bsp09 Posted August 13, 2011 Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'm getting married in the temple in a few days. I'm SO excited about that. I'm EXTREMELY nervous about the intimacy part...and my honeymoon. Is there anything I can do to prepare for the intimacy of my first night married? How can I make sure I'm ok? I'm seriously scared! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted August 13, 2011 Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 Your profile says you are female so I'm going with that. lolIf you are scared I would read the book "and they were not ashamed" Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: BooksOr find someone you can trust and confide in and actually talk about the details that scare you. Many ppl recomend a vaginal exam with a gyno if you haven't had one before.... though personally I'm not sure how overly helpful mine was. lolremember to relax, have fun, and take it slow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 13, 2011 Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 You should talk to your fiance about your nervousness and concerns as well. He needs to know so he can go slow and help you be more comfortable. Also, remember, the two of you do not HAVE to be completely intimate that night. Perhaps it would be better to take it slowly and don't feel pressured to have intercourse that night. It's important to feel relaxed and comfortable. He can help you with that, but you need to be honest and forthcoming about your fears with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) · Hidden Hidden You should talk to your fiance about your nervousness and concerns as well. He needs to know so he can go slow and help you be more comfortable. Also, remember, the two of you do not HAVE to be completely intimate that night. Perhaps it would be better to take it slowly and don't feel pressured to have intercourse that night. It's important to feel relaxed and comfortable. He can help you with that, but you need to be honest and forthcoming about your fears with him.Uh -- make sure your husband has the expectation that you don't have to be fully intimate that night. I think most grooms would expect that unless there was discussion about it up front. Whatever you do, DON'T make this decision/decree alone without talking about it with your husband.My wedding night was an absolute disaster because I believed it was time to finally do it, and had looked forward to it the same way a woman looks forward to her wedding dress and the intimacy of a wedding day all her life. My wife had different ideas, and to boot, wouldn't even communicate with me about why she wouldn't do it -- and I didn't even do anything wrong, she said. It was maddening and I remember that night vividly and with deep angst as I sat in the next room alone, watching Die Hard 2 and wondering what I had done marrying this person who wouldn't talk, wouldn't have sex, and ended up with a sexual dysfunction that wasn't resolved for another decade. I say share your fears with your husband to be so he knows how you feel about it, doesn't go too fast, and is prepared for a more cerebral wedding night than perhaps his years of pent-up testosterone are expecting -- just in case. Also, he should probably be coached on how not to go too fast and to be patient if you are nervous. Also, if you feel intercourse might be a non-starter, then be prepared with a fall-back "plan" to try to make the evening memorable for him sexually in some other way you are comfortable with. If you are really concerned about your ability to perform sexually, I would consider seeing a doctor (gynecologist) to check if you have vaginismus before hand. This will put your mind at rest and if you do have it, at least you can tell your husband so he knows what he's getting into beforehand. After my wife was diagnosed with it, we went such a doctor and I saw the test the doctor did to make a firm diagnoses. It was non-invasive. They can tell.Good luck with this one. My advice is to do everything possible to have a satisfying sexual relationship with each other. It will make your marriage and life so much happier. Whatever you do, don't just clam up and not tell him what's going on in your mind if he asks why you are uncomfortable or unwilling. Be open, communicative, tell him what you need him to do to make it comfortable, and TALK about it.Us guys who save themselves for marriage do think about finally having sex quite a bit before our wedding night, so make sure there is a lot of communication beforehand, and try to balance your own needs with this strong expectation your husband probably has. Edited August 14, 2011 by mormonmusic Link to comment
ChooseTheSun Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 · Hidden Hidden If you are scared I would read the book "and they were not ashamed" Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: BooksI just ordered this book on Amazon.com -- and I'm celebrating my 11 year anniversary this Sunday! Link to comment
ChooseTheSun Posted August 13, 2011 Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 If you are scared I would read the book "and they were not ashamed" Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: BooksI just ordered this book on Amazon.com -- and I'm celebrating my 11 year anniversary this Sunday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 I agree. Tell your fiance you're scared so he doesn't go into it with really high expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livy111us Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Just in case, bring cranberry pills. It may prevent/help certain unpleasantries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blocky Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Cranberry pills? Certain unpleasantries? I'm not sure where you're going with this. If you're thinking urinary track infections, they are hardly a certain thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 If I may, I second the advice to communicate. Men can be like a bull let out of a pen and really get overwhelming. Just communicate beforehand, and don't be afraid to communicate during. Men are ok with being told what is good and not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) Actually, drinking cranberry juice works just as well. I drank it quiet a bit on my honeymoon and never got a UTI. Other practical recommendations I would make: Have some pain medication ready (like Tylonol or Ibuprophen). Loosing your virginity hurts for most people, and there will be some level of discomfort the first few times you have sex. Having the medication will minimize the amount of time you have to deal with it. (also, expect to see a bit of blood, so have a towel handy.) Buy some KY or Astroglide Jelly. This will help minimize the discomfort during the actual act of sex. (it's a lubiricant) Apply it to yourself and/or your husband. Take things sloooooooow! Don't feel like you have to go right to the actual act of intercourse. I'm assuming that this is going to be your first time naked in front of eachother. Take time to get to know eachother's bodies. Perhaps wear lingerie so that you can ease into getting completely naked in front of him. Take a shower before hand to wash out all the hair spray and gobs of make-up you'll likely be wearing for your wedding, and to just de-stress. (you can take this shower with or without your new spouse ) RELAX. You'll have your whole married life together to figure things out, so don't freak out if the first time isn't loaded with fireworks. You just married the love of your life! Let the excitement of that carry you through the joy of discovering your sexuality. :) Edited August 14, 2011 by Jenamarie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Just in case, bring cranberry pills. It may prevent/help certain unpleasantries. I'm with Blocky..are you talking about getting UTI's? The best thing is to just get up and use the bathroom after sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blocky Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Something that surprised me a little was some of the strong emotions at the time. I'm not talking about strong sexual urges or even strong emotions of love. I just got pretty emotional in general. I don't remember what it was but I said something and he disagreed and I burst out crying. I think all the advice to COMMUNICATE and TAKE IS SLOW if you want are really spot on. Laugh! Enjoy! If something comes up that's not perfect, go with the flow. Most likely though it'll be awesome and the best cure for your nervousness is to just get on with the show;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) I'm a sorta-new convert and my wife was raised in the church and on our wedding night a few weeks ago she felt nervous and anxious. I on the other hand had some experience in the matter in my life before the church, so I took time out to talk with her and answer questions. I was pretty surprised at how worried she was over certain questions. I found out that she had heard a few honeymoon horror stories from her friends over the years. They'd been teaching her false doctrine. I had to reassure her that we wouldn't be in the same situation as her some of her friends had been on their wedding night. You've been told the basics. Communication is essential, and not just during the honeymoon. You NEED to let each other know what is liked and disliked, what you're comfortable with and not. Do NOT be bashful. Talk to each other. Taking it slow has also been mentioned and is a GREAT idea for newbies. You don't want to rush things and miss out on the actual experience of it all because you were so preoccupied with logistics or proper form or whatever else you'll work yourself up over. What I haven't seen mentioned that I think is maybe most important during the beginning of your new found intimacy with your eternal companion ... Keep. It. Simple. I don't mean to sound condescending, but my wife told me about more than one couple who, apparently, lacked a proper amount of anatomy education to figure it out. They felt so awkward after that first night they waited until after the honeymoon to talk about it. I'm not saying you and your husband will be like this. I hope not anyway. I'm saying keep it simple, and make sure you're comfortable with what your doing. And a small sidenote about the wedding day itself ... The most important part of that day isn't the reception or the wedding night, it's the ordinance in the sealing room. Listen to your sealer if he gives you council. You are partaking of the highest ordinance you will do in this life. Everything else going on that day is secondary to your sealing ceremony. So enjoy the day, enjoy the night, enjoy the honeymoon, and don't be nervous about anything. You'll figure it all out together. EDIT: Oh yeah, if he wants to wear a cape on your wedding night tell him no. You don't want to be setting a precedence like that this early in your relationship. Edited August 14, 2011 by Spartan117 Forgot the most important part Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 EDIT: Oh yeah, if he wants to wear a cape on your wedding night tell him no. You don't want to be setting a precedence like that this early in your relationship.Huh? Is this some kind of euphemism? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Huh? Is this some kind of euphemism?No euphemism intended. Just silliness. I also might have worn a cape at my reception. I also might have insisted on wearing it to post-reception activities with my wife. I did definitely learn, though, that insisting on wearing a cape against the wishes of your wife ends up in you taking the cape off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Wait, what kind of cape are you talking about? Dracula? Superman? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Batman. True story. I have pictures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Batman. True story. I have pictures.Please don't post them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Please don't post them.Well not for free, no Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepatagonian Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 I don't know, I kind of laughed when he talked about the cape! I wish I were that confident! Well women aren't the only ones who get nervous. I'm a man and I'm nervous as --heck. Actually, I'm getting married and have never done anything. I'm nervous as all get out. She's a tiny thing, I'm a big thing. I'm worried about hurting her. Actually, I'm worried because I don't really know what I'm doing. We talked about it a little, she told me she was a virgin and I'd have to show her everything and I blurted out, "what makes you think I know? I've never been with a woman." Hah. Oh my ego. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 People have managed for thousands of years even not knowing a thing! I have the oddest feeling you guys will do just fine if you are nice to each other and be honest. I have found a good sense of humor is helpful if you can keep from being insulted by it. lol. Sex is so naturally humorous it is just best to have a laugh or two and just get on with the fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 My doc gave me a prescription for a UTI med that i never had to fill... I second using the bathroom. Have him spoil you that night... lots and lots of romancing. That will help you work into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest promsandweddings Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) · Hidden Hidden Hello I think that things is happened with everyone because after marriage if they face problem on that time they are nervous because also happening with me. I am also very nervous for my marriage.brudklänningarfestklänningar Edited March 22, 2012 by promsandweddings Link to comment
FunkyTown Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive." That's what the saying should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.