Problems at ward/EQ situation

[bjw]

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening excercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months. He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with. He calls my house at 9 or 10 at night and reads me long lists of names of HT routes, stuff that I couldn't possibly have any use for, since I get it all from the computer anyway. He changed the computer passcodes and won't give me the new ones on the phone, but wants to meet with me in person. He wants to have meetings at some of the weirdest times, like 8 am Sunday when church doesn't start until 12:30, and late on weeknights, in addition to holding weekly president visits on weeknights.

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

I definitely want to be released from the secretary calling. Frankly, I feel the masonic lodge can make better use of my time, since they do lots of community service and my research skills can be used for good in the research bodies, and I think that is a much more worthwhile useage of my time at this point. I just don't know how to go about it.

Should I flat out tell the EQ pres my problems with him and why I can no longer work with him? Should I go to the bishop or stake president and maybe explain how all my problems started from the beginning? My bishop shouted at my grandmother on the phone last week (a separate situation) and I've been trying to get an appointment with the stake pres to complain about it but the secretary won't answer me, and the bishop claimed he would apologize to my grandmother but weeks have gone by and he hasn't. I'm considering just going to the stake pres about all of it.

So, is there any advice? I would like to do this without losing my TR or getting repromanded, so any advice on the proper way to get released from the calling and letting them know how I feel would be appreciated.

[prospectmom]

requst in writing that you want to be released from your calling... Make an appointment with your Stake Pres and talk to him...

[tubaloth]

First bring up some of the concerns with the Elders Q Pres. Realizing you aren’t going to get him to change, but maybe you can come to a compromise. Tell him just that you want to meet him half way. (If you are will to).

Don’t bring up a lot of “this is how the old Pres did it” just explain that you don’t like phone calls at night. That you want to understand why you are having meetings at 8am. (It probably is because he has meetings after that, before church starts).

I would hope two men in the church can work out some of the problems. I realize not everybody is going to like or get a long with everybody in the church. But I think if the spirit is right, I think you can come to find a middle ground.

What I do expect to happen is

1. You try it out with some of these compromises.

2. He doesn’t like how demanding you are (But don’t come across that way) and he realized he needs a new secretary.

When you do get the chance to talk with the bishop. Mention some of the same things (assuming you have already talked with the Elders Q Pres.).

[Palerider]

I am surprised that you were not informed about being released. Keep in mind that when calling or releasing a Secretary for the Elders Quorum that calling does not go thru the same channel as the President and Councilors do. The calling of Secretary goes thru the Elders Quorum President.

If you are still having problems I think you need a sit down chat with new President and talk about whats bothering you instead of carrying it around.

[Dravin]

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening excercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

I've been in that situation (secretary when the EQ Presidency changed), its probably just a kink in communications. I could see both former and future EQ thinking the other would inform you and neither doing so.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months. He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with.

That might be why he's there. Either to change some of his traits or to help you learn patience... you haven't been praying for more patience lately have you?

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

I know you feel like its politics but it isn't nessicarily. I had a mission companion who was fretting over being a Zone Leader, he worked hard, he'd be good at it (I agreed with him) and it seems like others are getting 'promoted' who are less qualified. I'll repeat my advice:

People aren't nesscicarily called because they will be good at it, sometimes they are called because they will grow from it or they have a particular trait that the Lord needs there are the time even if they might generally be considered not good at it. You might be perfect but maybe others need the oportunity more, and maybe the Lord needs you to grow in other ways than that particular calling would spur.

Should I flat out tell the EQ pres my problems with him and why I can no longer work with him?

You should definitly talk to him about why you are having issues and see if you can resolve differences, nothing may actually come of up (it could though) but at least you'd have tried. Just going in and saying, "Your X, Y and Z and I can't stand working for you, I can't do it!" isn't a good idea though.

[Wingnut]

To start with, tell him that you prefer not to receive phone calls after 8:30pm (or whatever time). If he calls after that time, let him leave a message, and call him back during more appropriate hours.

Second, you don't know that you weren't considered to be a counselor. Just because you weren't called to be one doesn't mean that you weren't considered.

[bjw]

Thanks everyone that has responded so far. It really has given me the opportunity to think before doing anything rash. I think tomorrow sometime I'm going to try to talk to him.

One thing I don't understand is that he's wanting me to set up in-house visits with members in the quorum between 8 and 9 pm on weeknights, and he wants me and the two counselors to go with him. I don't understand the purpose of that and I know the last EQ pres never did this. It just seems strange and I can't help but think that some of the other EQ members may find it intrusive. I don't know, has anyone every heard of anything like this?

[pam]

Just from my perspective....meeting with members of the quorum between 8 and 9 p.m. on weeknights at their home is an intrusion on family. Many families are attempting to get kids into bed etc. That's too late for me to be having visits. Just my opinion. I know he said with quorum members...but it's still an intrusion upon the family that lives in the same home.

[pam]

One thing I wanted to add. You mentioned he has only been in the ward for a couple of months. Perhaps these visits are a way for him to get to know the Elders in the quorum.

[FunkyTown]

Pam raises a good point. Have you asked him his working situation? It could be that he is working until 7 PM and still wants to know the issues of everyone under his quorum.

I have had blustery members that aren't arrogant, but might rub people the wrong way. Sometimes, these people are just what a quorum needs. I think what you need to do is give your bishop the benefit of the doubt and assume the calling came from God, in which case this -could- be a chance for you AND him to develop yourselves. Of course, it might be an opportunity to learn problem solving skills as well - Learning to get along with someone you couldn't normally for the good of the quorum. Can you put aside your differences? Not gossip and complain to people in your ward(Including your Grandmother) and support the man in his position?

[Faded]

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening exercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months. He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with. He calls my house at 9 or 10 at night and reads me long lists of names of HT routes, stuff that I couldn't possibly have any use for, since I get it all from the computer anyway. He changed the computer passcodes and won't give me the new ones on the phone, but wants to meet with me in person. He wants to have meetings at some of the weirdest times, like 8 am Sunday when church doesn't start until 12:30, and late on weeknights, in addition to holding weekly president visits on weeknights.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time of it with the new Elder's Quorum President. Not fun.

My initial reaction to this? Sounds like the guy just got into a calling he wasn't fully ready for it and is now trying to over-compensate. I'm a life-long member and I know that I'd probably freak out if I were called as Elders' Quorum President. No doubt in my mind, I'd be a fish out of water. Some people's way of compensating is to act like they know everything and know what they are doing -- trying to project confidence when they have little or none. I know for a fact, there have been times that I've done that sort of thing myself, though certainly not to the degree you're describing. A couple positive items that you're looking at: The guy sounds very anxious to do a good job at his new calling, he just isn't realizing that you're getting run over in the process.

You're first step is to talk it through with him personally. I would try to keep a positive outlook. Let the guy know that while you appreciate his enthusiasm, he needs to calm down, be more respectful of your schedule and life circumstances, and stop acting the part of a brand new Second Lieutenant running his troops into battle. Instead, he needs to take the time to talk and work with his councilors, learn what already works and then worry about trying to make the existing system better. Wouldn't hurt him to go over Doctrine and Covenants 121:34-46 once a day until it sticks in his head.

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

Try not to question the motives of everyone. Yes, I know there is a very strong tendency to call men who are married with children to such positions. Perhaps there's some rhyme or reason behind it. Perhaps not. But the moment you let yourself feel resentful of others for the fact that you do not get X, Y or Z calling and they do, you're venturing onto thin ice spiritually. You never want to let yourself think of it that way. It doesn't help a bad situation, and letting bad feelings for the mistakes of others, whether imagined or real, isn't going to do anybody any good (especially yourself.) Remember that they are human and as such they are less than perfect. Remember that when inspiration to call people to positions comes, it is not always based upon who is most qualified. Often, the person called needed to learn from the calling.

"Where ere thou art, act well thy part." That is the best advice I can give you on the matter. Perhaps you can help the new Elders Quorum President learn to be better than he is being. I would at least make it clear to him that you intend to help and be of service, but he must be respectful of your life circumstances and schedule. Just try very hard to not approach the conversation in an accusatory manner. Putting him on the defensive isn't going to help anything. So start off with telling him that you appreciate his enthusiasm and obvious zeal for his new calling. Start on a positive note, then proceed to very tactfully tell him your concerns. Go into it with an open mind. Assume the best of him until he can thoroughly prove to you that the worst is the true reality. Pray hard and dig deep for guidance from the Lord beforehand. If you approach that conversation prayerfully and give the situation every opportunity to work, and if things are still completely unworkable (and make sure that the Lord agrees that opinion) then you'll have done everything in your power to remedy a bad situation, but were unsuccessful. Nothing more can be asked of you than that.

If the situation is still unlivable after that, from there you would go to the Bishop and start the discussion about being released, I suppose.

Do let us know how it all goes.

Edited April 8, 2009 by Faded

[Wingnut]

Thanks everyone that has responded so far. It really has given me the opportunity to think before doing anything rash. I think tomorrow sometime I'm going to try to talk to him.

One thing I don't understand is that he's wanting me to set up in-house visits with members in the quorum between 8 and 9 pm on weeknights, and he wants me and the two counselors to go with him. I don't understand the purpose of that and I know the last EQ pres never did this. It just seems strange and I can't help but think that some of the other EQ members may find it intrusive. I don't know, has anyone every heard of anything like this?

The Elder's Quorum in my ward does in-home visits with its members and their families. They go out Wednesday evenings every week. The President goes with one counselor, and the other counselor goes with the secretary. That way they cover more ground and they also aren't overwhelming to the members they are visiting. The EQP in my ward also spends half an hour after church every week conducting Personal Priesthood Interviews with the brethren in his quorum.

It's harder to assess the needs of a family when you don't know them and haven't seen their home.

It does seem odd to me to be scheduling in-home visits after 8:00pm. Someone mentioned that that is the time many people are putting kids to bed. Even if the kids are in bed earlier, it's personal, private, wind-down time for many people. However, if that's what he asks you to do, I would try setting up the appointments without letting on to other members that you disagree with it. Let them tell you it's inconvenient.

However, if you just can't sustain him, talk to the Bishop or Stake President.

(A final note: your original post sounds very defensive and even self-righteous. I would suggest toning that down.)

[WillowTheWhisp]

The Elder's Quorum in my ward does in-home visits with its members and their families.

I've never known that happen, apart from visiting less active members. Isn't it the Home Teachers who assess people' needs etc?

[Hemidakota]

I am surprised that you were not informed about being released. Keep in mind that when calling or releasing a Secretary for the Elders Quorum that calling does not go thru the same channel as the President and Councilors do. The calling of Secretary goes thru the Elders Quorum President.

If you are still having problems I think you need a sit down chat with new President and talk about whats bothering you instead of carrying it around.

Ditto...

[skippy740]

I've never known that happen, apart from visiting less active members. Isn't it the Home Teachers who assess people' needs etc?

It's called a PPI (yes, another acronym). Personal Priesthood Interview. This is only with members of the quorum. You talk about a lot of things EXCEPT worthiness issues.

Remember that the Church is not an organization "to get promoted within". It's not an organization where you get a position because (fill in the blank here).

It's an organization of service.

Here's a thought: Perhaps you need to learn how to deal with change and the new EQ president needs your support. OFFER TO HELP but be sure to bring up your concerns as well.

"Seek first to understand... then to be understood."

Just some additional thoughts for you.

[Wingnut]

The Elder's Quorum in my ward does in-home visits with its members and their families. They go out Wednesday evenings every week. The President goes with one counselor, and the other counselor goes with the secretary. That way they cover more ground and they also aren't overwhelming to the members they are visiting. The EQP in my ward also spends half an hour after church every week conducting Personal Priesthood Interviews with the brethren in his quorum.

I've never known that happen, apart from visiting less active members. Isn't it the Home Teachers who assess people' needs etc?

The home teachers are supposed to assess needs. What happens to the families who aren't being visited, however? Sometimes I wonder if my home teachers report 100% visits every month, because I can't imagine that if they reported honestly that they would still be home teachers.

It's called a PPI (yes, another acronym). Personal Priesthood Interview. This is only with members of the quorum. You talk about a lot of things EXCEPT worthiness issues.

Actually, I was referring to in-home visit with Elders Quorum families, not just PPIs. I mentioned PPIs separately. In my case, it was nice to have the EQP visit, since I've only been home taught once in nearly two years in this ward, and even then it only by one companion, who has since moved out of the ward (though the other one hasn't).

[melissar]

We have not had home teachers in the whole time we have been in the ward(over 2 years)

[Hemidakota]

I haven't seen Home Teachers in five years. Being back in my home ward, I had spoken to the Bishopric and made mentioned of this and finally, I was assigned one but the choosing of such, now that is another question I will need to solve when he finally shows up to my door step.

[Hemidakota]

One thing I can add for callings in the church: Callings come by either 'inspiration' or 'desperation'. Second, either WE NEED THE CALLING or the CALLING NEEDS US. :)

Edited April 8, 2009 by Hemidakota

[pam]

I lived for a year in a ward in San Diego. My last Sunday there I mentioned to the Bishop I had only one regret about the ward as I loved that ward. That was that in that year's time I had never had a home teaching visit. It was during a time when my kids were very small, my ex husband was in the Navy aboard a ship. There was a problem (when isn't there) with North Korea. His ship went out to sea for 5 weeks that turned into 6 months. We called it the Gilligans Island cruise. I needed home teachers.

His response to me was...I need to check into this as it was reported that you were visited every month.

Anyway, when I needed something it wasn't my home teacher I turned to..it was the Elders Quorum President. It's kind of like being the Relief Society President for the sisters...he has some of the same responsibilities but with families. Tough job.

[WillowTheWhisp]

It's called a PPI (yes, another acronym). Personal Priesthood Interview. This is only with members of the quorum. You talk about a lot of things EXCEPT worthiness issues.

I knowabout PPIs. In our Ward they tend to take place at Church but I didn't associate it with a PPI as this seemed to involve the whole family not just an interview with the priesthood holder.

On the subject of Home Teachers. I've never really had any on a regularbasis in over 25 years. At present only the inactive member of our Ward get visits (HT or VT). There are times I could really do with Home Teachers as we have no priesthood in our home. There have been a couple of times one or other of us could have appreciated a blessing but we have had to wait until we could get to Church.

[Palerider]

Thanks everyone that has responded so far. It really has given me the opportunity to think before doing anything rash. I think tomorrow sometime I'm going to try to talk to him.

One thing I don't understand is that he's wanting me to set up in-house visits with members in the quorum between 8 and 9 pm on weeknights, and he wants me and the two counselors to go with him. I don't understand the purpose of that and I know the last EQ pres never did this. It just seems strange and I can't help but think that some of the other EQ members may find it intrusive. I don't know, has anyone every heard of anything like this?

I think he is trying to get to know the members of the Quorum....he might have been given this direction from the Stake President.

[wonderingme]

He will quickly discover that trying to meet after 8pm just doesn't work. Our full-time missionaries wanted to start meeting with the families in the ward to get to know them- but only after 8pm. I was in a meeting where we tried to dissuade this. They tried and learned what your new EQ will learn- it is an extremely intrusive time of night to do this.

I think the hardest callings are ones where we have to learn to support even when we don't agree. My mother (mid 60's) was recently a counselor in YW to a very young 25ish president. In my mother's words, "she will make a great leader some day." Sometimes people need to gain the experience and sometimes gaining the experience means making mistakes. Maybe you are in your calling because you will be able to support him and offer quiet guidance.

If this is someone you really can't work with, then ask to be released.

[talisyn]

On the plus side people are usually home at about 8pm

[ReubenDunn]

I've read and re-read this thread and would like to add my thoughts here.

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening excercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

There's nothing out of the ordinary here. The president and his counsellors are stake callings, and, should the president be released, only the counsellors are informed of this and are released. As you know, secretaries are not part of the presidency in that regard. In fact, many consider secrtaries, either quorum/group/ or exec. secretaries, to be the foundation of the whole thing. They insure continuity.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months.

Have you heard of J. Reuben Clarke Jr.? In the early 1930s President Heber J Grant called him to serve as Second Counsellor in the First Presidency of the Church. The only thing was, Brother Clarke wasn't an Apostle, or a member of the First Council of the Seventy, which were the only two presiding counsels in the Church. Brother Clarke was a career diplomat. He ended serving under Presidents Grant, Smith, McKay, bi-passing those brethren of the Twelve and the Seventy who were better known, and who, on paper at least, had better qualifications.

The point here my friend is that President Grant, as well as your Stake President, according to the doctrines of the Church, prayed for and recieved Revelation to call these two men to their callings.

I'd also mention the comments of President Clarke, who, after being passed over as First Counsellor in the First Presidency, said that "In the service of the Lord, it is not where you serve but how. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one takes the place to which one is duly called, which place one neither seeks nor declines."[

He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with. He calls my house at 9 or 10 at night and reads me long lists of names of HT routes, stuff that I couldn't possibly have any use for, since I get it all from the computer anyway. He changed the computer passcodes and won't give me the new ones on the phone, but wants to meet with me in person. He wants to have meetings at some of the weirdest times, like 8 am Sunday when church doesn't start until 12:30, and late on weeknights, in addition to holding weekly president visits on weeknights.

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

I definitely want to be released from the secretary calling. Frankly, I feel the masonic lodge can make better use of my time, since they do lots of community service and my research skills can be used for good in the research bodies, and I think that is a much more worthwhile useage of my time at this point. I just don't know how to go about it.

Should I flat out tell the EQ pres my problems with him and why I can no longer work with him? Should I go to the bishop or stake president and maybe explain how all my problems started from the beginning? My bishop shouted at my grandmother on the phone last week (a separate situation) and I've been trying to get an appointment with the stake pres to complain about it but the secretary won't answer me, and the bishop claimed he would apologize to my grandmother but weeks have gone by and he hasn't. I'm considering just going to the stake pres about all of it.

So, is there any advice? I would like to do this without losing my TR or getting repromanded, so any advice on the proper way to get released from the calling and letting them know how I feel would be appreciated.

One thing I don't understand is that he's wanting me to set up in-house visits with members in the quorum between 8 and 9 pm on weeknights, and he wants me and the two counselors to go with him. I don't understand the purpose of that and I know the last EQ pres never did this. It just seems strange and I can't help but think that some of the other EQ members may find it intrusive. I don't know, has anyone every heard of anything like this?