Now what?

[LostSheep]

So my parents want to throw me out of the house because I turned 19. My plans of going on a mission were foiled. My church membership is in bad standing. My bishop said that I am not worthy enough to get accepted to BYU Idaho (the only college I can afford, and want to go to), I'm unemployed, and I can't drive. I don't know what to to...I know nothing. At the end of the month, I'm out of here. No family to turn to. No church to turn to. No education to turn to. I need advise. I'm not sure even what kind of advise I need.

[MorningStar]

What about a community college? I would start there or perhaps there is an apprenticeship you could do. What are your hobbies and interests? Why can't you drive? Do you have a license? Do you live on a bus route? I had to take one of the worst jobs ever as a dog washer for a groomer. Every day I walked into the room and it smelled like dirty dog. Some customers bit me, one dog got nervous and pooed all over the drying table just when he was almost done, and my hands were cracking and bleeding from the constant exposure to soap and water. I had to clip their nails and my boss asked me to do so for her giant Rottweiler. I was too scared to do it because I thought if I hurt him, he might eat me. I had to pull the excess hair out of the dogs' ears. And worst of all, I had to ..... uhhhh .... *ahem* ..... squeeze their anal glands or else they could develop serious health problems. So sick. I came home every day smelling like wet, dirty dog and sometimes I had no bus money and had to walk home. It took an hour. But I got the bills paid until I found a better job as a receptionist in a psychiatrist's office. Which was also interesting.

Depending on where you live, Comcast might be an option. I heard it pays pretty well and has good benefits. I heard they are hiring because more people are getting cable as the digital converter boxes are turning out to be a real joke. Or some other cable company in your area could be hiring.

Don't give up. Just because you're not worthy now doesn't mean you can't be worthy later. Are your parents kicking you out because you're 19 or because they feel you're not progressing towards anything? They might feel it's the only way to help you. I'll pray for you. I know it's a scary time for you, but you're going to make it.

[Guest Godless]

It sounds like you have a tough road ahead of you. As MorningStar suggested, a community college might be a good place to work on your education for now while you try to work out your worthiness issues in order to go to BYU Idaho.

As for employment, it's rough right now. You may have to settle for something unpleasant. Heck, I was a dishwasher at a seafood restaurant for a while after I moved to San Antonio. I'm now a cook at that same restaurant and facing the possibility of having to wash dishes somewhere else. It sucks, but it pays the bills. Just check the internet (careerbuilder.com is a pretty good place to find a job) and classified ads for jobs in your area and see if you can find something that could work for you.

Without knowing about the area where you live, it's hard to give advice on the transportation issue. If there's a public bus system, that would probably be your best bet. If not, try to get your hands on a bicycle. My bike and my bus pass have been my primary means of transportation for the last three years. It's perfect for a San Antonian, but it may not work for you. Just throwing it out there for consideration.

No family to turn to. No church to turn to.

I don't know your exact situation, but I find it hard to believe that your family is just abandoning you. It's likely that this situation is causing almost as much stress for them as it is for you. My parents kicked me out of their house when I was 20, and even though my relationship with them was strained for a while, I never had any doubt that they loved me. Try not to let the actions of your parents put a thorn in your side. You're still their son and they still love you. They're doing what they think is best for you.

I also find it hard to believe that the Church is abandoning you. Again, I don't know the specifics of your situation, but it's always been my experience that the elders of the LDS Church are generally willing and capable of helping those who have lost their way. If you want to be a member in good standing again, there are ways of getting there. If not, then you have a journey of a very different nature ahead of you. I've been down that road, and I'm willing to help in any way that I can. Just bear in mind though, the Church will always be there for you if you want it to be (and sometimes even if you don't).

Edited August 5, 2009 by Godless

[Jbs2763]

army maybe?

[mesmith]

Most, if not all, states have a program involving National Guard service where you can get free tuition at a state college/university if you join the respective state's National Guard. I don't say this light-heartedly - it is still military service and that is not something that everyone can handle, it's just an option worth considering. All jobs are not combat related and many have direct correlation to civilian jobs.

[Generally_Me]

Lost Sheep,

I felt the same way as you a few years ago. Fortunately it did not all get thrown at me at the same time; but I left my parents' at 17, boyfriend left a few months later, I had felt abandoned by the church when the bishop refused to give me my seminary graduation certificate (perfect A's but that boyfriend thing...) and then I started going to institute, but the teacher couldn't ever remember my name...One day at a time, brother.

Try not to handle it all at once; during designated repentance time don't think about your job search, and vice-versa. Maybe you can get a burger-flipping job (it pays bills), see if your parents will let you stay if you pay them X amount in rent every month. Be sure you spend a few minutes a day in earnest prayer and scripture study. Maybe you can get enrolled in Job Corps or a technical school, rather than regular college. If not, I wouldn't worry about college yet; you're 19. You have years to enroll in a college.

[mlbrowninwa]

Another good place to find a job is craigslist. i found my last two jobs there. I would also recommend maybe looking at the military. Like said above, it's not for everyone, but they do have a great program for paying for college. Good luck to you.

[Wingnut]

While military could be a good option, I would offer a word of caution. If you are trying to get back on the right track spiritually, and fix your standing in the Church again, the atmosphere in the military can make it very easy to go the opposite direction of those goals. Not necessarily that it will, but that it can.

[dazed-and-confused]

i very much agree with that, wingnut. sheep, right now you need to think about income...ANY income. two youngsters just came to my door, about 10, i'd guess, and asked if i would be interested in them cutting my grass. after brief negociations, we agreed on a price and time. they are my new lawn people.

sometimes you just have to do, what you have to do, to survive...even if the job is unattractive.

you may not know this, but it sounds like you're taking major steps toward manhood to me.

[Guest Alana]

Bummer that you have to figure all of this out at the same time, but just go for it, you can do it. My personal number one piece of advice is to make sure you keep going to church and doing your personal prayers and scripture studying everyday. When I moved out of the house at 18 I let those things slide, well lets just say it was the beginning of one big mistake, especially during a time that could have been a lot of growth.

Is anyone in the ward renting a room? Just renting a room is a great way to keep costs down. I also liked the idea of asking your parents if you can pay rent. Is the reason they are asking you to leave because they are trying to help you take responsibility? So, once you find a place to live, you'll need a job. Don't be too picky. Apply everywhere you can. Even minimum wage, if you work full time, can add up quickly. You said you don't drive. If getting your license (even if you don't have a car) is a goal of yours, go for it. The hardest part of getting the license is just doing it. You'll feel better for having done it and it'll open you up to be able to take advantages of car buying opportunities in the future.

You mentioned college and that BYU Idaho is the only place you want to go. Well, plan on going there and work on what will get you there. Is there a community college in your area? Community colleges are a great idea. For the next 6 months though, it might be better to just get yourself grounded with a place to live and a job.

I know these are a lot of changes, but I do think you can do it if you don't let yourself become overwhelmed. You seem to feel a bit disenchanted with church right now, and if that's the case, I can only suggest you put yourself into it full throttle. Get yourself worthy. Having the spirit with you right now will be a great blessing. Pray for blessings. Expect blessings. Ask for doors to the path your should take now to be opened, and when you see those opportunities, go for them.

Good luck with everything. If I could make it in the high priced area I live in as a totally naive and idiotic 18 year old, just about anyone can:)

[Misshalfway]

So my parents want to throw me out of the house because I turned 19. My plans of going on a mission were foiled. My church membership is in bad standing. My bishop said that I am not worthy enough to get accepted to BYU Idaho (the only college I can afford, and want to go to), I'm unemployed, and I can't drive. I don't know what to to...I know nothing. At the end of the month, I'm out of here. No family to turn to. No church to turn to. No education to turn to. I need advise. I'm not sure even what kind of advise I need.

Well, it seems weird that your parents would just kind throw you out of the house spontaneously like this. I would have thought that perhaps they would have been preparing you..."Son, when you are 19 it will be time for you to be a man." Be nice to hear their side of things.

I am wondering why the communication with your parents over the subject seems to be all the sudden closed. They have raised you but now you can't turn to them? Could it be that you are just unsettled by this news and maybe a little angered by it? Could it be that you are choosing to cut off the communication?

Heck, maybe your parents are testing you a bit. Maybe they see that you need to take the reigns of your life and maybe they think being more independent would help you. And maybe you don't really want this lesson.

I think your post lists your needs. Look at each one and take steps to meet the needs. Make a plan. Present it to your parents. Perhaps if they see you stepping up then they will negotiate with you. If you got a job, perhaps you could stay with them and pay reduced rent until you got on your feet in terms of buying a car.

Don't be discouraged. This is perhaps not what you'd expected but it isn't the worst thing in the world. I doubt your parents will leave you homeless. And I doubt too that you don't have options. Heck, get a job doing people's yards if you have to. Don't worry if you have to be uncomfortable for a while. We all had to transition out into the world and take up the responsibility for our own lives. It's just your time. And don't get overwhelmed by all the puzzle pieces. Just start with your first priority. Each step will open new options you didn't see before.

Edited August 5, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Danite]

Sheep I guess I don't understand I' m a dad of three teenagers 19 17 and 15 Most parents just don't go around kicking there kids out for no reason. Talk to Bishop and your ward employment person.The church also offers a great employment workshop and Job coaching. Your new full time job should be finding a full time job Some one out there needs some help. Maybe someone thissite. I've prayed that Heavenly Father will provide away for you to take of your self.

[Guest Alana]

Maybe his parents are party animals and they only allow the 40+ crowd and they can't wait to get the party started. Or maybe they are spies and the house is going to be a new head quarter for fellow spies and they can't have their son getting in their top secret business. Or maybe when his dad was 19 he was lost in the desert and he came to an oasis where he was granted a wish by a genie. He wished for a awesome son and the genie granted his wish but said he had to kick him out of the house when he was 19 or else his son would turn into the loch ness monster (who for the last 400 years has been the by product of those who's wishes have been answered by the genie but didn't take him seriously.)

[DigitalShadow]

I've actually been in a somewhat similar situation when I was around 19. I dropped out of high school senior year and my parents told me that if I wasn't going to pursue school, I would have to support myself. So I got a minimum wage job, lived in an apartment with a roommate to save money, taught myself programming skills in my spare time. To make a long story short, It was a long, bumpy road, but it all worked out and here I am now with a very nice software development job.

If you're going to go the independent non college route, find any source of income you can, find a place to rent out a room, get your drivers license if you don't already have it, and save up whatever money you can for a used car. In the mean time, teach yourself all the skills you'll need for your desired job and build a portfolio. There are more than enough tutorials and online communities that would help with whatever whatever computer related career you choose (if I remember correctly, you do 3d modeling).

If you want to go to college and can't get into BYU for whatever reason, I recommend finding a decent state school (I'm sure there's one that would have you) and asking your parents to cosign a loan. I'm not sure exactly what their motivations for kicking you out are, but I'm assuming they would at least want to support your education. Build a portfolio on your own and it really won't matter what school you graduated from, most tech jobs only care if you have a bachelor's degree or not, if they require it at all, your portfolio is far more important.

[NeuroTypical]

Ahh, the sad tale of a directionless 19 yr old. I've walked that path. Those were rough years (made easier on me because my parents needed me around until my mom's death).

If I had to do it again, I would sign up for a term of military service, and see what my options were at the end of that term.

A mission would have been better for me, but I shared lost's tale of not being able to honestly serve as a believing member in good standing.

One thing I learned from those years, and I guess this is what I'd want Lost to hear: It's ok if life sucks for a while. It doesn't mean things will always be that way. If there's no solution, then just endure, and a path will present itself. It will eventually get better if you don't give up.

LM

[FlaviusHambonius]

I would seriously consider the military option because,

1. You will be fed.

2. You won't have to pay rent.

3. You don't need a drivers licence.

4.You will have a steady paycheck.

5. You can save up your money for education while not paying rent or food. (I also belive they have reinstated some sort of GI Bill--I don't know for sure)

6. Try to choose a skill you have an interest in while in the military that will serve you when you get out.

7. You will grow up real quick and learn to make decisions for yourself.

8. You will learn how to adapt to certain situations and working with others.

9. You will learn how others depend on youl.

10. On those times you spend your money foolishly (if you do) you will still have a place to sleep and eat.

Edited August 5, 2009 by FlaviusHambonius

[Guest Believer_1829]

So my parents want to throw me out of the house because I turned 19. My plans of going on a mission were foiled. My church membership is in bad standing. My bishop said that I am not worthy enough to get accepted to BYU Idaho (the only college I can afford, and want to go to), I'm unemployed, and I can't drive. I don't know what to to...I know nothing. At the end of the month, I'm out of here. No family to turn to. No church to turn to. No education to turn to. I need advise. I'm not sure even what kind of advise I need.

Find reasons to laugh a lot. Even laugh because things are so ridiculous right now.

[Guest missingsomething]

Sheep..

I was out of my house very young....

its not easy and I was far from home. I can tell you I worked 3 jobs and ate mac and cheese.

You've gotten good advice.

I dont know your family situation, but I have the feeling your parents are practicing some hard love. They dont want you sitting around wasting away. So you have a long row to hoe... You do it. One step at a time. I believe if you show them some progress, they will also be willing to work with you. There are jobs to be had - but like others warned, they may not be jobs you want. Community college is awesome - I did it - they are cheap and you can get personlized attention and then transfer to BYU-Idaho.

Work on getting a job and getting in good standing with the church. Those are hard enough. Open the communication to your parents.

I'll say a prayer for you :)

[Hemidakota]

So my parents want to throw me out of the house because I turned 19. My plans of going on a mission were foiled. My church membership is in bad standing. My bishop said that I am not worthy enough to get accepted to BYU Idaho (the only college I can afford, and want to go to), I'm unemployed, and I can't drive. I don't know what to to...I know nothing. At the end of the month, I'm out of here. No family to turn to. No church to turn to. No education to turn to. I need advise. I'm not sure even what kind of advise I need.

I also gave my second son when approaching his 19th birthday, two options: 1] serve a mission or 2] join the military for four years.