What happens when a member stops coming?

[Misshalfway]

I was dropped as a child.

[ADoyle90815]

Since it's cold and flu season, maybe people are being considerate enough to stay home when they have any flu-like symptoms, and if it's happening several weeks in a row, that illness is probably making its way through the entire family.

[Wingnut]

I was dropped as a child.

And yet, that still doesn't explain the hairdo.

[OneEternalSonata]

I'm active and my assigned home teachers don't call or visit. Perfect Church, imperfect people. (They let me in!) =D

[LDSVALLEY]

How exactly did you change focus? Was it the bishop talking directly to the people? Was it a program? And it only took two months to go from 25% to 80%? I knew delivering brownies was powerful....but wow! LOL Seriously, I really want to understand what happened here.

Yes it was two years. We started with the basics. Our past Ward Mission Leaders spent much time going out with the Missionaries and working with getting people Investigators. Once baptized the last one would look at EQ or RS Leaders and say quote "They are baptized now they are your problem."

When called as WML I put the important point not on a baptism but on retention. I don't spend a huge amount of time going with Missionaries but huge amounts with the administration end. Working out plans to help nurture others in the gospel. At first I spent lots of time working with other leaders to create a team environment. Once our Missionary group started trying to help other leaders they started helping us. Now we don't require anyone person to be a lead, all the leaders look at Missionary work as a way to make their callings easier not harder. If we work as a group now there are less problems later for them to deal with.

Just this week we started a leadership visitation plan so that when a baptism occurs leaders of the appropriate auxiliary take 15 minutes to sit introduce themselves in an official capacity and explain what role the auxiliary has in the persons life and how the person fits into the auxiliary. Next step which we hope starts next week is having the assigned Home or Visit teacher sit with the new people and appropriate leader and have them explain what home teaching is and what they will do for the new person. It increases accountability.

In Gospel Principle class I spend 10 minutes prior to the lesson to explain some aspect of church life or review something that might cause confusion from a talk in sacrament. We explain that the only dumb question is the one they don't ask. That the GP class is theirs not members, without them it does not exist. When baptized they have an equal "ownership" as a member who has been there for 80 years.

It amazes me how much leaders opinions have changed about this, not that we don't still have issues of course, but the cooperation is huge. We had an issue about trying to teach Home and Visit teachers to teach new member lessons, took it to Ward Council and the Priesthood and Relief Society Presidents volunteered to use the first Sunday lesson over 6 months to teach why and then each lesson from the Preach my Gospel book.

We are making more effort to seek out Less Actives and encourage them to return, to take the time to work with new members and help them plant gospel roots, and to get to know and help those who investigate the gospel.

We have coloring pages and crayons for Investigators who bring children for the first time to help them be settled. We created an LDS-English Dictionary to help explain things, I put my email and phone number on the board each Sunday and let the class know they are welcome to contact me, Relief Society has a folder for new Sisters.

Lots of little things that are adding up to be a big thing. We are not perfect at it, I still thing I should do much more, but we are being rewarded for it. The single biggest thing is training leaders and each other on what we are supposed to be doing and helping each other to do it.

[Moksha]

No-one will be disappointed? Not even "Him Upstairs"?

I understand what you're saying, but surely that is just excusing poor behaviour. I could be wrong but I thought that the LDS Church focuses on the virtue of Charity, as a "Gospel Principle" (As I'd expect from any Christian religion)

Is fellowship not an integral part of LDS life? After all, why bother meeting together for worship, if you could gain just as much by pretty much staying at home and having your own private worship?

Surely spiritual needs and the need for fellowship are inextricably linked. I personally can't see how these could be separated, even if you wanted to....with the exception of being a solitary monk or something like that, perhaps!

I understand what you are saying and you are right on every point. I have enough introspection to realize that my answer was my way of ducking the points you have made. Still, if rationalizing helps me join in communal worship rather than communing with God in the Great Open Air Cathedral, then so be it. Same thing with staying indoors when it is way to cold outdoors. Jesus spoke about his assured presence when two or more of us gathered in his name.

I personally can only guess why fellowshipping seems to be lacking. I assume for fellowship to happen on an integral basis, something needs to change. Any suggestions?

[Guest]

All I can say is... come to our ward.

[pam]

I personally can only guess why fellowshipping seems to be lacking. I assume for fellowship to happen on an integral basis, something needs to change. Any suggestions?

Perhaps everyone could take the challenge my Bishop gave. Each week, introduce yourself at Church to someone you don't know or talk to someone you don't normally talk to.

Okay who accepts the challenge? Let's have some commitments here.

[Guest]

No need for commitments here... I'm in the activities committee. I have to know everybody - active or inactive - so I can rope them in to help out. :-D

We had a Fall Festival last Friday - I tell ya, we had twice more people attend the event than we see on a regular Sunday. And they all had super duper fun!

We had one guy who has been inactive for 15 years finally come to church the Sunday before the Fall Festival. I didn't recognize his face so I introduced myself and he ended up coming on Thursday to set-up the carnival and then on Friday to attend the event and help clean-up. Good thing he did too because there was a Priesthood Conference that Thursday so there were no guys to help us with the heavy stuff! Come to find out, he's a DJ, so I guess he'll be helping us with the New Year's Dance too. He enjoyed himself at the Festival, so hopefully it was a positive experience for him. Well, he was there last Sunday too, so I guess we didn't scare him off. Yeah, no room for inactivity in our ward... you'll be badgered until you say "Enough! Leave me alone!".

[FairChild]

What happens to a member when they become inactive and don't show up any more? I think Heavenly Father worries about that person just a little bit more. If no one will go with you, remember, you are an adult and can go all by yourself. You won't be the first one to do it and sadly, you won't be the last.

[Jamie123]

When I was a student, I used to belong to the university Christian Union. However, I made the awful mistake of not joining when I first started, but leaving it till the end of my second year. By the start of my third year I was having members of the "inner ring" coming up to me and saying things like "Because I don't recognise you, I assume you must be a new first year" and being confused and embarrassed when I said "no" (which in my opinion said very little for their commitment to bringing Christ to the wider student body). In my fourth year I went somewhat dormant, and one guy said to me "I understand why you don't go anymore - you don't really know anybody". (Thanks very much, mate!)

It still makes me a bit angry even 25 years on. But it shouldn't.

For one thing, I can see now that the Christian Union was going through a bit of a rough patch. A lot of people didn't like the way this "inner circle" was running things, and the "president elect" (for want of a better word - the candidate chosen by the existing exec) was ousted by a "grass roots" candidate. After that the new exec made a big thing of saying "we're not special", "we're not superspiritual", "we're no different from the rest of you". I was never sure whether to take that as true or false humility, but it certainly ought to have been taken at face value because it was the truth.

I think the lesson is not to expect too much from people - especially from people who advertise themselves as "mature Christians" (a horrible term) and then blow their tops when you dare to criticize them. What these people don't see is that by setting themselves up as your spiritual elders, they have raised your expectations of them to a level that they cannot sustain. It doesn't matter. They are like irritating older siblings some of us (*) had to endure while growing up. Our eyes need to be not on them, but on Christ.

(*) Not me - I was the irritating older sibling.

Edited November 3, 2009 by Jamie123

[Wingnut]

Perhaps everyone could take the challenge my Bishop gave. Each week, introduce yourself at Church to someone you don't know or talk to someone you don't normally talk to.

Okay who accepts the challenge? Let's have some commitments here.

I'm afraid I can't commit to this until sometime next Summer. My ward has a lot of student families that move in and out during the Summer months. Every September, we put out a ward photo directory. As I've been in charge of said directory for the past two years, and have taken pictures of everyone in the ward, there's no one that I've not yet met.

But there are people I don't normally talk to, I suppose.

[mnn727]

I was inactive for over 15 years and never saw a home teacher or any member for that entire time! Nada! Nothing! And it's not like they couldn't find me. My name and address was in the church directory the entire time. I can go one even better. I've now been active for over the past year and I've STILL got yet to see or hear from just one home teacher. Sad but true.

Find out who your home teacher is and invite them

Lots of people are shy and/or afraid of calling people they don't know to set up a HT appointment.

I absolutly HATE cold calling someone, but once I get to know them, I do it. A definate charector flaw, but I find it very common.

[mnn727]

Lets face it, some Wards are not as friendly as others, I've lived in them and I'd bet others here have also.

As a convert: the first 3 wards I lived in were very friendly, imagine my suprise when we moved again into a 4th ward and nobody except the missionaries noticed. after 3 months in the Ward we decided we had to do something, so we started inviting a different family over for Sunday dinner every week - Did this for a couple months and you'd be suprised how many people became friendly, they just needed someone to break the ice -- I think my Texas BBQ skills really helped:D

To get a friend you need to be a friend.

[Generally_Me]

Find out who your home teacher is and invite them

I absolutly HATE cold calling someone, but once I get to know them, I do it. A definate charector flaw, but I find it very common.

Same here! I have a family I need to VT, I've never met before (they are inactive) and I don't have an address for them (not on ANY directory, believe me I've checked 'em all!)

Is there anyone here who doesn't have a problem calling someone they've never even seen before?

[pam]

I know I do especially when I don't know what kind of a reception I'll get on the other end.

[Moksha]

Each week, introduce yourself at Church to someone you don't know or talk to someone you don't normally talk to.

Sounds good. Wish there was more opportunity for this. I already shake hands and say hello to all the people sitting on the back row on our way to our usual seats. In the classes, I always shake hands with the people within my seating vicinity. Being the initiator of what friendliness there is seems reasonable. Don't know about the rest of you, but introductions further afield are much harder.

Something Wing nut said about a ward directory with pictures sounds wonderful. When I have mentioned only having the faces and names together for about 20% of the ward, everyone else has said it is about the same for them or less. This seems like a novel and wonderful idea to have pictures with names.

Ward Activities also sound wonderful, we have them on a very sparse basis. When we do, many of the families with children miss them due to not having a baby sitter. One guy I know on the web actually has a ward potluck dinner one a month. I have envied that.

.

Edited November 4, 2009 by Moksha
Because of the coupons

[Guest]

Same here! I have a family I need to VT, I've never met before (they are inactive) and I don't have an address for them (not on ANY directory, believe me I've checked 'em all!)

Is there anyone here who doesn't have a problem calling someone they've never even seen before?

I have no problem at all. I have 2 inactive members in my route right now. I just go to their door and knock (I tried calling, left a message, didn't get a call back). Most they can do is slam the door in my face. Fine by me. At least I gave it a shot. But both have been okay with me talking to them about life in general. Just regular hi, how are you stuff. They're not interested in talking about the "VT Message" at all but they don't care if I come back month after month. I just go anyway and just do crazy things like invite them both to the ice-cream place down the road to make it fun for me too. I really don't mind it. It gives me an excuse to get out of the house without the kids. :)

[bcguy]

That's possible. Could also mean, they are terminal, in the hospital..unable to talk.

Its not being pushy, it called "being concerned like a member of the familly"

I have not heard one beep in the many many weeks from anyone, other then the bishop. But this bishop, I know better then others why? I knew him as a regular member. He is non judgmental, he has a good sense of hummer, he is friendly. He never talks down to you and is considerate :)

One other person, he visited me..not as another member but more as a friend. Kinda funny though, why he never asked me "Where you been in eight weeks!"

Just called me from church and wanted to rant about his car. No, no one asked him to visit teach me, he just called..and came over :)

I should just get a list of the inactive, and call them and say hi and introduce my self. I am doing this on my own to call them. The church would not direct me.

read a story about a bishop or state president wanted to challenge the membership on how judgmental the ward members were. He had prosthetic makeup on with a ratty diry cloths on, and a wig with long hair. He went in, pretended to be a homeless person, and wanted to know more about the church. He was simply rejected by most of the membership. Then the following Sunday, spoke about his experience to the ward. He was pretty shocked.

That was a eye opening experience to read that story.

[beefche]

Same here! I have a family I need to VT, I've never met before (they are inactive) and I don't have an address for them (not on ANY directory, believe me I've checked 'em all!)

Is there anyone here who doesn't have a problem calling someone they've never even seen before?

I would feel weird calling them. I actually don't like talking on the phone much. But, if all I had was a phone number, I'd call. I'd do a reverse lookup in the whitepages first to get an address. I wouldn't have a problem just knocking on their door.

[RipplecutBuddha]

Heck, that's probably why missionaries still go tracting. After two years of getting doors slammed in your face multiple times a day, having it happen a few times a month ought to be a piece of cake.

For my part, I was inactive for about 8 years...nothing happened, I just never went to church. When I started going again (after a serious slap upside the head courtesy of Heavenly Father) the ward I attended was very welcoming and warm to me. After 6 months I was asked to be the Gospel Principles instructor.

In other words, I think it depends heavily upon the ward you live in. Some wards are very good about welcoming new people / inactive people returning to activity. Others, not so much.

It is important for the wards to welcome people and be friendly, but at the same time, we as individuals need to accept the accountability of going to church whether we are warmly recieved or not. If we get offended because the red carpet wasn't rolled out as we expected, who's really in the wrong, the ward for not being welcoming, or us for being offended?

[Moksha]

read a story about a bishop or state president wanted to challenge the membership on how judgmental the ward members were. He had prosthetic makeup on with a ratty diry cloths on, and a wig with long hair. He went in, pretended to be a homeless person, and wanted to know more about the church. He was simply rejected by most of the membership. Then the following Sunday, spoke about his experience to the ward. He was pretty shocked.

That was a eye opening experience to read that story.

Not only eye opening but tear producing as well. Jesus would be blunt and point to those who rejected the least among them as directly rejecting Him.

[bcguy]

I was going to add to this thread but its going off kilter. Probably start a new one

[Carl62]

read a story about a bishop or state president wanted to challenge the membership on how judgmental the ward members were. He had prosthetic makeup on with a ratty diry cloths on, and a wig with long hair. He went in, pretended to be a homeless person, and wanted to know more about the church. He was simply rejected by most of the membership. Then the following Sunday, spoke about his experience to the ward. He was pretty shocked.

That was a eye opening experience to read that story.

That actually doesn't surprise me in the least! While there are many great and Christ-like people in the church, there is also a good number of others who I've come across who have this puffed-up, self righteous, holier-than-thou attitude that I cannot stand! I believe there are people in this church who think that just because they hold a temple recommend that they are going to be given an automatic pass right into the Celestial kindom regardless of how they treated their fellow man. Some of those people are going to be in for a big surprise when it comes Judgement day for them. I can't remember what thread it was on or who said it, but I remember recently reading a quote that summed it up best - "There are people that have a testimony of the church, but don't have a testimony of the gospel". I couldn't agree more.

Edited November 6, 2009 by Carl62

[bcguy]

It been perhaps, eight weeks now. Five times before, he promised to call, email me and never did. Anyway, he is coming after church to see us. Wonder what took him so long?

In two months, I could have circumnavigated the planet twice! :)