AnnieCarvalho

No, I don't miss the point at all.
I agree the best course of action is probably not to call names.
Reporting the bullying to the moderators, or simply giving a little kind support to the person being attacked is probably a better course of action. 

No, I don't believe that.
There is a difference between bullying and disagreeing.
People can disagree in a kind and respectful manner.

Gosh, I didn't feel she was "railing against the church" - she was reaching out for some help.
 
Instead she gets verbally slapped upside the head and told she needs an attitude adjustment.
 
(I'm editing and re editing because what I WANT to say isn't very nice)
 
Pam gave the best advice in my opinion:
 
 We can't help others effectively if we aren't taking care of ourselves as well.  I think we can get to a point that we just have to say no to some of these activities.  Especially if it is affecting our own family unit.

Seems like you may feel like your husband is getting guilted into all these activities.
I hear you - you and he both are feeling burnt out!
 
It's easy to get burnt out and there is only so much a person can do.
How many official callings does he have?
 
I think you and your husband might want to have a sit down serious prayer and talk session.
 
I think you made the right choice in visiting your sister. 
 
Perhaps making a written list of "What is scheduled for next month" and then sitting down with him and prioritizing it might help?
 
Maybe something like 1) God, 2) Family, 3) Church Activities
 
But then, these are just things I think... in the end, the two of you have to decide what's most important to you and your family.

I feel people are twisting her words. 
 
She said
 
"After laughing at people who called the Church a cult all my life, now I'm feeling like I'm actually in one.
I do not believe that the LDS Church is a cult! I love the Church. "
 
There are many definitions of the word "cult" and she states that may not be the correct word.  The British Dictionary definitions for cult include the following. The last definition may be the way she is FEELING, that certain members of her branch or ward are pushing her husband to do more than he is physically and emotionally capable of doing and still maintain a healthy family life.FEELINGS aren't facts. They are FEELINGS and they are valid, no matter how far from the facts they seem.This is not the first time I've heard this complaint. LDS members have a pretty high rate of burnout, in my experience. And a burnt out Priesthood Leader or his wife are not good to anyone.  They certainly don't need more guilt poured on. 
cult /kʌlt/ noun1.a specific system of religious worship, esp with reference to its rites and deity2.a sect devoted to such a system3.a quasi-religious organization using devious psychological techniques to gain and control adherents

Gosh, I didn't feel she was "railing against the church" - she was reaching out for some help.
 
Instead she gets verbally slapped upside the head and told she needs an attitude adjustment.
 
(I'm editing and re editing because what I WANT to say isn't very nice)
 
Pam gave the best advice in my opinion:
 
 We can't help others effectively if we aren't taking care of ourselves as well.  I think we can get to a point that we just have to say no to some of these activities.  Especially if it is affecting our own family unit.

No, I don't miss the point at all.
I agree the best course of action is probably not to call names.
Reporting the bullying to the moderators, or simply giving a little kind support to the person being attacked is probably a better course of action. 

I think the difference is in this paragraph:
 
Bullies use unsubstantiated personal attacks to denigrate their victims.  Often, they make fun of their victim’s intelligence, twist his/her words, get everyone to laugh at him, and in doing so isolates and degrades their target.  In this way, their victim is neutralized, and serves as a strong reminder to everyone of the bully’s or the bully GROUP’s power. 
 
For example, if a person points out the flaws and weaknesses of another's arguments, is that "bullying"?
 
No.
 
 If a person brings his or her own experiences or quotes scripture or studies in substantiation of his/her opinion, is that bullying? 
 
No.
 
If more than two people disagree with a given poster, are they "ganging up" on him/her in a bullying manner, or are they simply expressing their (perhaps deeply held) opinion to the contrary?
 
No.

No, I don't believe that.
There is a difference between bullying and disagreeing.
People can disagree in a kind and respectful manner.

I spent some time in the wee hours this morning thinking about forum bullying.  Maybe some on the forum, myself included, might benefit from the information I found online about forum bullying, definitions, and solutions.
* * *
 
Forum bullies are self-appointed protectors of their own sometimes twisted truth and detail. They are belligerent, in-your-face, combative, sarcastic, cynical, projecting an air of superiority, and have an extensive vocabulary they use to cow those they are addressing. 
 
Verbal bullying is their main joy in life. They thrive on it.
 
Most forum bullies are compensating for something lacking in their life, something they are missing such as respect, friends, social graces, sex, etc.   Maybe they’re PO’d because they’re bald or short. Maybe nobody validates them in the real world. Or maybe they’re just nasty people who didn’t get enough love as a child.
 
Forum bullies feel compelled to address every single thread they disagree with. They are like a moth to a flame. They MUST respond because the other guy is an idiot and doesn’t know what he or she is talking about, and someone (meaning them) must right the injustice done and squash the false information being disseminated by THAT idiot. They continue to come back and back and back until their opponent either gives up and walks away out of disgust or sadness.
 
Forum bullies probably don’t have much of a life and not many true friends.  If they have a wife or husband, or children, they most likely treat that person the way they treat people online.
 
Bullies use unsubstantiated personal attacks to denigrate their victims.  Often, they make fun of their victim’s intelligence, twist his/her words, get everyone to laugh at him, and in doing so isolates and degrades their target.  In this way, their victim is neutralized, and serves as a strong reminder to everyone of the bully’s or the bully GROUP’s power. 
 
Bullies rule through fear. Most forum members will sit back in silence because they can’t - or aren’t willing - or aren’t emotionally prepared or just don’t want to deal with an attack on THEM by the forum bully. That fear strengthens the bully. He/she knows nobody is going to stand up and challenge him/her.
 
Bullies usually attack weak or new targets.
If you come to a forum with a heavy heart, deep concerns, uncertain, or emotionally vulnerable, and there is a bully present, you more than likely will end up on a serving plate. New members  are a bully’s favorite because they are new, unproven, and do not yet have a support system. They are alone – and therefore easier to hunt-down and DESTROY!
 
It reminds me of putting a new hen into my henhouse. The leader of the pack will attack her, chasing her away from food and water, not allowing her to roost, pushing her to the bottom of the flock, killing her if she resists. 
 
Why are people bullies?
 
There might be many reasons.
Perhaps that is the way they were reared, being exposed to violence and rudeness. They weren’t reared with manners or common sense.
 
They get a thrill out of verbally beating up people online for no reason except their own twisted entertainment and feelings of superiority. For them, beating the heck out of someone is like getting points of power in a video game.
 
The most common reason bullies prevail is because nobody will stand up to them or report them.
 
Bullies are often cowards who are full of talk; immature adults who never quite grew up and need to fill an empty void in their hearts by beating people up online without being challenged.
 
How to Deal with Forum Bullies
 
SPEAK UP!
Complain to the owners of the forum.
Every single time you see a bully step out of line, complain.
Report it.
Do not get involved with name calling or sink to the level of the Forum Bully
When you see a Forum Bully attack someone, report it, every single time.
Do not stop.
Eventually, and hopefully, they will cease or be evicted.
 
Ask yourself – why are you here? Is there benefit to staying?
No?
Well, before you leave, ask yourself if it might be worth staying?
 
It might be that if just a few “nice people” start standing up to the bullies, the entire tone of the forum could brighten and transform into a place where people can find Christ’s love instead of an emotional or verbal beating.
 
Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just not worth the effort to get involved.
You have to choose.
 
Do you really want the forum to be an arena where people with problems are “put in their place? “
 
Or do you want this to be a safe place where people with problems can come to bounce off ideas, maybe find solutions to things that are eating at them?
 
Do you want this to be a place where investigators can rub shoulders with real members of the church, and get answer so their questions, even if you’ve heard those questions a million times in anti-LDS literature? Even if you suspect them of having ulterior motives. Even if...
 
If you want this to be a safe place, a friendly place, a place of Christ-like love, then maybe you might want to lock arms and speak up more often when you see people being bullied.  
 
Will I become a member of the thousands who have tossed up their hands and left?
I hope not.
I feel there is great value here and a wonderful opportunity to be a firm, but kind, example of a Latter Day Saint.
 
I've fallen short, I know.
I'm going to try harder.
 
(edited so as not to point fingers)

After reading the Prayer for Veterans today, I thought I'd share an experience I had this morning.
 
I was out around 5 am doing some errands and stopped for breakfast.
It was so early, the only people there were myself and 3 policemen.
As I was eating, the 3 policeman finished up and got ready to leave.
 
My grandfather and stepfather were policemen.
My other stepfather (after the first one died) was Chief of Police.
I have great respect for the police.
 
I stopped them and thanked them for all they do for us.
I was delighted by the smiles on their faces as I shook hands with all three.
One commented it was nice to be appreciated.
 
I realize there are a few bad cops out there, but I truly believe most of them are in it for the right reasons.
And it's a difficult job.
 
So I guess I'd say, while you're thanking Veterans, maybe thank any person in uniform, including Police, Sheriff, Firefighters EMTs, Nurses, and CNAs, etc. 
 
I appreciate their service as well.

Yes, and I imagine there will be many self-righteous people who are gobsmacked to find out they've been tossed out with the tares! 

Most of the people who are screaming about this issue have no association with the Church whatsoever. Those people need to sit down and mind their own business, in my opinion. They've never been members, have never had a desire to be members, and so this has no affect on them at all. They need to look for another church if they are seeking.
 
But there are some I know of who will be affected by this because they have been active members. I honestly haven't seen much posted by those people. I imagine they're prayerfully considering what this means to them, rather than holding picket signs.
 
Many of those people, I believe, don't have an 'agenda' except perhaps they're afraid for their children and feeling pressed to find answers.
 
One of my questions, for instance, about a couple I know of who have adopted children, and who have been active in the Church, would be what it would mean if the only parents the children have ever known were forced to "divorce" or split up in order to stay active. Seems to me a loving gay family might be better than no family at all. But maybe that's not true. These are the things that bother me about the decision.
 
I'm not saying the Church is wrong.
I support the decision so please don't assume I do not.
I am not sure I LIKE the decision, but I support it. 
I just am wondering what those who ARE affected by this are thinking . . . 

Since paganism and other religions preceded Christianity, I don't feel it is strange that many of our Christian or secular  holidays have pagan roots. I look at some of them more as 'cultural' holidays, personally. It's pretty common knowledge that often, pagan holidays were given a veneer of whatever religions happened to be the religion of the conquerors, in our case, Christians.
 
I know there are many examples of General Authorities speak about holidays such as Christmas, Halloween and characters with pagan roots such as Santa Claus (Krampus!), with fondness.
 
I haven't personally heard of any speaking out against those.
 
What I've learned from my own study is this:
 
Christmas = Yule. The birth of the SUN child after the long dark winter without seeing it
 
Groundhog Day =  Bride/Imbolc. The first stirrings of Spring. The beginning of the lambing season. The day the Goddess brings the SUN to the earth's surface and the warming begins. 
 
Valentine's Day - Lupercalia 
 
Easter = Ostara/Earrach. The first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox.  Ostara's symbols are the hare and eggs. Fertility. Rebith.
 
May Day = Beltaine. In some pagan myths, this is the day the young god and goddess meet, and sparks fly. This is a fertility festival Hoops symbolizing eternal life, flowers, purification by jumping fires or driving livestock through those. The maypole  represents the erect penis (can I say penis here?).
 
Thanksgiving = Lammas/Lughnasadh/Foghar combination. Harvest celebrations around the same time of year
 
Halloween = Samhain OR Dia de los Muertes. Several cultures have a holiday around this time of year honoring ancestors. Time of death, animals were slaughtered in the cold weather, the fields were fallow, old and sick people died, it was a scary time. The days were short and dark. This is the time the goddess (pregnant with the new SUN)  left the face of the earth, leaving cold and darkness behind her.
 
This is a short list. There are others. For the most part, these are seasonal celebrations, marking astronomical dates such as the Solstices and Equinoxes.  To me, they are ingrained in our ancestral memory and many people WANT to celebrate them.  As the Church conquered the land, and the people refused to stop celebrating, it was easier to lay a veneer of Christianity on top, than to try to wipe them out.
 
That's my belief anyway, until someone convinces me otherwise.
 
I think it's what is in your heart that matters.

No, we don't know that.

In the pure sense of the word, we Latter-day Saints celebrate one holiday per week. Other than that, we have no other holidays. We simply join in with the wider world's celebrations when we consider their celebrations to be of worth.
 
If I decide that I hate Christmas (or Easter, or any other so-called "holiday") and that I and my family absolutely will not celebrate it at all, in any sense, my standing in the Church -- and more importantly, my standing before God -- is not in the least affected. That is because they are not true holidays (= holy days), but just cultural celebrations.

When I was in Grade 6 we were taught the poem, In Flanders Fields:
 
 

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
 
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
 
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
 
by John McCrae, May 1915

I'm going to be frank here. As long as I've been more thoughtful about my underwear choices, my underwear has served two large purposes: comfort and appearance (or lack thereof) under clothing.
 
Before I went through the temple, the majority of my adult underwear was... the thong. Yes, that. I actually found it comfortable and there were no panty lines.
 
I find garments quite comfortable and, by wearing the right pieces under the right clothes, I also have no panty lines.
 
Same goals met.
 
Now, that is the purely practical and non-religion aim of Backroads' underwear secrets, but I will say I have never worn daily underwear for purely sexy purposes.
 
I see your point despite my rambling off-topic bit. I just guess my point here is that underwear should be at least practical. Why are you wearing it if it's not practical and then complaining about different underwear?

Having given this more though I have a new wrinkle to add..
 
Generally we consider venting to be expressing an emotion like hate, anger, frustration...  Thus the term is colored by what we think is the most likely use of it.   But can we "Vent" other emotions?  Can we "Vent" happiness? Sadness?  Grief? Or is it limited to just what we commonly think?
 
If other emotions can be "vented" then we notice that in the scriptures God weeps.  Is not weeping the venting of sadness/grief?

I see paganism and satanism as two very different things. There's plenty of pagan roots with most holidays but nothing that i have been able to uncover with satanism, not even in my studies of Halloween. But i agree with others, make these holidays your own. It doesn't matter how others in the past or present have celebrated. Take what's good and incorporate it in your own way with what works for you and your family.

Fun and informative article: Are Halloween's roots evil and satanic?
 
One of my favorite holiday songs is not really a Christmas song, but comes from an outspoken athiest entertainer Tim Minchin.  A rather touching secular defense of the holiday, even if it is mixed with a bunch of anti-Christian sentiment.  
 
White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin
 
For the love of pete, do NOT click on his other stuff, because you'll find little besides foul-mouthed mockery of sacred things.  But his Christmas song is different.

I am not so worried about that was....  I have no control over that.  I have control over what I currently do with it, what I let it become.  To me that is the overriding factor.  If what I do with it and make it into is Good then it is Good.  If what I do with it is Bad then it is Bad.

I was thinking that yes, maybe God does vent.  Volcanos.  But that actually would be the just the earth venting.
As for destroying the wicked, the evil, I think it's unfortunate that God doesn't do it more often.  I would be happy if he did.
Do any of you remember Hank Williams.
When he sang Ramblin' Man.
What did he sing, "or I'll blow my stack."
How about a little musical interlude here to show the good nature of this thread.
You know, this is all part of why I long haul ride a motorcycle.
True country music.
dc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq3S6sgtywo

Hmmm...with all this gratitude floating around you'd think Thanksgiving was coming up or something. 

I'm still unbelieving that you just don't get why I might just be a little put off by your post.   Let me explain. This is how it came across to me.  First you take MY post about baby blessings- quote three parts of it right in a row. So you were talking to me or at least referring to MY words right? You quote the part which is the most personal and specific to my own experience and THEN proceed to tell me why what we did was "next to useless" and THEN make sure we all know that YOU did it the proper way, with grandfathers and home teachers, etc....  Then you totally ignore my calling out of your insensitivity to the REASON we did it at home. Which was because my mother was next to death.  It was approved by our bishop, a member of the bishopric was in attendance, a membership number was generated,  my son was blessed by his worthy priesthood holding father- my husband (take note Crypto- I'm a woman married to a man but I forgive you for not realizing that). It was one of the sweetest and most spiritual experiences of my life. And you proceed to ignore all that and not only NOT apologize but continue to try to be funny about it. Did you even read what I wrote?   It would less offensive if you had been only the first to gripe about home blessings but you are the third in this thread. There is NOTHING wrong with blessing a child at home if done properly! There are many, many personal reasons why it isn't always done in Lion King fashion at church. And who are you to make a judgement about that? One way is not better than another.
 
Now as for blessings of babies with gay parents- If a gay parent grew up in the church, or even if he/she didn't but would simply feel comfort from having his or her child blessed by a priesthood holding  grandfather, uncle or friend, there is nothing wrong with that either as long as a membership record isn't generated and all are in agreement and aware of that. I would think approval from the bishop wouldn't even be needed if it has nothing to do with record keeping. It's just a personal favor and a nice thing to do if they want it.  The person giving the blessing can even mention that this child will be named "Vort" if the parents want it mentioned in the prayer.  It does NO harm. It doesn't break any rules.
 
As per the interview with Elder Cristofferson:
 
Elder Christofferson: When we are talking about blessings, priesthood blessings, given to those who are ill or want a blessing of comfort or guidance, that's open to all. We would expect that to be done throughout their lifetime, from infancy on as long as that's the desire of the parents and of the child. That's something we are anxious to provide.
Michael Otterson: So if there was a grandfather, for example, who, with the permission of the parents wanted to bless a grandchild, that would be permissible, in terms of a healing blessing or blessing for sickness?
Elder Christofferson: Certainly. Certainly. Where there is any kind of need for blessing, for counsel, for help of whatever kind, that can be offered; we want to do that.