Eternity with my two late husbands and my current living husband...

[tolisamarie]

I was born and raised in the Church and I am 44 years old. I have two late husbands - the first, Brendan, died less than a year after we were married, when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter (who is now 22 years old). It was an accidental overdose - liquor and pills - he was a bad boy but he was the most passionate man I have ever known.

Shortly after my daughter was born I married my second husband, David, who was 19 years older than I am. We had 12 years of blissful marriage and my second (and youngest) daughter (who is now 20 years old). Ten years ago he died of prostate cancer. He was the kindest and most generous man that I have ever known.

Seven years ago I married my third and current husband, Daren. We share an amazing relationship and I think that he is the most patient and indulgent man that I have ever known. He's only five years older than I am and he's in perfect health so I hope that we'll have many, many more years together. He has three children from his first marriage, two sons and a daughter, and three grandsons. He was divorced, not widower-ed.

Doctrine and Covenants 132:46 tells us that "whatsoever you bind on earth, in my name and by my word, saith the Lord, it shall be eternally bound in the heavens."

My first two husbands didn't stop being my husbands just because they died. They will always be my husbands - in this life and the next. I know - as surely as I know that the sun rises in the east - that I will spend eternity with all three of my husbands. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ and I know it to be true.

Does this make me a polygamist?

Edited May 11, 2012 by tolisamarie

[pam]

I think you may have the scripture wrong. D&C 123 only goes to verse 17.

[tolisamarie]

Typo - I meant D&C 132:46

[pam]

D&C 132:46 is referring to temple sealings. It's not referring to civil marriages.

[tolisamarie]

I've never had a "civil" marriage. All of my marriages took place in the name, and by the word of God, our Heavenly Father.

Does this make me a polygamist?

Edited May 11, 2012 by tolisamarie

[pam]

When I say civil marriages, I am speaking of marriages that are not done within the temples that belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

We believe that within these temples and with the proper authority, couples can be sealed together for time and all eternity.

Outside of these temples, marriages are performed for "time" only.

That is what the scripture you referenced is talking about. It is talking about these sealings and not marriages performed outside our sacred temples.

[tolisamarie]

Are you saying that the sacred and eternal covenants of marriage do not apply to all people? Only to those married in a temple? The concept of being re-united with all of our loved ones in the afterlife is not a uniquely Mormon belief - all Christian faiths - including the Catholics, share it.

No matter your opinion of the translation of the scripture, I KNOW that I will spend eternity with all three of my husbands. I have received true testimony of this many, many, many times.

Edited May 11, 2012 by tolisamarie

[pam]

No I didn't say that at all. Marriage outside of the temple is also a covenant.

I said and I will repeat....We, as LDS, believe that marriages/sealings performed in one of our temples is for time and all eternity.

Marriages performed outside one of these temples is for time only.

You may also believe how you will. I can respect that as well. But please do not use LDS scripture to rationalize your way of thinking when it does not fit into your thinking at all. You are using the meaning behind the scripture to fit into what you believe or would like to believe and not what this particular scripture is really all about.

[tolisamarie]

So, if had the fortitude to convert my three husbands and had married all of them in a temple - my absolute conviction that I will spend all eternity in the celestial kingdom with them would be uncontested. Is that correct?

[pam]

No it's not correct. A living woman may not be sealed to more than one man. If a husband dies and she wants to be sealed to another in the temple, a sealing cancellation must be done with the previous husband.

A deceased woman may be sealed to all men that she was legally married to during her life.

However, if she was sealed to a husband during her life, all her husbands must be deceased before she may be sealed to a husband to whom she was not sealed during life.

[tolisamarie]

I know that I can baptize my late husbands and I plan to do so.

You are saying that I cannot seal myself to them in temple - but as I understand you, after I die my daughters can seal all my husbands to me if my current husband pre-deceases me - Is that correct?

Edited May 11, 2012 by tolisamarie

[pam]

Your daughters could submit the necessary paperwork to have you sealed to all of your husbands after you die.

However, my understanding is (I'm searching to find something that would back up my understanding) that only one sealing would be valid and it would be up to the Lord to make that determination.

***Edit*** The only thing I can find is that church leaders have not clarified if women in such circumstances will live in a polyandrous relationship in the hereafter.

Edited May 11, 2012 by pam

[tolisamarie]

I just sent you a private message. I need very much to talk about this further with someone who understands this matter better than I do.

[pam]

I don't claim to be all knowing. In fact, I don't think we have all of the answers. There are still things that have not been revealed to us.

[MarginOfError]

Truthfully, we don't have a good answer for you. There is a lot of speculation and extrapolation, but most of it is trying to extend current temple policies into the eternities. It isn't clear to me how well our temporal policies map onto eternal policies.

The best I can offer, and I know it will be of small comfort, is that if you live worthily, you will be happy in the afterlife. I wish I had something better for you.

[Vort]

Yours is a touching story. You are blessed to have been married to three such men.

I doubt anyone here has a definitive answer to your question. Our current understanding is that an exalted woman has one, and only one, husband. And exalted man has one or more wives. That is our current practice among living people, though after her death, a woman may be sealed by proxy to any and all previous husbands. The thinking is that the woman will "choose" which man she wants as her husband in the hereafter.

I sort of accept this as a functional best understanding, but I don't imagine that it is the last word on the subject. I think we are not in a position now to comprehend such things, so we just muddle along as best we can. We see through a glass darkly. We do not understand many of the things of eternity well; they are hazy shadows. Any time people start arguing about this or that nuance of revealed knowledge about the conditions of the afterlife, you may be confident that no one really knows what he or she is talking about.

If I were in your position, I would take strength from the personal assurances I have received and move forward confidently. I probably would not share such convictions around too much, because there are some who would be threatened by them. That's okay; they don't have to believe my ideas, because I'm not looking for converts.

[Gwen]

My first two husbands didn't stop being my husbands just because they died. They will always be my husbands - in this life and the next.

If you were not sealed by the proper authority (as pam was talking about) then yes they did stop being your husbands. Your affections for them and the emotional relationship you had with them did not stop at death but the authority that married you had no power beyond the grave. This is why we do work for our ancestors, it ties up lose ends so no one misses out on blessings they deserve.

I know - as surely as I know that the sun rises in the east - that I will spend eternity with all three of my husbands.

"Spend eternity with" and "be married to" are not the same meaning. We will spend eternity with many ppl that we knew from this life that we will not be sealed to. We will continue to know those we have relationships here with (spouses, parent/child, best friends, etc). We will know and remember each other. Only in exaltation is there a familial relationship (sealed as husband and wife and able to procreate). There will be many more there, living and knowing each other and happily spending eternity together that are not sealed and procreating. In this way we will "spend eternity with" our family and friends from this life.

The concept of being re-united with all of our loved ones in the afterlife is not a uniquely Mormon belief - all Christian faiths - including the Catholics, share it.

This has been an issue for many ppl, what kind of loving god would send us here to form these powerful familial bonds and then rip us apart in the next life? That sounds like the opposite of heaven. Some seek answers until they find the proper authority, some rationalize that we will totally forget this life (as an act of mercy), some just make up whatever they want to reconcile their beliefs with what they feel. But in the end most ppl that I talk to who have had strong positive familial relationships desire to be with them in the next life, that is a universal desire.

No matter your opinion of the translation of the scripture, I KNOW that I will spend eternity with all three of my husbands. I have received true testimony of this many, many, many times.

It's not about pam's or anyone's opinion/translation of the scripture. What matters is how the prophet defines the scripture. I will not (nor can I) question your testimony of spending eternity with your husbands.

Truthfully, we don't have a good answer for you. There is a lot of speculation and extrapolation, but most of it is trying to extend current temple policies into the eternities. It isn't clear to me how well our temporal policies map onto eternal policies.

The best I can offer, and I know it will be of small comfort, is that if you live worthily, you will be happy in the afterlife. I wish I had something better for you.

This is really the answer. We don't understand it all but we have faith that a perfect, just, and merciful father (god) will make all right and we will have a fulness of joy in the next life. Part of being fully joyful is being with our families from this life.

If we were real life friends I would suggest you research all you can on the sealing ordinance and the proper authority to bind on earth and heaven. I would encourage you to go to the temple (if you can't now then make it an earnest goal) often. Observe or participate in proxy sealings, really listen and pray to understand the ordinance. Also really pray about and understand the revelation you have received. Make sure you are hearing what you are being told and not what you wish it means.

A side note about my last statement. I know off hand it can cause defensiveness so I'll share an example from my own life about doing this. Shortly after high school I met this RM and we started dating. Very early in the relationship I just knew we were meant to be together, I had received it in revelation. I had found "the one" and I was just going through the dating motions until that time came. Then in time he prayed about asking me to marry him and got a firm "no". That was an awkward break up. lol I was left very confused, why would the lord tell me yes (when I didn't even ask) and then tell him no? Then I started really looking at what I was told. I wasn't told he was "the one", I wasn't told we were going to get married. What I was told is that we were supposed to have a relationship (be together). From that relationship I learned things I don't know that I would have learned otherwise. I was supposed to date him. My friendship with him was a very important part of my growing up, growing in the gospel and learning to understand revelation. As strange as it may sound that experience has carried me through many other difficult times in my life (including finding the man I was supposed to marry). I wanted the revelation to say I was to marry him but what it really said was "pay attention, this is an important relationship for you".

Back to you.... lol.... I can't interpret your revelation. I don't know you or your life story beyond what you have said here. I could be totally wrong in this but.... the tone of your post suggests to me that there is more to this. Is your current husband a member of the church? Have you been discussing getting sealed (or have been sealed but now have spent a lot of time wondering about the previous husbands)? From what you have said each of your husbands gave you something good, carried you along your path in life that allowed you to be where and who you are today. That makes them very cherished to you. It makes you very concerned for their salvation. Is it possible that the lord is giving you comfort that you will spend eternity with your husbands (they will in time accept the gospel and be taken care of with a fullness of joy) but not saying that they will be "your husbands" for eternity?

Again I don't know your experiences and I could be totally wrong. I hope you don't feel the need to defend your testimony or cast your pearls before swine. I simply wanted to give you some food for thought based on what I read in your word choice. You may be exactly right in your understanding and though our current earthly policies don't lean toward what you are saying doesn't mean it won't be worked out in the end. Your revelation may be the lord telling you to be patient and all will be worked out in the end. Only you will know what the lord is telling you. Pray and then listen.

I truly hope that I have not offended you with my assumptions and musings on what you have shared. In the end remember that we can have a fullness of joy and we have a just and merciful father. Consider yourself very blessed in this life to have met and been married to 3 men that obviously shaped you in wonderful ways, men that you desire to be with for eternity. Most consider themselves lucky to find one person that they care that deeply about. You are very blessed indeed.

[Timpman]

Didn't the officiators of your marriages say something like "Til death do you part"?

[Timpman]

The concept of being re-united with all of our loved ones in the afterlife is not a uniquely Mormon belief - all Christian faiths - including the Catholics, share it.

I think the concept of eternal MARRIAGE is quite unique. Other Christian churches specifically say that there is no such thing. I am thankful to have a fulness of the Gospel.

[Guest]

The concept of being re-united with all of our loved ones in the afterlife is not a uniquely Mormon belief - all Christian faiths - including the Catholics, share it.

You may be mis-representing the Catholics. I was Catholic before I became LDS. Catholics do not believe that marriage transcends death.

Yes, Catholics believe that we will be with our loved ones in the afterlife but not in any form of familial or marital relationship.

Only the LDS in any of the Christian faith that I know of believe that marriage is eternal. But LDS do not believe that "any" form of marriage is eternal. Only those that are sealed by proper authority is eternal.

As to your question of whether somebody sealed to many people by proper authority is a polygamist... well, sure, you can say that. Although, I think polygamy is an earthly term, but I don't have a problem applying the same word to the eternal state of marriage. I don't see polygamy as a negative word when applied in that manner.

Hope this helps.

Edited May 11, 2012 by anatess

[bcguy]

The last three died of natural causes. So, does that mean when my grandmother passes, she will have four husbands fighting for her after death? who knows.

[NeuroTypical]

The concept of being re-united with all of our loved ones in the afterlife is not a uniquely Mormon belief - all Christian faiths - including the Catholics, share it.

All Christian faiths most assuredly absolutely do NOT share this belief. I've been told lots of things by various christians of different types. Besides the notion that anatess shares, some folks tell me that family relationships just won't be important to us any more. Others say that there is no gender in heaven. Others say that we remain who we are, but spend the eternities in worshipful adoration of God and don't care about anything else. Others tell me we'll lose our personalities and mortal loves and defining characteristics, because angels have no use for them.

I just sent you a private message. I need very much to talk about this further with someone who understands this matter better than I do.

Tolisamarie, are you Mormon? Because if you are, your Bishop is probably the best person to ask.

[Just_A_Guy]

All Christian faiths most assuredly absolutely do NOT share this belief. I've been told lots of things by various christians of different types. Besides the notion that anatess shares, some folks tell me that family relationships just won't be important to us any more. Others say that there is no gender in heaven. Others say that we remain who we are, but spend the eternities in worshipful adoration of God and don't care about anything else. Others tell me we'll lose our personalities and mortal loves and defining characteristics, because angels have no use for them.

My impression is that most doctrinaire mainline Christians deny the continuation of a traditional marriage relationship in heaven; but many (perhaps most?) rank-and-file Christians pretty much disregard their religions' official teachings in this regard and hope for a continued family relationship after death.

[annewandering]

And no its not polygamy. Its polyandry if I have the terms right. We will be with all we love but not necessily as husband and wife.

You have been a very lucky woman to have married three men you truly love. I know you have been blessed. With your faith you know that whatever God has planned for you is good. Right?

[carlimac]

You may be mis-representing the Catholics. I was Catholic before I became LDS. Catholics do not believe that marriage transcends death.

I've had this discussion with several members of other churches. They believe they will be "married" to Christ only after death. I'm not sure what that means. (And I might add that some of them seem to be quite happy they won't be married to their current or past husbands. )