PolarVortex

Very impressive. I listen to a lot of LDS-friendly and LDS-positive podcasts, and I'm struck by the number of people (sometimes RMs) who aren't bothered too much by anti-LDS writings but who are really shaken by the grimy details of plural marriage. These new essays have few smudges of pro-LDS spin here and there, but on they whole they seem honest and realistic. I hope more essays come out soon.

I think the biggest problem of socialism is in the execution and not the the theory. Once you allow elected politicians to channel money from some people to others (for any reason), the people who get the money come to believe that they are entitled to it and they will continue to vote for candidates who keep that money channel open. Unless people have some skin in the game, they won't make any effort to control costs. I have an aunt who was told 10 years ago to stop smoking. She refused, and in the last 2 years of her life she ran up several hundred thousand dollars in medical costs. I think the government should have billed her estate the total cost of her medical care, but I am called "cruel" and "heartless" by my relatives (mostly her heirs) who think citizens have a right to free medical care in any desired quantity for any reason.

Well, all this talk about pornography is very enriching, but I would argue that greater forces are at work here. Europeans in 1905 during the Belle Epoque were wildly optimistic about their future. Scientific discoveries were falling out of the sky like hailstones, Europe was at peace, national economies were expanding, democracies flourished, and the arts were generating masterpiece after masterpiece in poetry, literature, painting, and music. (Most importantly, email would not be invented for another sixty years.) Forty years later, Europe lay in ruins, tens of millions of people had been killed from war or genocide, humanity had used nuclear weapons against itself, and Communism was preparing to spread poverty and terror across a third of the planet. Predictions are hard. The more I contemplate it, the more I agree with that old saying: "The future isn't what it used to be."

The biological father is an important piece of this puzzle. Where is he, will he support Mahonri, and what happens if he rekindles a relationship with the mother? They have a lot in common now (the child) and you can't just airbrush him out of the photo as if he never existed. Well, you can try, but it's unclear how successful you will be. So let me get this straight: you are afraid to talk to your church leaders for fear they will accuse of you lying and of fathering a child out of wedlock? What would tempt them to think this? Is there more to the story? (If I were them, I'd be more curious about how your girlfriend concealed her pregnancy for so long.) Anyway, you've got the trump card here. It's called a paternity test. If anyone accuses you of lying, you can prove your innocence for a couple hundred bucks. But I doubt you'll have to prove anything if you approach your bishop in a spirit of humility and truthfulness. Other people here might give you wisps of advice and a few suggestions, but you need to talk to competent authorities who can evaluate this situation and give you the best counseling. Listen to your parents and maybe all of you go see your bishop, unless there is more to the story that your email didn't discuss. I think you're being very noble, but if I did the math right you've only known the mother for 8 or 9 months. The worst thing you can do is let your mission call pressure you into making a big decision. The second worst thing you can do is blow off your parents just because they are urging you to do something that part of you resists. Your parents know you, and they probably have a lot of battle scars from the school of life. Ignore them at your peril. If there is no chance the biological father will return, there's no harm in helping your girlfriend understand her legal rights and options. After you're over that hump, spend some time in deep reflection and prayer deciding whether marriage with her is the best for everyone, not just you, and whether marriage now is better than marriage later. Get input from your parents and church leaders, and make sure you understand all the consequences of whatever you decide. Finally, you sound like you are unnecessarily torn about a dilemma that doesn't really exist. If you decide to go on a mission, that won't destroy your chances of having your own family some day. (In truth, it will probably raise the chances.) P.S. Even if you don't marry the mother, it doesn't mean you have to say goodbye to them forever. There are wonderful ways to be part of their lives without marriage. But my heart smiled when I read about your feelings for the baby. We should all have fathers with feelings like that. Godspeed.

Yes, it is very nice video. Wearing a special garment is hardly an unusual thing when compared with other religious rituals like circumcision. But it raises a delicate question that I hope can be discussed here. The garment is not supposed to be exposed or shown to people who would not understand its significance. I've known Mormon men who don't wear the garment when they go to health clubs or gyms because they don't want to show it to non-LDS men in the locker room. When I entered basic training in the military, the first question the drill sergeant asked in the barracks was, "Are there any Mormons here?" because the garment would conflict with regulation underclothing, and certain compromises and adjustments could be made (if I recall correctly). But I see a lot of Mormon men with the so-called "eternal smile" under their white shirts. There are even photos of Mitt Romney on the Internet with the garment clearly visible. Is there any formal or informal policy about wearing clothing that fails to conceal the garment?

The comment from skalenfehl is right on target. Your situation is not too different from an overweight person who really wants to diet but goes on binges after eating one cookie, or a drinker who tries to stay on the wagon but falls off at the thought of a beer, or compulsive gambler who wants to give up gambling but can't resist buying a roll of lottery tickets after getting a paycheck. is this the kind of person you want to be? But your situation is worse. Dieters, drinkers, and gamblers can usually recover when they stumble. What you're doing has the potential to change the rest of your life and and your girlfriend's life. Your actions are sort of like throwing lighted matches at a pool of gasoline, trying to see how close you can get to the edge without everything exploding. The short answer is that you will find the desire to change when you wake up to the fact that the long-term benefits of chastity before marriage outweigh the fleeting short-term pleasures. That may seem incomprehensible to you now, but it's true. The natural instincts within humans make chastity an effort. However, you are a spiritual being with some drives to be tamed, not an animal that lives moment to moment with primitive desires for food and sex. It sounds like you are feeling sorrow for your actions, which is very good first step. But your journey out of this problem requires more than one step. If you can't control your fleshly desires around you girlfriend, stop seeing her until you can. This isn't rocket science. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but the drive to reproduce is very strong in us and can't be controlled with platitudes and frivolous suggestions to focus your mind on holy things. Good luck... you will need it.

People can't just flip a switch and stop loving someone. This loss will hurt and you may have lots of tears and sadness ahead as you heal from this unfortunate situation. But it sounds like you have a lot of really good things going for you. Your family supports you, you seem like you are dealing with this situation with maturity and clear thinking, and if you need to hit the reset button on your life then 22 is not a bad age, not a bad age at all. In my experience, people with broken hearts tell themselves two myths: that their broken hearts will never heal and that they lost the only person in the world who was perfect for them. They're both myths. Broken hearts can be terrible, but I don't know anyone who hasn't healed from a broken heart sooner or later. I'm glad your husband brought you so much joy, and it may still be unthinkable to you that anyone else can replace him, but he has wronged you badly and you must be strong enough to see the reality of this. Surround yourself with people who will give you strength and peace. Find some way to participate in church, even if you have to get a job that leaves you free on Sundays. The worst thing you can do is withdraw. Your story is sad, but you still have the power to change the parts of your life that aren't working. Not everyone is that lucky.

What a nice friend you are to think of them in this way. Unless you really hate technology, video is the way to go, my friend. Photographs are nice but they don't capture the excitement and energy of special events as well as video, and your friends will miss a lot if all they can do it flip through 3000 still photographs with no captions or explanations. Every week or so, or every time there is a special event, use your smartphone to record a short video. The first shot can be of a calendar showing the date, and the next shot is someone explaining the event. The videos don't have to be long, 15-90 seconds would be fine. Get people to act spontaneously and to greet your missionary friends by name in the video. You can really have a lot of fun with this... show the missionaries' families opening letters from the missionaries, or record their moms after their Mother's Day phone calls. So many things you can do. You'll need to transfer the video files to some long-term storage location like your computer or DVDs, but that's simple. When your missionary friends return in 2 years, they'll have a truly wonderful movie that will catch them up better than any photo album could. And if you're really adventurous, you can get video-editing software and add all kinds of zany things like subtitles and thought balloons to the video, which can be riotously funny. Have fun...

I've always tended to view Satan as the absence of holiness or distance from God, not an active agent who intervenes in the world. I know people who view this world as a giant chess board with God on one side and Satan on the other, but I'm not so sure. Maybe I was influenced by many years in an evangelical Protestant church, where some members routinely blamed everything on Satan, even oversleeping, pigging out on brownies, and too many red lights as they crossed town to get to church. These brain differences between men and women can be a force for goodness, too. Go to any playground and observe parents and their kids. You see fathers encouraging their children to be brave and try new things like hanging up high on the monkey bars. And the mothers are there, usually telling the children to stay safe and act with care and caution. The children grow up learning to balance these things and to master the art of prudent risk-taking. If Satan acts in this world, he or she can exploit all kinds of interesting things, not just brain differences between men and women. But I certainly agree with you that these differences can set all kinds of troublesome things into motion. I once met a transgendered person who had been born male but became female. She said the surgical aspects were the easy part, and that she had to re-learn the entire English language. For example, when men go to McDonald's they say, "Gimme a hamburger," and women say, "Hi, I'd like a hamburger." She said her big-boned physical appearance made people suspect slightly she had been born male, but as soon as she opened her mouth people knew it instantly from the words she used, the intonation in her speech, and the style of her speaking. The chasm between male and female is much bigger than we realize.

Absolutely. Let your thoughts, words, and deeds show how the Church has changed you.

Welcome... I used to work on Ft. Bliss (Biggs Army Airfield, actually). Love El Paso. I went to Souper Salad on Viscount every day for lunch, and that was a long drive... it's still there, according to Google Maps.

I'm reluctant to pass judgement on a situation that was summed up in three very short paragraphs, and I wonder if there is more to the story. I think you need more data. The next time they're over, maybe you could casually steer the conversation to the topic of prayer and ask them what they think about the best times to pray. Maybe they're trying to set good examples for the kids. Maybe they come from families that pray about everything. Maybe they think you need all the prayer you can get. Just sit and chat about prayer. You'd probably learn from them as much as they learn from you, and you'll be in a much better position to decide whether your daily farewell protocols need any changes. When I was an investigator, the missionaries would come to my house and park in my driveway directly under my kitchen window. One cold night I heard them drive up a few minutes early, but they stayed in the car. I was curious... I had no idea what they were doing and figured they were playing cards or something until it was time for our meeting. So I turned out the kitchen lights and peered through the curtains. They were praying, and it's a safe bet that they were praying for me. I'll never forget the warm spirit of gratitude that flooded into me. Prayers can be a gift, and refusing a gift without a good reason generally isn't good etiquette.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fv5I2rmtuU

If history buffs chime in, I hope they are good history buffs who understand the folly of reducing whole eras in human history to a few simple causes and effects.

I'm sure the original question is being asked sincerely, but it sure reminds me of something from an IRS tax regulation. "If A, then you must do B, unless C, and whatever you do must be postmarked by date D, or penalty E will apply, unless F happened before G and H, in which case the penalty may be waived by submitting proof of I and J." I view sin in the same category as a medical injury. When it happens, it's in your best interest to get it treated ASAP so it can start healing.

For another view of Buddhism: https://newhumanist.org.uk/articles/4021/the-dark-side-of-buddhism

I did know that Goethe and I had the same birthday. I tried to brag about this my German teacher once, but I used the wrong German word for "same" and actually ended up saying something like, "Goethe and I were born on the exact same day [in 1749]." As for the others... I never heard of any of them, except maybe Jason Priestley, who I thought played Eddie on "The Munsters." (Turns out I was thinking of Pat Priest, who played Marilyn.)

I really wonder how the same-sex marriage thing will play out over the next few decades. If I had to guess, I'd say that in 2030 same-sex marriages will have long been legal everywhere in the U.S., that only a few thousand same-sex marriages will be performed each year, that a rapid rise in messy same-sex divorces will make many same-sex couples think twice about marriage, and that the long-term net effect of same-sex marriages will be close to zero except for two things: (1) taxes and government benefits will change for a small number of people in same-sex marriages, and (2) there will be a push from a small faction to legalize all forms of marriage between any number of consenting human adults... and the courts, having set some problematic precedents earlier in the century, will be tied in knots trying to sort it all out. And while I have my crystal ball out, I predict that a new school of thought will become dominant through Christian denominations around the world by 2030. It will hold that Biblical verses against homosexual activity are really prohibitions against sexual perversions (e.g., the so-called "temple prostitutes") that are merely described in connection with homosexual acts, and that homosexuality itself is not a perversion. Many Christian churches will come around to this way of thinking. They won't totally repudiate their past opposition to homosexuality, but they will start viewing themselves more as opponents of irresponsible sexual activity and less as opponents of same-sex intimacy. I'm not saying I agree with this, just that I think it's probable. And I have no idea if the LDS Church will change its thinking on this issue in my lifetime. Interesting how quickly this all has changed. If the Church had come out in 1970 supporting same-sex marriage, it would have destroyed the Church. Masses of members would have left. Less than 50 years later, people are leaving the Church for the opposite reason. Social issues in the 21st century make us all corks on the ocean.

That is very cool. The only celebrity who shares my birthday is David Soul (from "Starsky and Hutch," which nobody under 50 remembers very well).

I'm appalled. But I also know that many writers embellish a lot of things to make their writing sparkle. If the poor Carib woman had written her own account of this terrible crime, it might have disagreed with da Cuneo's account in some important ways. But I'm still appalled. Some people do that with Scripture, too.

I don't know of any such quote, but there is a new podcast with Fiona and Terryl Givens on Mormon Discussion Podcast that addresses this very issue (it starts at around 34 minutes into the interview). http://www.mormondiscussionpodcast.org/2014/10/fiona-terryl-givens-crucible-of-doubt/

His decision not to serve a mission should not by itself rule him out for marriage with you, but if his decision is part of a larger worldview that conflicts with yours, then I would spend some time exploring this and deciding whether you two can mesh your lives successfully. I'm a huge fan of a verse from Matthew: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." The older I get, the more I believe it, because I've seen the wreckage that results from taking my eyes off the kingdom of God and righteousness. Listen to the previous comments on this thread. They contain much wisdom.

This is like something out of Orwell's "Animal Farm," and I wonder if the recent news reports aren't sensationalizing parts of this story. My understanding is that churches are perfectly free to agitate for or against laws and proposed legislation, as long as they don't touch specific candidates or elected officials. If the city of Provo tried to subpoena every sermon that advocated same-sex marriage, the ACLU would drop out of the sky like the spacecraft in the movie "Independence Day." So I'm sure the ACLU will rush into Houston, too. I think some of those Houston churches should manufacture a sermon with the exact words of President Obama from the 2008 campaign, when his views against same-sex marriages were pretty mainstream. If the city of Houston exposes such a sermon as bigoted, we'll know how low we have sunk. Antidiscrimination laws to protect gays and lesbians seem sensible, but maybe we should start thinking about antidiscrimination laws to protect people who peacefully oppose same-sex marriage. And I'm sympathetic to many parts of the argument for same-sex marriage.

Yes, they do. There are few pleasures as great as freshly baked wheat bread, fresh butter, and sugar. I have an idea for a new invention: a bread machine with a battery backup. When I made the first loaf in my machine 20 years ago, I had to get all kinds of scary things from the grocery store: yeast and flour and molasses and other stuff that was pretty expensive. I remember grumbling as I poured all the ingredients into the machine. Half-way through the cycle, the power went out in my house. When I got home, I saw the stalled machine and looked in the user's manual for instructions on how to reset the machine and recover my loaf. The manual said, "If cycle fails to complete, remove pan and discard contents." Gr-r-r-r-r-r...

Oh my goodness. I wonder if they have a more expensive model that also makes bread. I once bought a breadmaker and used it grand total of six times. I figure each loaf cost me about $31.