BadWolf

Oh!!!! I am sooooooo excited for you! :D This is such a great thing! And here's why 1) Shaken faith is usually REGRIPPING. Like a gymnast on the bars or rings, or a baseball player on his bat. Letting go to regrip is SCARY for a lot of people. Kids will usually choose to fall rather than to regrip, a d unfortunately, so do many adults. What Regripping DOES, though, is make it possible for you to advance. You HAVE to have questions to know the answers, to learn your own truths (instead of just take what's handed to you), and to have CONFIDENCE in those answers. Robert Frost said "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence." What you're doing Right Now is really starting your education. Because you're applying what you've learned. (Ahem, that's why med students aren't just flung out with MDs, they have to apply what they've learned, to learn 1000x more outside of academia) This is NOT saying you haven't been learning & applying <grin> Just that you're moving onto the next step!!! So exciting! Okay... Specific Q's 2) Go Read Mormons and Gays Its a new website launched by the church (after a few years of working on it) that was JUST launched a few weeks ago. Listen to the Prophet speak in the last GC. Both will give you rather wildly different views than you've been hearing. And straight from the horse's mouth, I hope will be a relief to you. 3) There are 2 main types of Atheism. Atheism & Pseudoathesiam. How do you tell the difference? Atheists don't argue or try to convince you of things. Pseudo atheists have AS MUCH faith in the unseen as the most devout religious person. Because they're saying "nothing" is there. One CANNOT prove a negative. Its like saying "Love doesn't exist because I don't believe in love!!!" Um. Okay, dude. Whatever makes you happy, because I know love exists, because Ive felt love. You cannot make someone feel love. You just CANNOT prove a negative. Your teacher may have never felt God, but that doesn't mean that God isn't real. He has FAITH God isn't real, and is trying to convert people to his faith. Which makes him a Pseudoatheist, but that's okay, right? He's following the dictates of his own conscience, and worshipping in his own way. (Personally, worship by mocking other people's beliefs makes me ill, and I could NEVER do that, but he has the right to worship as he wills and I have the right NOT to worship by tearing down others faiths. To each their own.). Real atheists generally get annoyed by these people. Because the whole point is NOT being ruled by faith. ((A suggestion... The arguments of his that resonate... Are important to you, BECAUSE they resonate. But don't just take his word as to what the ANSWERS are to those questions. Find your OWN. Just as an example: Im a science chick. My religion & my science in NO way conflict. Because they answer 2 different questions. Why & How. Science answers how, my faith answers why. <grin> And they BOTH are filled to the brim with wonder, awe, and excitement! In highschool & lower level college science... I ran into a lot of people who thought science & religion were mutually exclusive. Heck NO! They compliment each other :) I was given this brain to use for good. Fortunately the vast majority of upper level scientists are deeply spiritual. No explanations needed. Simply shared AWE. But I DO know atheists who are atheists purely because they are so Empircle, that if it can't be "how" (how does it work, how big, how old, how fast, how strong... Measured, repeated, controlled), they don't believe in it. Their loss. And their disbelief affects me not at all. Ditto for all the other arguments commonly presented for atheism (or any other religion). I have my OWN answers, and truths, so Im perfectly content. LOL. Didn't happen overnight. And that doesn't mean that I don't argue with God on a regular basis. I do. (Seriously, spiders??? And Mosquitos? And lets not even get started on Ebola. At least mind numbing grief I can agree with. (Some things are simply WORTH missing, mourning, and fighting for). But that was a pet argument of mine with my Heavenly Father for years and years. This questioning you're doing now will find your own truths. So you might try praying about his questions that resonate. And research. And, in these as elsewher, find your own answers.)) 4). Whoops... Bedtime. I'll come back to 4 L8r Again, SO excited for you

This is a culture shock thing for Me'self. In my geographical area... The non-LDS-norm 20s = School / Grad School / start working 30s = focus on career / start dating seriously / marriage by mid to late 30s 40s = start a family I'm the WEIRD one around here in my circles of friends/colleagues (for having married and started my family in my 20's)... Because MOST of them are only JUST STARTING to date seriously. A few are getting married. No one, but me, has kids yet (that is under 40). My friends view me as being single in my early 30s as FINALLY being "normal". Skip into Mormon-Land... And I'm not sure if you meant 30-dead or 30=dead. ;D I've never felt so old and so young at the same time. So. Totally. Weird. Upside... I don't date, so it (30=dead) doesn't affect me personally... But I'm also not feeling like Im missing out on mid-single events. If they were doing FUN stuff? Well, I still wouldn't be dating, but Id certainly regret not being able to attend!!! Currently I get invitations to SA stuff and its a RELIEF not to be dating. Just because its the "mingle in the gym" thing. Which is a suggestion: Stop potlucking. Or, rather, KEEP potlucking (for the older crowd, and those who enjoy it, life takes all kinds!)... But get some active things going as well. You'll still get older people coming (Ive dated 20 years older than myself, before! Just requires like interests), but it will be those physically capable of doing so, or special interest types. - Riverrafting - Rock concerts - Photosafari (local) - Museums - skiing - rock climbing / rappelling - sailing - hiking - treasure hunting - biking - glass blowing Xmas ornament - chocolate tasting - theatre - basketball / baseball / hockey (what have you) - etc. Think events & adventures type. An active Facebook group for planning / gauging interest/ etc. (and so people know 6 coming, 9 maybes, or 75 coming 200 maybes, whatever.) It wouldn't exclude the 60-80 crowd who DO these types of things (half the ski instructors I know are in their 60s&70s and could mop the floor with me! And boating??? Ditto.)... And it gets people of like interests together. It also gets people trying new things, or doing things they feel lame doing on their own. And even if your not meeting someone you want to date... At least you finally got to swing on a trapeze! Or see a Travelling broadway show! Or learn to cook cannoli! Its just something Ive found getting older... Getting together to "do nothing" is for kids. 30+ we usually like to DO stuff! And we're not shy. We'll gab and mingle during breaks, rides, before, after... We don't need to be locked in a room "forced" to talk to each other because there's nothing else going on. Anyhow... Just some culture-shock-thoughts.

5 years is the statistical average for an abused spouse to recover fully from the abuse. 2 years is the statistical average to merely not be a hot mess. For abusers, actively ADMITTING their abuse -which he is not: he admits, then recants, then justifys, then blame shifts, then poor-me's, then expresses remorse, then recants... Which is just über common manipulative-people-pleasing-abuser behavior....Like über common addict behavior is lying, hiding, promises, breaks promise, lies, hides... This guy is showing all the signs of CLASSIC red-flag abuser-, anyhow, for those ACTUALLY ADMITTING and working to control their abuse & manipulation tendencies... The numbers are similar. 2-3 years of intensive therapy & 2-3 years additional in living what they're been learning. 2-5 years ALSO is the average period of time that an addict in recovery (without relapses) takes to get really solid. There's a durn good reason why 12 step chits go on the cycles they do up to 2 years, and then its "just" recovery birthdays. The first 2 years = hot mess. A change of HEART??? Yes. That can and usually does take moments. In addiction land... That's known as a "moment of clarity". In abuse? That's a lot more complex & deep seated... Which I'm too tired to get into the whole psychopathology of right now. But it takes YEARS to change patterns of behavior, emotional knee jerk reactions, etc... And that's IF AND ONLY IF the abuse is recognized, and that person is actively working with pros to learn emotional monitoring & regulation, cognitive awareness, and is working on changing long held attitudes and patterns of behavior. A lot of people get there. ESP those with family of origin issues who swore they'd never be like their abusive parent and look in the mirror and SEE that parent staring back at them (through the eyes of a miserable or terrified spouse or child, most often). I thought, in the beginning, that the OP was there. Its become really clear, however, he's not. He's recanting instead of repenting. Seeking sympathy instead of counsel. And is one big flashing neon sign Which is why Im responding to you, instead of him. Any words from me are wasted on him. I'm hoping, though, that you can see that knowing the gospel has nothing to do with a very pragmatic/normal timeframe for recovery from abusive behavior & addictions. God very rarely causes miracles to instantly heal someone (usually we need to see the doctor, get the bones set, do our physical therapy) ... And while I'm sure that DOES happen, lying in the road after being in a car crash COUNTING on god to do the heavy lifting, is just generally a bad idea. Which is what the idea of NOT counting on several years of hard work to change systems of thought and patterns of behavior equates to. True repentence requires action (not just reaction). Action takes time. But it also requires acknowledgement. And he's already back peddled on that. Which is heartbreaking. Common, but heartbreaking. Abusers are usually only sorry for brief periods of time. And also sadly, usually only sorry for how its affecting them, instead of how they've affected others. Cycle of abuse.

Both. I'm exmilitary, and a military brat to boot. What most families I know (including mine! But not me, I was active duty. Work till labor & 3 days off. Gotta love the USMC) do/did is to plan on the first 2-4 months with family, and then schlep out to the post. Since Hubs will be there for 1 month, a suggestion: 1 month with H 1-2 months w Fam 2-3 months at the post That gives everyone some transition time & focused attention when they need it most (you with help, Jim's will going hardcore in the beginning of training to rack up the brownie points), and then if your like most new moms you will be THRILLED to "finally" be on your own (although super grateful for the help & sleep, we all become experts with our kids very quickly).

Most of the vegetarians I know are vegetarians-who-eat-bacon. I even know several vegans who cheat with bacon. Bacon is sold in Israel... Although Jewish & Islamic law forbids eating pork. Don't you know? Bacon comes from a "mythical animal". So its okay

The usual. Fear Anger Ignorance Boredom Practice Joy If you can name even ONE thing in life that doesn't get made fun of, derided, mocked... I'll buy you a donut. WITH custard filling. From jocks to artists, mayonaise to beans, religion to politics, love to grief, grass to sand, torture to humanitarian projects ... Someone, somewhere will "hate" it, make fun of it, or try to convince others to. The LDS church is no exception. Congrats on your baptism!!!

5) Macs are awesome

I've never seen this before!!! This is utterly fantastic. Gut busting is exactly the right definition!!! Bwaaaahaha. Oh...And... Since we have a large local deaf community... Quietly horrifying. I have an accent, so I shape my words differently. I'm torn between being terrified of what they've been hearing me say and... No. I take it back. I'm terrified. Very. Very. Afraid. Mental note: learn to talk without moving my lips. Or invest in thought bubbles. Or just text people standing next to me.

I ditto Pam's "intent". I only eat once a day, usually. (IRONICALLY -aaaargh- it tends to be "fast Sunday" that I wake up and go all Betty Crocker and make a huge brunch. And then a perfect light lunch. And then get to sacrement and go "Again?!?!?!" Face. Palm.) What Ive found, though, is that there is a big difference in not eating, and fasting. Even not eating for a variety of reasons (forget, stress, laziness, no money, etc.) That difference is intent. Even if we're out of Ramen, and I wouldn't be eating... Or I get bad news and know even if I made myself eat Id throw up... CHOOSING to not merely not eat, but to actually fast is a different breed of animal. Along the same lines, Ive chosen TO eat while fasting (like my son makes me breakfast, or my neighbor comes over with banana bread all hot and buttered as an excuse to visit/nosh/chat.). I've found the days I CHOOSE to break my fast out of kindness (and bump it to the next day, or whenever, as long as I do it)... I get 2 amazing days instead of 1. Again, I think its the INTENT. I'm choosing to be kind (to my son, or my elderly neighbor), instead of focused on my own wants. Which to me, is part of fasting. Fasting is giving up something that I want. Which may sound weird, since I don't really "want" to eat, per se most days, until I give it up. (try it, its hard to explain). Being kind is VERY different from being tempted. I think my sister goes inside my head and times her cheesecake baking to my personal fast days. Girl!!! Don't make me choke you!!! There are a LOT of temptations. Totally different from a kid pouring their heart into scrambled eggs, or a lonely old woman who would never be so rude as to eat in front of you. Temptations can be skirted ("THANK YOU!" ... Gush about said cheesecake. Praise said cheesecake. Put said cheesecake in the fridge to STARE at me until tomorrow. Through the door.). Kindness? I think never should be.

Oh. I should add... I'm a history (and science) chick. As in its my job to dig up and analyze the past. That SAID: - I don't blame Protestants for Cromwell - I don't blame Catholics for the inquisition - List goes on. EVERY religion has its past. To ME, what is far more at hand, is the present (trust me, my students are falling over having seizures as I say this). Islam, as written, is one of the most progressive religions ever conceived. But Islam is going through a bloody reformation at present. It doesn't matter that -as written- women are granted equal rights with men... When women are in full hijab in some countries, beaten to death, not allowed to work, etc. In the bible (and US Constitution) slavery is permitted. At a certain point, history become (here my students fall down twitching again), irrelevant in the face of the present. History INFORMS our present, but we cannot live as if. You say you felt moved watching the GC. I suggest you do more of that. Research the PRESENT. LOL... Inside joke: When asked -post Katrina- about all of the aid workers a resident said the following "You know, 2 groups were simply amazing. The church of Jesus Chist of Latter Day Saints and the Mormons." Listen to / watch the GCs online, look into church operations today, meet people. This is a LIVING religion. Which is one of the wonders & joys of it. Its easy to get hung up on the mistakes of the past. Better to learn from them.

I honestly can't say Id have remained active in the church if my wife was gang raped (or my husband killed) and my children murdered. Would I have done? Maybe. Maybe not. Many of the people (no idea of the people you mention specifically, you'd have to look up dates yourself) left the church following army raids and local 'hunting parties'. Others left while JSjr was incarcerated. Others during the (malaria? Swamp mosquito born) epidemic. TODAY people leave for a whole host of reasons, as well. Equally life v death in some countries, all the way to wanting full body tattoos & beer bongs. But seriously, everything in between. Whether a person leaves or not, and for what reason... Does not affect my faith. Or, to be completely honest, it strengthens it. Because people CAN leave. They are welcome to walk other roads in life. They are welcome to come back, having come to a decision that its the right thing -for them- to do. The Articles of Faith are one of my favorite pieces of writing in the church. #11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. There is a deep and profound respect within the church for personal decision making. Yes. People left. And will continue to leave. That is their RIGHT in the church. That, to me, is actually a beautiful thing. Agency. And the exercise of it. A them found over and over and over. The dictates of our own conscience.... Powerful stuff. <3

Until you get over "who hasn't emotionally abused their spouse?", and that its justifiable to punch "teeny" holes in walls & destroy things in anger, and see these are NOT molehills... you will not understand why your STBXW took out an order of protection against you. Who DOESN'T emotionally abuse their wife??? I'm still flabbergasted by this statement. Most. Husbands. I thank my Heavenly Father that this country grants orders of protection and restraining orders. Oh. And they're easy enough to get thrown out when there's no cause. Your lawyer said you'd lose, because there IS cause.

Ditto. ANY of the 3 is enough Trifecta? Addiction, Abuse, Adultery, Done. Please. Take the next few years to work on yourself, and with a good therapist before getting in another relationship. And by few, think 2 at a minimum, and 5 as a reasonable goal.

Eegads, man... Leave the poor woman alone!!! Why on earth would you torture her with your sexcapades? Why do you keep trying to inflict pain on her??? It sounds like she HAS tried, HAS taken you at your (repeatedly broken) word, undoubtedly with your current "its different this time" pleas. If you ACTUALLY love her, let her go. Let her recover from the pain and betrayals you not only left at her feet but forced down her throat, and are still trying to force her to endure. Let. Her. Go. Stop. Causing. Her. Pain.

Backroads is dead on. That's exactly what I meant. I do NOT believe you're a bad son. LOL... And, yes, I caught that you're in school I've been in school full time & worked 60 hours a week School full time & worked part time School full time & had a free ride/ "only" had to be in school ((The "only" is that I started school AFTER be ominh a mom... So this is also while raising a child.)) Believe me. I "get" school. And there is a huge huge huge difference between having to work 60 hours and be on school vs having a ride. Even a partial ride. TOTALLY doable. Just hard. Very very hard.)) As you said its very easy to assume (paraphrase) "ungrateful/bad son or party kid" from one perspective. HOWEVER, that's not what I meant, at all. ... Its often the highly successful GREAT people that end up hurting their families the most. (Which is also why I said to treat this as marriage training.) Its just as often the highly respected, beloved by all, compassionate, brilliant, caring people that leave a spouse in tears of frustration, heartache, exhaustion... Seeking divorce in oh so many cases because they're miserable day in and out. Say Wha??? - Whether you're spending 120 hours a week curing cancer or playing Videogames at a buddy's house... You're still gone 120 hours a week. - Whether you're out every night partying and being self destructive, or whether you're going out every night of the week with bible study/FHE/Basketball/service/etc.. You're still out every night of the week. Those who love us miss us when we're gone. The only difference is how much they're also worried about us. But they MISS us. And, over time, feel unimportant/ neglected/ not special/ used/ taken advantage of/ hurt/ angry. But right now there's also: While YOU know the LDS church as as much as a cult as the catholic or Lutheran church down the street... Your parents don't, yet. So they have the added worry for you on top of "simply" missing you/feeling taken advantage of. These lessons will serve you VERY well in your future. With your parents & your spouse & kids. Learning to balance your time, to not get defensive when others are (perhaps badly) telling you their needs aren't being met (but to take them at face value / as legitimate complaints), and to not take the ones you love best for granted ESP in busy "good" times, is priceless.

It will be special if its your baptism date.

Sex can be one of the best parts of life, or it can be one of the worst. I suspect, from what you've said... You may have seen some of the worst of it? Maybe not.... And I will NOT assume. But either way... My story might be useful. I've been raped. Rather frequently for awhile, as a matter of fact. Definitely one of the worst parts of life. (I've also been married, and can attest first hand that it can ALSO be one of the best). Rape victims tend to treat sex / masturbation a bit differently than folks who haven't been. A "control"'factor plays in, that doesn't play in with most other people. Rape victims tend to either take control by REFUSING to have sex (or even be near men/women), or control the other way by turning very promiscuous. For rape victims, masturbation can be something of a halfway step. Not sleeping around, but still maintaining a control over ones body. The massive sensory overload also helps 'reset' panic attacks / anxiety attacks/ etc. Do rape victims/ survivors NEED "true" celibacy/masturbation/sex? Nope. All 3 can be sorted out. With time, patience, understanding, gentleness, compassion, a smidge of laughter/joy, and a whole lotta knowledge. This is usually best found in a counselor who specializes in sexual dysfunction. Even with a counselor, if someone is a trauma survivor... It can take awhile. The NICE thing about trauma, is that its pretty easy to pinpoint. But LOTS of people have sexual issues without the trauma. That just makes things a bit more challenging, it all. In talking with your bishop, you might ask for a list of LDS counselors / LDS social services. So that you can work through any issues you may be having in a depth and detail that only involves your bishop peripherally. Again, Im only sharing my experience, not attempting to tell you yours. Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindess. What you're feeling isn't bad. Its just normal. A part of life. Similar to a diabetic craving cheesecake. The cravings aren't bad. When she slips, SHE'S not bad. She just needs to work on her own self discipline & control. And if she's eating sweets as a coping mechanism, then she may need counseling for awhile to find new coping mechanisms... But, again, that's not a bad thing. Willingness to learn is a GOOD thing. Peace to you, BW

(None of the 'don'ts' below are 'can'ts'. All are choices based on their own philosophy & experiences. There's lots of stuff many parents, according to their own philosophies would love to do, but can't.). Some parents pay for college. Some don't. Some help with homework. Some don't. Some mentor. Some shove outta the nest. Some help with downpayments. Some don't. Some buy cars at 16. Some don't. Some allow children (under 18) to work. Some don't. Some teach gradually increasing responsibility. Some don't. <grin> And the list goes on and on and on. Decisions made in families are all very different, although they usually come from the same place : Loving and wanting the best for their kids. Every scenario above (do & do not) turns out productive capable adults, as well as the incapable, the selfish, the mooch, etc. Theres just no "one right way" to do things, kwim? As far as your coworker? I would suggest that there are MANY possible reasons why your coworker is handling her adult kids' finances. - Kids are incapable (never taught & neither parents nor kids have insisted) - Mom enjoys it, although kids are totally capable, so they 'let' her - Kids are special needs - Kids are deployed - Mom is a control freak - Its her car they're borrowing - Temporary circumstance (divorce, unemployment, etc.) - Again... List goes on. Family circumstance and politicking gets complicated. Just as a case in point... My brother has his MBA. Our DAD does his taxes. My brother is totally capable of doing his own taxes (faster, even). But my dad loves doing taxes. It makes him feel useful, competent, helpful, frugal... On TOP of the fact that he just digs doing taxes. I'm sure my dad's co workers think my brother is a dweeb. Really, its just that he loves our dad.

That's how it is here. I think its 2 part: 1... Converts are assumed not to have family that will be coming, so the 2nd fam comes instead. 2... My understanding is that most converts (as a convert, here : ) don't really "get it" for about 3 years. So for the first 3 years there's an awful lot of outside support (see #1) as well as a lack of knee-jerk reactions (like what is closest only v everyone).

I'm curious if the intent was to ease an annual (or biannual) burden? Ex) ((ahem, yes, math made simple for Me'self)) 120 members needing ppi 10 per month (instead of trying to do all 120 in a month) 20 per month (instead of the above x2) Therefore its the "monthly" meetings, but still annual or biannual individual.

One thing Ive learned: There are never "shoulds" in parenting!!!

We're a techie house. My son has had a laptop since he was a toddler (and like the responder above, that served him EXTREMELY well, academically speaking). He spent 3 years saving up for his own MacBook, and "got his own" at age 8. I DONT JUST have all of his passwords. I'm an admin on all of his devices (and he's not) RULES apply to all of "his" (as well as household) devices. Just. Like. They. Do. To. Everything. Else. (Bikes, laundry, play dates, etc.) Not following the rules = Consequences. Period. Whether he rides his bike in the street (disallowed, its a fast/busy street), or is breaking the rules on his electronics... He can expect those consequences to kick in. Gasp. Parenting. Ohhhhhhh.... Noooooooooo.... Not that!!! <grin> Rules & monitoring change over time. In direct correlation to our family's needs changing AND his maturity. At this point... I do spot checks. Because I (currently) trust him. At age 8? He was boundary pushing, a d monitored FAR more than at age 5 or age 10. Next week? We'll see when we get there! Rules also change when ASKED & AGREED. That's the only 'mutual agreement' involved. If he presents a good case, then its a good case. We'll try it and see how things go.... IF and only IF its a good argument. Same as every other area of life. From walking home from school to having dessert early (hey, Id rather he had dessert at 4pm before going to the park for 2 hours, too!) One of the benefits Ive noticed to 'toddler tech' is that none of these "things" (laptop, iPod, camera, phones, etc.) are "exciting", and the rules get whomped down EARLY. He's only 10, but many of his friends are only JUST "getting" these things (or are waiting with baited breath until 14/16/etc.). And they're going very crazy with them. Or are doing the "You can't tell me what to do with MY blah blah blah", teenage nonsense, or are hipped on the 'new = cool' thing. I really LOVE that tech is as exciting as a toaster to my son, and that 'cool' just doesn't enter into the equation. Overheard conversation at afterschool care "You only have a 3GS??? I have a 5!!!' "So? Its a phone." "But the FIVE is the best! It has blah blah blah blah! It JUST came out!" "Dude. Phone. Its a PHONE. Who cares if it just came out? Of you want whistles, just download the new systems. For free." "But its NEW." "And?" Both : He just doesn't get it. <grin> Nope!!! ((I should add... My son is a bit of a hacker. Its not that he isn't a techie. Its that spending $500 when you can have the same thing for free by reconfiguring strikes him as getting swindled & / or punk'd.)) Ditto... Our rules "make sense" (like looking both ways before crossing the street), and have been in place about as long. So when his friends are all about getting around the rules, or out and out breaking them, his eyes are rolling HARD. "Mom. Why don't they just ASK?" Yeah. This is soooooo not a 'back patting' thing. It was 100% NOT intentional. Its just a natural byproduct of "normal". We have a LOT of techie friends. Their kids are all the same way. But if I had everything to do over? I'd do this 'on purpose'. The results are awesome. Totally lucked out, there. Pure providence. Well, that and 'consistency, consistency, consistency'. & Yeah. Parenting. Go figure. It really does 'work'.

Until you are 24... You're linked to your parents income (with some exception, like active duty or former military, emancipated teens, etc.). 1) Which means that if you plan on being in school... I would figure out a way to pay for it BEFORE throwing down the gauntlet with the people writing Checks for thousands if dollars. If you think you're too busy, now... Imagine 60 hours of work each week plus 3 classes, plus church commitments. Translating to: REALLY appreciate what your parents are giving you. The gift of time. 6 years (of not waiting to START school)... Working low paying dead end jobs (or enlisting to escape that fate)... OR weeks where you get full nights of sleep AND time to yourself (60 hours of work, plus studying every spare second, plus MAYBE 4 hours of sleep each night is hard-hard-hard). 2) Honor thy father & mother. At LEAST as much as you'd do for your roommate. Believe me. A roommate will either throw a 'drag your butt outta bed and come clean this mess up and the next time it happens you're OUT!!! (Or she is and you'll have to come up with the rent on your own) OR will be such a slob YOU are the one sick and tired of being treated like a maid service. So. Look at your parents complaints (outside of church at first) as if they are ENTIRELY legitimate. Because they probably are. And they are probably the EXACT same complaints a roommate would be making. Leaving things a mess, using things/"borrowing" without asking, going out every night leaving things a mess, not working enough hours to meet your fair share, etc... Are all legitimate complaints. "But I wanna" is just not a legitimate excuse. Healthcare workers, cops, military, retail, restaurant, etc... ALL miss Sundays / treat the Sabbath as holy by providing for their families. Does everyone TRY to get it off? Sure thing. But we don't throw out the baby with the bath water to be homeless/jobless just to attend Sunday. There ARE other options. But I wanna keep Sunday as the sabbath & not work is a luxury, not a right. Not that its not important, but there are other things (like figuring out how to replace 1/3 of your income!) that are equally important. 3) If you really want to change your parents minds... Stop placing the burden on them. Do YOUR work, so its not affecting their lives. Spend time with them (instead of going out every night), clean up after yourself and treat them with at least as much respect as you would if you were living with a roommate, figure out how to not lose 1/3 of your income (new job? Or go back to work on Sundays until you can get a new job that you work 3-5 days a week not on Sundays), etc. In other words, act like an adult, if you want to be treated as one. This is meant kindly. And coming from a place where the Church IS hugely important in my life. Converting is wonderful. How you live your life, and treat the people who love you best? Foundational. You know that saying : God is in the details? And big things are made up of little things? Its the details of your life that create the foundation. Treat them with the care and attention they deserve. Your parents are obviously feeling used & taken advantage of. Fix that. Make them feel loved, appreciated, secure, special. Of stop using them and taking advantage of them. This doesn't mean they get to decide whether you convert, or hang out with Sally on Tuesdays, or major in premed instead of prelaw. This means treating them kindly, with love and respect, and maybe even friendship. This means giving back, as well as taking. It means acting like an adult that is trustworthy, because they make good decisions at home, to make good decisions elsewhere. Don't expect immediate results. It sounds like its been a few years of acting like an entitled kid (hey, most of us did that, and face palmed right about your age). Its going to take awhile (read months of daily doing the right thing), but it really is worth fixing. <grin> So fix it !! Treat it as a service project, if need be. "Something nice I can do for my parents" Every day. (Think about it, the people we respect the most tend to be those who treat us best). It will ALSO be good marriage training. (Something nice for my spouse every day... No matter how tired/frustrated/miffed/busy/etc. I happen to be today)

1) Nope. As a matter of fact, its an honest question. We've had several different views if forgiveness brought up. My own being one, forgiveness does not equal trust being another, this being a third. I honestly don't understand the reasoning nor actions in this type. My understanding of this type was as I wrote, which makes little sense to me (outside of victim mentality... Which while it makes 'sense', is a broken thing). People here have many different virwpoints, which can be illuminating in an 'aha! THAT makes sense, now' or "I disagree but can respect that POV" kind of way. Or it can simply be a misunderstanding of intent. Typically, when I don't understand something... I ask. And give examples of my current understanding (so that those whole hold or practice it can say: yep, exactly... No no no, not at all... In some ways, extra.). As I did. In good faith. I completely fail to understand why some people equate forgiveness in a way I see as inherently dangerous. My failure to understand it doesn't make it wrong, nor does it make my view right. I am not mocking anyone's system. I just don't get it. 2) There are FAR more disagreements going on, or laid to rest, than you've listed. By and large they've mostly followed the maxim that reasonable people can and do differ. I am suggesting that not being allowed around children is less a facet of forgiveness or the lack thereof, and more a natural consequence of those actions.

EXACTLY. The average 20/30/40yo is more capable of dealing with "We have a sexual predator in our ward." And to handle themselves accordingly, than the average 5yo, 7yo, 10yo. Granted, still not my first choice, but operating on the assumption that I'm wrong a pedophiles really can repent, we DO have adult only wards. Rather a lot of them. Many with older groups (30+). Instead of "Im a pedophile, but Ive given up my evil ways, and am joining the family ward." Major cognitive dissonance.