Rich uncle "well, on paper" gave his estate away to new wife

[bcguy]

Should say "Rich uncle, well off on paper" He has been in life insurance sales entire life

I guess there has been social issues between my uncle, and the grown up kids. Both my cousins are good. But I think my uncle did not want to have his capital assets "house and insurance policies and who knows what else" willed to his kids since my aunt passed away two - three years ago. So he married his employee of 20 years. He then GAVE his entire estate to her. Kids are upset. Can you not blame them?

Anyway, when he will pass on, his casket will be laid to rest on top of his departed wife's casket.

I have seen cases of estates ripping grown children apart from greed and so on. Is this typical?

Edited July 6, 2011 by bcguy

[skippy740]

Yes... it's typical to make emotional decisions concerning your own estate.

A PROFESSIONAL life insurance agent (who studies their craft) would understand that estate planning should be equitable to all beneficiaries... not necessarily "equal".

By leaving all the estate assets to his employee... he has basically said that he simply doesn't care how his children think of him after he's gone.

BTW, insurance policies aren't "willed" to children. Death benefits are paid "by contract" - to whomever is listed as beneficiary. If there is no listed beneficiary, then it is included in the will.

A great "closing line" I learned in life insurance sales was this: "If you want your kids to be sitting down at the Thanksgiving table 10 years after you're gone... you'll write the check and apply for this insurance today."

This guy has obviously made a different choice in regards to how the children will remember him.

My tagline for my insurance practice is: "Preserve, protect and grow what matters most." This is what professional life insurance agents do. It's sad to think that one who should be "preaching" one thing is going to do something completely different and contrary to what should be his own good advice.

Edited July 6, 2011 by skippy740

[Guest]

I never understood why anyone feels entitled to anyone else's assets, other than their spouse's. But then, neither of our parents have anything but debt to leave us (I'm glad we don't inherit that).

[skippy740]

It's not about the money.

What gets communicated is "how much do you love me?"

If you don't love me, then you'll not leave me anything and leave everything to my other siblings.

If you don't love your family, you'll leave your assets to someone outside the family. (A "slap in the face".)

If you love your family, but have SUBSTANTIAL assets, you'll leave "enough" to your family, and plenty to a charity.

What you do with your money, says something about you and your values.

Again, it's not about the money, but how you want to be remembered - your legacy.

[LDSJewess]

I have been told that the house and "who knows what else" is part of the estate and next of kin as in grown children can contest the estate part of a will. As for life insurance, that is a contract with a named beneficary.

When it comes to money from parents estates, many don't care as much about that. It is when the little memory things like journals, photo albums and personal jewelry or other such personal things are important.

Decendants can make their own money, but the momentos that can be passed down are more cherished in the long run.

[mordorbund]

When my dad died, he left each of his sons with a dollar "that could never be spent" so that we would never be flat broke. I don't think any of us felt slighted for not getting some fraction.

[Guest Sachi001]

I'll put it this way. My nephews and nieces never bother to call or even send a card. They could care less until they need something. My step daughters on the other hand give me hugs and so do their children and tell me they love me. I guarantee you not a single penny goes to my brothers or their children. My wife gets everything first, but if she goes first then her kids get it all.

Physical family is irrelevant. It's those with spiritual love that count. If all those I mentioned above did not love or care I would give it to those who do. I'm not talking about just love toward myself, but those who would love their fellow brethren.

[Echo2002]

Decendants can make their own money, but the momentos that can be passed down are more cherished in the long run.

About a year or two ago I went around to my older relatives and asked them if I could scan any old pictures they had of the family. I know when they start dying I will no longer have the opportunity to ever see those pictures again. I compiled all of the pictures on a disc and put together a family book with dates and short histories, as much as I knew about them. I made copies for all of my aunt and uncles so they now have copies of all of that stuff. Within our family there has been cases where one person ends up getting all of the pictures and mementos and never shares them with anyone else, which is unfortunate.

As far as money is concerned, I guess the living does look at it as "how much did you love me", even though it shouldn't be considered as such.

[pam]

It's not even money that would be of the most interest when my mom eventually passes. Though money is nice. It's more of the things that have been around for years and years that hold such sentimental value that interest me more.

[FunkyTown]

I think, ultimately, it's his money to do with as he wants.

When my Grandfather was sick, I saw people in my family who were upset that some new woman who moved in to my Grandfather's life at the tail end might get some(My Grandmother had passed).

I consistently said, "It's his money. It's not ours. Let him do with it as he wishes."

I was consistently surprised how angry that made some members of my family. "(My Grandmother) wanted (Insert person complaining here) to have it. She expected he'd have passed first. She'd be devastated if she thought I wasn't getting it!"

"Well... She's not here. It's his choice. If he dies and leaves you nothing, you're in the same situation you were before he died. You can't count on someone leaving you anything and he doesn't owe it to us."

"But he does!"

Bad times all around. I want my kids to know an inheritance is not a right.

[applepansy]

I want nothing when my parents pass. We're in a bit of a dilemna as a family because all five of us kids have gone to Mom and Dad (separately and unbeknownst to the others) and said the same thing: "Take care of it before you go because we don't want it." Whatever "it" is.

Now...some are going to say or think. She doesn't want "anything" to remember her parents? She must not love them. There must be underlying problems.

Just the opposite it true. We love our parents and each other enough that material things (including money) in this life will not be fought over.... more than that, we don't care to even expend effort on it. Love comes first.

[dahlia]

Some states require that if there is a will, and you do not mention your children in the will, the estate will pass to them as per the laws of the state. Usually children get 2/3rds and the surviving spouse gets 1/3. If you want to omit kids, you need to say so in the will, otherwise, they can contest it because the law will assume you just forgot to mention them.

Now, in some states, children cannot expect an inheritance by law (that is, if they aren't mentioned, they don't have a right to part of the estate), but even then, it is best to say something in the will as to why they're left out if you think they will expect a share of the estate. As Skippy mentioned, insurances is a contract and falls outside of the will.

Considering this is a new wife and the kids are completely left out, I'd be a bi$ch on wheels and bring an action saying the father made the new will under duress or whatever other claim they can make. Let new wife prove otherwise. Short of a major family disintegration, addiction or mental incompetence of the kids, why would a parent disinherit the children of his youth? Shame. Set up a trust for wife #2 so she can't complain and give the children their due.

[Guest]

The legacy my parents are leaving us has absolutely nothing to do with money or possessions, and I hope my children feel the same when we go.

[ruthiechan]

Considering this is a new wife and the kids are completely left out, I'd be a bi$ch on wheels and bring an action saying the father made the new will under duress or whatever other claim they can make. Let new wife prove otherwise. Short of a major family disintegration, addiction or mental incompetence of the kids, why would a parent disinherit the children of his youth? Shame. Set up a trust for wife #2 so she can't complain and give the children their due.

Even if the children don't ever bother to talk to you unless they want something out of you? This is what appears to be the case.

How about getting to know the new wife better? How about showing her love and acceptance? How about building a positive foundation so if there is something of sentimental value you would like to have she may be willing to part with it?

I hate it when people do not respect the will, even if you don't like it, you should respect it.

I also hate it when people complain about their parents spending their inheritance money. Wait what? Dude, they're not dead yet, that money is not yours!

[CookieC]

Ugh. This bring back some awful memories from when my paternal grandmother died. She'd spent much of their lives setting my father, uncle and aunts against each other, so it shouldn't have surprised anyone when most of them were at each other's throats after her death. She'd made some bequests, but not all the items and funds that some thought they were entitled to. Truthfully, that adversarial period destroyed my father's relationship with his sisters completely. I don't know that they ever spoke in the thirty-something years before he died.

Needless to say, I was pretty worried when it came time to settle my parents estate. I love my brothers deeply and didn't want anything to come between us. When I spoke of my concerns, one brother said "We'll love you no matter how you handle things." And he meant it. Fortunately, we were able to get it all done without incident and we're as close as ever.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that this can be a difficult time for families in the best of circumstances. When the deceased has set things up to make the situation adversarial on purpose, it can put everyone in a nearly impossible situation. This family has my sympathy.

[Just_A_Guy]

Some states require that if there is a will, and you do not mention your children in the will, the estate will pass to them as per the laws of the state. Usually children get 2/3rds and the surviving spouse gets 1/3. If you want to omit kids, you need to say so in the will, otherwise, they can contest it because the law will assume you just forgot to mention them.

The Uniform Probate Code (adopted by many, but not all, states) gives an unintentionally omitted child the same share he/she would have gotten had there been no will at all. Many (perhaps most) intestacy statutes will let a surviving spouse take the entire estate; so the kids' chances of prevailing are far from certain.

It's also worth noting that most states give a surviving spouse an "elective share" of anywhere between 1/3 to 1/2 of the estate, regardless of what's in the will. So even under the best conditions the kids won't be able to shut out the new wife completely, even if she is a blatantly gold-digging stripper from Texas.

All that said: These kinds of arguments get nasty and expensive, and the spouse is usually better off just settling.

Now, in some states, children cannot expect an inheritance by law (that is, if they aren't mentioned, they don't have a right to part of the estate), but even then, it is best to say something in the will as to why they're left out if you think they will expect a share of the estate.

This is a double-edged sword. If I say "I leave out my son John because he's been stealing from me", I give him a loophole to say "I was not stealing from my Dad, and he had no proof that I was, and he was obviously laboring under an insane delusion . . ." A lot of times it's better to simply say "I intentionally make no provision for my son John", and leave it at that.

My sympathies tend to be with the testator more than with the children. Perhaps that's because I don't believe in inherited wealth (I believe in people's legal right to do it; but I personally like John Huntsman's philosophy and I intend to die more or less broke). At any rate, I think good lines of communication and secure relationships while the testator is still alive, will prevent a lot (not all, but a lot) of contention after he is gone.

Edited July 7, 2011 by Just_A_Guy

[garryw]

wow this is silly. If anything we owe our parents. Not the other way around. I think there is a good chance I won't have to financially support my parents when they get super old. That in itself is a good enough inheritance for me.

[NeuroTypical]

I love the stories. Every time I hear about fights and tears and people not 'getting their fair share' and anger that someone chose to do something with their stuff that someone else disagreed with, I'm glad I came from a lower-middle-class upbringing.

My dad was the last parent to die, and he died with enough in his bank to pay his credit cards and bury him, a small cash gift for each grandkid, and dang little else. He worked very hard to have it that way. He grew up during the depression, and even though he was a staunch democrat and union guy, he absolutely despised the notion of entitlement and receiving stuff you didn't earn.

None of us kids felt slighted in the least. Proper expectations were set early on - I guess that's the secret to the whole thing.

I hear that Bill Gates is setting the expectations with his kids, that they will NOT be inheriting his billions. Good for him.

[bcguy]

I mean, its just a number, a tool to pay debts. Anyone who is foolish enough to blow it for example, winning the lottery, or big pay check from job is foolish.

Now look at a guy who has a house worth mmm maybe 300k in Omaha Nebraska and has lived there since the early 50s? He owns a truck with hail damage worth maybe 8k? Yes, he is the wealthiest man in the world. Do any of you know who I am referring to?

He is a example of not getting emotionally attached to his money..not ever.

If I did win alot of money, pay off debts, tithing, new house machine shop then relax.

[skippy740]

Gotta love Warren Buffet's approach to money.

He's leaving all his kids $250k and the rest to his private foundation.

[Traveler]

My father was a very wealthy man but I had no idea until I was in college when I found out accidently. I thought we were poor. We had one old “beater” car, lived in a small home; I shared a bedroom with 2 other brothers, we grew most of our food or obtained it hunting. According to my father one of the world’s greatest plagues are spoiled rich children.

When my father passed a family trust and been set up to take care of mom but she will not spend it. I am quite sure there will be some problems with the estate but not because of the money. My father collected an impressive art collection beyond his own art. There are some “things” that are going to be difficult to divide because of sentimental attachments. One of my brothers suggested that some of dad’s legacy be donated to the church - but that has drawn some ire from some family members that deeply feel some things should remain with the family - if the church would display some of the art then it can be done by consignment.

I do not think there will be any problems when mom passes away but I personally worry a bit about the next generation. Most of my children and my nieces and nephews are of the old family mold but I can see that wealth is becoming more of an issue and a burden. I am of the mind of my brother - let’s leave our legacy in “Zion”.

The Traveler

[shine7]

My Mom died many years ago.....the woman my dad then married got everything when Dad died, except a $3000.00 policy that was in my sister's name.....when the wife found out about this, she told my sis it should go to her (the wife). Let me tell you: talk about selfish.....she has properties/homes that were paid for and all of dad's assets....set abundantly for the rest of her life.....she changed the place of dad's burial so he's not by my Mom.....and still did this huge fuss that she did not get the $3000.00, which my sis split between us kids....that was all we got of dad's estate/holdings.

I love what my dh did when his dad died: the kids were fussing about their sister that had lived with grandpa and taken care of him....she was getting the very small 2 bedroom home he had. WOW.....everyone had homes except this sister, and no one had taken care of grandpa but her, as we all lived in different state. My dh told his bros/sisters that he wanted nothing to do with it, and to let their sister have the house.

Edited July 20, 2011 by shine7