Staying Single cause you're too picky?

[yenni]

I forget who said something along the lines of any faithful LDS man and woman with their eyes set on the Lord can make a good marriage. I do believe it's ideal to have some thing more in common than that, though faith should be the main basis for marriage. My Institute teach, a man in his 60s, was telling us of a friend his age because he let insignificant things about the girl get in the way of him committing. I spose my question is, how picky is too picky? Even on here I see people say, I want this, I want that in my eternal companion. I guess if it's your ET you're talking about it stands to reason being somewhat picky is not a bad thing. And when you think of it not only are you missing out on married life, but isn't someone else out there missing out on the blessings of marriage because of the choice you're making to be nit picky? Just some random thoughts from a very single, faithful LDS gal Discuss if you wish.

[SMG]

I think the big thing is to know when to "pick your battles," so to speak. Some people have things that are non-negotiable, absolutely MUST-have ideas about a partner (like he/she must not be a cheater, must be a decent person, must be willing to go thru the temple when able, etc).

Other things, like hair color or what they do for a living, may not be as important when you try to look at it from "I want my marriage to be a celestial marriage" perspective. Buuuut, lots of people can get hung up on the little things. "Devil is in the details" and all that, ya know.

[annamaureen]

I believe it's true that any faithful LDS man and woman can have a good marriage; but maybe not the best possible marriage, if that makes sense. There's nothing wrong with waiting for someone you truly want, rather than, "well, let's make it work."

But I do think some people can be too picky. I knew a guy who flat-out refused to even consider dating any girl who wasn't Asian!

[john doe]

There is no 'perfect man' or 'perfect woman' meant for every person on earth. Sometimes we set our sights so high that literally no one measures up, and we end up being unhappy as a result.

[tubaloth]

I think at first things seem to be stoppers but as you get to know the person I would hope the list of priorities of what this person needs to be changes. I would hope the view of any individual is looked through your spiritual eyes, then your mortal eyes!

[Jbs2763]

i'm very picky..i want a girl who won't lie, cheat, and is NOT INSANE...really is that to much to ask?

[jadams_4040]

I forget who said something along the lines of any faithful LDS man and woman with their eyes set on the Lord can make a good marriage. I do believe it's ideal to have some thing more in common than that, though faith should be the main basis for marriage. My Institute teach, a man in his 60s, was telling us of a friend his age because he let insignificant things about the girl get in the way of him committing. I spose my question is, how picky is too picky? Even on here I see people say, I want this, I want that in my eternal companion. I guess if it's your ET you're talking about it stands to reason being somewhat picky is not a bad thing. And when you think of it not only are you missing out on married life, but isn't someone else out there missing out on the blessings of marriage because of the choice you're making to be nit picky? Just some random thoughts from a very single, faithful LDS gal Discuss if you wish.

When the right person comes along you will know it; nobody is perfect, and you will "know". but absolutely never,never,never, get married if yer not 100 percent sure about it; prayer and confirmation will help.:)

[Tarnished]

I think you should be a little picky, but not so picky that you can't get married because no one lives up to your standards. One thing that I learned about marriage is that before marriage you have this idea of exactly what you want. Your spouse will be this and this, and when you are married things will go this and this way. The problem is that things often don't turn out exactly how we thought they would. I think there are things that we should be willing to give on and things that we should stand firm on. Things like morals, belief in the church are things we should stand firm on, but things like, they must have brown hair, blue eyes, and look like a super model are things I think we can give a little on.

[NeuroTypical]

There is no such thing as "the perfect one". But there sure as heck are a ton of "this person is not acceptable" out there. A never ending flood of moral deficiencies, unacceptable laziness, character defects, and lives built around and focused on baggage. I never could have made a wise choice alone - I required God's specific and unambiguous help. I showed up to my patriarchical blessing with an engagement ring in a box, and a need for a clear answer.

Anyway, if I had to do it again, here's the relevant question: This person will [insert behavior or thought pattern or belief system or character trait] forever. She'll be doing it when I'm healthy or ill, while we're rich or poor, in times good or bad. Can I live with that?

If the answer is yes, go marry them.

LM

[yenni]

i'm very picky..i want a girl who won't lie, cheat, and is NOT INSANE...really is that to much to ask?

Define "insane"

[yenni]

But I do think some people can be too picky. I knew a guy who flat-out refused to even consider dating any girl who wasn't Asian!

Tell me about it! That's probably about how most the men in my branch feel.

[prisonchaplain]

It's better to be single and alone than to be married and wish you were alone. This from my friend who was in his 40s at the time and never wed.

[prisonchaplain]

But I do think some people can be too picky. I knew a guy who flat-out refused to even consider dating any girl who wasn't Asian!

That standard worked well for me, so what's the issue? Of course, I was living in Korea at the time.

[Dravin]

It's better to be single and alone than to be married and wish you were alone. This from my friend who was in his 40s at the time and never wed.

LDS Theology puts a unique stress on trying to get married. Mostly for the guys, but the gals feel it as well.

[prisonchaplain]

LDS Theology puts a unique stress on trying to get married. Mostly for the guys, but the gals feel it as well.

So, which is better...to be single in the highest part of the Terrestial Kingdom, and satisfied, or married and sealed in the lowest part of the Celestial Kingdom to someone who's only redeeming feature is being a member of the right church?

[Hemidakota]

I forget who said something along the lines of any faithful LDS man and woman with their eyes set on the Lord can make a good marriage. I do believe it's ideal to have some thing more in common than that, though faith should be the main basis for marriage. My Institute teach, a man in his 60s, was telling us of a friend his age because he let insignificant things about the girl get in the way of him committing. I spose my question is, how picky is too picky? Even on here I see people say, I want this, I want that in my eternal companion. I guess if it's your ET you're talking about it stands to reason being somewhat picky is not a bad thing. And when you think of it not only are you missing out on married life, but isn't someone else out there missing out on the blessings of marriage because of the choice you're making to be nit picky? Just some random thoughts from a very single, faithful LDS gal Discuss if you wish.

Alot of marriage questions lately...

Yes! Be to picky will end up being in a pickle when death comes calling....

[Hemidakota]

It's better to be single and alone than to be married and wish you were alone. This from my friend who was in his 40s at the time and never wed.

And in death he will be alone for longer than he wished for...

[NeuroTypical]

i'm very picky..i want a girl who won't lie, cheat, and is NOT INSANE...really is that to much to ask?

I married someone with PTSD, ADD, ADHD, and major depression - does she qualify as insane?

13+ years, 2 kids, and counting. Best choice I ever made. There are lot of people out there with mental health issues that just couldn't handle a happy marriage, but just having mental health issues isn't a guarantee one way or the other.

LM

[Dravin]

So, which is better...to be single in the highest part of the Terrestial Kingdom, and satisfied, or married and sealed in the lowest part of the Celestial Kingdom to someone who's only redeeming feature is being a member of the right church?

Make no mistake, I'm not advocating carpooling to exaltation. I'm just saying that the theology puts a certain stress on getting married. Maybe the culture deriving from the theology might be a better way to put it. I don't think if you can't find a suitable spouse (as opposed to simply being to picky) that blessings will be withheld you in the life to come, God will make things right. But as far as I know, no other Christian religion tells you that you better make the choice to get married (and sealed) if you want to receive the fullness of the blessings the Father has in store for you.

P.S. If I simply decided to not get married (as opposed to not being able to find a suitable spouse) the Celestial Kingdom is not out of the picture, just the highest level.

Edited December 27, 2009 by Dravin

[dreiko]

You know, maybe I glazed over it as I was reading this thread, but what about marrying for love?

Perhaps, I am to idealistic, but if you truly love someone (and they're not abusive or deviant) most pet peeves can be overlooked. Many people would call me too picky, because I had many of opportunities and offers to marry wonderful men. There was nothing wrong with them, except the fact that I wasn't in love with them. I admired them, but that was not love.

Maybe, I am wrong: but shouldn't it be that you marry someone that makes you want to better just because of them, someone whom you can share just about anything with even if you argue, even if you don't see eye to eye.

Part of true love is seeing their flaws with eyes wide open and being happy just to be with them. But the greater is when you know that the Lord wants you to be with them. I have gotten several "No" answers when praying about prospective husbands. Then later, I realize that I truly wasn't in love with them, my heart is waiting for someone else, someone just as flawed as I am, but is whom the Lord truly wants me to be with.

Edited January 6, 2010 by dreiko
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[Gatsby]

One thing that I have learn is that people who want to get married eventually do find someone to marry.

Some who aren't in a rush or too worried about it tend to remain single. Regardless of the person's age. Anyone can find a partner. I've seen it and if I hadn't seen it I would be typing it on here.

So it depends on the person not the potential mate.

I swear that there isn't in this world a perfect girl or at least one that defines my definition of perfect. There are tons that I like but they're never like I picture them in my mind but at the end they're beautiful. Our differences make everything more interesting, more fun.

[Jbs2763]

I married someone with PTSD, ADD, ADHD, and major depression - does she qualify as insane?

13+ years, 2 kids, and counting. Best choice I ever made. There are lot of people out there with mental health issues that just couldn't handle a happy marriage, but just having mental health issues isn't a guarantee one way or the other.

LM

i was thinking more of the lines of Cybil...and my first girlfriend/fiancee that had the personality of that chick from 'the excorcist"

[NeuroTypical]

You know, maybe I glazed over it as I was reading this thread, but what about marrying for love?

Perhaps, I am to idealistic, but if you truly love someone (and they're not abusive or deviant) most pet peeves can be overlooked.

Love is wonderful, but you won't always be feeling it. Yes, much of a sucessful marriage involves overlooking pet peeves. But a good question to ask is this: "He does X, Y, and Z, which are all annoying. I can overlook them as long as I'm in love, but what about the times when I don't love him?"

If you can overlook them then also, then you've got a good pick.

LM

[dreiko]

Love is wonderful, but you won't always be feeling it. Yes, much of a sucessful marriage involves overlooking pet peeves. But a good question to ask is this: "He does X, Y, and Z, which are all annoying. I can overlook them as long as I'm in love, but what about the times when I don't love him?"

If you can overlook them then also, then you've got a good pick.

LM

Exactly!

[mrmarklin]

Make your list of character traits as long as you want.

But if you want to marry that person, you also must BE that person..............