When you confess to the Bishop ... question

[yorkiebeebs]

Does the Bishop take a vow to not discuss or in anyway reveal what he's been told in the confession? I know a husband and wife usually share everything, are they allowed to discuss these things with their wife?

I'm just wondering because I've worked in church office areas before and everyone working there seemed to know everything that was going on in the church.

Please don't be offended by these inquiries. I'm really interested to know.

[pam]

Hi Yorkie, Bishops should not discuss anything that is revealed in a confession even to their wives. I would imagine though they are required by ethics and law if a criminal act has been committed. Or if the possibility of child endangerment exists. Someone can correct me on it.

My dad was a counselor to 5 Bishops. He would not discuss anything with my mom concerning members in the ward. I'm sure there are some that have, but as a general rule they should not.

[yorkiebeebs]

Hi Yorkie, Bishops should not discuss anything that is revealed in a confession even to their wives. I would imagine though they are required by ethics and law if a criminal act has been committed. Or if the possibility of child endangerment exists. Someone can correct me on it.

My dad was a counselor to 5 Bishops. He would not discuss anything with my mom concerning members in the ward. I'm sure there are some that have, but as a general rule they should not.

Thank you Pam, I was wondering if it was the same as confession to a Priest in the Catholic Church. I appreciate having people to ask the questions of and little by little I'm learning much about the LDS Church. Thank you so much.

[Wingnut]

Regarding shared knowledge in the office, it's not uncommon for circumstantial information to be shared with the bishop's counselors, executive secretary, and ward clerk during bishopric meeting, as pertaining to the welfare of the members of the ward. Confession-related things, however, are not shared.

[yorkiebeebs]

Regarding shared knowledge in the office, it's not uncommon for circumstantial information to be shared with the bishop's counselors, executive secretary, and ward clerk during bishopric meeting, as pertaining to the welfare of the members of the ward. Confession-related things, however, are not shared.

So gossip isn't a problem in the LDS wards? I guess in reality every church is the same in this regard. People are people no matter where you go.

Personal face to face confession is a very difficult thing for me. I don't know what it's like in the LDS Church but in the Catholic Church it terrifies me. I guess it's different if you've been raised with it, I wasn't.

[pam]

I wouldn't say gossip isn't a problem. People are people. Human nature being what it is, people do gossip.

[Wingnut]

So gossip isn't a problem in the LDS wards? I guess in reality every church is the same in this regard. People are people no matter where you go.

Personal face to face confession is a very difficult thing for me. I don't know what it's like in the LDS Church but in the Catholic Church it terrifies me. I guess it's different if you've been raised with it, I wasn't.

It's not gossip when it falls within the stewardship of one's calling.

[crazypotato]

Confession in the LDS church is only for serious sins; minor sins are only for prayer and whoever you need to apologize to. For example, adultery, or serious sexual sins are for confession to the bishop. The bishop's job is to hear the confession and then help counsel you to repent. He discusses the Atonement of Christ.

If the sin is something like child abuse, he is obligated to report it, I believe. I know personally of a bishop that called up my friend and told her that a lady had confessed to molesting their son while babysitting him. So he only told the parents of the child she confessed to molesting, and then he made sure that she never had an opportunity to work with the kids in the ward. She could still go to church, but not be a teacher to the kids.

As far as gossip, I would say that it happens in wards like any other church, but that the bishops are smart enough and good enough usually to keep their mouths shut. Sometimes other people just find out and gossip anyway, but I doubt they find out from the bishop.

[pam]

Confession in the LDS church is only for serious sins; minor sins are only for prayer and whoever you need to apologize to. For example, adultery, or serious sexual sins are for confession to the bishop. The bishop's job is to hear the confession and then help counsel you to repent. He discusses the Atonement of Christ.

If the sin is something like child abuse, he is obligated to report it, I believe. I know personally of a bishop that called up my friend and told her that a lady had confessed to molesting their son while babysitting him. So he only told the parents of the child she confessed to molesting, and then he made sure that she never had an opportunity to work with the kids in the ward. She could still go to church, but not be a teacher to the kids.

As far as gossip, I would say that it happens in wards like any other church, but that the bishops are smart enough and good enough usually to keep their mouths shut. Sometimes other people just find out and gossip anyway, but I doubt they find out from the bishop.

As a general rule you are absolutely correct. But anyone can speak to their Bishop even about things we might consider to be minor if it is something they are struggling with and need the counsel of the Bishop.

[crazypotato]

Yes, you can go to the bishop for marriage counseling or help with your teenagers, for example. But as far as confession, it could be that you never need to confess anything to him if you never commit a serious sin.

[pam]

Or if you struggle with prayer, tithing, fasting, keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. There are many things you can talk to your Bishop about. It's a personal thing. What one might feel is minor another may not.

[Hemidakota]

Does the Bishop take a vow to not discuss or in anyway reveal what he's been told in the confession? I know a husband and wife usually share everything, are they allowed to discuss these things with their wife?

I'm just wondering because I've worked in church office areas before and everyone working there seemed to know everything that was going on in the church.

Please don't be offended by these inquiries. I'm really interested to know.

Pam has stated the answer. But, if you hear an office worker blabbing about another member confession, remind them to zip the lips.

[Carl62]

From what I understand, if there is a disciplinary council and, let's say, someone is disfellowshipped. The bishop must tell people like the Sunday School teachers and the Priesthood/Relief Society teachers so that they will know not to call on that person for any prayers. Outside of that, I'm not sure if anybody else is told.

[NeuroTypical]

If the sin is something like child abuse, he is obligated to report it, I believe.

Well, sort of. When a Bishop hears something about abuse, there is a confidential 800 number he must call, where he can speak to the church's legal representatives about what the law says. States have different laws on the matter, and there are federal laws in place as well. Some laws protect the confidentiality of the confessional, some laws are intended to protect victims of abuse and catch bad guys. Bishops will follow whatever law is binding on them, in a way that best helps the person sitting in front of him.

[astral]

Well I confessed to my Bishop that I'm gay. About 2 years later, I came out to a church member. That member already knew about me because of some church office position he held during the time I confessed. The issue was apparently brought up in a church meeting.

[MarginOfError]

Bishops are responsible for ensuring that confessions made to them are held in confidence. That doesn't mean they never tell anybody. It means that sometimes they use their discretion in whom they talk to.

Sometimes, a bishop may not know the best way to handle a particular member's situation. If he needs advice, he may speak with the stake president. In other instances, he may feel that one of his counselors will have a better understanding of how to handle the situation. He may tell other people, but he should only be telling the people he absolutely needs to help provide support to the member, and he should only be sharing the minimal information necessary.

As a clerk, I've heard many many things that have been shared with the bishop in confidence. Once or twice, it was the bishop sharing with me because he specifically wanted my input. Most of the time, I just happen to be in the office while the bishopric discusses it.

But so you know, counselors and clerks are under the same expectation of confidence as the bishop himself. It's taken pretty seriously (in my ward at least), to the point that if any of the members I know about were to confess to me, I might simply lie and tell them I had no idea.

[Gwen]

it is the same as any clergy taking confession when it comes to the law.

it is taken very seriously and i know of one man that knew things due to a calling that then later used those things in a public way against the person. he was excommunicated for the action.

as a side note but a bit off topic, your journal is also protected as confidential. i was involved in a case where the other side was on a fishing expedition and they tried to request the courts to require me to turn over copies of my personal calendar, personal journal, etc that had entries made during the dates in question. didn't take much for my lawyer to throw it out. i don't recall his exact terminology but basically he said, 'your church asks you to keep a journal so all of that is protected under the same laws as clergy confidentiality'.

all that being said i have gone to a priesthood holder to discuss something only to have him turn around and tell my husband without telling me he intended to do so. on one occasion i know the issue was discussed with my husband in the church parking lot (not even in office) which did upset me. i strongly feel if the leader feels they need to tell the spouse then they should say "i feel i need to talk to your spouse about this. would you like to do that with me?" because of that any time i've discussed something i did not want discussed with my spouse i have been very clear about that up front.

[Jamie123]

I would imagine though they are required by ethics and law if a criminal act has been committed. Or if the possibility of child endangerment exists. Someone can correct me on it.

I think you would imagine wrong Pam. Back when I was taking confirmation classes, the priest made it quite clear to us that absolutely nothing said during confession could be repeated elsewhere, criminal or otherwise. (I'm Anglican BTW.)

I asked him "What if a person confessed to murder?"

He said no, the priest couldn't report it, though he might refuse to give absolution unless the person promised to turn himself in.

I then asked: "What if a person confessed to murder and another person was due to be hanged for that murder?"

He said no, the priest still couldn't say anything about it to anyone outside the confessional. I didn't think to ask him about child endangerment but I suspect the answer would be the same.

Edited September 20, 2010 by Jamie123
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[Melissa569]

I agree in general, a bishop should not go around telling everyone about your personal matters. But sometimes he has to tell "someone", in order to help you...

Like for example-- I told my bishop that my husband has a gambling problem, and it was causing financial hardship. Before I knew it, our missionaries, my HT and VT were comming around dropping off the church's 12-step booklet, offering to give my husband rides to the 12-step meetings, reading us lessons on why addiction is bad, etc. So obviously they knew. And I can't be sure weather or not THEY told other people. So I guess I just assume that anything I tell the bishop, other people might be made aware of it. Not because my bishop is some kind of "gossip king", but because he can't do everything for everyone, all by himself.

So in that sense, I can't really get mad at him, I guess.

I imagine the bishop might need to enlist the help of those people for many other matters that would "seem" private too, like marriage problems, suicidal thoughts, etc.

[Guest mormonmusic]

If I can try to answer the opening question -- Bishops are supposed to keep confessions and everything confidential just that -- confidential. As a former leader we were also told regularly to keep confidential matters confidential, and that meant not telling our wives. In practice, I think whether this is actually practiced by the Bishop really depends on the professionalism of the Bishop. It wouldn't surprise me if certain Bishops shared things with their wives. I hate to say that, but I think that sometimes, it happens.

I was privvy to confidential matters like personal transgressions when I was part of a disciplinary council, and I never shared any of it with my wife. I would've felt cheap and unprofessional if I did that,. and I would be deeply concerned about how it would affect the person who came forward in good faith and confessed.

It sounds like you might have something to confess, and are afraid word will get around, particularly to the Bishop's wife. If this is a concern, I have a suggestion.

You could go to your Bishop and tell him you would like to talk about something, but that it's confidential -- really press him about this very question of confidentiality so he knows up front how important this is to you. Ask him how it works in the Church, stress how its important for you to have it stay between himself and you, etcetera. Really be firm on discussing confidentiality before you open up.

This will really stress the confidentiality of this to him. And if he has tendencies toward loose lips, I think this might stem the tide. Most of the leaders I've worked with have been really staunch on confidentiality.

[pam]

And I can't be sure weather or not THEY told other people

Again..what does the weather have to do with it?

[NanaBanaFoFana]

The bottom line is that confession to the bishop is NOT guranteed to be confidential. The only way to be sure something stays confidential is to not tell anyone about it. However, one really needs to decide if confidentiality of a problem is really going to help them or not. The last two wards that I belonged to were (are) places of good as well as places of gossip. Too many people hide their gossip under the cloak of "prayer and caring".

Nana

[pam]

The bottom line is that confession to the bishop is NOT guranteed to be confidential. The only way to be sure something stays confidential is to not tell anyone about it. However, one really needs to decide if confidentiality of a problem is really going to help them or not. The last two wards that I belonged to were (are) places of good as well as places of gossip. Too many people hide their gossip under the cloak of "prayer and caring".

Nana

Help me out here. I'm not sure how to take your comment. My first reaction or thought is that you are advising people not to seek counsel from their local leader. If I am incorrect I apologize.

But basically I'm reading, that one can't be guaranteed confidentiality so don't do it.