Panda99 Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 I have been married for 6 years and last night I had phone sex with some girl I used to work with, we were just friends and somehow last night it escalated into phone sex, right after I knew I had sinned and got on my knees and repented to the lord I truly know it was a mistake and I wont allow anything like this to happen again, My question is this sin something I should talk to the Bishop about? I believe I can repent fully without talking to the bishop but I just want to be sure can anyone help me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 If in doubt take it up with your Bishop is my motto. Personally I'd find the idea of talking with my wife a thousand times more daunting than talking to the Bishop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Asking strangers for permission to not confess to your bishop is a bit like covering up your sins, don't you think? It'd be a lot better to ask your bishop for permission not to confess your sins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda99 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Asking strangers for permission to not confess to your bishop is a bit like covering up your sins, don't you think? It'd be a lot better to ask your bishop for permission not to confess your sins.honestly I am not asking for permision to not talk to the bishop, I have always lived by the idea that you will know if you need to talk to the bishop and the spirit will guide you, after talking with my heavenly father and honestly repenting with prayer I feel like I can move on and it WILL never happen again, but I am no expert on things and maybe someone has been in the same situation and had some insite thats all. thanks everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiebeebs Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Phone sex to me is similar to pornography as it is done in secret and can go on and on without anyone knowing. I would think if you didn't have control enough to just say goodbye when the conversation got a little inappropriate for a married person then you should talk to the Bishop, imho. I know you say this will never happen again but the fact is that it could easily happen again. He's supposed to be your confessor and help you deal with these types of sins, at least that's what I've read. I also think I would end this friendship because I don't believe you can ever be "just friends" again. This is just my opinion and I'm not LDS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda99 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Phone sex to me is similar to pornography as it is done in secret and can go on and on without anyone knowing. I would think if you didn't have control enough to just say goodbye when the conversation got a little inappropriate for a married person then you should talk to the Bishop, imho. I know you say this will never happen again but the fact is that it could easily happen again. He's supposed to be your confessor and help you deal with these types of sins, at least that's what I've read.I also think I would end this friendship because I don't believe you can ever be "just friends" again. This is just my opinion and I'm not LDS.thank you for the info and yes our friendship is over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrbanFool Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 I lost a "good friend" this way. I'd rather have our friendship the way it was, but he got inappropriate and I bowed out. I guess in retrospect, he wasn't such a great friend, and in this particular situation, he may have been "grooming" me the entire time spent as friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 (edited) Repentance is not just a series of hoops the Church makes you jump through. Repentance, at its core, is changing who you are--it involves killing the old, sinful man and becoming a new creature in Christ Jesus. It involves a deep and fearless scrutiny of the motivations (not just the circumstances) that got you into the situation in the first place. It involves accountability. It involves complete and utter submission to the Lord, regardless of how much that might cost you. It is not completed in twelve hours, especially where sex (of any kind) is concerned. The fact that you seem to think it can be, suggests to me that you'd be better served getting a reality check from your bishop. Edited July 27, 2010 by Just_A_Guy Vort 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda99 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Repentance is not just a series of hoops the Church makes you jump through. Repentance, at its core, is changing who you are--it involves killing the old, sinful man and becoming a new creature in Christ Jesus. It involves a deep and fearless scrutiny of the motivations (not just the circumstances) that got you into the situation in the first place. It involves accountability. It involves complete and utter submission to the Lord, regardless of how much that might cost you.It is not completed in twelve hours, especially where sex (of any kind) is concerned. The fact that you seem to think it can be, suggests to me that you'd be better served getting a reality check from your bishop.I really appreciate your advice, but I don't believe that my repentance is complete at all, but I am taking the first steps in the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaySaint Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 If you have to ask, you have to go. I don't think it's worth the aggrevation of sitting in the temple having this hanging over your head wondering if your breach of the law of chastity is enough to make you unworthy to be there, only to then sit in church and wonder if your breach of the law of chastity is enough to make you unworthy to take the sacrament, only to then be sitting at home with your wife and kids, looking at her and wondering if your breach of the law of chastity is enough to make you unworthy of her love. Just man up and go talk to the bishop. It really isn't that scary, and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. If it isn't a big deal then it isn't a big deal, and the bishop isn't going to "overpunish" you (personally I don't think they punish you at all, YOU do that, not the church leadership). If it helps you to think that I very well may be a member of your ward, go ahead. And trust me, anything I tell my bishop (which is everything), is much much juicier than anything you have to tell him . Sorry, this "do I go see the bishop" thing always irks me a bit. The steps to take part of the atonement are things you have a testimony of. This is the church you believe in! Why would you be afraid of it? *End soap box* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Hi Panda, I think you should talk to your Bishop and wife because personally I think you may have some issues that need to be addressed and treated. Just as someone who has a problem with drinking and swears "this is going to be my last drink", we know it does not often happens. There are some issues in your life, no doubt about it. Why? Well, most people just do not start a conversation with a friend and turns "sexual". That's a big red flag. So I think there are some issues you did not share in your opening messages, probably pornography? Whatever it is, there are some thoughts you have been entertaining for a long time that have made you reached the exact position you are right now. Those thoughts are coming from somewhere. Of course, that's not the root of the whole problem but being honest with yourself and your spouse can help you heal during the whole process. I wish you all the best. Suzie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda99 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 thanks for the words Suzie, yes Pornography has been a problem off and on in my life and I still struggle with it sometimes - this friend that I had the phone call with I used to work with I have known her for 6 years and lately things got a little flirty here and there and then it just happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazypotato Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 thanks for the words Suzie, yes Pornography has been a problem off and on in my life and I still struggle with it sometimes - this friend that I had the phone call with I used to work with I have known her for 6 years and lately things got a little flirty here and there and then it just happened. How about taking care of both the porn and phone call with your bishop? He certainly won't be shocked, but is your friend and will only try to help you. Bishops are not around to punish us so much as to bring us closer to Christ.I think Suzie is very insightful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaySaint Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 OT: Mark this day in history - Crazypotato and I actually agree on something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazypotato Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 OT: Mark this day in history - Crazypotato and I actually agree on something!OH NO! What have I done? Just jokin! There's no laugh button! Why is there no laugh button!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 OH NO! What have I done? Just jokin! There's no laugh button! Why is there no laugh button!?Somewhere in the course of history we decided that it would be unwise to allow ourselves to laugh at people in search of advice. I'm not sure why we feel the need to be so sensitive toward the emotionally distraught. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmidgley Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 i urge you to read my post labled Scared!!! (under the advice forum) I got through "the hard part" that is to say the first major step. Now it is mending time. My wife and I have alot to work on but I will tell you that the bishop was wonderful and I am not sure I have never felt so much love. I have to agree with everyone here, save yourself the extra guilt. It will drown your spirit the more you deny there is a problem. Pornography is an evil, debilitating drug. Dont deny to yourself what you allready know. Get rid of your guilt now cause it will only get bigger. God loves you and the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the greatest gift given to us in this life. We cant return to our Father without it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 I think the first person, after God, you need to confess to is your wife, then your bishop.... especially is you've been sealed in the temple. Having said that... I agree with what has been said in previous posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 If you have to ask, you have to go. Thank you GaySaint. That was my very first thought as I read the OP and was going to post it but you beat me to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 Thank you GaySaint. That was my very first thought as I read the OP and was going to post it but you beat me to it.That's always my first thought, but whenever I say so, I seem to get flamed, so I've stopped saying it, since it's not what people want to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 Since we're all in agreement that you should see your bishop, I'll go ahead and close this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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