Dont fit into any social group

[Soul_Searcher]

Does anyone know where Im coming from here? I dont feel that I have a social 'niche' as it were anywhere. We are too liberal and too 'worldly' (or normal) for church. Yet we are too religious for the world. We are seen as saints in the world, but the lower end of the 'righteous scale' at church.

It sucks. We have friends, but theres only a handful that we can truly truly be ourselves with. If we let slip a dodgy word or admit to liking a certain programme to some members, they look at you with this look that screams 'heathen!' and then hardly speak to you again. Similar story with non-members. The second you let slip you dont drink, go to church etc, you are treated as a child. 'Oooh dont say/do that around her' And you get excluded from social outings.

Its really getting my husband down as he doesnt feel he has any real friends, and Im beginning to have a very confused sense of identity as a bad girl on some days and a saint the next.

[pam]

Man I can so totally relate to this. Totally relate to it. But mine also comes from being a divorced person in the Church. While I can be accepted it's not accepted enough to be invited to get togethers that people have that involve couples.

I have pretty much learned to accept it but it still hurts at times.

[Elgama]

completely understand lol you are just you and that is good - Jesus' big issue was with hypocrites not with those being themselves

I have learned overtime that if you love people in church enough or out of church enough they love you back, remembering birthdays, sending flowers or cards when people have problems, phoning when they are not there, I also find sticking to my beliefs and finding the balance with non member friends.

-Charley

[Misshalfway]

You know.....for being Latter-day Saints who supposedly retain an eternal perspective, we sometimes completely miss the boat sometimes. It makes me mad sometimes that we can't just allow people to be where they are in their progress to Christ. We need to inflict everyone with the mormon "should" list. I think it is interesting too how people who don't understand our lifestyle struggle to know how to react to it.

Wish we would be better to each other. More tolerant of differences.

Soul_Seacher and Pam -- you are both invited to my house. We'll have great food and lots of laughter!!!

I could care less if you have a husband or a halo. :)

[Dravin]

You know its an interesting thing.

We are told to be careful about whom we associate with, to avoid negative influences but we are also told to lift others up, to be a force for good. Always leads to interesting conversations with my parents when one of my younger siblings is hanging out with people whose standards aren't up to snuff (the funny thing is, the people who my Mom wants them hanging out with could possibly say the same thing about them). I suppose it can be a tricky balance, to lift somebody up means they are on some level lower than yourself/no doing as well but somebody who is doing as well/better isn't in a position that you can help lift them.

I think in the end some people are avoided who needn't be for fear that anyone who isn't Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood is some sort of spiritual vampire. They do exists of course, but I sometimes think they are seen where they aren't.

Not sure I'm communicating this very well.

*braces for the misunderstandings*

[Misshalfway]

I was a molly mormon once ............... And you know.....I don't think that is where God wants his Saints.

I think he wants Saints who are more balanced and broad than that. Ones who have whethered a few storms and who have handled some adversity.

I don't think acting "super holy" means that one is more loving. In fact, I see the opposite.

[Tough Grits]

Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood

Holy cow!! I will probably be pummeled for laughing...but I had NEVER heard of Peter Priesthood!!! I had heard of Molly Mormon, but never knew there was a term for the boys!!!! LOL

Recently, a family member complained about cliques in the ward. I sat silently listening...thinking in my head that they were invited to MANY, MANY more functions than me and my husband had been. They were the young "it" couple, and here this person was complaining. Go figure.

I thought of this---but did not say it to my family member---it is only a clique when you are not included...but when you are included it is just a group of friends with common likes and interests getting together.

Luckily for me, I am so busy with college, work, kids, husband, etc. that I don't have to worry about not getting invited by the Molly's or Peter's (LOL).

Deep down it still hurts, but at least my excuse is that I am too busy to go anyway. ~TG

[Elgama]

there is also Ensign Woman - 19 kids and room for a few more, who manage to can everything, make everything from scratch and still look like she irons her clothes and showers everyday

-Charley

[Guest Alana]

Two major options:

1. Spend a lot of time online, especially at lds.net, where the faithful black sheep gather.

2. Move to a ward that has a lot of members, but they are all inactive, they'll be so glad to see you they won't care what shows you watch.

[hordak]

there is also Ensign Woman - 19 kids and room for a few more, who manage to can everything, make everything from scratch and still look like she irons her clothes and showers everyday

-Charley

Thou shalt not lie.

[NeuroTypical]

My wife has had good luck finding friends in the homeschool community. It's such a widely diverse group of people, they pretty much revel in the differences.

[Misshalfway]

there is also Ensign Woman - 19 kids and room for a few more, who manage to can everything, make everything from scratch and still look like she irons her clothes and showers everyday

-Charley

If there is a mythical woman out there that has all her outer AND inner crap together and who can maintain it day in and day out for the entire course of her life, then I applaud her. I find, though, that people like this can only be like this for a short season. They are either have an "I can organize" talent or they burn out or everything really isn't so ok underneath the pretty picture.

BTW.....why is the ideal mormon woman always measured by how well she cleans and dresses herself??? Trying to find a scriptural reference.....hmmmmmm.......

I don't think God made us super human - nor does he expect us to act that way. I think, instead, he wants us to know ourselves and what we can and can't do and to be cool with it. I think he wants honesty and reality. I think he wants us to lean on each other and to not be so threatened by our weaknesses OR the weaknesses in others. There is much beauty in imperfection. And it is how we deal with imperfection that I think really shows who we are.

I want friends who look at me..... the real me...and still stand by me after the analysis. I don't wanna have to prove I am good or worthy or loveable by some list of performances that I gotta display for the world every day. ANd I don't want to have to act a certain way just to make my companions comfortable so I can have friends -- and I mean that on either side of the moral argument.

I can't be perfect .... so if I teach a good lesson on Sunday and then you visit my house and I disappoint you.....well then I am sorry for you! It was your judgment that was faulty.

[talisyn]

You know its an interesting thing.

We are told to be careful about whom we associate with, to avoid negative influences but we are also told to lift others up, to be a force for good. Always leads to interesting conversations with my parents when one of my younger siblings is hanging out with people whose standards aren't up to snuff (the funny thing is, the people who my Mom wants them hanging out with could possibly say the same thing about them). I suppose it can be a tricky balance, to lift somebody up means they are on some level lower than yourself/no doing as well but somebody who is doing as well/better isn't in a position that you can help lift them.

I think in the end some people are avoided who needn't be for fear that anyone who isn't Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood is some sort of spiritual vampire. They do exists of course, but I sometimes think they are seen where they aren't.

Not sure I'm communicating this very well.

*braces for the misunderstandings*

You communicated just fine, and I agree with you. I just love the 'spiritual vampire' image I got in my head

[Tough Grits]

I want friends who look at me..... the real me...and still stand by me after the analysis. I don't wanna have to prove I am good or worthy or loveable by some list of performances that I gotta display for the world every day. ANd I don't want to have to act a certain way just to make my companions comfortable so I can have friends -- and I mean that on either side of the moral argument.

Yes, yes, and YES. When can I come over to your house????

[ploomf]

I used to be a Molly Mormon and you know what? It's exhausting, it's just plain exhausting. I just didn't have the energy to continue to be that person. I'm not perfect and it get tiring pretending to be perfect all the time. Any one who can be all the things a Mormon woman is supposed to be according to some people has my admiration because I just didn't have the energy to keep all that up.

I also understand the feeling of not fitting in. I was talking about this last night with someone, it's hard to be a single woman sometimes in the church. I go to my family ward and I just don't fit in with all the wives and mothers but I go to my singles branch and I feel like the entire purpose of the branch is to just pair me off with someone so I can start having kids and do something "meaningful" with my life.

I don’t know maybe if I had some family members in the church it would be different, I feel like sometimes they consider my lifestyle in the church to be childish and just one big joke and it’s hard to fit in with them when all their social activities revolve around alcohol and bar hopping and things like that. It’s hard to go to family activities and be the only one not drinking while everyone else is getting drunk.

Although according to one of my cousins in laws I have no hope to find a good Mormon husband unless I change my lifestyle and fast. She told me this little gem when we were both bridesmaids in said cousins wedding, she had only met me at a few pre wedding events but from these short meetings she was able to deduce why I had made it to my advance age that I was (I was twenty-one at the time ) without finding a husband. Evidently if the staples of a woman’s wardrobe are jeans and t-shirts, she never wears makeup, would rather have her eyeballs gouged out with hot pokers than do scrapbooking or other craft activities, plays computer games sometimes, and can’t make an emergency center piece out of twine and a tin can this means no man would ever dream of taking her to the temple. The sad thing is, I think she was really serious.

[Moksha]

Soul Searcher, if you and your husband are true to yourselves, that should be sufficient. That righteousness scale at Church sounds out of whack, so it best not to worry over.

Kind of ironic, Church members compartmentalizing and excluding other members, when as you pointed out, Mormons as a whole can be compartmentalized and excluded by everyone else. Go figure. Maybe this occurs to fulfill some grand cycle or to add symmetry.

For what it is worth, Jesus was big on including those the others were down upon.

:)

[Churchmouse]

I 've never cared for people that act "holier than thou". Neither am I impressed by people that can quote volumes of scriptures. That just means they have a good memory.

Living the gospel of Jesus Christ shouldn't be a burden (Molly Mormon, Peter Priesthhod). It should be the lifestyle that makes you happy. You you feel any other way, in my opinion, you missed something during your conversion.

[talisyn]

I'm glad all of us 'unperfect' Saints found this place. I, too, am not able to make centerpieces out of a tin can and wire, nor do I ever want to understand the fascination for scrap-booking (although the finished product does look kind've neat). Maybe that's why I've never ever dated a Mormon, they can sense I'm not quite perfect?