonly bantered 50% USA divorce rate is not entirely accurate. But that is the way it is trending. It later list several denominational groups who have rate varying between 29% to 21% depending on the denomination. This difference between the in faith marriages and the total divorce rate, is why I say the odds are against it. Clearly your mother wishes you had married a nice Catholic boy. :) I was meaning losing faith as in going inactive, but that has to be from God's perspective, and he doesn't hand out numbers. Neither do the various churches (that I am aware), so we have no stats on that trend. But we can learn what these groups, (including God) who know the numbers, say on the matter. The scriptures are pretty clear against it. The LDS church is against it, to the point that as a strongly family oriented Church, they tell the single woman not to compromise in the search for a worthy man even if it means remaining single for their entire life. You are in a better position to give the official Catholic position, but I would guess that your mom's reaction is pretty typical, and mirrors the official position?

The tools are the same... But people's capacity is finite. The basic day to day of keeping a marriage running pulls out alot of that capacity. Which means you have to choose your battles. Many of the issues to be faced in marriages are going to come up unexpectedly, so there is wisdom in minimizing the known risks if at all possible. In addition matters of Faith touch on matters of eternities. Losing a marriage is bad, losing your place in Heaven is worst. In mixed faith marriages the chance of losing faith is increased. And I know people like to point to themselves and say but I did it. And to them I say "Congratulations, Well done. You beat the odds." But that doesn't change the fact that the odds are against it.

There is also an all to human tendency to want to feel superior and better then others. This shows up in everything. And lets face it if someone tells you that God thinks you are better then everyone else for whatever reason, well that is a powerful stroke to the old ego.

Yeah I remember it too.. My bishop taught the Sunday lesson out of it once..

Here is another thought I had directly for this. How were you train/taught to forgive? Most likely you were taught as a child with a simple pattern. Someone did wrong, an adult made them say 'sorry' once they said sorry you were told to forgive and play nice. And you did. It worked. As you got older it became a pattern. They say sorry so you offer an olive branch. Which encourages even more sincerity on the part of the repenter, which triggers more feeling of forgiveness. Until you are both reconciled. Its a very good pattern that helps both party's get where they need to be. The problem is that it only works when you can trust that the other side means it or is trying. Also the Lord's commandments aren't to Repent or Forgive only if the other side does there part, it is a flat always. Its possible that by simply appearing to try to repent he is triggering a deeply ingrained habit of you extending the olive branch to match. It is not a bad habit in and of itself, just not good for this situation. And by not doing so you are getting a disconnected between what you 'feel' you should do, (A feeling trained into you) and what logic, reason, and common sense is telling you.

I think in many ways fulfilling the command to forgive is harder then fulfilling the command to repent. After all you don't have the guilt of your wrong doing to help motivate you. The fact that you are having doubts on if you have fully forgiven is normal. Continue to work on it, but don't beat yourself up over it. I would also advise you not to take stupid risks to prove that you have forgiven him, but it sound like you got that. As for not believing him, just remember we are also told by their fruits you shall know then and sinner must both Confess and Forsake the sins. Given how bitter his fruit was, it is entirely reasonable for you to expect to see serious Forsaking on his part before believing that he is truly repenting. Which is totally different then forgiving the actions. (although that line can appear blurry at times)

Hehe... I am glad we helped if only a little... I think it more of a miracle that we had a 100% agreement in the posts. (so far) I mean this is a discussion forum on the internet that should be impossible...:)

Sigh... You said I then I asked you to back up that interpretation explain why. Where anywhere in that post you parsed out 'every little thing'. You did not... you fell back to 'its my interpretation.' Calling it your opinion is more accurate. Logically you did a variation of the straw man fallacy. You reduced a complex issue (mixed marriages) to a overtly simple one (Every little thing) and then dismissed the simple one, trying to drag the complex one with it. Thus logical fallacy. As for thoughless... Here is the post And I asked you to show where anyone expressed that we should be thoughtless about it... You have not provided. Until you provide we can't be sure who you are calling thoughtless... You left it wide open to interpretation. Instead you jump back to the same post and claim interpretation again. Which means at the very least you are implying that poster was thoughtless... Versus what I think is most likely.. That he cut to the highlights. See this is another time I disagree with what your understanding of what is posted. And I know this one for a fact that you are wrong on. If I was upset I would accept your apology. But I am not upset so I say , "Thanks??" I know its not always an easy thing to say.

So now we add mind reading to you list of 'interpretations'... Seriously I was pointing out logical failures of your understanding of the post and later comments. Then you go and paint yourself all white and pure and cast me as blackguard. Well if that make you feel better about it go ahead.

When your interpretations don't fit the facts presented. You are the one that took the post to say that mixed marriages were simple little things. And you were the one to accuse others taking 'thoughtless positions' So who is the one really demeaning people here?

And where do you get the info that people are abandoning the possibility thoughtlessly? Or is that another one of your 'interpretations'? From what I see on this thread there has been alot of thought going on. Just because a position is different from yours doesn't mean it wasn't thought out

And thus we repeat

No do not... Words are just that... Actions will speak louder then anything and you have seen no real actions yet. If he starts paying child support (and if you don't want it, put it in to a saving [college/mission] account for your son) and then if he goes through the legal process to get the visitations allowed, to see your son. Then let him do so for a length of time, before you even start considering about considering it.