My wife asks a qustion

[mlbrowninwa]

Hi again all. My wife and i finally talked a little about the church last night. I am not a member at this time, but have been doing alot of reading and have been thinking strongly about attending more than here and there and taking back up my talks with the missionaries. She said we were going to have problems there if i decided to attend the church due to the fact that the church is so family centered that it would cause problems as they continually try to pull her in as well. She has no desire to attend or have anything to do with the church. I told her that i have seen many references to people that are the same, but for some reason she thinks it causes big problems.

I told her that i did not think that was the case. Any church you attend would like to see the entire family there, not just one or two. I continue to pray that she will have some sort of spiritual awakening. So i told her that i was a member of this forum. I had gained so much welcomed info here. So i post this for members to respond to. Would the church and it members respect her desire not to be involved in the church?

[Connie]

Would the church and it members respect her desire not to be involved in the church?

Absolutely. I know lots of people, mostly ex-members, who do not want to be involved in the church. We take whatever level of involvement people desire. Some will come to certain activities, some want visiting or home teachers and others want nothing at all. My parent's next-door neighbors are of the want-nothing-at-all variety, so my parents are just friendly and neighborly with them and don't discuss the church.

[jolee65]

I feel that the members would except your wife not wanting to be involved in the church, people will ask but thats not uncommon, "you" will most likely have a hard time after awhile but thats just my opinion, continue to pray and do what is right for you and maybe she might like what she sees. Have the discussions at the church if she doesnt want the missionaries at your house.

God Bless and push forward:)

[NeuroTypical]

Would the church and it members respect her desire not to be involved in the church?

The church absolutely would respect her desire. So would individual members, once they learn about it.

That said, she has to have the guts to speak plainly to members. She bears the burden (or you in her place) of clearly stating that she has no desire.

I've lost count of offended nonmembers who were too weak to just speak plainly on their lack of interest. They'll invite missionaries in even though they're not interested. They'll make appointments for discussions with missionaries. They'll lie to people who ask them what they think about the church, feigning interest when there is none. And then they'll blow up eventually and scream bloody murder about "why won't these (blankety-blank) mormons leave me alone!"

If your wife is one of these people who has a problem speaking her mind, then yes, she will be constantly tormented by mormons who consider her a potential convert. If she carries the strength of her convictions and can politely tell people to take a hike and back off, then she will only have to do it once every few years (because new people in church will not know of her desires.)

I suppose if she causes a memorable enough scene that an entire ward can remember forever, she'd only have to explain it once.

LM

[Fugazi]

The church would definately respect your wife's wishes of not wanting to be a member. There is a couple in my church currently and the husband is not a member. He comes to church with her on Sundays and this morning he was even at our Christmas party this morning. We talk to him all the time about everything, but church topics.

I would recommend just to do what you feel is rig

[tubaloth]

They would, talk to the bishop and let him know your wifes feelings. With that said, I don't think everybody well also just leave her alone. With our church being a missionary church we always have hope for somebody else wanting to join, But to respect peoples agency. Just know out of the good nature of LDS people they well always want to invite her to think, partionally to convert, but more they don't want her to be left out. (with you attenting) they want to make sure that she knows she is welcome. I fear she might take that into being pressured to go. but it isn't!

[cjmaldrich]

What tubaloth said...

It is crucial that you two be supportive of each other in this. It's also important to not get offended about church things. The LDS church is extremely welcoming and your wife will probably get a lot of invitations to come, and you might even get some "pressure" (for lack of a better word) to invite her. It's not that we want to bug people and force them to do something they want to... It's more a case of us seeing how families and participation in the church fit into the grand scheme of eternity.

My brother is inactive, my sister-in-law is inactive. My parents and my sister are not members, and many of my friends back in Wyoming are not members. I can't say that any of them have ever been offended by my inviting them to church or activities, but at the same time I have to be respectful if they say no.

I'm thinking right now about the case with Laman and Lemual in the Book of Mormon. They strayed away from righteousness so much, yet had countless opportunities to get back on the right track. Sometimes they would be on the straight and narrow, and other times they would refuse. But the few times that they were in good standing never would have existed if they didn't have Nephi and Lehi inviting them to return to the right path.

[mlbrowninwa]

Thank you one and all for your responses. I will let her know them as well. I really don't know where she gets this stuff from. When i was meeting with the missionaries the last time, they were always very respectful of her not being there. They only asked once if she would like to join, but she declined and that was that. My son however joined in and even went to a couple services with me and i think he truly enjoyed it. My daughter sided with my wife and stayed out. What happened to "daddy's girl"? I believe she feels that she would be frowned upon for a lack of a better term due to the fact that she is not a stay at home mom. She is an engineer for a very large company and high up the corporate ladder for her position. She is the "bread winner" of the family now. We both work very hard and as most two income families, struggle to keep all the balls in the air. However i think we do an excellent job keeping everything going and still find time to spend together on the weekends. We both refuse to work weekends and that give us all time to reflect and reset.

Edited December 13, 2008 by mlbrowninwa

[mnn727]

I believe she feels that she would be frowned upon for a lack of a better term due to the fact that she is not a stay at home mom. She is an engineer for a very large company and high up the corporate ladder for her position. She is the "bread winner" of the family now. We both work very hard and as most two income families, struggle to keep all the balls in the air. .

My wife is also NOT a stay at home Mom and in fact she makes more money than I do, we are both members of the Church and no one looks down on her.

I kind of agree with Loudmouth Mormon, people will reach out to her but all she needs to say is that she is not interested, nobody will pressure her as long as she is straightforward about it. But if she's the type of person that won't 'tell it like it is' then yeah, she'll probably get pestered.

You will have hometeachers come over once a month, she can either participate or not be involved at all in the visits. I have home taught 3 part member families, in 1 both were involved and in the other 2 only the member was involved. No big deal either way.

Edited December 14, 2008 by mnn727

[ninjormon]

Just do what you feel is right, She will notice a change in you eventually and want to know more about why. She may or may not become intrested and any pulling would/should be done from within the family in a loving manner.

[deseretgov]

I'm sure the missionaries at least would invite her. But inviting someone is different than pushing her to attend. The church is family centered. I'm sure most people would rather see a family stay together then trying to make one spouse attend. My great Grandparents were in a similar situation My Great grandfather was JW and my great grandmother was LDS. Their compromise was no religion in the home and anyreligion you want outside the home. Not the best compromise.

[lilered]

I think it would surprise your wife if she knew the part member families in any Church ward. There are many. Some attend once in awhile with their spouse, some attend once in awhile to only one meeting, somes never attend, and others attend only when the kids are performing in something. The point is that your case is not unusual to our members and/or the Missionaries/Bishopric. As earlier indicated, she and you have some responsiblity to let her feelings be known just as we have a responsibility to honor her feelings. Believe me, no one will convert her against her will. If it ever happens, it will because of the Holy Ghost.

[amjackson1975]

I'm a new member, mother and I work, No one in my ward has anything to say about it, in fact, just last week we had someone from our LDS Employment Sevices come into Woman Relief to assist some women finding work

[bmy-]

I'm a new convert.. living at home with my family still. There has been no pressure from inside the church to get them to attend.

Exactly how it should be imo. When and if they're ready.. they know where I am and there's a few BoMs laying around.

[eternalpromise516]

i agree bmy.

[Hemidakota]

Hi again all. My wife and i finally talked a little about the church last night. I am not a member at this time, but have been doing alot of reading and have been thinking strongly about attending more than here and there and taking back up my talks with the missionaries. She said we were going to have problems there if i decided to attend the church due to the fact that the church is so family centered that it would cause problems as they continually try to pull her in as well. She has no desire to attend or have anything to do with the church. I told her that i have seen many references to people that are the same, but for some reason she thinks it causes big problems.

I told her that i did not think that was the case. Any church you attend would like to see the entire family there, not just one or two. I continue to pray that she will have some sort of spiritual awakening. So i told her that i was a member of this forum. I had gained so much welcomed info here. So i post this for members to respond to. Would the church and it members respect her desire not to be involved in the church?

It matters not but act on the promptings of the Spirit and you will be blessed.

[hankpac]

If you want to go to Church, GO!

If she wants to join you she will, if not she won't, but rather than worrying about dragging her to church, or someone pulling her to join, merely go, and be an example. If she sees your life improving by what you learn she will get interested, too.

The Church members will extend the hand of fellowship. No one will pull or drag you to Church.

Your testimony is YOURS alone.

[teddyk]

I'm sure they will not make her feel uncomfortable,I'm close to my Grandson who is the only member in my family, I know of in the LDS church, do to his active place there,LDS people are always around, I never felt any discomfort,or pressure to listen, or except being a convert.

They have always been respectfull and concerned for me, I have good reason to beleif my Grandson keeps them well informed, he is a fine person that way, and I see his passion for this church.I would not want it any other way. hope that helps, an God speed, an good luck.

[mlbrowninwa]

Thanks for all the replies. Even though she still doesn't believe it, LOL. However, I am going to continue to read and learn where i can. I do plan on starting to go again and finish my meetings with the missionaries. I'll keep you posted of my progress.

[Brother Dorsey]

Thanks for all the replies. Even though she still doesn't believe it, LOL. However, I am going to continue to read and learn where i can. I do plan on starting to go again and finish my meetings with the missionaries. I'll keep you posted of my progress.

Hi, I would like to respond to your original post first. Please tell your wife that no one in the church will talk to her about the church as long as she lets them know she is not interested. You need to assure her of this. When my wife and I were married she was not a member and had no desire to become a member. She didn't participate when the home teachers or missionaries stopped by. She was not interested in the church at all. I ran interference for her and told them she was not interested. From time to time she would ask me a question about the church and we'd discuss it but I never pressed her and it never went further than that. Eventually I got her to attend church social functions where she felt less intimidated by the members and actually enjoyed herself and met other members. Then 5 years after we were married she was baptized and is now a fully active Temple recommend holding member of the Lord's church.

Here's how you do it.

Teach by example, attend church every Sunday and keep the Sabbath holy.....fulfill all church callings....live the Gospel and be an example of a righteous Priesthood holder.

Let the Spirit guide you in your marriage, always pray and ask the Lord to bless your marriage.

Let your light shine on your family....your wife and children will see the wonderful change and the Spirit will touch them.

But just remember one thing....your family always comes first before the church, not before the Lord, but before the church.

In recent years I have seen a lot of non-member spouses join the church, some who'd I'd swear a few years before that there would be no chance. But the Lord does touch and soften hearts so the Spirit can bare testimony of the truth.

As far as replying to this last post.....

Right on man!

You can't gain a testimony of anything without studying it out and learning. Also, in this case asking the Lord what is true.

Godspeed on your journey in the Kingdom and with your family.

[Book_of_Mormon_Warrior]

1 Corinthians 7

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.