BadWolf

Notice

After 6 books... If I never read/hear the word "teats" again. It. Will. Be. Too. Soon. It was painful enough writing it here. Of ALL the possible words to use as a baseline/ repeated constantly, THAT one? Oink. How about udders for the next series? I'm not sure I agree with you about Martin being a breat man. I've begun to suspect he's gay, just due to how he handles female characters. Suuuuuuu-eeeeee. Also the near "chore" he describes those scenes with women in them. ((This is a totally unsubstantiated musing. He could also just be extremely shallow. .)) Seriously, I like the books, Im just less than thrilled about a few things in them. Like udders.

Hmmm... I think pounds of alkeseltzer fwoooshed all around the chapel MIGHT just be a case of "cure is worse than the disease". Just sayin.

Balance

Bold's mine! To be clear, Im NOT saying what SHOULD be done. He got to give it away. No job, no paycheck... Could he still give his paycheck away? Lets lowball a round number (math me bestest): If he makes 1,200 dollars a month, and wants to give his mum $600... He can - Sign over the entire check - Pull out $50 a month - Pull out $25 per paycheck - Pull it out of savings - Cash in stocks/bonds - Borrow it - Sell something - etc. Its still the same gift. Some of those sources (like savings) will already have had tithing paid. We don't tithe on the gift. We tithe on the increase. ______ Or, as a thought exercise, - I have a distant cousin who makes apx 250k a year. They don't need the money, and donate their entire salary, every year. Should they pay $0 in tithing each year because they choose to give away their paycheck? ((For the record, they pay 25k, plus 10% of the tax break they get from donating the money, plus 10% of all other increase per year. )) I would love to be able to give to - family - charity - organizations - individuals As my I have done in the past, as many do, as I shall again. But I literally don't have it (at present, no paycheck). Not having anything, at present, to give may make this more keenly felt: BELIEVE me, one has to first have, in order to give. I'm not telling the OP to tithe on his increase. I would, but that's me. That's between them & their bishop. And, quite frankly, its none of my business what he spends his money on or how. HOWEVER, just because one isn't "getting anything from it" doesn't mean it wasnt spent. Gifts, bad investments, interest rates, donations, and others... All require having it to spend in the first place. Know what I mean?

There are several layers of difficulty (depending on whether you're melting down spent rounds & casings or not (some ranges will actually pay you to clear out tgeir berms, others will let you have the brass/steel/lead for free, others charge). You can start from 'go' or you can buy all the pieces in bulk. Once you have all the pieces (rounds, powder, primers, casings, etc.), however, its easy enough an 8yo girl (Moi) can do it. Put the pieces in the slots, pull the lever, self advances, pull the lever, pull the lever, pull the lever. Until all the slots are pressed, and reload. There's an initial investment of a couple hundred (or much more, depends how automated & snazzy you want your system, and how fast you want to go... My uncles machine could press about 100 small cal rounds, or 20 shotgun shells, before changing out... Most into sets only do around 3-10 small cal rounds). Every time you have to start over (placing casings, pouring powder, etc.) it adds more time. Googling modern pricing, I stumbled on this site Handloading Your Own Ammunition: A Long Term Investment There's probably more/better resources out there, but it would be a good place to start. ((PS

I would, as well. I buy lots of presents with my money. I don't deduct them from tithing. Even if their total meets or exceeds a paycheck (thinking of Xmas).

If you're seriously having problems getting ammo, have you considered pressing your own? One of my uncles used to, and it was seriously fun. Not to mention useful skill to have during the zombie apocalypse.

!!! This may, in fact, be my 2nd favorite Vortext of all time.

Feeling compelled to add Divorced-Chicks-2-cents: I hope your partner is all things good, and you're just cranky with him for not being where you're at spiritually speaking. That said: We can't choose who we fall in love with, but we CAN choose who we marry. 1) Love isn't enough. - Every battered wife/husband loves their spouse. We can EASILY love people who are dangerous, hurt us, treat us badly. Every spouse of an addict, pedophile, batterer, etc... Clings to the total FALSE idea that "love conquers all". It does not. - You WILL fall in and OUT of love with your spouse. During times when you're not in love with them, there needs to be "more" that binds you to them (liking, respect, admiration, regard, etc.) while you wait/work on feeling love for them again. = Therefore, choose whom you marry exceedingly carefully 2) Mutual Respect isn't "lucky"... Its a baseline. - If you're with someone who does not respect you, break up with them. - If you're with someone you cannot respect, break up with them. .... You're never going to be perfect, and neither will your partner. You will both do stupid things. Respect is NOT a wholesale support of every decision ever made by, or every action undertaken by you or your partner. A true friend will tell you you're being an idiot (in a way you can hear) from time to time. A true friend will also be wrong, from time to time. Mutual respect is not being supportive all the time. Mutual respect is often that one is respected enough to get the "Whoa!" treatment. Mutual respect does not mean that there are no fights. Mutual respect conducts the way those fights are undertaken. Respect is a complicated creature, because its so simple : I. Respect. You. And that colors every interaction I will ever have with you. DISrespect, ditto. 3) Having been married (for 11 years) and divorced OUTSIDE the church, I have no idea whether the LDS church has "pre-marriage classes" as the Catholic Church does. My brother & his future wife were in the CC, and I looked over those materials (about 3 years into my own marriage) and was FLOORED. My husband and I never would have "passed". At the time au had something of a haughty superiority complex (WE were REALLY in love. WE didn't need some outside person/program to tell US, WE weren't entering into some sort of business arrangement... Sneer/Snide/Gag Me.) If the LDS church has such classes... TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!! What I DO know is that there is a LOT of information from primary to conference talks on what make a good/strong/lasting marriage. I was in tears this just past conference (serious despair & regret) ... As again and again, everything my marriage was NOT, dcerything i FOUGHT for in my marriage (and failed/lost) was so strongly outlined. I wished Id had ANYONE "kick some knowledge" so clearly to me when I was contemplating "yes", much less before "I do." .... As i said in the beginning: You may just have "I love the gospel!"'goggles on... And are in the best possible of relationships, but are just hyperfocused on eternity. You may be in the worst possible of relationships and have "But I luuuuurve him!" Blindfold on. Please. Focus on the temporal. That's where your children will be shaped into adults. Where you & he will spend your conscious hours, create your dreams/goals, work to achieve them. ... I can't tell you to stay/go. I don't know you or him, & won't venture to (outside of blatant abuse). But do seek out counsel who can help you formulate BEYOND love.

I consider it an addiction that I must avoid at all costs I grew up with Koi. And on boats / diving reefs / etc. My problem, is that as soon as I bring stuff indoors ... I end up digging pools, trying to figure out how to glass wall a room, figuring out how to finance a pump, etc. I'm not reeeeeeally joking about the addiction, aspect. Its an entire ecosystem/space station/ etc. And I start bleeding money. The last go-round were some "feeder goldfish" that turned out to be 1" koi. Headsmack! Nooooooooo. All I wanted was some 'apartment fish' for my toddler (also a "real" nightlight, instead of a fake plastic fish one). So I koi'd up, had a 3'x4'x6' trough on our deck... Had to arrange "fish sitters"... And when tragedy struck a couple years later... Bought our dog and vowed to stick to mammals. I've been debating about "just a beta". Nooooooooooooooo. Don't. Do. It. Self!! You had your chance to study marine biology, or become a dolphin trainer, or a fish diver. You didn't take them. Back away. Buy. A. Boat. Less expensive, that.

I'm a relatively new convert, so I'm sure you'll receive better answers from others who've seen more, longer. That said: I know a lot of LDS folks married to non-LDS folk. 8 or so (that I know of) in my ward, alone... But Ive known far more from back when I was in the military. CAN it work? Sure thing. WILL it work? No telling. Its entirely dependent on the individuals involved. What concerns me, is that you describe your fiancé as cold & mean. WHY ON EARTH would you want to marry someone who is cold & mean? Regardless of their faith.

What you're talking about here are DNRs, Living Wills, & assisted suicude. TOTALLY different. In all cases, those are people choosing their quality of life in their end days. Just because people have the right (or not) to dictate their end of days does NOT mean that we fire all the paramedics, close ERs, shut down Oncology/ Infectious Disease/ et al, and say "Just die already." What you're implying, if not proposing here & later, that everything save OB & Hospice should cease to exist (research, advance, etc).... is ludacris. Bold being mine... There are fewer than 2000 doctors who perferom abortions in the US. Number of Abortion Providers At Its Lowest in Three Decades - The Tech. Although, I believe the number is actually below 1500, Im on my phone & its a pain to pull of documentation. Since there are apx 691,000 practicing physicians (according to the beauro of labor & statistics . Physicians and Surgeons : Occupational Outlook Handbook : U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics ) ... 2000/691,000= 0.0028 of "doctors", as a high estimate, MAY do what you're claiming. Although, more likely... Their beliefs & attitudes tun the standard bell curve with many a far cry different then as you portray. But for arguments sake, lets say all. It STILL less than 1/3 of 1%. LESS THAN 1 PERCENT. 0.28% of doctors is HARDLY most. 1) I don't think anyone here, much less in the medical field has suggested the elderly are expendable. 2) I haven't seen any suggestion that there is a 'worthiness clause' attached to ANY medical procedure. In fact, there's always the "rule of inverse value" (as anyone who has worked in the ED will attest). Doctors & Nurses treat EVERYONE. Rich, poor, kind, cruel. Whether you're on trial for war crimes or a Nobel winner. Prisoners, prostitutes, pedophiles, philanthropists, priests, parents. If you're human, and need emergency medical care, you get treated. Are some procedures not given to certain patients? ABSOLUTELY. Because not all treatments are right for all patients. Infants & the elderly are 2 such classes that certain aggressive treatments will kill. Infants and the elderly are also 2 classes of patients that can handle other aggressive treatments that the average adult cannot. (Because of underdeveloped or deteriorating nervous systems). Its not because an elderly patient is unworthy of a treatment. Its because that treatment is "unlikely to have a good outcome". Aka will kill them. Doctors are not only sworn against such things, but in many states, performing a procedure that WILL kill the patient, lands them in civil & criminal court. For either a gross breech of ethics/negligence, or assisted suicide. 3) You may find reading or doing some research into Medical Ethics informative. Not the journals of medical ethics (which are most often articles to challenge existing ethics, a "What if/ thought exercises sort of thing, that laymen get ahold of occasionally and think are "real")... But the actual ethics. Any campus bookstore & a lot of online sources will have medical ethics textbooks available to rent/ buy/ download. I'm truly sorry for the loss of your father. However, my son spent 6 months struggling to breathe (atelectasis, uncontrollable bronchiospasm, pneumonia, pleural effusions), fluid in his heart, abscesses throughout his abdomen. Should I have just let him die? At the first code just said "stop"? No surgeries, no restarting his heart, no draining fluid, no a-z? He was 8 years old. He's 11, now. We just wrapped up a ski season, and he's a short stop on his baseball team. Or how about the millions of people, every year, for whom medicine saves their lives? Does everyone recieved the best available care? Nope. We try, but no. They don't. Does this mean no one should recieve the best available care? That sounds like what you're proposing. Hospice & end of days & removal of care, and the particulars in those situations are VALID. But they don't translate across every avenue of medicine. Just because its time to let go, to stop fighting, for ONE patient... Doesn't mean we quit fighting for every other patient. Just because some people are marginalized or unlucky, doesn't mean that we level the ball field by ceasing all research & treatment (the opposite, we attempt to demarginalize). Just because a life saving technique hasn't been invented, yet, doesn't mean we stop trying to find new & better ways to save life & quality of life. Just because its too late for me, doesn't follow my grandchildren will suffer my same fate. I pray not. I pray we keep using these amazing minds, following inspiration, and working toward better outcomes.

Who should have it? Just like intubation or crash carts... Everyone who needs it. IF its a viable method, it will be universally adopted, taught in schools & seminar, and will become as normal a thing as giving a patient jolts of electricity to restart their heart. New techniques & tech are adopted ALL the time. It typically takes about 12 years to filter out to almost everywhere. (2 years in publication, 3 years of med students being taught, 7 years for those students to rise up high enough (residency/intern) post med school to be taken seriously by other doctors... And them a critical mass is reached of 10 years worth of new docs who have been taught something their hospital doesn't offer to be able to get the money to get the "thing" either in general use or bought/paid for. OCCASIONALLY something catches on like wildfire, and filters top down, but more often new stuff comes from the bottom up. Which takes about a decade.* * Things that need studies take 20+ years. The initial study (animal). The initial human trials. Peer review journals. Actual publication. THEN the 12 year bottom up paradigm. MOST things don't need studies. A doc works out a new graft technique. They publish in JAMA (or wherever), word spreads. Other doctors try it. Original doc trains more docs. This is the Lateral path that most innovations take. There are a few specialties which have LOUSY lateral pathways. Emergency medicine is the most notable. In nearly every other specialty there is TIME for informed consent. Emed, patients are brought in often unconscious, often without next of Kim (or even ID). Which puts the hospital at extreme risk for lawsuits if new techniques are used without informed consent. Which means that in emergency medicine most changes (except in times of war) happen only after the extensive peer review process, or the slightly less tedious 12 year path.

I go through about 500 rounds a week. Supply is just fine round here.

Enough is enough? Never. My grandfather was an oldschool cardio thoracic surgeon. Which meant he also made house calls, delivered babies, gave kids their shots, as well as preformed surgeries not only in the chest, but anywhere a knife could cut. He kept journals for over 60 years of practice. Used to be: - Most of his colleagues let acute appendicitis "run its course" (to death)... Because it was the patients "time". - Brought a priest in for premature deliveries (for last rights) - and soooooany other examples. He and others ABHORRED the practice of "giving up". And you know what? - Most appendix ruptures are treated surgically and have "good outcomes" (appys are now -and for decades- "bread & butter".) - NICUs regularly save preemies only weighing 1-2 pounds - and sooooooo many others. We are in our INFANCY in medical science. Our kids and Grandkids are going to look back and shrudder at the 'dark ages' & barbarism of our modern day medical practice. We know so little. When is it enough? When we ALL go peacefully into this good night.

Anyone want to CliffNote the differences for a relatively new LDS-chick? BW

There's also OLD school: Which is either 1 - sucking on a cloth Truly oldschool means using a milk bladder. No need in this age of sports tops on even disposable water bottles. You just rubberband some clean (Muslin, Linnen, etc.) around the top of sports bottle with about an inch or so of "bubble", then squeeze gently to keep the fabric wet with milk. I've actually used my flannel shirt tail at one point/ in a pinch. 2- Straw feeding. Again, truly oldschool is using a hollow reed or bird bone. But since we have "Glad, a family company" (or whatever) any old plastic straw will work. Just unset straw into cup, put your finger over the top, and then release your finger to let the milk flow while its in baby's mouth. ((Ive spent significant time Back of Beyond. When mum has died in childbirth, and there are no nursing mothers, you do what you have to... And finger feeding makes ones fingers very pruny, and takes forever. These 2 age old feeding methods have come in surprisingly handy back in first world land.) \___________ ETA... This doesnt always work, but is worth a shot: With your existing rejected nipples... Rub them on yourself. Sweaty bra band, oily face, etc. Yep, the oils will break them down faster (like they won't get lost by then, really, its a WHILE). The material they're made out of smells & tastes wrong. Adding your own scent to them can make them magically "acceptable". Gross, but effective. Sigh. Like so much of parenting.

This is coming out of a divorce after 11 years of marriage, so take it with that grain of salt: 1 - I begged him & begged him... Yup. I did that, too. I look back now, and go "WHY???" Why on earth did I A) feel like I needed his permission B ) Was the only one making concessions I was the one who had been wronged C) have to BEG him not to cause me suffering day in & out / Why wasn't he LEAPING at the chance to secure my happiness after this horrible thing he DID TO ME, our marriage, our family. 2 - Only the bishop knows... Yup. Did that, too. To "protect" HIS reputation I - Cut off all avenue of support for myself - Took away ALL natural consequences (so his friends all felt such PITY for him dealing with crazy ME, INSTEAD of smacking him upside the head & saying "Dude. Of COURSE she's a mess. You cheated on her. Man up and be grateful she hasn't tossed you out on your ear.) - Set the stage for future affairs ((I'm not claiming responsibility for his later affairs, but when the only consequences of his affairs were at home, and he could avoid those by saying out with other women who doted on his every word, and friends who felt pity for his having such a "crazy" wife... Since they had no idea what he was up to, after they found out, it was amazing the 180 they took. But that was YEARS later. My HIDING the affair didn't cause the others -total lack of moral fiber- it just made it very very easy for them to take place.)) AIeeeeeeeee. I just lost 5 more numbers. Which I can't rewrite before bedtime. Here are 2 quick ones. 3-its too awkward (?!?!?!?) to change wards. Id rather leave the church than be inconvienced. Blink. Blink. Sure, dude. We get that you would rather your wife suffer needlessly for years rather than you be inconvienced for a few hours, much less give up the chance to see your affair partner every week. Everyone <roll eyes> with me right now. 3.5 - its too awkward (???!!!???) to change wards / I'll leave the church rather than have to feel AWKWARDNESS???? Oh yeah. Did I ever fall for THAT piece of emotional blackmail & blameshifting. Sweetie. This is called UNacceptable. 3s = Please. Work with an individual counselor to get to the point where you are completely unwilling/unable to accept these kinds of blatant threats and manipulation. To where you have enough self worth & self esteem that basic human decency is as low as the bar goes, and you will expect nothing less from strangers, much less those who are supposed to love you best. You DESERVE basic human decency. As a baseline. Nothing, but nothing less than. And you aren't even getting that. _________ I wasted YEARS (6 at least, and possibly 9) in a marriage making excuses. I WISH I had taken a hard line early on. Maybe he would have checked himself. More likely, MY ex is just a coward at his core, a selfish little boy incapable of finding his cajones & manning up... And deep down, I knew that. Regardless, I LET my ex keep hurting me by constantly placing my needs as secondary to his wants. The only part I play in my exes actions against me, was accepting them. But I did that veeeeeeeery well. Don't be me. You deserve better than the complete disregard you're being shown I'm not counseling divorce. I'm counseling making darn sure that your marruage is worth saving. Which means that you need to be a PART of it. Not an afterthought, supplicant, or nonentity.

I. Love. This.

^^^^^^^^^ This. In either direction.

Also.... People don't like to see evil. Case in point: Blame the victim. I can't tell you HOW many times with battered spouses friends side with the BATTERER. Its cognitive dissonance. Its easy to believe evil in people you've never met, but when one knows a person, one disbelieves even incontrovertible evidence right in front of them. "I just can't believe So&So would do such a thing." Or "What did he/she DO to make you do such a thing?" Or "Well they said they repented! Everyone is capable of repentence!" (Yeah, word to the wise, battered always are sooooooo sorry. Until the next time. And then they're "sorry" again. And again. And again. Until they've killed the person they're supposed to protect and hold above all others.) Or as one of my favorite professors used to quote: "You'll never meet a sociopath you don't like." Its that liking that creates cognitive dissonance. <grin> Or kid-movie-time (Over the Hedge, upon discovering junk food): "Eat up, kids! Anything that tastes this good HAS to be good for you!"

But we still have missionaries in the EU. Ever notice? Where cheek kissing is common, men tend to shave. Stubble is an acquired taste.

I didn't say the PEOPLE were untrustworthy. Just the beards! Really, anything that hides half your face or more... From oldschool horror movie hockey masks to fancy dress venitian masks, from banditos bandanas, to surgical scrub masks. I wanna see those muscles!

Not saying his anecdotal evidence is wrong, merely that its polar opposite to 60degrees north of my anecdotal evidence! I'm exMilitary. And a convert. Which means that the sexual culture I lived in was wildly different. Not only (is this chick) still friends with guys/girls I lived with or had sex with... But so are most people I know. That's the real bias, right there: The people your son & I both know. In the birds of a feather category. There were times when Id have LOVED to act in a certain way (bratty, childish, obnoxious), and I was instructed that it was the wrong way to act. So I changed my parameters to fit in with my cohort group. Until those actions are now my "knee jerk" reactions in how to behave around exes of all kinds. Had I been elsewhere, Im sure Id have been counseled differently (encouraged in my tantrums, or told to cut off contact, or told to be cool & reserved, or, or, or.). Its sounds like your sons cohort group instructs women to be DefConHarpies. Yikes. Not uncommon, but also not normative. Nurture trumping Nature* ____________ Okay, for the record, as an anthropologist... I have to add.... In nearly all cases, when the question is posed "nurture or nature" the answer is YES. Nurture interacts with nature. In the same way that if something is psychological, its physiological. I'm NOT saying that the messages we get from our culture/subculture ALWAYS overrides our natural inclinations. There will always be those who somewhat to stridently disagree with whatever is culturally normal. In MY case, there was obviously strong resonance towards my cohort teaching. Not only did I adopt it, but I still practice it (and instruct others in it) LONG outside of the military. There are OTHER military sex culture things that I no longer espouse. KWIM?