char713

Today I heard a program in which Michael Medved said that 70% of all FIRST TIME marriages stay intact until the death of one of the couple. We've been told for at least 30 years that the figure was only 50%...a lie that conflates 2nd+ marriages with first ones, to create the false illusion that divorce is uber-normal, and probably inevitable. As we see marriage redefined, family increasingly treated as an unimportant, if not oppressive social construct, perhaps the best we can do is continue to enjoy our children, our spouses, and the special fulfillment we share as we grow together, bound by the love of our God.
 
There is no arrogance here. Every day I am humbled by my wife and children. Their love and acceptance of me is amazing. Their reaction to my feeble efforts at husbanding and fathering are gracious (and merciful). I love them, and thank God for the honor He's given me to play my role. May the deposits we make, as an intact family, into our areas of influence lead many to look to and glorify God.
 

I believe the term that is used most often to describe his title/occupation/genre is a Christian Apologist, which if I am understanding that term correctly, puts him under the somewhat broad umbrella of the title of theologian. 
 
I like what Vort said, that Lewis is an explainer rather than an authority. One (unknown) commentator on his works said that "he possesses the rare gift of making righteousness readable." I think that is why he is so often quoted, never as a replacement for actual doctrine or scripture but as a succinct "summing up" in modern language. Everyone should do their own study of faith and works and not let their own understanding rely solely on what is one of Lewis' most famous "object lessons." But it is helpful nonetheless to be able to picture that pair of scissors.  

We saw Ant-Man tonight. It completely exceeded our expectations and was very, very funny. 

Both of my siblings who have children have had their baby blessings in their home with just the Bishop, and I think in my sister's case their home teacher involved. If we ever have children I will want to do it the same way. Maybe this comes from having moved around very frequently as a child, but having the ward "family" be that deeply involved in my life has never been important to me. The blessing is for the child, and is given by the father (in most cases) rather than the Bishop or some other non-family member so I cannot see what is wrong with having it be a family only or family-mostly affair. This doesn't mean that the child or the parents will be any less-involved in service in the ward than anyone else. The kinds of things that my mother recorded from when I was blessed feel sacred and private to me now, and I feel like we rarely invite mass groups of people into such detailed, personal spiritual times so why must a baby blessing be a public event? It's not exactly a patriarchal blessing by any means, but I feel like I am no less known to my ward for not having the date and time of that event, or details of the blessing itself dispersed. 
 
My parents have friends from years back who they still keep in touch with, and we have stayed with them a few times while visiting on the east coast.  The husband is famous/infamous for his near-perfect memory, but general lack of tact and self-awareness. He loves to quote for me the part from my baby blessing about my future motherhood, and just doesn't seem to get why that isn't funny anymore. I know this is just my situation, but I would so much rather have never had that part of my life broadcasted, even if it was when I was a tiny infant. 

When it comes helping people, I'm all game for it-- on two conditions:
 
1)  If my helping you prevents you from learning how to help yourself, then that's not really helping.
2)  If my helping you greatly damages me (and/or my family), than that will impede my ability to help you and all others in the future.

Indeed. Ideally we ought to be fixing our neighbor's computers while they ensure our kids have food or whatever needs are around to be met. But at this time is it a good idea to give and give without thought for your family's wellbeing? Or should we trust our neighbor to support us through hard times when the computer business collapses after all the free service?

My children have made some choices in partners/spouses that I find rather difficult.  I decided that if my children love them, then I will love them too and try to find the good in them. I will not speak negatively about their choice in a spouse to my other children or to the son/daughter involved.  One particular daughter-in-law can be a prickly pear, and the other siblings will sometimes talk about her to me, but I have decided that as long as my son has chosen her, then I will champion her.  If my children decide to divorce, I will also be loyal to my son/daughter and their new spouse if they should choose to remarry.  Reality is, in this day and age, divorce may be inevitable between some of my children and their spouses.  Hopefully, not.  But, I know of very few families where divorce has not happened to a sibling or two.
 
We can be tactful in offering our opinions about our children's relationships.  We can let our children know that they are always welcome in our home, where they can feel safe.  But, I have found that the apron strings have to be cut at some time, and our children will have to choose for themselves.  I hope that I have taught them correct principles.  But, I know that the world we live in is tough.  They may make mistakes that we wish they hadn't (and some of mine have), and we will weep tears of sorrow and grief.  I always have hope.  And, I pray constantly for their welfare.

Woman in Gold

Coincidentally (or not), in my experience the people who use this line most often tend to have virtually no marketable skills themselves and can sleep quite soundly in the assurance that they will never be expected to contribute anything of pecuniary value to the Kingdom themselves--or will have a very good excuse to decline, if asked.
 
Generally speaking:  I think Mormonism has a very strong self-sufficiency ethos.  We really do quite a lot of lot of stuff for ourselves, and are pretty well convinced we could learn the rest--if only we had the time.  In so doing, we learn that a lot of service providers actually do puff up the price of their services quite a bit (Mahone's example being a case in point--changing out a washer may itself be a fifty-cent job; but I'll be hard-pressed to find a plumber to come out to my house and do the work for less than fifty bucks).
 
Thus, when Brother Paul hires someone to watch his kids, or take photos, or fix his computer, or tune up his car, or build an addition onto his house, or file his bankruptcy or show up in court with him and talk to a judge for fifteen minutes--in Brother Paul's mind he's not actually paying for specialized knowledge.  In his mind, he's just paying for labor--grunt work--and thus he will (quite rationally) pay the lowest rate he thinks his local market will bear. 
 
(I'm not endorsing the mentality; I'm just offering a possible explanation for it.)
 
Random anecdote to add to the mix:  My first criminal defense case was actually a case for an "eccentric" lady in my ward who had rear-ended someone at a stoplight and got cited for following someone too close.  I went to court with her three times and did a half-day trial on the issue, resulting in her acquittal--easily $2K worth of legal work, done entirely for free.  In gratitude, she complained to our bishop that I hadn't also sued her insurance company for (as she saw it) unjustifiably raising her rates after the accident.
 
Some people . . .

Same here, as Eowyn said. I would suggest mentioning as part of any apology you make, that you were not meaning to target this specific issue and that you are mindful now of how the things you said earlier on would have sounded to her. Personally, I feel a lot more understood and loved when someone else can articulate that they are not only sorry for causing hurt generally, but that they know why it hurt the way it did, and know better now. 

Same here, as Eowyn said. I would suggest mentioning as part of any apology you make, that you were not meaning to target this specific issue and that you are mindful now of how the things you said earlier on would have sounded to her. Personally, I feel a lot more understood and loved when someone else can articulate that they are not only sorry for causing hurt generally, but that they know why it hurt the way it did, and know better now. 

I've been a member of the LDS church my whole life, and I didn't get an answer the first several times that I asked. Turns out I wasn't ready to hear the answer, because I needed to learn how it was that I myself recognized the Spirit. And it wasn't any of the ways my parents or teachers said that they recognized it. It took me a while to separate my expectations from what I was actually experiencing, and it ultimately started falling into place once I diligently yet humbly making the gospel a part of my every day, moment to moment existence. I don't know if this helps, but I hope you find the answers you're searching for soon. 
 
And welcome to the forum!

I've been a member of the LDS church my whole life, and I didn't get an answer the first several times that I asked. Turns out I wasn't ready to hear the answer, because I needed to learn how it was that I myself recognized the Spirit. And it wasn't any of the ways my parents or teachers said that they recognized it. It took me a while to separate my expectations from what I was actually experiencing, and it ultimately started falling into place once I diligently yet humbly making the gospel a part of my every day, moment to moment existence. I don't know if this helps, but I hope you find the answers you're searching for soon. 
 
And welcome to the forum!

I remember studying this talk in Institute class about 10 years ago and marvelling at how prophetic it was. I had no idea then, and it will be interesting to revisit it in another 5 years or so to be amazed again. 
 
 “A religious conviction is now a second-class conviction, expected to step deferentially to the back of the secular bus, and not to get uppity about it”

Arrange a swap with another branch in your district? If their sisters will watch a group of your branch's kids (only those kids whose fathers or older brothers can't take charge) you will do the same for them at a later date so they can hold a similar activity of their own. 

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image. 

My gut tells me that Collier won't win this one--if only because he's a white male.
The case that legalizes polygamy will come from a Muslim man, a polyandrous woman, or free-love swingers in a group marriage. It won't come from a white Christian male.

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image. 

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image. 

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image. 

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image. 

Frankly, I have no problem with the concept of expressing your concerns even to the point of "we don't think you should marry him". You say this once and only once, letting it possibly becoming a case of "you can't say we didn't warn you" without further nagging, but yes, I'd let your daughter know your feelings.

I disagree anatress:  Unity is not everything or everybody thinking or acting the same - I see unity as differences coming together to make a whole complete - one adding what the other may have misses, overlooked or lacked in talent.  I always read you comments even when I am not interested in the topic.  There are sever others on the forum that I likewise check out the latest they have to say.  But I wanted you to know that whenever you and I disagree - I always feel I have come away with something I would have otherwise missed.  I value a different view point especially someone like you.  I have assumed that you have also been added upon through our discussions.
 
I believe, now as I think about it - perhaps my greatest error is not acknowledging better the points you add that I have missed -- But when I understand enough to agree I tend to say little to nothing but when there is something to learn - I tend to ask more questions to insure I really understand what I have missed.  I am always confused when someone says my questions indicate arrogance to them -- so I do not know how to continue a dialog - but with you - I always feel I can ask and get an honest answer and a view I can trust though it is different than mine.

Not a movie, but I finally got caught up with the third season of "Longmire" on Netflix. Very highly recommend.
And we watched "Woman in Gold" again last night from iTunes. I'm a WWII and art history and Tatiana Maslany nut, but it was just as great on second viewing, nevermind my biases.

Not a movie, but I finally got caught up with the third season of "Longmire" on Netflix. Very highly recommend.
And we watched "Woman in Gold" again last night from iTunes. I'm a WWII and art history and Tatiana Maslany nut, but it was just as great on second viewing, nevermind my biases.