Conan_Doyle Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 More divorced couples say Facebook hurt their marriage Facebook may be a fan favorite, but a new report claims it could be bad for your marriage. According to Loyola University Health Systems, more than 80 percent of divorce lawyers report they've seen a jump in divorce cases involving social networking. Facebook seems to be the number one offender with one in five divorced couples claiming the popular site led to the end of their marriage. Many of those cases involved flirty messages and photographs, as well as reuniting with old flames and past hook-ups. So what do you think? Do Facebook and other social networking sites hurt marriages? Weigh in with your comments below.
hiddentreasures Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 My hubby left me for his old highschool sweetheart he reconnected with through facebook. They married just 4 weeks after he divorced me.
Wingnut Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 I'm of the opinion that people who are going to cheat on their spouses will do it, with or without Facebook. Social networking just provides a convenient avenue for connecting.
pam Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) Facebook doesn't cause hurt marriages. People cause hurt marriages. Edited March 5, 2011 by pam
NeuroTypical Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 It's quite simple. I'm married. That means I'm not found alone with a woman not my wife. If I have to have a meeting with a female coworker, the door is open or we're in a public place. If someone is stuck by the side of the road, I'll stand there and wait for the tow truck, but won't be giving a ride unless my wife is on the cell phone with me. Public chat rooms only. I used to be in a lot of good company. But when all this social networking stuff showed up, it seemed like everyone was content to just go with the flow and refuse to see that the new technology was a quick and easy way to violate this simple marriage-preserving rule of thumb. I don't get why people who otherwise refuse to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, see nothing wrong with friending and having private conversations with their facebook contacts. I have a facebook account, and they're all sitting there ready to be friended, like a big scary marriage-stressing wave of bad idea. I guess it's possible that other people don't work like I do. But these statistics lead me to believe it's just that they don't want to believe they're like me.
slamjet Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 There should be rules set with facebook. One of them must be to not have friends who are ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, "that other person," and previous dates. I ask to be friends with one women, who used to be a girlfriend of mine when I was 24 and she was 19. She politely refused me telling me that it was a rule her and her husband have to not have friends of previous relationships, no mater how long ago it was. Very wise and a very healthy rule for their marriage.
Wingnut Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 There should be rules set with facebook. One of them must be to not have friends who are ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, "that other person," and previous dates.I ask to be friends with one women, who used to be a girlfriend of mine when I was 24 and she was 19. She politely refused me telling me that it was a rule her and her husband have to not have friends of previous relationships, no mater how long ago it was. Very wise and a very healthy rule for their marriage.I don't necessarily agree that it should be a blanket rule, but if couples feel that's a rule they need (or want) to make within their marriage, I have no problem with it.
MorningStar Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 It certainly puts you in contact with people who you probably wouldn't have located otherwise. You're likely to have mutual friends with old flames, which happened with some friends of mine. I think the husband didn't want to hurt his old girlfriend's feelings by rejecting her, but he should have. It wasn't long before she started telling him, "I'll always love you. If you want, you can tell me that you love me too." His wife responded by sending her a friend request so she knew she had her eye on her and he let her know that his wife reads everything that is sent to him. I would have just blocked her, but they felt guilty because she had been fighting cancer. I told them, "That's sad, but that doesn't mean she's not capable of being a home wrecker!" I was over there years ago when she sent him an e-mail out of the blue. He didn't know what to do - she just wanted to be friends again. I said, "No, she doesn't. She's hoping your marriage went in the pooper. Tell her to go away immediately." So he told her he didn't want to communicate with her because he didn't want to do anything to make his wife feel bad, then she acted all offended because there was no way she would ever do that - all she wanted was friendship. Baloney! If you block the person, they can't see anything you write on mutual friends' walls and you can't see them. You never have any obligation to be Facebook friends with anyone. So I don't think Facebook ruins marriages. I think people's weak boundaries ruin marriages even though it may start off innocent just like face to face contact. I don't think anyone suddenly wakes up and thinks, "I think I'd like to commit adultery today!"
Wingnut Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 So I don't think Facebook ruins marriages. I think people's weak boundaries ruin marriages even though it may start off innocent just like face to face contact.I agree, but I don't think everyone needs the same boundary. What is a temptation for some may not be for others.
MorningStar Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 True. I am friends with one guy I sort of dated. He is friends with my whole family and there is 0 chance of feelings developing because he royally ticked me off. I was watching for him and was going to block him as soon as I spotted him, but he saw me first. I didn't want to put my sister in the position of answering the question, "Why didn't your sister accept my Facebook request?" So I hesitantly accepted it and decided if he said anything inappropriate, I would chew him out. The only private conversation we have had was, "Hey, my mom wants your address." There are other men whose requests I wouldn't accept because I still had kind feelings for them when we broke up. Also, I rambled here about Facebook.
Javajot Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 Pencils cause misspellings and spoons make people fat. (Get what I'm saying?)
Dravin Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 According to Loyola University Health Systems, more than 80 percent of divorce lawyers report they've seen a jump in divorce cases involving social networking.Correlation != Causation.
classylady Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 I have a love/hate relationship with face book. I love that I can keep in contact with friends, family, and even old acquaintances from high school etc. I'm not much of a phone person, so if I wasn't on face book I would have very little interaction with my children who live away from home. That's the love part I have for face book. What I don't like about face book is the lack of privacy that comes when your family becomes friends with someone you would rather not have in your life. My husband's ex-wife wanted to be friends with him, me, our children, my husband's siblings, husband's parents, etc. I'm a private person, and I don't particularly want his ex-wife knowing the things that are going on in our lives. It really hurt me when my husband accepted her friend request. After my husband and I talked about it, he deleted her as a friend, and he sent emails out to all his family members to please be mindful of his privacy when they posted anything on face book.
pam Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 Courtesy applies to all avenues of the internet.
pam Posted March 5, 2011 Report Posted March 5, 2011 Also, I rambled here about Facebook This link doesn't work.
coopadoo Posted March 6, 2011 Report Posted March 6, 2011 My hubby left me for his old highschool sweetheart he reconnected with through facebook. They married just 4 weeks after he divorced me.That is a classy guy! If he is like that, honey, he did you a favor!
justme39 Posted March 6, 2011 Report Posted March 6, 2011 No doubt, and I mean NO doubt that my wife would not have cheated if she hadn't been on facebook. People make mistakes and do things that are wrong, that is human nature. Facebook (and things like it) put people in situations where things seen innocent...reconnecting with old friends is so good, right. Wrong. Unfortunately, even the best among us are deceived when they put themselves in the wrong places too many times. That fact is compounded when men (or women) realize that facebook makes an excellent place to catch people off guard. Facebook may not be the root cause, but it is definitely a tool that Satan is employing.
pam Posted March 6, 2011 Report Posted March 6, 2011 Facebook may not be the root cause, but it is definitely a tool that Satan is employing. Perhaps that is the key word there. Tool. As I mentioned earlier, facebook is not the cause. But when people use it inappropriately, I would agree it can become a tool where Satan can take control.I'd like to think I'm using it for good things. I am able to keep in contact with the majority of my cousins. I've always lived so far from them that it's been difficult. Facebook has been an excellent venue for me to keep in touch with them almost on a daily basis.I also have my own weight loss support group on it.And I'm not afraid to post LDS quotes from General Authorities and other doctrinal statements as my status when I want. At one time I would have shied away from it as to not offend my non LDS friends. But I am past that. Not once have any of my non lds friends posted contrary remarks. And surprisingly many have responded quite favorable. So I'm hoping that I'm planting little seeds.It has been recommended even by General Authorities to use facebook and other blogging methods to spread the gospel.
MorningStar Posted March 6, 2011 Report Posted March 6, 2011 This link doesn't work. Hmm. Let's see if this works. Facebook: A Blessing and a Curse MorningStar Rambles
MorningStar Posted March 6, 2011 Report Posted March 6, 2011 I think the Internet in general can be used for good and bad. When you sign up for Facebook, you really need to have a plan in place. My son will not have an account until he's at least 13 and right now I'm pointing out all of the things that can go wrong like malware that spreads around.
seeking_peace Posted March 7, 2011 Report Posted March 7, 2011 My hubby left me for his old highschool sweetheart he reconnected with through facebook. They married just 4 weeks after he divorced me.I can beat that one. My ex-husband got married 2 days after our divorce was final. She was a friend of his from high school and they reconnected on facebook. And while I agree that facebook was not the cause of our divorce--my husband's infidelity was-- I don't think that he would have ever been unfaithful if it wasn't for social networking.
Guest jengilbrat Posted March 7, 2011 Report Posted March 7, 2011 That's a tough question. Is FB causing more divorce? Possibly. I know that I married my husband just 3 months after my divorce was final. I reconnected with him on FB. He was my friend before the divoce, but he certainly did not cause the divorce. My exhusbands drugs, lieing, cheating, and infedellity did.
Guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Posted March 7, 2011 I can beat that one. My ex-husband got married 2 days after our divorce was final. She was a friend of his from high school and they reconnected on facebook. And while I agree that facebook was not the cause of our divorce--my husband's infidelity was-- I don't think that he would have ever been unfaithful if it wasn't for social networking.Yes he would have. I can almost guarantee it.Infidelity is not just a physical thing.
seeking_peace Posted March 7, 2011 Report Posted March 7, 2011 Yes he would have. I can almost guarantee it.Infidelity is not just a physical thing.I agree. In fact, his affair was an emotional affair. She lives 2000 miles from us. He didn't get physical with her until after he left us.I just don't think that the opportunity would have arisen if it weren't for social networking because he was a reclusive homebody that never went anywhere except work (where he worked with 3 other men), unless I invited him to go with me--and even then, he frequently opted to stay home by himself.
Recommended Posts