FairChild

I am glad things are looking up. Stay in contact and what you did buying food, was a very good thing.

I know if I were younger, I would accept a man such as you. It isn't your children or the divorce or the fact you didn't go on a mission that has slowed your progress in finding a suitable companion, rather I think it is the insecurities of your self and lack of trust that hinder you in the dating world.

Take your time, relax, enjoy the gospel and let yourself grow in knowledge. You don't have to have all of the answers right this second, rather it is better to understand that you are on the path that will lead you to our Heavenly Father. It may or not be in this church, but what you learn, you will find useful and good. Take that with you as you start your foundation.

It sounds as if you have several different issues to deal with. First she married a controlling, abusive man. Second is that she divorced him. Third is the affair. Fourth is the example of the children. Fifth is the worry of what others would say if they knew. Sixth is she wants you to approve of a marraige that you disagree with the conditions of it. Plus you are expected to help with a wedding with a smiling face. That does not include your worries for future problems. I think you need to concentrate on your own feelings and allow your daughter the right to make her own mistakes. It sounds as if you brought her up well, if so, she will return to her upbringing. Be the best example you can for her, her husband and your grandchildren. Decide on what you really want and use boundries. You are not required to give your blessing if you disaprove. Be kind and use lots of love. Keep doors open for later. You are not required to pay for a 2nd wedding. Talk to your grandchildren about the importance of marriage. Teach them about good and healthy relationships. Let them take the lead when they ask questions. Don't talk unhappily about your daughter or the situation to your grandchildren. Perhaps find a LDS councelor to talk your feeling out. S/he may give you some guidence on how to better cope with this situation and how to better lead your family in the paths of righteousness. Prayers and good luck to you.

Maybe there is just simply something wrong with everyone of us? Could be.

Please get the help you need. I've been there, done that, own the TeeShirt. I know it is hard to do anything when the depression gets so bad, but it really will make a difference when you get the proper help. Take care and please update us so we all won't worry so much.

Hope you come spend some time in chat with us. Welcome to the site.

I just like to think I have a hearty German appetite. It was a gift from my Grandma direct to me. Having a lot of food means I have a lot of food if I get hungry and want to eat.

I think first thing is you both need to be consistant and together on the rules you set. Set limits in place for him to visit with his friends. School grades have to be maintained, curfews maintained too. If he gets caught with drugs or using drugs, friends are gone. Just love him. He won't be this age forever.

Why are your supervisors at work involed in your personal life? I don't know what you do or where you do it at, but this whole drama needs to stop in your workplace. It's not their place to be calling these people to involve them in your situation.

I deal with long term serious depression and have lived with abusive men, my father and 2ex-husbands. The problems you describe aren't as much from the depression, rather the problems are coming from an abusive and manipulative man. My sugesstions are and I do not make them lightly, is to call your local abuse hotline. Ask what resources are available to you. Make use of them. Leave him or allow him to move out. Use a restraining order if you have to. Set very firm boundries and use them. Allow your child's father to pay child support. It's his child too and it is his personal problem. Let him handle it. Set it up through the state if you can. If he is that seriously depressed, he can get SS and depending on your income, SS will provide income for your child. You don't want your child to grow up believing that is situation is a normal and healthy one. You don't want your child to become an abuser. you don't want your child to be abused. Think seriously about suppervised visitation only for your child, at least for awhile. If your husband gets his act together and keeps it together for a long period of time, if you want, visitation can be changed. If he grows and choses to have consistantly good behavior you can get back together again. I would make good behavior to be maintained for at least one year. As you read this, I want you to think about, to understand the fact you are an abused women. Just like the kind of women you read about, see in movies or on TV. I greatly worry about your safety. I am afraid he is going to physically hurt you or your child. I had someone tell me that very same thing once and I just shook my head and said "That won't happen here." I wound up with shoulder damage and bruises within the month. It will be ok if he chooses not to get his act together as long as you get yours. Let us know what happens. I will worry about you. A lot.

P.S., you can thank me for my good avice later, when it works.

I felt like that once, wanting to leave the church because I wasn't good enough. Well, I finally understood that it was God that made me as I am. The best craftsman ever to create anything made ME. If he made me exactly as I am, then the best thing I can do is go forth and progress. It isn't easy, but it is possible. It is ok to learn how to say "no" effectively. That is a growth thing. Do what you can do and realize that it is all you can do. Take baby steps outside your comfort zone. Being able to do that will help you in your daily life, no matter what it is that life requires of you. Job, family, dating, married, children, sports, games, schooling, oh so many different things. Enjoy your life, that is important. One last question. How do you expect to become a better person if not by doing these things? You will be ok. Go for it.

Satan is working overtime here. Unless your Bishop is a trained therapist, he lacks some of the necessary skills to help you overcome the problems you are describing. A councelor can train you to use techniques that can help you control your thoughts. He may also suggestion medication that may help you keep from being so overwhelmed. You have nothing to lose by trying and the possiblity of losing your eternal family by doing nothing. I wish you well.

Do you plan on having more children before or after your tummy tuck? If you do, what would happen to the tightened skin? I think you have a great reason to have surgery. Go for it.

I went to my regular Monday night TOPS meeting and lost 5 pounds this week. I have done a good job in my food journal and drinking more plain water this past week. I feel as if I should be proud of myself.

Are you getting married because you feel guilty, or are you getting married because it is the right thing for both of you to do?

so freaky

I tell people that say I am not Christain I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and when I kneel at my children's bed for night prayers, I always say them in his name.

I have a nephew that is named Josh. I am so glad to meet you. Your English is fine. Just glad you are here. Come to the chat room and talk with us sometimes. Welcome to the rooms.

P.S. Did I mention that you are amazing?

You are a good person. There should be no reason why you should not have friendships with women. Don't worry about the length of time you have spent in the church, rather concentrate on making yourself the best possible person that you can. Make it simple. Say hello in the hallway, go to single's activities, create service projects and ask if she would be willing to help. If you worry, try going in groups. Just because a person was born in the church, s/he may not be the best of members. Enjoy the friendships. Take care and keep us updated.

I hope I can help you with this. I know it is hard to understand why some people are born disabled, in very broken bodies. I have a nephew that is 24. He was sent home from the hospital this week. He was given hospice services starting the day of his discharge. He has a multitude of problem from severe Autism, to multiple seizures, the kinds and types of seizures that they remove half of your brain because the medication doesn't control the severity or the quanity of seizures, CP, arthritus, trouble asorbing nutrition, 6 foot something if he didn't have curvature of the spine, weighs a 120 pounds when he is fat, has a feeding tube and so many other physical problems, I can't list them all. My family treasures Kenny. In his short life, he has been a most amazing teacher of the gospel. He has turned my sister fram a very self centered, self absorbed woman to a person that I greatly respect and admire. She is a person of great service and compassion. I think she is so amazing and I just dearly love her. I do believe that in the Pre-existance, some of us were so valient against Satan, that in order to gain a body that Satan could not do everything, I mean everything to tempt and lead that person over to the other side, he placed that person in a damaged body so that person could have a chance to return back to Heavenly Father's presence. I know I am not explaining it well. If you want to talk, leave me a message with your email addy or phone number and I will try my best to explain what the gospel means to me as a mother of a child with Aspergers, ADD/ADH, as well as being Kenny's aunt and my other nephew Josh who's problems are different than Kenny's, but also very severe. My sister has 4 children, 2 boys, 2 girls, each with varying handicaps and other problems. I wish you well. FairChild

Does any one want to make a support group for food and exercise? I just started with TOPS. It's a beginning.

P.S. Please keep us informed on how you and your family are doing.