NeedleinA

I can't get any more spiritual than that.
I'm a man and I have no kids.
It's unfortunate that you are in this situation.
I think finding his reasons and then trying to compromise is the best course.  Maybe settle on 3.
As a child we were 3, one brother and one sister.  But we did, i think, miss a lot or group fun or whatever it was that we saw the big group families doing. 
I think your husband might think of the kids.  Only two results in a somewhat lonely childhood.  4 or more certainly will give them a lot more close relations which will, if in a good loving home, benefit them.
dc

I cannot relate at all to your husband's position: I always wanted a large, nay, a very large family. Twelve children would not have been too many for me. (I did, long before I met my Jacquie, decide that she would be the one who chose how many children we'd have — I reserved the right to influence her choice.)
She wanted five, I twelve or more. We have seven. But we did it "right": we had the oldest ones first. That is, when they grow a bit, they actually help work with their younger siblings. Two children are actually the hardest, but with three, they play with each other, and they sorta kinda band together against the outside world. Even today, our children are their own best friends, some twenty-five or thirty years later. Even those who live away from the others (one in Idaho, one in Texas, and one in Arizona) still have stronger-than-average feelings towards their brothers and sisters.
There is no way to force your husband to want more children. But I know that I'd be terribly sad and empty without those last two or three children.
In the past five decades, we have learned how to separate sex from marriage and marriage from children. That's depressing. People have lost the ability to love children just 'cuz they exist. Every child, the adage goes, brings his own loaf. I say that each child brings his own heart.
Raising children is hard work. It is fraught with heartache and problems of every kind. It is tiring, it is frustrating. But the compensations of love and joy and mutual support overweigh the obstacles and issues. I'm in my late 60s. Our sons call me about things around their houses that need fixin'. They ask about politics, religion, and economics. They tell me that they respect my knowledge and opinions beyond the world's 'wisest" and it just plain vindicates all the nights with fevers and vomiting. Our daughters call about recipes (sometimes even mine), and Sacrament meeting talks. They want to know how to tell if a child has an earache or toothache and what to do about it. We are grateful to have the experience to share, but even more that they trust us to know.
The short term is always harder than reality because the rough seas are immediate and drowning a harsh possibility. But beyond the horizon, the sea is calm and the harbor peaceful, the beach inviting and the palms cool by their shade.
Sorry that nothing I say will "work" on your husband. He's his own agent. If he changes his mind, it will be he who does so. But my experience is that children are the true joy of life, and those who have few will have less joy in the long run than those with more.
The lost needle, above, probably is closer to the reason than anything I'd imagine. But that's something you can judge better than we. There is only One Who can work on his mind. Ask Him to help. Use all your spiritual power to that end.
Lehi

We're at a point where people are starting to ask us if we plan to have more kids. (We have two). I'd be happy to have more, and I think my husband would also like more. However, we also want to be in a different work day situation than we are in, as this is a huge obstacle for my husband. We both work full-time, different shifts, so my husband does a big share of the minute-to-minute childraising. And it's very hard on him. Myself and many others think he's a great dad (I often prefer him to be the disciplinarian as I think his temper fuse is better handled to small kids) but it's not really for him. He has stated before that he just couldn't handle another kid going the way we are going now. This isn't to say he hates the way things are going and doesn't love his time with the girls, just that he can't take a third kid. Our decision is that when we get to a point where I'm at home full-time.
His reasoning for no more kids at this time: He just can't do it. And I get it. (It's another reason why more traditional homes are easier that way).
So, what specifically is bothering your husband more than just feeling relieved? I don't think this should become a point of contention, but it could be part of the discussion.

Hi @Coll79,
Welcome to lds.net. We are glad you found us, and are willing to ask actual LDS members about LDS beliefs/ideas.
Some observations, in no particular order:
1. Yes, I agree, that both wronged each other, "we both agreed we did each other wrong". If you are in a 2.5 year relationship and you were 100% blindsided about him not only learning about a religion, but only told after the fact that he joined one... pretty big step in his life to have kept you in the dark about. Sounds like you both have moved passed that, but it also sounds like you both don't talk/communicate that often or that in-depth to have something like that become known only after the fact. I can understand your frustration.
2. Agreed. You "are very scared". It seems like a lot of the reactions you are having are natural. I commend you on trying to gather actual "facts" so that you are making educated and wise choices moving forward. 
3. Your boyfriend sounds very naive and new in his understandings of the LDS church. I would suggest that in his LDS infancy, he is not a solid source of doctrinal understanding "yet". This is new to you both. A calm head will prevail in this situation. Again, learn "facts" and then you can make the educated choices. 
4. If your boyfriend does really follow the teaching of the LDS church...he is going to change. He will become different. He will not be the person you met 2.5 years ago. While he will change, those changes will ultimately be for the better. He should become more spiritual, more loving, more forgiving, more empathetic, more understanding, more caring, etc. You will see changes, but they should only be changes for the better. 
5. "I don't understand why I feel this way." Change can be scary, period. You appear to be afraid of losing him, so you are scared of "loss", a loss of someone you love, it is a natural reaction. You need to figure out if it is a "justified" reaction now.
6. If you want to understand things better about the LDS church, ask real LDS people like you have done. Ask us! Ask the missionaries in your area. Want to better understand what it is that your boyfriend is doing, learn yourself. It doesn't mean you need to act on it, but take some baby steps. Learning leads to Understanding. Understanding leads to Educated Choices. Educated Choices leads to peace of mind for the choices that you did make rather than allowing fear/anxiety to control your path. 
Hang in there... baby steps...ask away, we are happy to help!

Hi Jayfaye-
I think I will post my personal experience, and then include an additional post with some church guidance on the subject.  I am a man, so I'm on the opposite side of the coin. I don't know you or your husband, so my experience is personal and may have zero similarities to your situation. First, let me say that I'm sorry that you and your husband are experiencing a "difference" of opinion. For the moment it may feel like he sees black and you see white. That is not to say that at some future point you "both" can't see grey together. Is it him that needs to change or is it you? In reality it most likely is "both" of you that need to change some version of your views. Let me explain. 
I have felt this way before: "He doesn't feel capable of having more .... He cringes at the thought of more babies."
I grew up in a family of 6 children. I spent my life playing/doing stereotypical guy things: GIJoe, guns, snakes, forts, climbing trees, skateboards, etc. My 3 sisters in contrast spent a lot of time: playing house, Cabbage Patch kids, babysitting, playing dress up, Barbie, etc. I hate to admit it but I wasn't really groomed for my own kids in the future. My sisters on the other hand had "I have always, always wanted more than two." In contrast my sisters were groomed  more towards having children. 
Fast forward to me being married. Sure my wife and I in our young naive years talked in passing about "how many children do you want?". We both said around 5-6. What did we know, we never raised kids before? It was an easy answer at the time. 
After our 2nd child, I felt much like your husband, but the question is "why" did I feel like your husband. Do you know why your husband feels "incapable"? Do you know why he "cringes"? Do you know why he "does not enjoy small children"? Since I can't speak for your husband, let me share with you "why" I felt these ways:
1. TIRED: I was tired. I was tired all the time. Tired, tired and more tired again. I worked full time and "felt" like I came home only to relieve my tired wife so she could rest, but I never felt like I was getting rest. We don't do our best work as humans when we are tired. We can be quick to anger, quick to judge and often times become hostile towards whatever it is that is making us tired... in this case it was "small children". 
2. SELFISH: It "seemed" to me that I had lost my free time. All efforts were diverted to raising the kids: diapers, bath time, feeding, Dr. appt, missed classes at church, etc. Where was some time for "me"? I felt like I had lost it and again looked to blame the source of my perceived problem.
3. JEALOUS: I was no longer the attention of my wife. My wife's attention "felt" like it had all shifted to the babies, BUT what about me?? Our discussions were always about the "kids", but what about "us" and our marriage? Our date nights evaporated. Our sex life seemed spotty at best, we were both tired and she didn't feel sexy and not in the mood. My eternal companion felt like she had abandoned ship and went off with the kids. I felt only like a "bread winner" and not much more. She was off at play groups (support groups) for other young mothers... who did I have? Again, who was to blame for my marriage feeling distant?  Of course it was those small kids again, so I "thought".
4. DEPRESSION: being tired, selfish and jealous can only go on for so long before some version of "life kind of sucks" creeps in. 
So...
Did I want more kids? Um...Nope. My naive notion of 5-6 kids evaporated quickly. I wanted sleep, free time and my wife back more THAN I wanted yet another kid. The thought of more babies only = more tired, less free time, and less of a wife. 
Because you and your husband see black and white on this, you may need to step in and figure out the art of compromise. He wants 2, you want 4... perhaps you end up with 3 instead. My wife and I have 4 children, not 5-6, AND that is fine. Perhaps we might adopt in the future, but for now 4 is where we are at. I wish I could report that my wife and I really, truly discussed this in-depth during the time of 4 babies, but we didn't. It was only after the fact did we really come to terms on how to communicate clearly and identify root causes. You are in a unique position that you are seeking help "now". I would suggest speaking with your husband and getting to the very-very bottom of why he has made the choice that has. Don't settle for a surface answer, but dig until you clearly understand why. You may not like what he has to share, but at least you will really understand. In addition, once others have posted...invite your husband to read this thread with you. We are a neutral third party, and as such this thread my act as the catalyst to spark a more in-depth, less confrontation discussion. 
Next post will contain a more spiritual response vs. my imperfect human example. 

Hi Jayfaye-
I think I will post my personal experience, and then include an additional post with some church guidance on the subject.  I am a man, so I'm on the opposite side of the coin. I don't know you or your husband, so my experience is personal and may have zero similarities to your situation. First, let me say that I'm sorry that you and your husband are experiencing a "difference" of opinion. For the moment it may feel like he sees black and you see white. That is not to say that at some future point you "both" can't see grey together. Is it him that needs to change or is it you? In reality it most likely is "both" of you that need to change some version of your views. Let me explain. 
I have felt this way before: "He doesn't feel capable of having more .... He cringes at the thought of more babies."
I grew up in a family of 6 children. I spent my life playing/doing stereotypical guy things: GIJoe, guns, snakes, forts, climbing trees, skateboards, etc. My 3 sisters in contrast spent a lot of time: playing house, Cabbage Patch kids, babysitting, playing dress up, Barbie, etc. I hate to admit it but I wasn't really groomed for my own kids in the future. My sisters on the other hand had "I have always, always wanted more than two." In contrast my sisters were groomed  more towards having children. 
Fast forward to me being married. Sure my wife and I in our young naive years talked in passing about "how many children do you want?". We both said around 5-6. What did we know, we never raised kids before? It was an easy answer at the time. 
After our 2nd child, I felt much like your husband, but the question is "why" did I feel like your husband. Do you know why your husband feels "incapable"? Do you know why he "cringes"? Do you know why he "does not enjoy small children"? Since I can't speak for your husband, let me share with you "why" I felt these ways:
1. TIRED: I was tired. I was tired all the time. Tired, tired and more tired again. I worked full time and "felt" like I came home only to relieve my tired wife so she could rest, but I never felt like I was getting rest. We don't do our best work as humans when we are tired. We can be quick to anger, quick to judge and often times become hostile towards whatever it is that is making us tired... in this case it was "small children". 
2. SELFISH: It "seemed" to me that I had lost my free time. All efforts were diverted to raising the kids: diapers, bath time, feeding, Dr. appt, missed classes at church, etc. Where was some time for "me"? I felt like I had lost it and again looked to blame the source of my perceived problem.
3. JEALOUS: I was no longer the attention of my wife. My wife's attention "felt" like it had all shifted to the babies, BUT what about me?? Our discussions were always about the "kids", but what about "us" and our marriage? Our date nights evaporated. Our sex life seemed spotty at best, we were both tired and she didn't feel sexy and not in the mood. My eternal companion felt like she had abandoned ship and went off with the kids. I felt only like a "bread winner" and not much more. She was off at play groups (support groups) for other young mothers... who did I have? Again, who was to blame for my marriage feeling distant?  Of course it was those small kids again, so I "thought".
4. DEPRESSION: being tired, selfish and jealous can only go on for so long before some version of "life kind of sucks" creeps in. 
So...
Did I want more kids? Um...Nope. My naive notion of 5-6 kids evaporated quickly. I wanted sleep, free time and my wife back more THAN I wanted yet another kid. The thought of more babies only = more tired, less free time, and less of a wife. 
Because you and your husband see black and white on this, you may need to step in and figure out the art of compromise. He wants 2, you want 4... perhaps you end up with 3 instead. My wife and I have 4 children, not 5-6, AND that is fine. Perhaps we might adopt in the future, but for now 4 is where we are at. I wish I could report that my wife and I really, truly discussed this in-depth during the time of 4 babies, but we didn't. It was only after the fact did we really come to terms on how to communicate clearly and identify root causes. You are in a unique position that you are seeking help "now". I would suggest speaking with your husband and getting to the very-very bottom of why he has made the choice that has. Don't settle for a surface answer, but dig until you clearly understand why. You may not like what he has to share, but at least you will really understand. In addition, once others have posted...invite your husband to read this thread with you. We are a neutral third party, and as such this thread my act as the catalyst to spark a more in-depth, less confrontation discussion. 
Next post will contain a more spiritual response vs. my imperfect human example. 

Hi Jayfaye-
I think I will post my personal experience, and then include an additional post with some church guidance on the subject.  I am a man, so I'm on the opposite side of the coin. I don't know you or your husband, so my experience is personal and may have zero similarities to your situation. First, let me say that I'm sorry that you and your husband are experiencing a "difference" of opinion. For the moment it may feel like he sees black and you see white. That is not to say that at some future point you "both" can't see grey together. Is it him that needs to change or is it you? In reality it most likely is "both" of you that need to change some version of your views. Let me explain. 
I have felt this way before: "He doesn't feel capable of having more .... He cringes at the thought of more babies."
I grew up in a family of 6 children. I spent my life playing/doing stereotypical guy things: GIJoe, guns, snakes, forts, climbing trees, skateboards, etc. My 3 sisters in contrast spent a lot of time: playing house, Cabbage Patch kids, babysitting, playing dress up, Barbie, etc. I hate to admit it but I wasn't really groomed for my own kids in the future. My sisters on the other hand had "I have always, always wanted more than two." In contrast my sisters were groomed  more towards having children. 
Fast forward to me being married. Sure my wife and I in our young naive years talked in passing about "how many children do you want?". We both said around 5-6. What did we know, we never raised kids before? It was an easy answer at the time. 
After our 2nd child, I felt much like your husband, but the question is "why" did I feel like your husband. Do you know why your husband feels "incapable"? Do you know why he "cringes"? Do you know why he "does not enjoy small children"? Since I can't speak for your husband, let me share with you "why" I felt these ways:
1. TIRED: I was tired. I was tired all the time. Tired, tired and more tired again. I worked full time and "felt" like I came home only to relieve my tired wife so she could rest, but I never felt like I was getting rest. We don't do our best work as humans when we are tired. We can be quick to anger, quick to judge and often times become hostile towards whatever it is that is making us tired... in this case it was "small children". 
2. SELFISH: It "seemed" to me that I had lost my free time. All efforts were diverted to raising the kids: diapers, bath time, feeding, Dr. appt, missed classes at church, etc. Where was some time for "me"? I felt like I had lost it and again looked to blame the source of my perceived problem.
3. JEALOUS: I was no longer the attention of my wife. My wife's attention "felt" like it had all shifted to the babies, BUT what about me?? Our discussions were always about the "kids", but what about "us" and our marriage? Our date nights evaporated. Our sex life seemed spotty at best, we were both tired and she didn't feel sexy and not in the mood. My eternal companion felt like she had abandoned ship and went off with the kids. I felt only like a "bread winner" and not much more. She was off at play groups (support groups) for other young mothers... who did I have? Again, who was to blame for my marriage feeling distant?  Of course it was those small kids again, so I "thought".
4. DEPRESSION: being tired, selfish and jealous can only go on for so long before some version of "life kind of sucks" creeps in. 
So...
Did I want more kids? Um...Nope. My naive notion of 5-6 kids evaporated quickly. I wanted sleep, free time and my wife back more THAN I wanted yet another kid. The thought of more babies only = more tired, less free time, and less of a wife. 
Because you and your husband see black and white on this, you may need to step in and figure out the art of compromise. He wants 2, you want 4... perhaps you end up with 3 instead. My wife and I have 4 children, not 5-6, AND that is fine. Perhaps we might adopt in the future, but for now 4 is where we are at. I wish I could report that my wife and I really, truly discussed this in-depth during the time of 4 babies, but we didn't. It was only after the fact did we really come to terms on how to communicate clearly and identify root causes. You are in a unique position that you are seeking help "now". I would suggest speaking with your husband and getting to the very-very bottom of why he has made the choice that has. Don't settle for a surface answer, but dig until you clearly understand why. You may not like what he has to share, but at least you will really understand. In addition, once others have posted...invite your husband to read this thread with you. We are a neutral third party, and as such this thread my act as the catalyst to spark a more in-depth, less confrontation discussion. 
Next post will contain a more spiritual response vs. my imperfect human example. 

I had not thought about this term before like this, however, I have heard plenty of discussion about the free agency bit. Many folks getting upset that "it wasn't free you know!" yikes. 
My little ears tend to notice priesthood blessing that are done by the "power" of the priesthood vs. the "authority" of the priesthood. Funny how we all kind of pick up on different things.

I'll add some thoughts to @flameburns623 post. The decline in interest towards "organized" religion is not just a Mormon issue. This is a trend that most organized religions in America and Europe are facing right now, this is nothing unique to the LDS church, though it may feel that way some times since we are primarily involved with the affairs of LDS church.
Since flameburns referenced books dealing with faith crisis, I'll quote from one:
"many places, including western Europe and America, have witnessed steady declines in religious belief, affiliation, and confidence. A number of recent studies have pointed to the rise of the "nones" (category/group) as one of the most significant religious developments in modern America. When asked about their religious affiliation in a survey, these are the people who respond "none". The nones - not to be confused with nuns - are not necessarily agnostics or atheists. In fact, they often describe themselves as "spiritual but not religious". Many report they they still believe in God and retain some kind of personal spiritual practice but at the same time choose not to affiliate with any kind of organized religion." - Planted, P. Mason.
Surprisingly the people who consider themselves "religious/spiritual" is increasing, BUT those who go practice it with organized religion is down. Americans used to place high confidence in organized religion. That appears to have declined in the mid 1980s. "A series of scandals" involving televangelist, Catholic sex scandals, religious inspired terrorism have all appeared to add to the decline in the confidence that Americans have in organized religions. Perhaps for some they could add our stance on gay marriage to that list too.
So again, Americans actually have a rise in the desire to be spiritual but don't seem to trust in places where they can go to express it... AND this is not unique to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints despite what some people might try to allude to or exaggerate upon. 

What happened to loving all of God's children - Including life-time members who are still sinners like everyone else.
Clearly there can be some issues with how early return missionaries are treated...  But those issues crop up because people are sinners and life-time member are still people.

But that's not true, either.
Take evolution. Joseph Field Smith and his son-in-law, Bruce R. McConkie, taught the evolution was a false notion, but the Brethren have thrice given us statements that the Church has no official position on evolution except that man, that is, Adam, was not the product of evolution.
On the other hand, B.H. Roberts, as a Seventy (one of the Presidents) spoke on the matter (in favor of evolution) but stopped when Joseph F. Smith told his son and Elder Roberts to stop their bickering over the matter. Elder Roberts stopped, Elder Smith did not. but when he became the prophet, he spoke no more on the matter at all.
President McKay was the last to say that we are not anti-evolution, but many of  us believe that we are, officially.
Not all we hear in Conference is "doctrine". It is usually correct, but we cannot rely solely on the venue to state that it is doctrine.
Lehi

Here's a good description http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/approaching-mormon-doctrine
2 Nephi 32 is a good scriptural definition of it, and Christ describes it Himself in 3 nephi 11.
D&C 68:1-5 backs up 2 Nephi 32.
A sustaining vote is required for ordinations, officers and canon, and these are all sources of doctrine according to the sources I listed.

There are some really beautiful ornate cabbages too. Well, I've always seen the temple grounds looking beautiful across the world, so hats off to your hubby for his part in it!

Perfect answer @Jane_Doe!

Hey there an Ask Gramps answer just came out about my question!  
http://askgramps.org/allowed-bring-pen-paper-celestial-room/

To find a ward and meetinghouse, type your address in here: https://www.lds.org/maps/meetinghouses/
If you want, you can even use it to specifically find the nearest English speaking ward,
 
To find missionaries, there's a couple of ways:
https://www.mormon.org/missionaries  and request a visit (it usually takes them a few weeks to get back to you).
I don't know if the chat feature can help you out: https://www.mormon.org/chat
Your could visit/call your local ward/meetinghouse and request the missionaries phone numbers
Try to get a hold of someone in the mission and have them point you in the right direction.  For example, you could email them.
[email protected]  is the South Seoul mission, or you can try another based on where you are.
 
 

Or maybe God set it up that way as a test of Faith.
Because if you truly have faith in Christ you wouldn't need to understand anything more then his promise that no blessing would be denied those that humbly and faithfully follow him.
There are many that claim that they have faith... but then want the path they are to fully illuminated and given to their understanding before they act...  While understandable that is not faith... that is logic and reason
True faith is when we jump out into the darkness because God told us to...  trusting in his promises as our only assurance.

Reece,
to add my two cents:
You could say that in Mormon theology that really everything comes down to being about the temple. The ultimate aim of this life is to be baptized, and be married for eternity. So that's a big reason why the church focuses on temple so much.
I disagree that the temples themselves are extravagantly costly. Not compared to many Catholic cathedrals, by comparison. Temples are made to the standard of a nice typical US living room. Now, if you think we are building too many temples, then you have a point about the expense, because that adds up. But as I said, the temples are central to our religion, so I don't think the church is building too many. They build as many as church members will utilize, and no more.
The time spent in temples is apparently one of the most important things that goes on in this world. Everyone must have their temple ordinances done, whether in person or vicariously. This point is clear from the teachings of the prophets. People who do temple work are doing a great, Christian service. It is one of the best things you can do with your time - its is a blessing for eternity.
About the ideal family - yes, the church teaches the ideal, which is the traditional family with a father, mother, and kids. They must teach the ideal. If you think church members are sometimes insensitive to families that don't fit the ideal, then I think you are right.
However, the thing is, as you said, it will all work out. Sorry to repeat that, but it's true.
Going to the temple to be "sealed" isn't actually the goal - it's going to the temple to be sealed, AND THEN having that ordinance sealed by the Holy Spirit, which is not automatic, and depends entirely on your faithfulness to your covenants and living the gospel. We call it "being sealed in the temple," but the actual real sealing comes later, and is something God decides to grant you.
The important thing is to live the gospel in whatever circumstance you find yourself, and work toward the ideal goal, whether that happens sooner or later. Faithfulness is the key to it "all working out."
 
 

You've asked a lot of good questions here Reece, I'll try to address them all--
* Your parent's sealing-- your parent's sealing will be done, whether it by them in this life or vicariously afterwards.  Yes, I see that you posted they are currently divorced: in the highly probable event they don't get back together in this life, the sealing will still be done vicariously.   Does this mean that they have to honor it and get back together?  Of course not!  But they have the option if they choose it (our God is a God of having choices and not of forcing).  Will maybe your dad be sealed to your step-mom?  Maybe, if that is his choice.  
* Now, whether or not your parents choose to accept and honor the sealing ordinance is the next question.  Let's say that they do: yeah!  If they don't: then that is their choice and God will force no one to accept His gifts.  When will we know if they did/didn't accept?  Judgement day-- which is the answer for your parents, me, and everyone else in this world (men can never Judge another).
* "But what if they don't? Am I going to punished because they didn't?"   No, you will not be punished if your parent's don't accept their sealing.  Will you miss them if, or be sad about their choices?  Quite probably.  Will you be overall happy?  Beyond your wildest dreams--- the Lord takes care of His.  
 
Did I manage to hit your main questions?

So you priorities the living over the dead?   While I understand that mindset I think it is because you don't understand the magnitude of the numbers and the suffering that exists beyond death.
How many hundreds of millions have died without the ordinances of the gospel?  How many of those numbers have been taught the gospel since the Lord opened up the spirit world to missionary work two thousand years ago?  How many are stuck knowing the truth of the gospel but being unable to progress because their ordinance work has to be done vicariously by the living and that has only been going on in limited numbers for two hundred years?
There is a huge back log of human suffering that only the temple can fix... and you want less time and effort put toward it?  That show a limited vision of what the Lord is doing.
 
 
 
 
 

The Lord means the families to be forever. It is a crucial part of His plan of hapíness for us. Free agency is also an important aspect of the plan, so we need to consider what the LORD wants and what WE want in this matter. If you feel bothered that your parents aren't sealed, it's a just feeling and worth considering. Their agency at the moment of not being sealed can't and shouldn't influence YOUR agency of having your own sealed famaly, though. For instance, my parents are sealed but not active. I feel bad about it, but it's their choice at the moment. I love them and always tell them how great our Heavenly Father's love for us all is and encourage them to become active in the gospel. All in all, it's their choice, their agency. Me? I have been working on having my family sealing made sure. My wife and I work every single day on our celestial marriage and the spiritual welfare of our children. I'm using my agency to work this out and although I kinda suffer with my parents's absence, I'm happy to be on the way to Heaven. 
About the temples, they are the Lord's house. They belong to Him and that is what matters to me. The pattern for the temples since ancient times has always been this: the house of the Lord must be the best place on earth. You may think temples are extravagant, but what they really are is a piece of Heaven on Earth. Please, think about that.
Love you 

I don't see them as extravagant or expensive at all. Do they cost a lot of money to build? Of course, all buildings do. The interior though is not extravagant, but fitting for the beauty that is symbolic of what the temple is for. Not just because it is a house of God, but because of the purpose behind the ordinances performed and the symbolism behind everything. 

The official church essay on this topic is great, https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints?lang=eng
Brian and Laura Hales have also recently put out some great books on this. Their summary volume is https://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Smiths-Polygamy-Toward-Understanding/dp/1589587235/

This is the topic of one of the church's essays on lds.org.
"Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo": https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng
(underlining mine)

He and Helen Marr Kimball were not husband and wife, were not "married". She was sealed to him more as a daughter than anything else. She went to dances in Nauvoo where other men were interested in her as a potential wife. Joseph did not object in the least because she was not and he did not see her, as a wife.
The issue of Joseph's sealings to women other than Emma is rather complicated because we have two separate and, to us in the more mature Church, distinct types of sealings. For them, in the mid XIX, a sealing was a sealing. We see sealings as being to a spouse or to a child. They used the sealing power to create "dynastic" ties between families, especially to men like Joseph or Brother Brigham.
Not all sealings were "spousal". This is one of the reasons that I see sealings as being a way to connect the entire family of Adam back to him. Each of us, sealed to our fathers and mothers, is also sealed to our brothers and sisters, and to our spouses and our children and to our cousins and uncles and great-great grandmothers, and to our third and fifth cousins, and to our spouse's fifth cousins and their children's children.
People will take any chance to malign the prophets and other servants of God. Satan hates us.
Lehi