weaselv12 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 So i was wondering something about dating? This new girl came to my work and she is cute in all but she inst a member she has a baby and she smokes. I was wondering if it was a bad thing to date someone like that.If their was any chance for turning those things around. I am a guy that will ignore a girl that smokes someone who has children already and not married. so ya i was just wondering? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 You marry who you date. Some people do convert due to dating. Some drag their partners down. I have a rule: If Solomon couldn't balance a relationship with a non-member successfully, I won't date 'em. However, I recognize that isn't practical for everyone. Just remember that it's dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 I always heard that if you kiss someone that smokes...its like licking an ash tray......could not tell you if thats true....:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelleDrew Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 So long as you aren't dating her with the intention of changing her or converting her, then it's your choice. "Missionary dating" is insulting to the girl you have feelings for, and rarely works anyway. Some people can date outside of their religion, other's cannot. I've seen more that could not, but that's not to say that it's not possible. Just keep in mind the following things: 1. Her habit is hard to kick, and I doubt she will do it just for you. 2. If you are dating her, you are also dating her child. Please keep that in mind, and don't go after her unless you are serious about forming a connection with her. That kid doesn't deserve to have some get run in and out of their life every other week. 3. You are also dealing with this child's dad, and that could lead to problems. Don't say I didn't warn ya. The last thing you need is baby daddy drama. So long as you keep those things in mind then you may be able to score a sincere relationship with that girl. You just need to evaluate all of the information you have about her, and about your priorities and make a choice from that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoungMormonRoyalist Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 On a scale of 1-10 how cute? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Me me, choose me! I'm not even LDS and I know the answer...'cause it's the same for most Christian groups that take their faith seriously...NO. Scriptures commands us not to be unequally yoked, and we ought not to date those who are disqualified for marriage consideration. Keeping life simple is good preventative heart care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Me me, choose me! I'm not even LDS and I know the answer...'cause it's the same for most Christian groups that take their faith seriously...NO. Scriptures commands us not to be unequally yoked, and we ought not to date those who are disqualified for marriage consideration. Keeping life simple is good preventative heart care.Hahah. You're not supposed to come out and say 'No' to someone who asks if it's okay to date outside your faith, PC! It makes them immediately defensive. I pointed out 'Uh... Y'know... Even Solomon himself wasn't wise enough to maintain a relationship with someone outside his faith' and then pointed out it was dangerous.I'm guessing that's my problem, right? "Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no" and all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DigitalShadow Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 You marry who you date. Some people do convert due to dating. Some drag their partners down.You left out a possibility. Some people happily coexist with different religious philosophies :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DigitalShadow Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 So i was wondering something about dating?This new girl came to my work and she is cute in all but she inst a member she has a baby and she smokes. I was wondering if it was a bad thing to date someone like that.If their was any chance for turning those things around. I am a guy that will ignore a girl that smokes someone who has children already and not married. so ya i was just wondering?Don't date her if you're expecting her to convert. Date her if you truly want to get to know her and see if you are compatible (religious differences aside).I'm not LDS but my wife is, so you can take my opinion for whatever you feel it is worth :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 You marry who you date. If you don't want to be married to a smoker or a lady with a kid, don't date one. You don't mention where the kid came from. Did she just let herself get knocked up out of wedlock? Where's the dad? Was there a divorce involved? These details impact the rest of her life, they're kind of important to know too. If you don't want to marry into a situation where there's visitation and another guy, don't date someone in that situation. So, the opposite is also true. If you DO want to be married to a nonmember smoker with a child and an ex-husband who will be a part of your lives, then by all means - date her. LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raulrosalez22 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Some but not all. I recently started dating a girl outside of my religion. Not sure what she is into since we have never really talked about the religion issue. It is true, you marry who you date. I am running the risk of being dragged down by her since we have different values and I am going to try and teach her some of my values. She doesnt smoke, drink, or do drugs but she does swear a lot. She has made mistakes in the past and she has told me about them. But I dont think I am someone to judge her for her mistakes. I am a convert and I also had done mistakes. Many of my friends dissaprove of me dating a non-member and advice me to date a member of the church. And I have dated member but for some reason or another things dont work out. It is just a weird situation. If it is a true feeling of love what you have for her and she feels the same then go for it. but beware of the dangers because there are many. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raulrosalez22 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Haven't you considered a mission before anything else? my new advice is that you hit the mission field before anything else. It would prepare you better for the upcoming challenges and to help you find a sweet daughter of Heavenly Father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raulrosalez22 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 hahaha funny! I came here to seek some guidance on the same matter =P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 ...This new girl came to my work and she is cute in all but she inst a member she has a baby and she smokes....Hi weaselv12, I have no advice regarding dating but, if you and this girl become friends; if you could convince her to stop smoking for the sake of her baby; that would be great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raulrosalez22 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am not dating her because she is cute. even members date other members because they are cute and their relationships fail because of that. I have never dated anybody because she is cute. I almost started dating one super gorgeous girl but I found out stuff that just wouldnt go with me. I dont think I know the "in-love" experience is. Much less I doubt I can figure out how the "love" emotion feels. How do I know I love someone if I have always been caring and respectful for others? How do I know I love one specific person more than the others around me? I am dating her because she seems to be someone of good values, a sincere and nice person. I have known her for more than a year already and until recently is that we started dating. she is honest and caring. I really could care less if she is cute or ugly, rich or poor. lucky me is that she is cute . What really caught me is knowing that her feelings come from her heart and not other desires. Just like you I am not sealed to anybody in my family nor hope that might happen. It is up to me to start that process and create an eternal family. I am not saying it will be with her I dont know since I cant foresee what the future holds for me. I will only remain faithful and aim to do as our Heavenly Father wishes for me to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 So i was wondering something about dating?This new girl came to my work and she is cute in all but she inst a member she has a baby and she smokes. I was wondering if it was a bad thing to date someone like that.If their was any chance for turning those things around. I am a guy that will ignore a girl that smokes someone who has children already and not married. so ya i was just wondering?How's your testimony? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaselv12 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Thanks all she is a 5 ish but i was just asking because i was focused on only the Mormon girls that are active and do well in there life, so i was just thinking one day that i could date someone like that and be abill to handle it and or live with it so ya thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 (edited) I would suggest that more than one divorce is the result of poorly planned, ill-conceived expectations and less than firm standards when it comes to dating. If you desire to cut hair in California, you would have to spend 6 months in class, pay $1200 and pass a day long grueling exam!! How much training and preparation do we have before marriage? Going to school and getting degrees is easier in comparison to finding and holding on to your companion for time and eternity. The world constantly bombard us with messages about "casually dating" while minimizing the pain and heartache that results when causal dating leads to hormonally driven relationships and quick marriages that end in dissaster. It is a hazard to marry somebody with whom we share nothing of what supposed to be our core life philosophy and deep rooted belief system. Whatever else is left is quite little and likely not enough to make you truly really happy throughout your life. I think Vegas offers better odds of hitting a winning trend than one being happily married to a non-believer. According to the word of the Lord, in such circumstances there is no future. I understand the complexities of demographics, which places the sisters in the Chuch at numeric disadvantage when it comes to dating. With SO MANY single sisters in the Church why do you have to go find a smoker, non-religious, single woman with a baby, of whom you know absolutely nothing to date, I wonder? Edited October 15, 2008 by Islander Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 I would advise you not to date someone you work with. That almost always ends up just being really awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unixknight Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 No offense, but it kinda sounds like you'd be dating her with the expectation that things for her would change. Which means you're not really attracted to her, you're attracted to an idealized version of her, the version of her you hope she might turn into. A lot of people have already said you marry whom you date. I'd take that a step further in saying that people don't MEAN to do that, but we do it all the time. Just ask yourself, are you dating just for fun or to find a wife? In either case but especially the latter, you should take some time to visualize life with her assuming NOTHING changes. Are you prepared to live in a house that smells like an ashtray? Do you want to be a father to someone else's child who may or may not be raised to believe in what you do? Do you want to risk never being sealed in the Temple? Do you want to have your own children raised in this environment? I'm guessing there would be a lot of "no" answers in there That being the case, it's probably best not to. I'm not against dating outside of one's religion per se, since that's how I came to know the Church, but one has to understand the disadvantages and risks associated with it. If you can live with those problems, then by all means do so if that's what you feel is right... But whatever you do, don't date her with the hope that you'll "help her" with her smoking habit or any other issues. To do so, as has been noted already, is unfair to her and an unrealistic expectation on your part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maria1981 Posted October 24, 2008 Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 I always heard that if you kiss someone that smokes...its like licking an ash tray......could not tell you if thats true....:)very true and it taste`s nasty too my parnter has now given up because of my contastant complaining about it plus thier was a no smoking rule anywhere in our house not so good in the winter,then we had kids so he gave up when i fell pregnant with my first ,brushy ur teeth after kissing her or u will be smelly too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted October 24, 2008 Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 Kissing someone that smokes isn't quite like licking an ashtray. The ashtray is much more gritty (grittier?), kind of like chewing coffee grinds. But on the pleasure scale, they're about the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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