Alone for Christmas

[slamjet]

So this Christmas will be the seventh year I'll be alone for Christmas. Now I can be all feeling sorry for myself (I will, but it won't start until the evening of the 24th) but I've made it a decision to kindly turn down any invitations to be with any family for Christmas (I've never been asked, but just in case that miracle happens). To me, Christmas is a private, family celebration. I remember people that were invited to my family or relatives homes as a kid and how they looked like the odd-person-out. So to keep from being that person, I don't participate.

Am I alone in thinking this way?

[Soulsearcher]

I used to feel that way but over time realized a lot of the time i was invited because i was like family and it was only me keeping myself the odd man out. I still feel awkward, but realize it's my fault not the host's and either i get over it or i put on a show and let them know how much i appreciate it.

[miztrniceguy]

Last time I was alone for Christmas I went and served meals to the homeless in Salt Lake City.

[Elphaba]

Am I alone in thinking this way?

No, you're not. I won't be alone in that sense that I live with my mother and she will be there, but it won't be a day unlike any other. We rarely spend time together (she's downstairs, I'm upstairs), and Christmas will be the same. No one else will be there, and none of us are in any holiday spirit whatsoever.

Even if someone did invite me over, I wouldn't go. For me, joining a close, happy family for the holidays actually sharpens my pain at being alone. I know how self-absorbed that sounds, but there it is.

It's not that I feel deprived or anything like that. I know for a fact that I am one of the luckiest people on the planet given my circumstances, and Thanksgiving was a poignant one for me. I am extremely grateful for the love and help my extended family give me. I can't express that enough.

But I am feeling very sad, and am missing my own little family of years ago (I'm divorced.). If I were to join someone else's happy family, it would only get worse. So I'm just not going to think about it, and the day will be over with before you can say "Bah Humbug!" five million two hundred fifty-five thousand three-hundred fifty-six point two two two times.

Elphaba

[pam]

I will pretty much be alone again this Christmas as well. While I have kids still living at home (they are adults) they usually end up spending time with friends.

The problem I have (which is of my own making) is the guilt I feel over not being able to provide a Christmas for them. Last year I was unemployed. This year I have a job which barely provides me enough money to keep the gas and electric on. Let alone provide Christmas gifts.

While my family (siblings, mother) get together usually for dessert or something, it depresses me more seeing and hearing about all the gifts their kids got for Christmas. Last year Ipods and new cell phones etc.

It's far less depressing to spend the holiday alone than go through all of that.

[HoosierGuy]

Am I alone in thinking this way?

Nope. You're a man and loneliness is part of being a man. I get this feeling at New Years Eve when television makes it look like the whole world is partying, except me. Of course most people stay at home on New Years Eve.

[pam]

Loneliness is part of being a man?

[Guest mormonmusic]

Loneliness is part of being a man?

I think it's part of the human condition. Loneliness is part of personkind. At different parts of my life, I've been very lonely too.

I would deal with it by doing something I really enjoy that day. If it meant purchasing something in advance that I wouldn't normally do (like build a model of a WWII airplane like I did when I was a kid, or design a new guitar to build) or anything else I felt like, that's what I'd do. I'd also take some time out to serve some other lonely people as best I could -- perhaps find someone else who is lonely like me and the two of us get together and cancel out the loneliness.

[pam]

No I think it's because Hoosierguy has a different perspective of what a man is based on other comments on this site.

[Traveler]

I must admit that I have never really come close to being alone at Christmas. Having been born a 5th generation to a very large traditional LDS pioneer family – I have my mother still alive, 6 of 7 brothers and sisters, 5 married children, 11 grand children, over 60 nieces and nephews and over 100 first cousins. All that aside there was my first Christmas as a missionary. I was serving in Moscow Idaho where a returned missionary student house had caught on fire in the middle of the night and burned to the ground is less than 5 minutes. One young man was burned badly and was in the hospital. When he joined the church his minister father disowned him and would not visit. My companion and I spent our Christmas in the hospital with him.

I believe if I am ever faced with the prospect of being alone at Christmas – I would visit hospitals, old folk’s homes, or something like that – at least for part of the day. If that was too depressing for the whole day I would go skiing (if close to a winter place) or for a 50 mile bicycle ride (if close to a rather warm place). I might volunteer to work for someone that wanted to take the day off.

There are about 7 billion people on this earth – there is no reason to be alone. Unless someone really, really wants to be and avoids human contact – deliberately or subconsciously .

The Traveler

[Elphaba]

There are about 7 billion people on this earth – there is no reason to be alone. Unless someone really, really wants to be and avoids human contact – deliberately or subconsciously .

Spoken by someone who just admitted he'd never been in circumstances like those who do find themselves alone.

It's very easy to tell people what they should do about their loneliness, but until you've experienced it, profoundly, you don't understand how crippling it is, and the pat answers often make things worse.

I'm not saying one should wallow in it, or that it's not a fabulous idea to seek out those who are also suffering. Not at all.

I just really dislike being judged by someone who's admitted he's never been there.

Elphaba

[beefche]

My family typically gets together a week before Christmas. I typically spend Christmas alone. A few years ago, my best friend invited me over to her family's Christmas and I really enjoyed it. Although sometimes it was awkward, I still really appreciated being thought of. Due to some family issues, I was un-invited a couple of years ago. Last year was difficult because I was alone. This year, I have a good man visiting me and we will be celebrating Christmas together.

I wouldn't mind being invited to someone's home for Christmas. But, I'm a very social person and enjoy social interactions. Perhaps that would explain why some prefer to being alone vs. being invited to non-family home?

[Wingnut]

This year, I have a good man visiting me and we will be celebrating Christmas together.

Oh really?

[slamjet]

There are about 7 billion people on this earth – there is no reason to be alone. Unless someone really, really wants to be and avoids human contact – deliberately or subconsciously .

I hope you never have or do anything in life where you can be in a room full of social people, and still be alone. It's weird, but it's very, very real.

[Iggy]

I am going to be alone with Husband this Christmas. Not going to go visit my family, even though we are WAY closer to them. It would be a several day visit and they no longer have any available beds and quite frankly I am sooooo tired of motels.

Because we have just moved, and am no where near to being unpacked, the Christmas decorations will have to wait until next year. I did get a Christmas letter written, and stuffed into Christmas cards this year. Those will be mailed tomorrow. I found the cards, but haven't yet been able to get to the tote with the decorations!

I understand about Elphaba and the loneliness. I was never so alone at the holidays (and I mean ALL of the holidays) then when I was married to hubby #1. All I wanted was to be with my family, and we ended up being in bars, lounges and peoples homes who cared more about the brand of whiskey they were drinking than of the real meaning of the holiday. Then when I was single, I was lonely because I couldn't afford to go visit the family. At Church, they only gather for Thanksgiving. Christmas you are on your own.

off topic: Elphaba, you do know that you are always welcome here with me, hubby and Fred & Ethel. Seeing as how I am older than you, I can adopt you. Fred and Ethel need another sibling . Then you are our family.

[HoosierGuy]

Loneliness is part of being a man?

Here's a part of a one hour program on youtube featuring Robert Bly and Michael Meade.

It's for men. At the 5:27 mark there is talk about loneliness and the American man. I agree with Meade and Bly. They know what they are talking about.

[pam]

This year, I have a good man visiting me and we will be celebrating Christmas together.

Gee, I wonder who that could be. :)

[Traveler]

I hope you never have or do anything in life where you can be in a room full of social people, and still be alone. It's weird, but it's very, very real.

I admit that I am horrible with advice. I realize that it appears that I do not care – however, one thing I have learned is that if anyone wants something to change – they are the one that must change it. My father told me many times that the only way to change things is by changing things. Then he would say to change things you have to do two things: First you have to do some things you have never done before. But that is only the beginning – to insure that a change really takes place you must: Second – stop doing some things you have always done before. Then he would say – if you are not willing to do that; nothing much is going to change.

I have also heard many times that insanity is doing the same thing time after time expecting that eventually the result will be different. And my personal favorite – Nothing is going to work unless you do. Go ahead – I dare you – make this the best Christmas ever.

The Traveler

[Guest]

I have been hosting Open House every Christmas Eve for 13 years now - since I got married. My husband's family always come, my brother and his family comes too (although they didn't before - it's my brother's wedding anniversary on the Eve and his bday on Christmas Day). Lots of friends always stop by - some come almost yearly, some just show up when they have nowhere else to go. And then some cousins from out of town sometimes just flies over to visit.

My house is the perfect place to be alone in on Christmas Eve. :) Chances are, you'll be singing karaoke with the gang and then they can't remember your name the next day... happens all the time. I usually have a few stragglers fall asleep on the couch and extend the party to the next day...

[Elphaba]

Elphaba, you do know that you are always welcome here with me, hubby and Fred & Ethel. Seeing as how I am older than you, I can adopt you. Fred and Ethel need another sibling . Then you are our family.

Well, given you're only one or two years older, that would be like the toddler adopting the newborn.

Actually, that does sound a lot like us.

Thanks for the offer--it's very sweet, and if I ever get my health to a point where I could tolerate it, I'd be there in a flash. Oregon sounds like my idea of heaven.

Elph

[Backroads]

I think there is a big difference between being alone and lonely. Frankly, I'm a very independent person who is probably bordering on hermit. I love "me time"; I do need a perk up from it with socialization, but in that turn I also have to take breaks from socialization. I actually spent last New Year's Eve alone (turned down a party) and quite enjoyed it! I watched some documanteries, did some deep cleaning (I'm superstitious that way) and read a book. Yes, I stayed up for midnight. It was quite lovely and I look back on it fondly.

But yes, I have never felt the holidays were about wild parties. It seems most of the on-holiday parties I've been to were family and/or close friends. It doesn't seem right to do it any other way.

[Guest mirancs8]

I'm one of those who invite people who are not family to my home for Christmas. It's just a time of year I hate to see someone be alone. If I can do something as simple as invite them over it makes me feel happy when they do come. It makes me feel like my invite was taken sincerely, just as I meant it.

Now my mother HATES when I do that because she said, "don't they have their own families!" She doesn't get it. Some folks have family but they live far away or maybe they just aren't on good terms with them for whatever reason. I personally don't care what the family issue is as long as they know my door is open to them at Christmas, and they will receive a warm and loving welcome into my home.

[beefche]

Oh really?

Gee, I wonder who that could be.

Well, some guy I found walking the street. He seemed like a good guy, so I invited him in.

[pam]

Well, some guy I found walking the street. He seemed like a good guy, so I invited him in.

Ahh I thought perhaps you were starting to frequent CVS pharmacies and found him there. You do the pharmacies and I do the restaurants.

[MichaelCraig]

Why don't you call the church and get the contact number for your local missionaries??? They are far from home and would love a Christmas meal. I took off this Monday, took my pick-up and my enclosed trailer to the appartment where both companionships live and helped them move to another appartment across town. We had a blast!!! Even if you take them somewhere if you don't feel like cooking. It will be fun. :)