BadWolf

I completely disagree with the idea that a pedophile can actually change, although they may (or may not) want to. A schizophrenic can WANT to be neurotypical, not gonna happen. HOWEVER ... For the sake of fairness... Lets assume I'm wrong, and pedophiles CAN truly repent: Why, exactly, would someone who is TRULY repentant not jumping at the chance to be in an adult only ward? Or proving their words with action by keeping themselves away from children (sacrement at home, that adult-only ward, etc.). Why, instead, are they forcing themselves into family wards with children in them? Why is that not throwing up HUGE flashing ::WARNING:: signs? A pedophile insisting on being around children. How skilled of manipulater IS that man, that people start blaming themselves, instead of going... Wait one durn minute... Your actions are in no way lining up with your words. A gifted manipulator, indeed.

I don't understand why some people equate forgiveness with no consequences. For example: - My son cops am attitude about his Videogames. He then loses the privilege of being able to play those games. Forgiving him for copping an attitude doesn't negate the consequences of those actions. - Consequence of beating your wife; your wife divorcing you. For all eternity. - Consequence of raping children: Not being allowed to be in church with children in it for life. The idea that in order to 'forgive' one has to NOT suffer the consequences of ones actions? Beyond me. My son shouldn't be grounded from his games? All battered women should stay with their spouses? Child rapers should be allowed in the presence of children? This is "forgiveness"? ...

For everyone who thinks the buddy system / supervision is this great idea or a good compromise... ... You know it Doesn't. Work., right? ESPECIALLY when people are kept in the dark. Please go research 'grooming'. And then reflect seriously on how you yourself and children would be likely to regard an 'obviously' well liked and respected member (his company is so often sought out! Special attentions paid to him)... And the children who see him week in and week out. Would you stop to chat in the parking lot? Invite him over for dinner? Ask him to keep an eye on your little one as you go corral the boys running all over outside, or vice versa, leave your older child with the friendly man (most children looooove pedophiles, because pedophiles craft a very likable exterior) when your toddler has a diaper blowout or you realize you forgot the binki/ sign up sheet/etc., or the RS president wants a word. But a family doesn't even have to be clueless. Wards are neighbors. Merely the act of seeing him every week in church lays the ground for the meeting in the park, restroom, leaf raking, lawn mowing, dog walking. Because the man is KNOWN to them, children don't have 'stranger danger' associated with him anymore. Because he attends their church, he is painted with the same broad brush ALL church members are painted with. Righteous. Trusted. Show respect toward. Help. And ADULTS not liking him/ even going so far as to say he hurts children? Major cognitive dissonance. Which means that typically, at about 8 or 9, kids think the adults are schtupid. The guy is obviously AWESOME. He treats them like grownups. Always lets them pet his dog. Has brownies or Popsicles at his house. Tips really well when you help him take his leaves. The OTHER adults saying 'stay away'? Are just being stupid adults treating them like babies AGAIN, or bullies, or unchristian, or .... You see what I'm saying? How about, if people want to "help" a pedophile so badly, they NEVER allow him to be around children... And take Sacrament to him in his home... Like what is done for other sick people?

2) Raping children is evil. More evil than anything else I know. I will in no possible way knowingly support, supply victims, nor condone evil. When a child is raped, one of a few possible outcomes happens: - A tiny minority survive, undamaged. - Most are damaged mentally, emotionally, & spiritually for their entire LIFE. - Many commit suicide - Many turn to drugs & alcohol - Many become pedophiles. Raping children is how pedophiles reproduce. - Some become sociopaths, so damaged they become irrevocably broken. Child rape is SOUL DESTROYING. So very, very, very few come out of childhood molestation with their spirit intact. I compared pedophiles to drunk drivers (not alcoholics), for a very specific reason. A drunk cannot simply choose to be sober. They can try to convince people they're sober, they can try to act sober, but they're not. Unlike a drunk, however, a baby raper is no threat to themselves. They are only a threat to others. The children they rape. The children they kill (suicide). The children their victims rape after turning predator themselves. The families they destroy (suicide & drug use & your child becoming a pedophile themselves, or a sociopath, from what was done to them). The spirits they break. The. List. Goes. On. The average pedophile rapes 40 children every 10 years. That's hundreds of children in a lifetime They cannot be stopped They cannot be supervised (Finger penetration takes less than 5 seconds through the leg hole of a diaper with the parents right there, who will apologize to the pedophiles for the "must be nap time" tantrum, meanwhile they're terrorizing current & past victims into silence & suicidal despair, and GROOMING the future ones purely by their being in the same space). If a known pedophile is "forgiven" and allowed into sacrement & other meetings? Neither I, nor my family will be there. It is my job to protect the innocent. If my leaders choose not to protect the innocent, that's between them and god. I will NOT choose to explain God why I did nothing to prevent the rapes of countless children. I may well have a lot to answer for when I die. Allowing children to be raped when I had the power to prevent it? No. I will take sacrement at home. Heck. I'd rather explain keeping my promises, but SKIPPING sacrament, than to throw my child under a bus in order to be able to make promises Id be breaking by being there. Before I EVER set foot into any building -or allow my child to- that welcomes known child rapists.

I've rewritten this a few times, and Ive decided to break it into 2 parts. 1) Child Rapists / Pedophiles & Drunk Drivers I consider pedophiles to be a lot like drunk drivers. Yes. There are always some around that I don't know about. I do my best to avoid them & protect my family, but sometimes... A drunk driver will just plow into the side of your car / house or now down pedestrians on the street. You do your best, and deal with what you can't help. The same with unknown pedophiles. Deliberately bringing children into contact with a known pedophile? That's putting my child into a car with a drunk driver. That's more MY fault, than the drunk's. Because I KNOWINGLY PUT MY CHILD IN HARM'S way. Someone I'm supposed to protect, I leave up to how "good" a driver the drunk really is. I don't CARE how "sorry" the drunk is for the last crash he was in. Or the crash before that. Or the crash before that. Or how much he never WANTS to crash again. He's drunk. He's GOING to crash again. Period. And its 100% my fault when he hurts people if I ignore the fact that he's drunk, because he's sorry. And 'supervising' a pedophile? That's like climbing on in the car with the drunk drive & my child. I MIGHT be able to stop him from crashing. But probably not. I will NEVER, knowingly, put my child in the car with a drunk driver, nor in the path of a pedophiles.

If raping children isn't grounds for excommunication & disfellowship, then NOTHING else should be.

One thing that does happen fairly frequently with even seasoned users is that an article of clothing catches. If you think of the number of rare times you've caught yourself on a door, drawer, or gutted your purse on accident reaching in but your sleeve drags everything out (usually in public, with tampons, or somewhere quiet and its keys) etc... Its the same thing. Its one reason why comp shooters tend to wear skintight clothes or tops at least. Not for the athletic part , but for minimizing something getting hung up on something else. I've see 2 clothing related accidental discharges. One was a toggle on a string that slid through the assembly, the other was a fold in a pair of bdu pants. Both were pretty freak accidents. Happens a LOT when women put pistols loose in their purse, though.

Oh. I should add. Modifying to be fully automatic & / or vibration sensitive is illegal. Already. Also voids the warranty.

Yeah... They "go off by themselves" when someone pulls. on. the. trigger., or someone has gone to the extreme effort of disassembling/screwing around with the trigger mechanism so its vibration sensitive instead of 5-30pound of pressure, puts it back together, and then is SHOCKED that the trigger is vibration sensitive. Just shocked.

Wow. I take the opposite view of most people, I guess. My feeling is that growing bones/tendons/ligaments need the BEST in way of quality & support. Later, once they stop growing so fast, then the cheap / no support stuff doesn't matter as much. Until then.. Foot bone's connected to the knee bone, knee bone's connected to the hip bone, hip bone's connected to the back bone... (yep I really DID take all my premed and anthropology A&P and osteology courses, I promise!!!) ... I want as little unnecessary stress, torsion, impact, etc. on growing skeletomuscular systems. It means only owning 2 pairs of shoes at a time (instead of the closet full o'shoes one can buy with cheap ones on the same budget), but to me, the trade off is worth it.

I'm ex-military. I "like" weapons. I'm on a digsite back of beyond a few months most years... where I have to shoot or chop things on a daily/weekly basis (snakes, hyenas, jaguars, crocs... Shudder. Things trying to actively eat me.) I REALLY "like" weapons. When in France? (Where the military is often used as police, so there are soldiers, in uniform, with big dang guns). They make me nervous. Israel & the IDF? Ditto. Jamaica and that 7yo with the AK slung over his shoulder? Yup. When elsewhere, heck, even North Carolina near LeJeune with people in trucks rolling away to a training exercise, much less stopped getting slushies at the gas station? They make me nervous.. Any time people have open carried weapons? For totally legitimate purpose! They make me nervous. This is a useful thing to know. ((Esp on deployment. Unless people are being actively fired upon, they won't be thrilled to see you if you're carrying weapons)). Countries where weapons are common, people get USED to it, but they still keep their distance. Why useful to know? Because its true for MOST people. No matter how much you like, use, or even depend upon weapons... The sight of them makes other people nervous. And nervous animals (like us!) are dangerous. Nervous people do stupid things. (Like throw rocks, scream and run, knock things over, etc. Those who are USED to them, keep their distance, which is also not the smartest thing in the world... Because when push comes to shove you want to be OUT of the line of fire, but at least its not a hysterical fear response.) On patrol, you have to know the difference between an actual attack, and a scared kid. Not on patrol? Going hunting, to the range, where ever? Most people take pains NOT to frighten others. Ahem. Which IS illegal. Which is why it may be legal to walk down a public street strapped like Rambo, but if you're being obnoxious about it, the cops DO arrest you (after polite questioning/warning... There ARE some legitimate reasons to be in public looking like Armageddon is around the corner). Under one of MANY various charges. From disturbing the peace, to illegal brandishing, to all the way to inciting a riot. Cases like this make the news... But ask any cop... They happen all the time. And are dealt with, in most cases, quickly/quietly/discreetly. Which is as it should be, IMHO. What vexes me the most are these news cases that inspire fear driven reactionary laws, made by netvous people... Instead of well thought out laws that actually make sense & are useful... And instead of focusing their time and money on issues that are far more pressing than Narcissist At Large.

One of my biggest pieces of advice is that there ISN'T "the one". Its more like "the 40". There are many, many, many people that you'll be able to fall in love with who will love you, also. Each of them will bring out different aspects of you, and you'll bring out different aspects of them. A lot of bad marriages out there aren't bad because of the people involved, but because the people involved bring out the worst in each other. There REALLY IS 'someone for everyone' (several someone's, in fact). I can't scroll up to see who said it (brilliant!!), but really DO come up with some short lists. That ONE thing that is more important than anything else. ((For me, that's humor... Living with someone with a terrible temper who made every hard thing worse, taught me how much I value the 'improvise, adapt, overcome' attitude. Most of my boyfriends had it, and I was just sort of blithely dating with no purpose... So I didn't see how vital that is to my own happiness... So when my husband DIDN'T have it, it didn't set off warning bells the way it should have. I could have saved us both 12 years of strife if Id ended things early. For OTHER people, their most important characteristic is going to be very different. And my Ex? I'm sure there's someone out there who finds his temper tantrums charming. Ugh. "Not it!")) Also a strong ditto for listening for promptings. I had soooo many that said "run"... That I ignored, because they didn't "make sense". And in the microcosm, they really didn't. After only 1 year, I had inklings (but why would the Spirit be prompting me to DIVORCE??? That 'couldn't be right' / didn't 'make sense'. By 3 years, I started getting nervous (things were starting to get bad), but I had this idea of what was 'right' in my head so much that I just kept on. And by then... The spirit was largely silent. Which should have been an even bigger red flag than promptings to run. Spiritual silence should really be deafening. 12 years. 12 years in a doomed marriage that ended in restraining orders and hospitals, because I didn't listen. So I really can't highlight this enough : Listen. Even, or maybe especially, when it doesn't make sense. ((One of those promptings, I might add, was on my wedding day. I dismissed it to cold feet/nerves, but I ALSO quailed at the expense. My wedding was fairly cheap @ 6k (still a lot), and the money, plus all the time/prep/guests/out of town guests/etc... In addition to everything else -just being embarrassingly honest here- I didn't want that money wasted/to hurt my family/etc. Well, NOT including those 12 years of misery, my divorce alone has cost 40k. And has hurt my family in far worse ways. 6k v 40k. A day or three of misery vs. 12 years of it. Well, 9, really. The first few years were "good" comparatively.)) Why on earth am I bringing up icky divorce stuff & all that jazz (like the little blue birds of happiness who. Go around telling pregnant women their terrible birthing stories?)... Because I don't know you. You may be coming out of a failed marriage yourself and have the 'What not to do', DOWN... Or you may not. And if NOT... You know the line "Don't let your life serve as a warning to others' quote? That's me. Don't be me. Revel in the BAD dates. The dates where you know that this isn't a good match. And during the good ones, be careful of being swept up. And if/when your heart gets broken, know how AWESOME it is that a tub of Haggen Daas, and a few weeks of moping will mend it. Broken hearts in young/new love is a GOOD thing. Because it means having dodged the bullet of a bad marriage. Where your KIDS will have their hearts broken by the people who are supposed to protect them. And where all your years of heard work and dreams go down the drain. Yeah. Whether you break up with them, or they break up with you... That's a GOOD thing. Know it ahead of time. It makes getting tears in your ice cream not one iota less painful, but it makes a fresh start that much more joyous. Falling in love is easy. Being partners? That's a whole different ball game. So in "Where to start"... I would strongly recommend looking at where YOU want to "end". What you yourself want out of life, how you want your life to look, how you want to live your life. And be looking at how the people youre dating will change that. In what theyre bringing to the table (or taking away from it). Because a LOT of different people could fill the role as your spouse, but WHO does will dramatically alter what your day to day, and decade to decade life looks like.

Sorry... My bad! People who are gay or bisexual, who HAVE practiced homosexual sex/relationships/marriage... But who ***no longer do*** / are making the choice not to/etc., join the church all the time. Pretty key part of the sentence, there! My brain was thinking : 10+ years of homosexual relationships v. 1 kiss. And just made the (totally muddy) leap. Good catch. The church just (a couple weeks ago!) launched the new SSA website, by the by. Mormons and Gays & is totally awesome if you haven't checked it out, yet!

The LDS church CAN'T support its priesthood (like other groups: Catholic, Anglican, Buddhist, etc.) as roughly HALF the church ARE priests. I don't understand why we get knocked for supporting the very few who are in the upper eschelons. I mean, really. No one complains about catholic priests stipends, housing, food, travel on church business, etc. Nor the upper levels where instead of a stipend its a bottomless card. Blame it on a Catholic (& Jewish, & Buddhist, etc.) upbringing... But I WANT my tithing going toward my leaders. And farm Workers. And every other paid position. That it doesn't is fine, but the last thing I would be is upset that it would or could. LOL... 80k is a cop's salary here, btw. Meaning lower middle class & a family can survive (but not save, pay for school, etc. on it.). 80k being "a lot" reminds me of my son when he thought $100 a month was a fine living.

Well... If she weren't baptized I know it would be no big thing. Practicing gay & bi people join all the time. Much less those who were experimenting or being young & stupid (personal opinion: trading sex acts & kisses for wagers and dares I believe to be stupid. Hence the description). I'm fairly new around here, but I just can't imagine being exc'd for a kiss, when so much more done by people with so much more (time in grade is the wrong term, but same concept: years/ordinances/etc. vs a teen who was never solid to begin with)...is forgiven on a regular basis. I mean... Isn't the assumption that when most people go less active, that they're generally doing proscribed things? Isn't there also a big push (ward missionaries & full time missionaries to see if people are ready to come back / help them back, if possible? In order to do that... I would THINK that quite a bit of kindness/elastitude is necessary. An I wrong?

I would suspect THIS is why/how things got "out". His own actions. If he kept moving to avoid confrontation, then more, and more, and more people would need to be told. I can't say that if he'd stayed and dealt with things head on that it wouldn't have gotten out... But, certainly, it wouldn't have had to have been passed on to so many people.

Its actually the exact same feeling I had with my daughter. Something I wanted, something inherently good... That's gotten without permission, care, etc... That took awhile before I could feel not conflicted about the whole thing, much less happy about it. Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, just my own experience.

I wouldn't want to resubmit the records, personally. What's done is done. LOL Besides... My parents have another 20-40 years (touch wood) in front of them before it would be ethical for me to submit their parents & brothers. Hopefully, I'll be on even keel again loooooong before then.

I'm trying to wrap my heart around the idea that Im SURE it was by some well meaning person, with the best of intentions... With utterly LOUSY research (the correct spellings are on all the birth/death certs/ obits/ heck... Tons and tons of sources out there... 5 minutes... If my family had been worth even FIVE minutes of their time), less empathy, and total inability to follow rules. I know that fam Hist research is often like falling down a rabbit hole... But that's someone's mum. Someone's baby. Someone's grandfather. Someone LOVED. And they're WORTH that 5 minutes of someone's time (or should be left to someone who chooses to spend that time, kwim?). Not just assembly line click-click-next! I'm soooooo glad I get to process HERE, though, instead of IRL. Oy. And am even more grateful I didn't find this out in the Center (spectacle of myself, much?). I really appreciate everyone's time talking me back from the ledge. Not totally there, yet, but I'm getting a BIT more rational .

I hope not! I need to back away for a little while, though.

Sigh. I'm starting to get a little numb to it, but no. My grandparents were pushing the 100 line (not 110), but my favorite uncle was nowhere near. I'm not even going to look up my daughter.

Yeah... That's the thing. Theoretically, I should be happy about this, right? But I'm not. I suppose the upside is that I now 'get' why so many people get upset who aren't LDS about their family members being baptized. Which Ive never understood, before. Even as a kid I knew that LDS baptisms for the dead weren't like Catholic (or other) baptisms. (LDS friends) That they're an invitation, not an imperative. So I never got what all the fuss was about, nor why the Church had so many rules surrounding who is allowed to request work on whom. Well, I sure get it, now! It feels like someone picking on your kid brother (when you're the only one "allowed" to pick on him, that instant lash out to protect/defend...Hey! That's MY brother. ), or wanting a baby but getting pregnant via rape. Whomever came up with those rules was quite wise. Hopefully I'll feel differently (less yucky) at some point.

I am beyond angry right now. Possibly overreacting... I don't know. I can't think straight. Help me sort this? ... I'm a new convert (this year), but my family's always been into family history (tons), and geneology to a degree (we have some VERY old bibles, and Ive got lines traced back to 900s in several cases, stacks of documents/diaries/photographs/etc. ). Anyhow... Point being...Not my first rodeo. It was made VERY clear to me that I would not be able to submit my grandparents, etc., until after my parents have passed. As the nearest living relative has to approve. But getting them into the database is no worries. And, at least, as awful as it will be (in many years/decades , touch wood, a long time from now!) something to look forward to. And a little poetic as well, since parents & kids at the same time. I've also PROMISED my parents I would in no way (nor does the Church allow) me sidestepping their wishes while they're alive. (My family doesn't care AFTER death). I promised. Have assured them 6 ways from Sunday that its disallowed. Am I telegraphing this punch enough? So I register, go online to start transferring my trees into the church database... And. My. Grandparents. Are. Already. There. Everything DONE. 2 years ago. By some stranger who didnt even bother to spell their names correctly. (The lines are "close" enough that there's no mistaken identity. A misspelled name here, a totally wrong middle name there, a wrong birthday, etc. one or two things wrong with almost everyone. But enough -80%?- right that its obvious its "them".). NO ONE else in my (known) family is LDS. I'm it. And we're a big / tightknit group with really lousy boundaries (read none to speak of, whatsoever). I feel like I shouldn't be this hurt/angry/upset... But I am. Someone has just plowed through MY family mucking things up. Grrr. Of course, now Im almost in tears. I am beyond surprised at how emotional I am over this & really don't know what to do about it. : (

LOL... I'm actually nevah nevah remarrying. Solves that problem neatly.

Oh... For me? If Charlize Theron or Zooey Deschanel fell down an ugly tree. ((The 2 I get from my gay friends all the time. Which just goes to proving that they're gay, have serious undiagnosed vision problems, or both.))