Feeliong discouraged-VENT

[Jennarator]

Ok, so this weekend was nice, the holidays were nice. Things were going well. Money is tight, but we were making ends meet.

Last night we came home from my mother-in-laws to a flood in the upstairs bathroom, and the downstairs bathroom ceiling was dripping from the upstairs bathroom. It was too late to get anyone to come that late. At night. I caouldn't sleep due to the worry and stres. We can't afford a plumber at the moment.

This moring I had DR appointment but couldn't go because I had work, and sun such and called to reschedule. They can't see me for 2 and a half more weeks. I am 32 weeks pregnant, very low in iron, and the Dr ased to see me this week. I know I cancelled, but when I need ot be seen, I don't think it should be more than a week, not two and a half weeks later. This Dr's office dosn't seem to care and has been doing this, even when I don't cancel, during my whole pregnancy! I don't know how to change Dr.s, or if it is too laate.

Also while making breakfast, I burned my hand on boiling water. Still stings.

I am more than stressed about the baby. We still have noone to watch him while I work. I would quit, but we really can't live without my job, we have child support to pay, and my ex doesn't pay any.

Our house is a wreck, from holidays and the childen's rooms are a mess all the time. I don't kno where I am going to put the baby.

We have yet to get the the sealing cancellations and all done. so we are not sealed, tho we are worthy and have been working on it for over a year. It's not getting done before the baby comes.

I know this doesn't seem like a lot, but I am trying really hard NOT to cry, here at work. I am overwhelmed, a stressed past my limits. I don't want to make too big of a deal over it as I know my husband it stressed, too, and I know him knowing how up set I am will make him more stressed (tho he could look on here and read this. )

I just need to vent.

Thanks for listening. (or reading)

[JudoMinja]

Jenn,

We all have our moments where everything seems to hit us at once and we simply become overwhelmed. Considering everything you are going through, and with your baby almost here, it is perfectly understandable that you are feeling this way. Just remember to breath, take it one thing/step at a time, and trust in the Lord. You can get through this. :)

[Guest]

Jenn, week 32... the nesting phase... really bad timing that all the house problems are happening at this time. Everything that affects the house is bigger and more ovewhelming at this stage in the pregnancy. I was on week 36 when I climbed up a 6-foot ladder with a chainsaw to chop off a tree in our indoor garden because my husband wouldn't do it (he liked the tree). He walked in the door just as the top half of the tree fell and he about died of a heart-attack seeing me with my giant belly (I gave birth to a 9 pounder and I'm this little 5 foot nothing Asian girl) on top of the ladder with a chainsaw... LOL!

Anyway, yeah, there are times when you barrel through the boulder in your way, there are times when you go around the boulder in your way, and there are times when you just sit back and relax and wait for somebody to take care of the boulder for you. At 32 weeks, choosing door #3 is a completely okay thing to do. Yes, your husband is just as stressed, but, he doesn't have to eat for 2 and carry this giant thing in your belly squeezing your stomach to your lung making eating more than 2 tablespoons a magic trick.

BIG HUGS!!!

[Jennarator]

I guess I just have the blues, but I am really concerend about everything. Making it hard to think or do much at work. But I need to be working, I need to focus, but can't. Really feeling discouraged. I think a lot of it is the money thing. Can't nest that away.

[applepansy]

Jenn, All that sounded like a lot to me. I'm glad you vented here. Just typing out all the problems and looking at them can help make them seem not so big.

Just breath. Take one problem at a time. It will all work out. The one thought that holds me together when I feel overwhelmed with everything falling apart and breaking down around me is "this too shall pass". Nothing in this world stays the same for very long. I know that might not help when you're in the middle of all of this, but I hope it does.

you're in my prayers,

Apple

[Traveler]

Ok, so this weekend was nice, the holidays were nice. Things were going well. Money is tight, but we were making ends meet.

Last night we came home from my mother-in-laws to a flood in the upstairs bathroom, and the downstairs bathroom ceiling was dripping from the upstairs bathroom. It was too late to get anyone to come that late. At night. I caouldn't sleep due to the worry and stres. We can't afford a plumber at the moment.

This moring I had DR appointment but couldn't go because I had work, and sun such and called to reschedule. They can't see me for 2 and a half more weeks. I am 32 weeks pregnant, very low in iron, and the Dr ased to see me this week. I know I cancelled, but when I need ot be seen, I don't think it should be more than a week, not two and a half weeks later. This Dr's office dosn't seem to care and has been doing this, even when I don't cancel, during my whole pregnancy! I don't know how to change Dr.s, or if it is too laate.

Also while making breakfast, I burned my hand on boiling water. Still stings.

I am more than stressed about the baby. We still have noone to watch him while I work. I would quit, but we really can't live without my job, we have child support to pay, and my ex doesn't pay any.

Our house is a wreck, from holidays and the childen's rooms are a mess all the time. I don't kno where I am going to put the baby.

We have yet to get the the sealing cancellations and all done. so we are not sealed, tho we are worthy and have been working on it for over a year. It's not getting done before the baby comes.

I know this doesn't seem like a lot, but I am trying really hard NOT to cry, here at work. I am overwhelmed, a stressed past my limits. I don't want to make too big of a deal over it as I know my husband it stressed, too, and I know him knowing how up set I am will make him more stressed (tho he could look on here and read this. )

I just need to vent.

Thanks for listening. (or reading)

Please make sure that your home teacher and bishop are not the last to be given this information. It is very sad that even in our LDS society few will know we need help unless we tell them.

BTW - someday this sort of thing will happen to a neighbor you may not know very well - remember what it would have meant to you if someone had come to your aid - especially if it inconvenienced them. Often when I need assistance, I hesitate to ask knowing that the most likely help will come from someone I do not know very well and after their help I learn that they were also in great need.

The Traveler

[Guest]

That is a lot to deal with! Everything also seems so much more insurmountable to me when I'm very tired, and especially pregnant and very tired. That's not to minimize your stress, but to suggest that you put rest at the top of your priority list so that you can handle everything else better. The kids' rooms will get dirty 5 minutes after they're clean, anyway. Everything else will still be there when you wake up. But you'll be able to deal with it better.

My last pregnancy was very hard and trying for our family. I spent the last 4 months on strict bedrest, partly in the hospital, and my husband's job was uncertain. This scripture helped get me focus my energy on growing those little babies, instead of worrying about all of the things I couldn't do anything about:

Luke 12

25 And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?

26 If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?

27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?

29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.

30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.

[Jennarator]

So around the tiime I posted this I called my Drs office back, asked to speak with a nurse rather than the receptionist, got a voicemail, left a message, explaining I needed to see the Dr sooner, haven't heard back. Ugh!

[Jennarator]

I called, again, insisted on speaking w/ a nurse, not the receptionist. Got an appt for tomoorrow! Woohoo! At least one thing is loooking up!

(Althought I did spill grease on my shirt at lunch.) LOL!

Wish me luck w/ the plumber that is coming tonight to "have a look." He is a neighbor of a friend, hopefully he won't charge 2 grand to fix everything.

[classylady]

Jenn, so sorry you're going through so much stress right now. Life is hard.

I have found that what has helped me, is to focus on the basics. Sometimes, the most basic thing is that we the family are still alive. I know that sounds awful, but the truth is, sometimes, for me, that's all I could focus on.

There have been several times when our house has had severe roof problems. One year, we had a microburst, where the wind was so severe it damaged the roof over the master bedroom. I woke up with dripping water on my face, woke my husband up, turned on the lights, and then the ceiling and all the insulation came crashing down onto the bed. The baby was in the bed with us. Luckily, I had picked him up. We had no money to fix it. We had just enough money to buy some dry wall and plastic. The dry wall covered up the gaping hole, the plastic covered the damaged roof. It was quite a few months before we were able to repair the roof. Two of my teenagers did the roof repair work. We weren't able to replace the insulation for about 10 years. We survived.

We have also had a major leak in our living and dining room area. We had a hole in our ceiling for several years--embarrassing. Even though it's repaired now, I still need to paint over the new dry wall. It just seems like we can never get ahead. One thing after another goes wrong, and we simply do not have the money to fix it. So, I understand your frustration. Being pregnant just seems to magnify the problems. And I can see where the stress over money is a major issue. Most women have the need for financial security. For me, it's not the issue of having enough money for extras. It's the need to have enough money for the basic necessities. And sometimes, we haven't had enough for the basics. I've mentioned in other threads where we have had to have our phone shut off (numerous times), power shut off, gas turned off, and one time even our water turned off. It has really put a stress on our marriage. But, we are committed to our marriage, and I had to focus on the positives, rather than the negatives in order to get through some of the trials.

Is there no way to get the paper work on your sealing cancellation quickly sent in to the First Presidency? I would focus on that. If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't. And of course everything will be all right. But, I know that would be such an emotional stress for me. Again, sorry you're going through so much. Sometimes, for me, hope is all I had. Have hope for a brighter future. Sending you hugs!

[Guest]

We had our house got hit by lightning - shot a hole through our roof and fritzed our electronics. First thing my kids and I said (we were in the house at the time, my kid was on the computer and his hair stood up!), "Thanks be to God our house didn't catch fire!". So, yeah, we were happy for the hole in the roof, which is kinda silly but it's how we felt. But then, the home insurance covered the repair and replacement of our stuff so it wasn't so bad.

I'm thinking and I'm fairly certain home insurance covers plumbing too. And I'm very sure it also covers a roof falling down in your bedroom. Right?

[Iggy]

Jennarator, I thought I read in a past post that you rent.

If so, then the leak is the landlords problem, he will be the one paying for the repairs.

If you own, do you have insurance? If so, call the claim in and your insurance will pay for the repairs, minus the deductible.

[Jennarator]

Jennarator, I thought I read in a past post that you rent.

If so, then the leak is the landlords problem, he will be the one paying for the repairs.

If you own, do you have insurance? If so, call the claim in and your insurance will pay for the repairs, minus the deductible.

We own. But I hadn't thought of insurance. Perhaps if it cost too much, it will be covered.

I did forget to mention in the OP that someone ran into our fence, broke it, told us they would fix it and is now in jail, for some other reason. Then the wind came and since it was already broke, a big sections crashed down.

[Bini]

Hey Jennarator! I hope things have settled down for you!

Whatever challenges you're dealing with — you'll get through them! Wow, that feels good to say that from the other side of the fence for a change.. But the pregnant part was easy for me, it was the postpartum that kicked my behind! Anyway, I never went through that nesting stage. I'm a neat freak and my house pretty much just got thrown onto the backburner. It took me the entire time I was pregnant to get baby's room semi-decent. Now that she's here, the nursery still isn't complete and she's sleeping in our bedroom.. My advice, take a deep breath and take one day at a time! Cut yourself some slack. Didn't get to folding all the laundry? Oh well! DH and the kids can take over for a day or two :] Wishing you the best mama. Keep us posted.

[Iggy]

We own. But I hadn't thought of insurance. Perhaps if it cost too much, it will be covered.

I did forget to mention in the OP that someone ran into our fence, broke it, told us they would fix it and is now in jail, for some other reason. Then the wind came and since it was already broke, a big sections crashed down.

Call the claim in NOW! The longer you delay, they may deny your claim. Water damage has to be dealt with sooner not later. If your carpet got wet, it CAN NOT be dried out, the padding never dries, ever. It will mold, mildew and rot causing even more damage and danger to your health.

You will not only have to have a plumber fix the leak, you will also need a contractor/handyman fix the ceiling, walls, floors. Remember you will only pay out of pocket the deductible. So, what is your deductible? The rest will be paid by your insurance carrier. Be sure you get a licensed/bonded contractor - plumber - you want quality work done, not cheap on the fly work. Also, the insurance carrier will be paying NOT you. So, don't pay a down payment UNLESS the carrier makes the check out to you. You can request to the carrier that the repair people be paid directly- to keep you out of the payments.

You can also file a separate claim on the fence- name the person who ran into it- his car insurance will end up paying for the replacement, or he will. Believe me, your carrier will hunt him down until the end of time to recover their money. In that instance, you will be reimbursed the deductible once he pays.

[Gwen]

Call the claim in NOW! The longer you delay, they may deny your claim.

Also some insurance companies only authorize certain ppl to do the work if they are going to pay. You need to know if they require this or not before you schedule the work.

[Iggy]

Also some insurance companies only authorize certain ppl to do the work if they are going to pay. You need to know if they require this or not before you schedule the work.

That is not true anymore. What they require before you schedule the work is that one of their adjusters come and assess the damage.

They don't even care if you ever get the work done after they have paid- just as long as you don't try to file more claims.

Example: My house in AZ was broken into, vandalized and all of the copper wiring and plumbing was stolen along with the stainless steel sink in the kitchen.

Total amount of damage done was over $10,000.00. We had an electrician come out, a plumber and a local contractor/handy man. The claims adjuster was there along with these professionals, inspected the damage and even told the plumber and contractor to amend their estimates to include plaster work + painting to repair the damage done in the kitchen. He also told them that the back door would have to be replaced as it could not be repaired.

We were asked if we were satisfied with the estimate amounts? Or in other words was there going to be any other estimates coming in from different repair people?

We had the house on the market to sell. The most the house & property was going to sell for was $20,000. Why should we put $10 grand into a $20 grand old house? I called the claims adjuster and told him I would be sending the checks back because we were not going to repair the house. He told me they didn't care if we repaired the house or not, the money was ours. Just don't file any future claims on the same damage.

We could have had the work done by anyone - the contractors who did up the estimates, or our neighbor who is an unliscensed/unbonded handy man who works for way less. The insurance company doesn't give a flip. Just don't file again later on the same damage.

But what the carrier will not pay for is damage that occurs after the original damage, when the client does not do any preventative measures to stop more damage occuring. What I mean is, there is water damage right now- by not notifing the carrier of the damage, allowing their adjuster/appraiser access to view and assess the damage, and by not stopping more damage occuring, you may not get all of the repair amount paid for by the carrier.

Example: You have a hole in your roof caused by storm damage. By not putting up temporary repair, i.e. tarp, you are allowing more damage to occur.

When I worked for an Insurance Agent, we had a client who waited to report a claim on the storm damage to one of his cow pens (this was a Saudi Cow Pen - http://www.agweb.com/article/made_in_the_shade_arizona_dairy_introduces_saudi_barns_to_texas_/). He was hoping that another storm that was predicted would cause even more damage so he could get the entire pen replaced. Cost of replacement would have been in the tens of thousands rather than the $5 thou to fix the current damage. His deductible was $5,000- he wanted to replace the entire pen.

Well, the storm was just a deluge of water, no gale force winds. But, because he failed to turn off the electricity to his fans after the initial damage, they all shorted out. 10 fans @ $750 - $1500 each. The carrier refused to pay for the replacement of the fans. Had the client turned off the electricity, (prevention) and the fans sustained damage enough to be replaced, the carrier would have replaced them.

In this instance where the repair cost is the same or less than the deductible, the carrier will tell you it is not in your best interest to file a claim. You pay your deductible and the $ amount to refund to you is $0.00.

But had the pen been totally destroyed, then it would be in the client's best interest to file the claim, pay his deductible and use the check to replace with a new pen.

[FunnySheila]

*Big Hugs*

I had a flood before christmas (18th Dec) and my stupid (hope he's not listening! :-P) landlord refused to get my carpets cleaned until boxing day and I had to come home to mouldy carpet and furniture (literally)... I don't have any family, but fortunately I had some savings and my insurance ended up reimbursing me for staying at the motel. I'm still cleaning up mould - the landlord really needs to replace the carpet, but he won't, and I can't afford to move anywhere else.

So I know what the flood aspect is like. I did cry several times - there was a couple of days when I thought we were going to end up on the streets, me and my kids because I couldn't afford to stay at the motel any more and I couldn't get the documentation I needed from Centrelink (the Aussie version of social security) just to be able to get into emergency accommodation (the welfare accommodation providers said they couldn't help me if I couldn't get the documentation). In fact when I picked my kids up on their last day of school before Christmas, I couldn't STOP crying, I had tears flowing and flowing and flowing, and wiping them away like a mad thing - everyone looking away pretending they didn't know something was wrong (the parent are very cliquish and I just don't fit in).

Baby steps. When you want to cry, just cry, but then wipe those tears away, force yourself to smile, say, "If I can get through this, I can get through anything," or, "I got through such and such so I know I can get through this," and make sure everyone knows that YOU, as the mummy and wife, need a time-out.

Scream if you need to - I know when people say this it sounds silly, but seriously, get in the shower, put your face up to the water and just scream into the water - if you're worried about the kids hearing and getting scared, then scream a silent scream but force all that air out of your lungs. Then tell yourself that you love you, that God loves you, and it's all going to be ok.

Anyways, know that you are doing wonderfully and if I were there, I'd (a) give you a big hug, and (b) offer to babysit.

Xx *Big Hugs from across the world* :)

[Vort]

My landlord experience:

In the last apartment we lived in, our stove top shorted out. We had two small children at that time, and being limited to an oven or microwave (or takeout, which we couldn't afford) seriously hampered our ability to feed our family. I did a cursory check to see if I could fix it, but the stove top was absolutely filthy underneath from years of use (before we got there), and I was not about to fiddle around with a 220-V appliance. I tried to clean out the gunk, but it ended there.

We notified the landlord, not once, but several times over a period of WEEKS. No action, not even a response. Finally, in frustration, I called my mother (who owns rental property) and explained the situation to her. She said: "The law is on your side. Give them a letter tonight telling them that you are buying a new stove for your apartment and that you will deduct the cost of the appliance and installation from your rent until you have been repaid." So I did. I delivered the letter to the manager (a really nice guy, btw) the same evening and prepared to have Sears install a new oven the next day, which was Saturday.

Lo and behold, at 7:00 Saturday morning, who shows up at our door but the landlord, carrying his tool kit! It took him until noon to fix the stove top, but by that afternoon, we were once again eating food cooked on our own stove.

(Kind of funny: When we left the apartment after 1.5 years of living there, we cleaned it so thoroughly -- took the two of us 24 solid hours because it was so filthy -- that the landlord wrote us a letter of appreciation, inviting us to live there again if we came back to the area and offering to write us a letter of recommendation if we wanted. So apparently, he didn't hold the threat against us.)

[Jennarator]

Thanks for all the positive feed back. I am trying to stay positive, but this week has been so full of ups and downs. I am still having trouble holding back tears. But I am doing it. Good thing is the flood was not as bad as we thought. Still no water upstairs, but my husband can fix it. The plumber told him what to do. He just needs time to do it.

I found a place to put baby stuff. (Well my husband did.) We have a little alcove in the hall right next to our bedroom. It has a little vanity type area, and some drawers and it is built into the hall. We haven't used it, since the drawers are old, a bit dirty and don't open and close well. So now we have good reason to fix up that little area, put baby clothes and accesories in it, and place a changing pad on the top. I don't know why we didn't think of it before. Guess since we never used it, except for the vanity top to put random stuff on, we never thought of it. But my genuis husband thought of it and he is going to fix it up. Now I am getting a little excited.

I still have to clean the whole house and all, but I am taking it one room at a time. The kids' rooms and play rooms are the worst and my parents are coming in a month and going to stay in the play room, so that needs lots of work.

I doubt the fence will be fixed, but hopefully the house will be in decent shape.

I am trying to stay positive, tho I am still very overwhelmed. We'll see how everything goes. I hope I don't go into labor too soon, since we are no where near ready.

[Sunday21]

Know just how U feel!