Polygamy is affecting my testimony

[bytor2112]

Just wait till the "man of your dreams" aka, Prince Charming, turns into the fat guy on the couch with a remote in his hand......you will see the wisdom behind plural marriage.

[annamaureen]

Is this what you tell your child? "My relationship to you is so special, private, and intimate, that I could not possibly share it by having any more children. Spreading that out between multiple children would cheapen the sanctity of such a personal, important, and sacred thing." Most parents of multiple children will confirm to you that this idea is utter hogwash; you don't love your first child less because you have a second.

I can't agree with this reasoning. The love you have for your children is very different from the love you have for your spouse.

[gomspal]

If God himself commands it in the afterlife, you mean you will have doubt of following that commandment coming from Heavenly Father? Just asking.

[martybess]

Our marriage is special, private, and intimate. It's not to be shared. Of course I feel threatened at the idea that something so personal, important, and sacred will be cheapened by spreading it out among multiple wives.

Do not worry about this principle as you grow in the gospel you will come to see it better, trust me. Right now it has NO bearing on you're progress. My wife worried about it too when she was in her twenties, thirty and some of her forties. But time has a way of healing tender feelings. Like someone who has hurt you and you are mad it them. But in time things smooth over and you eventually forget all about it. Satin is really working on you. He knows your troubled. Just let it go, it has not bearing on you right now, none.

-Marty

[breecatasnana]

Our marriage is special, private, and intimate. It's not to be shared. Of course I feel threatened at the idea that something so personal, important, and sacred will be cheapened by spreading it out among multiple wives.

Heavenly Father would never do anything that would cheapen a marriage. Marriage is sacared to Him as well. You do not every have to worry about your marriage being cheapened by God. Not ever, ever, ever. Please be sure of that.

Penny

[tarabc]

Hey,

You sound just like me... exactly. Im a newly wed and have been struggling with this forever, well a year feels like forever. I mean not only does it hurt me to think I may have to live it, but even if I dont, that its okay.

I have talked to everyone I know and they all have different opinions but really deep down, I dont think it will be and if God really loves women as much as men it couldnt be. I really dont have much to offer except I really know how you feel, Im really struggling too.

If its true, we can complain about it together in the afterlife.

[breecatasnana]

Our marriage is special, private, and intimate. It's not to be shared. Of course I feel threatened at the idea that something so personal, important, and sacred will be cheapened by spreading it out among multiple wives.

Hey,

You sound just like me... exactly. Im a newly wed and have been struggling with this forever, well a year feels like forever. I mean not only does it hurt me to think I may have to live it, but even if I dont, that its okay.

I have talked to everyone I know and they all have different opinions but really deep down, I dont think it will be and if God really loves women as much as men it couldnt be. I really dont have much to offer except I really know how you feel, Im really struggling too.

If its true, we can complain about it together in the afterlife.

This may be a bad example, but things change as we grow and mature.

Take a small child, who has an other small child come over for a play date. When that child reaches for a toy he will snatch it away. If the child then reaches for another toy he will snatch it away. The mother then tries to teach the child to share by giving the visiting child a toy, and not letting the child take it away. The child is all upset, screams, cries, and pitches a fit. To him it is just the end of the world. He can't imagine ever feeling differently, or ever sharing his toys. Yet years later you will see that same child inviting other children over to play with his toys. Things change for him. When he was young the toys were more important to him than the friend. Later the friend has become as important to him as his toys.

Now skip ahead several years, that same child has his first child. He loves that child so much that he finds more joy in seeing his child receive a toy than he ever had in having toys himself. He finds so much more joy in that childs happiness than his own happiness, because he has developed a love he never knew exhisted before.

I believe as we mature and grow in the gospel, and develop a Christ like personality, and the love He is possesed with, we will mature into a being who not only will not be bothered, by practicing polygamy, but who will find great joy in it.

Right now we are flesh, and at the stage of progression, of that small child. Right now we can never imagine loving that sister wife as much as we love ourself, and we can never imagine finding as much joy in her happiness as in our own. But, I believe, that one day we will love our sisters so much that we will be like that parent. We will be so over joyed in her being able to have a loving, marital relationship, that we will not at all be upset about sharing our husband with her. Sharing our husband with her will actually bring us joy instead of any kind of unhappiness.

We can't imagine that kind of love right now. That does not mean it does not exhist, or that we will not develop it one day. It just means that right now we do not have it, and can only function in the relm and circumstances which we now live. We must have patience, live what we can right now, and not worry about what we may live when we become a Celestial being.

Penny

[tarabc]

Penny,

I cant understand how I could relate my husband to a toy. I feel like Adam and Eve are our examples, thats why we focus on them so much. They were our first parents. If God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow then dont you think the principles that last are what God has in plan for us? Chasitiy of women, one man and one wife. That is what has lasted not the others.

I dont want to bash on you but I cannot understand how you feel the way you do, I wish I could so I wouldnt worry though:)

My mom was a convert and still cannot except this principle, and she has been married for 30 years, so not it didnt fade, us young girls arent just crazy in love, we know right from wrong.

Tara

[breecatasnana]

Penny,

I cant understand how I could relate my husband to a toy. I feel like Adam and Eve are our examples, thats why we focus on them so much. They were our first parents. If God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow then dont you think the principles that last are what God has in plan for us? Chasitiy of women, one man and one wife. That is what has lasted not the others.

I dont want to bash on you but I cannot understand how you feel the way you do, I wish I could so I wouldnt worry though:)

My mom was a convert and still cannot except this principle, and she has been married for 30 years, so not it didnt fade, us young girls arent just crazy in love, we know right from wrong.

Tara

Hello Tara,

That is why I said it might be a bad example. I figured it would look like I was comparing your husband to a toy. What I was trying to compare was the growth and development of love within the child, to our growth and development in the pure love of Christ.

I know how much I loved to get Christmas presents, and how fascinated I was with Christmas as a child. When I had my children Christmas took on an all new meaning for me. I found so much more joy in them getting Christmas presents and seeing the wonder in their eyes than I ever did in getting Christmas presents myself. Our love changes as we mature. Our priorities change.

I remember a lesson in Relief Society on Charity, or the pure love of Christ. The Bible commands us to love our neighbor as ourself. The teacher asked us if our neighbors house burned down, would we go through our closet and find some clothes that we really did not wear much any more and give them to her, or would we go to our closet and get our best dress and take it to her. Then she said if we would keep the best dress for ourself and give her the old clothes, we loved ourselves more than we love our neighbor.

I think most of us love ourselves more than our neighbor right now. My point is we are worrying about something that bothers us now, but will not bother us then. We will be a different person then. We will be a Celestial person while now we are a fleshy person.

I know you can't imagine it now, because you are so taken up with your feelings right now. However, when you no longer have those feelings it will be an entirely different situtation. The same thing that gives you pain right now will give you joy then, so don't worry about it. Just worry about living the parts of the gospel you are able to live right now, and grow from grace to grace until the perfect day when you can live all the gospel, and have a fulness of joy.

Penny

[martybess]

Tara,

Look at this way. When parents have their first child they have all the best intentions of bringing the child up correctly. He will be the smartest child, the cleanest child, the fastest child and so on. By their sixth child all their absolutely correct principles are now much different. They don't always get up in the middle of the night at the first beep from the child, they don't want that child to necessarily but the smartest but the wisest and so on. They thought they knew all the right answers but life had a way of opening their eyes. The same is true just about anything in life including marriage. Put it aside for now come back to it in 45 years from now and take a look at it. Don't trouble your mind about it.

Marty

[Hemidakota]

I'll keep this short and sweet: the idea of polygamy in the eternities is seriously hurting my testimony.

I posted about this in the past, and got mixed answers. I'm not trying to discuss doctrine, or polygamy, as I know there are many threads on the subject... I just need to know how to stop thinking about it. I've talked to my bishop, and read my scriptures, and prayed (sometimes, literally sobbing on my knees, begging God to comfort me,) and have received no peace on the matter. This has been bothering me for months. I've never had something affect my testimony this badly before, and all my usual "tactics" for restoring it aren't working. I can't look at my husband without imagining having to share him, and the resentment, fear, and confusion is building up inside me.

Help?

Who said, your husband will be shared with another companion? Not all will receive this calling.

[tarabc]

I posted this in the other thread but I hope it might help... it affected my testimony too.

Why does everyone assume that 1. women are more righteous than men and 2. there are more women in general?

What about men who die in wars? Those with mental disablities that never had the opportunities ( Example, Autism is much more prevelant in men)? Mortality rate is much higher in men, as well with little babies boys that were never born...

Also, if a woman is more righteous and never had the chance, why would she want part of someone, and not one for her own, if she was righteous all her life, wouldnt she deserve the blessing of her own husband if that is what she choose?

I am just wondering, where are all these extra women going to come from? There are not that many extra women just floating around. I think it possible that some live it, but just as the early church-- some chose to and some did not and God was not angry with those who did not. I believe He respects us as individuals with different feelings and needs, thats why we are all different. I also believe culture plays a HUGE part in this. We believe we were saved for the last days... others were put in other times for a reason. Our earthy experience is important, and we have grown acustom to many ways of life, our prophets NOW say that is BAD! NO! You will be excommunicated if you participate in something like that now. Of course it seems wrong to us. To Abraham, maybe not so much... I dont think when we die, we will forget the teachings of our prophets. I can personally say I will always remember Pres. Hinckley and his words, and thats good.

Another thing that blows my mind, is why do we assume we will all be the same? Its like you look at people now that have 10 kids and you have 3, are they wrong? Is it bad? No, they choose a different number of kids than you. Or you look at the prophet, are you bad because youre not one, no, youre just different. I do not think the CK will be cookie cutter versions of everything. Diversity will be there. For all we know, maybe there is just one Heavenly Mother. I mean, time is not an issue for her, she took as loooong as she needed to have all her many little spirit kiddies.

As time goes on the church progresses. Now we have more memebers, more temples, more freedom of religion than in the 1800's. We are moving forward.... I have often thought about the scripture that says the spirit is the same yesterday today and forever, polygamy did not last, just as the preisthood ban didnt. Do you think the priesthood will be taken away from blacks someday? I dont think other's will be forced to join a marriage either.

I suppose I just dont understand how people can testify of what will happen in anothers personal life. Pray for yourself, your marriage, your family and let others do the same for theirs. As I said, we are different, with different circumstances and just like the early church I believe we will have a choice and we will not all choose the same thing and our loving Heavenly Father will accept that. The gospel's purpose is to provide peace and joy in this life. For me, thinking of polygamy does not, and so I have found for me, that wont be that case, otherwise the gospel would not make sense in my life. The gift of the Holy Ghost is for INDIVIDUALS and their spiritual quests, not to tell others what to do and what is right.

[tarabc]

A very wise man once told me, "Dont let your religion get in the way of your spirituallity" meaning... dont let what prophets or anyother human get in the way of your relationship with God. I know prophets are called of God, but a lot of what they say is their speculation. Prophets have said men will never go to the moon or the preisthood would never been extended to blacks...

God has all the answers and all the mercy and all the love. The truth comes down to, he knows your heart and WANTS you to be happy... thats what the gospel is all about. Trust that he will respect what you want.

You got sealed to your husband.. and thats all, no one else. It is you and him forever, thast what you choose, there was no fine print on the contract.

Listen to the still small voice...

[deseretgov]

Prophets have said men will never go to the moon

Prophets have said men live on the moon...and the sun.

[JohnnyRudick]

We still do not know that men do not live on the Sun.

(I'm sot implying that they do, we just cannot know yet)

Pretty sure they do not live on the Moon.

Bro. Rudick

[Thinksoutloud]

I feel like people aren't considering all the misogyny that polygamy entails. Here is a commandmant supposedly given by God to his people that specifically states that MEN are allowed to marry multiple WOMEN. I believe the reasoning in the beginning was in order to increase the numbers of the members of the church by allowing one man to produce a large amount of children in a very short time. But where is the other side of this doctorine. Where is the scripture that says if a woman chose she could marry more than one man? Even today the idea of a woman sharing multiple husbands in the afterlife is oddly absent. Don't god's commandmants apply equally to men and women?

Its an issue that should cause you, as a woman concerned about your promise of an eternal life with your husband, to question, and to demand answers that satisfy you. If you don't find that satisfaction I urge you to look deeper and possibly outside the church for an answer.

[pam]

If you don't find that satisfaction I urge you to look deeper and possibly outside the church for an answer.

What??

[breecatasnana]

Satan knows all our weaknesses. For some it may be polygamy, for others it may be power, or money. What ever our weaknesses are Satan will use them against us if we allow him to. Our goal should be to grow and progress as the Spirit leads us, from grace to grace and trust God enough to know that everything will work out for our good in the long run. Remember when God told Joseph that all the things he would suffer would give him experience and would be for his good? Let's just remember that, and be still and know that God is God. We came here for one reason our eternal progression. Let's not let ourselves get side tracked by giving in to Satan's use of our weaknesses no matter what they are. Let's just work on becoming all we can be today and let the future take care of it's self. Why try to work out future problems when the present ones are not worked out yet? That is like trying to take Algebra before we learn to add and subtract. There is a time for every purpose under heaven. This is not the time for polygamy. It is the time for working out our salvation. Should the question of polygamy be presented to us in the future that will be the time for polygamy, and by taking care of today, today, we will be ready for the tomorrow when it is presented to us. Everythng in order. Remember the Lord's house is a house of order. Everything in it's time and season. By taking them out of order, we only hurt ourselves.

Penny

Edited July 26, 2009 by breecatasnana
typo, & change a couple of words

[Guest missingsomething]

A few good points a friend made to me...

1)IF we are made to share (which I am TOTALLY not convinced about)... but if we are... (and I doubt we are)... when that time comes our understanding will be made whole and we will be able to understand and "grasp" it. Even if we struggle with it today.

2)Take it to the temple.

3)Do the work to get over it yourself. What do you mean you say...? When you look at your husband and these thoughts start... just sing a song... do something.

4) Trust your heavenly father to know your heart... would he truly make you share if it caused you such pain?

5) Most of my "problem" came with the physical aspect of polygamy... and remember, that is a powerful tool of satan.

Hang in there - really... and just have faith that you dont know everything yet.... but believe that if you live righteously you will have eternal life and it will be happy... in DC 101 I think vs 35?? it says that our joy is not full here... but it will be full when we have eternal life... (sorry too lazy to look it up)

[Moksha]

Satan knows all our weaknesses. For some it may be polygamy, for others it may be power, or money. What ever our weaknesses are Satan will use them against us if we allow him to.

Penny

I wish Satan would lay off the weakness for ice cream and non-diet colas. Polygamy is so much easier to resist in comparison.

:)

[kpatrey]

All I can say on this matter is "where is the talk about multiple husbands???" I mean really, why do men get all the extras here?? If my husband in the celestial kingdom is offered another wife then a second husband had better be offered to me :) If I have to share then so does he! Everyone is happy!

[Moksha]

All I can say on this matter is "where is the talk about multiple husbands???" I mean really, why do men get all the extras here?? If my husband in the celestial kingdom is offered another wife then a second husband had better be offered to me :) If I have to share then so does he! Everyone is happy!

Actually, the word polygamy encompasses both polygyny and polyandry.

[kpatrey]

Actually, the word polygamy encompasses both polygyny and polyandry.

Than...yeah me! Can Brad Pitt be my 2nd....lol.

Honestly I think when it all comes down to it H.F. would never put us in a situation that we would live eternally "unhappy." Don't let something like this weigh you down. All the "what if's" out there would drive ourselves crazy! Enjoy your husband now and understand that God loves you and will see that you are happy.

[kpatrey]

Who said, your husband will be shared with another companion? Not all will receive this calling.

So are you saying that there will be those called to pologamy? Is this a doctrinal teaching? I just wanted to make sure I read your answer correctly.

[Wingnut]

Am I the only woman here who doesn't have a problem with polygamy? It's a serious question.

(1) We know from the book of Acts that there will be a Restitution of all things. I assume that polygamy in the early days of the church was part of that Restitution. I have no reason to believe that it will be instituted again in this life. (I realize that's not the original intent of this particular polygamy thread, but there are so many going right now, and this happened to be the one I clicked on.)

(2) If there is polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom, even for those who didn't have to live it on earth, I am pretty confident that it will be for the purposes of exaltation. I'm also confident that my husband probably won't be having relations with other women in the afterlife.

(3) There are a few women in my life who are as-yet unmarried, yet very righteous and faithful LDS women. They are happy and they deserve eternal happiness.If my husband and I have the opportunity to make that possible for them in the hereafter, why would we deny it?

(4) I don't understand the "polygamy = misery and unhappiness" mindset. If you want to be happy, be happy. I understand that that's easier said than done, especially for people who suffer from depression and mental illness, but it's true. To be so very cliché, Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That includes your spouse.