What to do with my boyfriend..

[dizzlertwizz]

I have an amazing relationship with this guy. He's smart, went to college for two years, member of the church. I love him more than I ever had loved anyone before in my life

and we talked about marriage and such and it will happen soon.

Problem is, I'm starting to get these feelings of wanting to do more with him than just kissing

and cuddling and hugging. He's starting to get these feelings too. We haven't even gone farther than kissing.

He wants more than that though and questions if something else more happened would I let it happen and go through. I honestly told him I don't know.. and I really don't. He says he wouldn't mind at all if he did. He is a great guy, but I don't know why all of sudden a man who wanted to wait till marriage decides to do this now.

He doesn't want to get married until in 2-3 years. I don't think I can wait that long for him and be able to keep my standards or virtues with him. What should I do?

[confuzzled]

Stop being alone together. Go on group dates do things w/ other couples. IF he wants it to go farther then maybe (just maybe) he isn't the man you thought he was. Don't give in. The further you go the harder it is to say no!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't put yourself in that situation!

[MisterT]

RUN AWAY

I know from personal experience where you are and where this is going. Nothing good can come from this.

[Nelly]

I agree. You should go in group dates and not be alone so much (if you are).

It can be tempting. You both have standards. If he really is the man he is to you, then he should respect you for those standards of yours. If he can't respect you or help you maintain those standards, well maybe he isn't the right one for you.

[marts1]

I can't tell if your saying he's ok with going all the way or not. If its going all out he has no problem with then run. If its something else then be very very careful.

[baver3]

Talk to him about your feelings. Decide for yourself first how strongly you feel about your stance. If he is not willing to respect your wishes then I would break up with him as soon as possible and RUN, RUN AWAY!!!!

Do not stay with somone with whom your spirituality could be in jeopardy. Lots of people will tell you this same thing but take it from me IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

Wait for someone who will respect your morals and who is more interested in making you feel comfortable with 'how far' you are going - romantically or sexually or whatever.

I had a boyfriend who pressured me big time. It made me feel terrible about myself. I felt guilty at first for not giving in and let me tell you Satan has a way of being very cunning in these situations. Do not let your guard down. NOT being alone with him is a good idea but seriously if he is 'okay' with going all the way and not waiting for marriage, do you honestly think this guy is good enough for you and spiritually on the same level you are? I would seriously consider this.

Sorry for using the word, 'seriously' so much.

[annamaureen]

He doesn't want to get married until in 2-3 years. I don't think I can wait that long for him and be able to keep my standards or virtues with him. What should I do?

The answer is simple: stop dating him. It doesn't sound like he is willing to respect you, or even himself. It sounds like he has no problem breaking the law of chastity. He's willing to give up on his standards and virtues, and he'll drag you down with him. You don't want to be with this kind of person.

I know from personal experience how hard this situation can be. I went through the same thing. But this boy is not worth it. Nobody is worth breaking God's laws. Break up with him; pray for comfort to get through it, and you will be blessed for your strength and faith.

[Roseslipper]

the desires he and you are feeling are natural. BUT IT IS NOT WORTH giving into EVER. Keep your virture at all cost. If this man doesnt understand how u feel, then leave him. If its real love, he will wait till your married, and its best to be worthy so u can marry in Gods Holy Temple. Satans biggest tool to get us to fall is sex.and he starts with the little stuff,then he will try to tempt u to go further and futher. Look all around you. I know you can see this is true. It is not worth breaking Heavenly Fathers commandment(s). In the new Gospel Principles book u might want to look at chapter 39. If you break this law you will not find happiness and joy, but regret.

Edited April 6, 2010 by Roseslipper
had to fix something.

[normaje]

if he is willing to go all the way without guilt than he is not thinking with lds principles. He may have already gone all the way with someone before, and since he has already said he isn't willing to marry for 2 years, he now has you trapped. He wants you to decide to have sex with him or leave. Personally he is totally not worth it!! A good man would not put you in that situation.

[FunkyTown]

This is a sad situation.

Every one is tempted at some point. That's not a crime. You and he are both tempted. The key to a successful relationship is that both of you will raise the strength of the other.

That doesn't appear to be happening in this case. In stead, it seems as if your mutual weaknesses are being fed upon.

I understand you love him. I respect that. However, you should consider whether or not a man who can not wait and doesn't want to get married for a few years is worth marrying. Why doesn't he want to get married? If it's because he wants to be carefree and happy, then he isn't ready for the responsibility of sex.

If it's that he doesn't want to be tied down to you, then he isn't ready for sex.

Regardless, your best option at this point is to say 'I love you and I'm willing to wait for you. I think we should break up for right now and if, in two to three years, you want to get married and I'm still available, we can consider that at that point.'

[Blackmarch]

I have an amazing relationship with this guy. He's smart, went to college for two years, member of the church. I love him more than I ever had loved anyone before in my life

and we talked about marriage and such and it will happen soon.

Problem is, I'm starting to get these feelings of wanting to do more with him than just kissing

and cuddling and hugging. He's starting to get these feelings too. We haven't even gone farther than kissing.

He wants more than that though and questions if something else more happened would I let it happen and go through. I honestly told him I don't know.. and I really don't. He says he wouldn't mind at all if he did. He is a great guy, but I don't know why all of sudden a man who wanted to wait till marriage decides to do this now.

He doesn't want to get married until in 2-3 years. I don't think I can wait that long for him and be able to keep my standards or virtues with him. What should I do?

if i was in that situation i'd tell the other person we need to either cool the relation a bit, or get married first ...

[dizzlertwizz]

Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it greatly and I really hope this works out for the best. I'm going to meet up with him discussing this subject. If he doesn't want to respect my decision I am going to break things off.

I think I would be better off with someone who isn't going to let me fall right and wants the best for me correct?

Thank you so much Funkytown :).

[MisterT]

You want someone who will uplift you and help you to make good decisions; someone who respects the sacred position that is being able to create and nuture life.

My greatest regrets in life were in not learning that lesson until too late.

True love is sacrifice; if he truly loves you he will not want you to fall into sin, but will sacrifice his carnal desires and elevate the both of you out of the abyss of hormones and Lucifers whisperings of 'its ok, everyone is doing it.'

Please, hold out for a man who's good and whom will take you to the Temple.

[normaje]

oh, and it doesn't mean it will be easy letting him go...it sounded like you really liked him so let yourself cry a little if it doesn't work out.

[Roseslipper]

Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it greatly and I really hope this works out for the best. I'm going to meet up with him discussing this subject. If he doesn't want to respect my decision I am going to break things off.

I think I would be better off with someone who isn't going to let me fall right and wants the best for me correct?

Thank you so much Funkytown :).

The answer to your 2 questions above is Right

[JudoMinja]

It is a good idea to take your time when dating someone, to really get to know them so you can be sure. But, once you are sure, once marriage is a clear prospect in your future, it's time to hurry it up. It is important to have a short engagement. This is to prevent being flung into these situations with such strong temptations.

It is good that you are having these feelings for each other (IF you're really sure you want to be married). BUT you CANNOT act on them until you ARE married.

If he is willing to put off marriage for another year or two and dig himself in deeper while waiting, he's creating a trap. It is good that you are willing to break things off if he doesn't respect your decision to wait and avoid temptation. If he really cares about you, really respects you, really loves you, he will speed up the engagement and hurry up and get married so you two won't have to chance messing up. If he still wants to put it off and act on those feelings anyway, he's being selfish and thinking only about his own hormones. You don't need to be with a guy like that, no matter how many other redeeming qualities he may have.

I wish you the best of luck in sharing your decision with him.

[Guest mormonmusic]

What bothers me is that he doesn't seem to be feel badly about the fact that you could both lose your virtue -- that he's embracing the idea.

I had these same urges when I was dating my wife, but I never acted on them and held them in check. And I would've felt REALLY guilty if I had've crossed the line.

I'd be concerned about this.

But here's where I can't -- is his willingness to drop his standards the result of the powerful "Master master the hormones are raging" experience he's having, or does this represent his lack of commitment to virtue and chastity, which may raise it's ugly head in your marriage if things get tough?

This will depend on your own judgment. I'd also put it to prayer.

If I felt that at the core, he's still a strong LDS person, then I might deal with this by seeking a confirmation that he's the one to marry, and if that comes, then get married immediately so you can express yourselves physically in righteousness.

If your prayers lead you to believe he's not the one, then I'd get out of this relationship immediately.

[Sitamoia]

Quite aside from the beliefs aspect of his desires he sounds as though he is trying to convince you that the only way to really show how much you love him is to leap into the first available bed with him - emotional blackmail is a nasty thing and giving in to something you are not sure about because someone else is pushing you into it will only leave you confused and feeling as though you have been cheated.

Perhaps taking some time away from him - it doesn't need to be weeks and weeks - will give you some head space to decide where you want to go from here.

[Landy77]

At some point all relationships get to a crossroad of marriage or move on. The alternative to marriage is to "play house" without the commitment. By pretending like you are married robs yourself spiritually, physically and emotionally. I have heard this situation described as getting the milk without buying the cow. By not being married there is no commitment to work things out when you have a fight. When you have a child and unmarried either one of you have not made a commitment to each other much less a commitment to work together and raise a child. Pretending being married is a much greater determent than just violating yourself by not being married.

[PV2004]

There has been some really good advice given and I don't think I can add too much more. However, I have two young daughters who are not old enough to date, thankfully, and I already know what I will tell them when they do start dating and that is as follows.

Any man who tries to get you to compromise your standards (i.e. tries to talk you into going to see a rated R movie when you already told him no, or tries to go to far morally when he knows you don't want to) is ONLY and I repeat ONLY thinking of himself. You can be assured, as night from day, that such a man does not respect you and your decisions and does not love you. If he tries to talk you into doing something against your standards by saying if you "love him" you would do it, know that it is a lie and you should run. If the man really loved you, he shouldn't be asking you to do such things, but if he did ask, he would respect your decision and try to support you and help you live up to those standards. Besides, if a young man tries to get you to comprimise your standards now, just think what he may try later when and if you are married.

Such a man can repent and change his ways, but until he does you shouldn't hang out with him any more. You will always regret going to far with a young man before marriage, but you will never, never regret keeping the commandments of our Heavenly Father.

[LonelyGargoyle]

The best method I've found to get rid of temptation is to YIELD TO IT ! Give it a try.

[Voyager]

The answer is simple: stop dating him. It doesn't sound like he is willing to respect you, or even himself. It sounds like he has no problem breaking the law of chastity. He's willing to give up on his standards and virtues, and he'll drag you down with him. You don't want to be with this kind of person.

I know from personal experience how hard this situation can be. I went through the same thing. But this boy is not worth it. Nobody is worth breaking God's laws. Break up with him; pray for comfort to get through it, and you will be blessed for your strength and faith.

Totally agree. He has what many young men have and that is a fear of commitment. If you are meant to be married waiting 3 years will not make it any more right than setting an earlier date. If you do give in to your standards and then break up then you will feel betrayed and used. Hold firm to your virtue and remember that if he pressuring you to abandon them then I would suggest you find a man who respects you and who you can trust.

[FairChild]

Treat yourself well. Do what is best for yourself right now. I would say differently if you had made commitments, but you haven't. You are an eternal person and deserve to be treated with enduring respect. Find someone that willingly gives that to you.

[markj7]

If he truely loves you he will wait. Why so long for getting married/sealed? I waited 2.5yrs to be sealed to my wife.That includes dating,joining the church and waiting the year to be sealed. If he is honorable,the pressure should not be there. Set limits and stick to them. Do not get in the postion to get into trouble. What if you go alot further and you do not get married? Are you going to change your standards and self respect for this guy how may marry your in 2-3yrs? Set your foot down now!

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

I have an amazing relationship with this guy. He's smart, went to college for two years, member of the church. I love him more than I ever had loved anyone before in my life

and we talked about marriage and such and it will happen soon.

Problem is, I'm starting to get these feelings of wanting to do more with him than just kissing

and cuddling and hugging. He's starting to get these feelings too. We haven't even gone farther than kissing.

He wants more than that though and questions if something else more happened would I let it happen and go through. I honestly told him I don't know.. and I really don't. He says he wouldn't mind at all if he did. He is a great guy, but I don't know why all of sudden a man who wanted to wait till marriage decides to do this now.

He doesn't want to get married until in 2-3 years. I don't think I can wait that long for him and be able to keep my standards or virtues with him. What should I do?

Tis better to walk away and have your chastity and values intact than fall into the trap of sexual transgression.

Trust me, it is not worth it. If he is not able to respect that, then he is not worthy to have as a husband.

This is a test for you and your boyfriend.