No more hiding it. I am who I am. LOUD AND PROUD!

[Vort]

It began in childhood. "Hey, Vort! We're playing baseball! Wanna come?" I'd answer, "No, thanks. I'm reading the World Book right now."

It got more pronounced when I started school. All the kids would complain about going to class and how they'd rather be home watching TV. I would stare at them in confusion. What did they mean? Didn't everyone love going to school?

Junior high school is where things started getting tough. So many arbitrary social rules, most seemingly to prevent usage of polysyllabic words. Communication was to be carried out with grunts, vulgar gestures, and profanity!

What was the matter with me? The awful answer inexorably revealed itself:

I was a geek. Oh, the shame! Every schoolboy knows there are some things you're SUPPOSED to be interested in (like sex and football) and many things you should NEVER be interested in (like math and literature). Woe betide the poor four-eyed fool who was interested in everything!

High school was, in many ways, the nadir of my life. For example, using the word 'nadir' was an invitation for people to throw things at me, and not in a jovial way. Self-referential humor was met with open mockery (but only when the mockers understood it, which fortunately was not very often). Thank heavens for kind friends who made it bearable and, occasionally, pleasant.

Leaving high school behind forever and going to the university was a great turning point in my life. Finally! Surrounded by people who weren't always so different from myself! People tolerated, and occasionally even laughed with, my sense of humor. They rolled their eyes at my puns instead of just staring blankly. I married a non-geek, but highly intelligent and willing to put up with my, let's just say, tendencies. If you know what I mean. And I'm sure you do.

Now free to explore the joys of words that self-define, like "sesquipedalian" and "pentasyllabic", or better yet, words that anti-self-define, like "miniscule" and "pulchritudinous", or contronyms, words that contain opposite meanings, like "cleave" (hang together or divide apart) and "sanction" (officially allow and officially prohibit), my geekiness could run wild. Why don't I know calculus better? I can take a class! Did you know there's a human anatomy class for undergrads that uses actual human cadavers?! Sign me up! Hey, I think I want to learn Latin. There's a class for that, you know.

University: Nearly the ultimate geek playground.

Sadly (or not), geekiness appears to be a single-gene mutation, or else Sister Vort was a recessive carrier. Somehow, all of our children exhibit the characteristic to some degree. For example, a year or so ago at a family reunion, my sister and my oldest son held the following conversation:

Vort's sister: Hey, Vort Jr.! How's it going? Tell us something we don't know!

Vort Jr: (with no discernible pause) The density of Europa is three point oh one grams per cubic centimeter.

I tell you, I could have wept with joy. (As it was, I almost wept with laughter.)

Geekiness does not diminish with age, though it softens and sometimes changes its focus. But you can't get away from it. A half hour ago, my wife and I had the following exchange:

Vort: So if I get all excited about Sunday's Mars touchdown of the Phoenix lander and want to watch videos and news reports about it and see live feeds, does that pretty much make me a geek by definition?

Sister Vort: Only a geek would have to ask such a question.

So that's it! No more hiding! I'm loud and proud! (Well, as loud as geeks get. More like screechy, I guess.) Geeks, Unite!

(We would use the rainbow as our symbol, but as any geek can tell you, the rainbow symbol sadly neglects both the infrared and the ultraviolet ends of the spectrum, to say nothing of radio waves and gamma rays.)

Edited August 2, 2012 by Vort

[Guest]

I know and love many geeks. Welcome into the light.

[Dravin]

(We would use the rainbow as our symbol, but as any geek can tell you, the rainbow symbol sadly neglects both the infrared and the ultraviolet ends of the spectrum, to say nothing of radio waves and gamma rays.)

I recommend a flag with "E=hc/ λ" on it.

[Backroads]

Preach on, brother!

[Guest]

Hmm... I thought I was a geek. I guess I'm not! Whew! What a relief! For once in my life, I am happy that I don't know about the lack of infrared and ultraviolet spectra of rainbows...

I'm worried about my kids though.

In Primary Class last Sunday, a kid talked about the story of Gehazi getting leprosy and how leprosy is so bad because it is highly contageous. And my 10-year-old immediately said, leprosy is not highly contageous and 95% of the world population is immune to the disease.

And my 8-year-old kids' Summer Bridge writing today (On the Advantages and Disadvantages of Video Games):

"If you think everyone loves video games, you're wrong. Albert Einstein did not like video games. If he did, he would have found a way to invent it. How did Albert Einstein get so smart? I believe that it is because there were no video games when he was a kid."

- okay, he's 8. His logical arguments are immature...

[MorningStar]

*pulls out dictionary*

[Windseeker]

The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth.

oh and my favorite geek

Who sings the actual line so well :)

[estradling75]

Where is the nerd love?

Geek vs. Nerd: The Infographic

[Guest]

[john doe]

So now you're coming out of the closet to proudly proclaim your status as internet bully?

Oh, sorry, guess I should have read the OP.

[Anddenex]

Now free to explore the joys of words that self-define, like "sesquipedalian" and "pentasyllabic", or better yet, words that anti-self-define, like "miniscule" and "pulchritudinous", or contronyms,

Vort, would you please use smaller words, my brain is hurting, and I don't need to feel dumber than I already feel because I need to have a..... what is that called again.... oh yes, a dictionary at my side to understand your post.

P.S. For those who may have missed the motivation behind my post, yes, it was meant to be funny/sarcastic.

P.P.S. Yes, I realized, if I needed to point out it was sarcastic, then it wasn't probably funny anyway, but it was worth a try :)

[Bini]

I wish I were as cool.

[annewandering]

I am no where as smart as you, Vort, but I loved going to college because I could finally meet people like me. It was a wonderful turning point for my self esteem.

It was amazing to have people actually like me AND understand my jokes.

I know you are joking, kinda anyway, but what you say is so much a part of more lives than we like to think. You have been lucky to find acceptance. Thanks for the post and, Vort, you ought to think about publishing it.

[Traveler]

Interesting Vort - glad to have you in the geek squad. Because I am dyslectic reading and everything else in grade school was a problem for me. The education light for me did not come on until I reached junior high. It was there I discovered that I could read paragraphs without having to figure out every alphabetic character and word. I also discovered that smart kids (like you) were not really smarter than anyone else – they just read stuff (in particular the homework). I loved sports – just was not that good at much. I played 2nd base because I could throw the ball to any base on the field from there. I was also good at cycling and skiing and was given an invasion to join the US ski team.

In high school I discovered a new method of ticking off teachers (in grade school I just created chaos). In high school I started pointing out errors in text books during class. When I got to college I discovered that many teachers required you buy their book on the subject – I delighted even more in pointing out errors and demanding a refund. I also started broadcasting a underground radio station and played games hiding our broadcasts from the feds – Yes I finely got caught – but it took them over 2 years and they cheated and had me way outnumbered.

I was also in the army – which was actually fun – except for many commissioned officers that thought they were better than everybody else when they obviously, in many cases, were hardly any smarter than a dirt clod. I have a lot of respect for those that serve in the military but in all my life I have not found and institution more willing to promote incompetence than the army (military in general).

But perhaps the greatest educational revelation for me came while studying to be a teacher. I wanted to work with the smartest and brightest students and studied identifying and working with genus. What I discovered is that the educational system in the USA not only is, for the most part, incapable of identifying most geniuses but actually actively discourages exceptional learners. I personally believe that there is genus in almost everybody. In other words genus is not the exception – but most are discouraged from realizing their particular genus. Our society loves to crush the exceptional – even to the point of making the unconventional the convention. One of my main goals is to stimulate thinking – especially outside the box thinking. Convincing everybody to use their genus – rather than rely on stifling traditions. It does not matter much what the subject is – the experts are no smarter than any of you and their arguments are full of errors – but the experts also have good ideas as well. It is up to everyone to use their genus to realize the difference.

The Traveler

[Vort]

I worked from home this morning, and had a brief conversation with my wife (as documented) before jumping in the shower. That's where I got the idea for this short essay, which I quickly wrote up after the shower and before catching the bus into Seattle. But I meant for it to be lighthearted and funny; as I reread it, it looks quite a bit whinier and less funny than I had intended. Oops. Sorry. Too late to rewrite it now, I guess.

According to estradling's infographic, I'm a bit more of a nerd than a geek, anyway. Except I didn't marry a nerd.

[Guest]

I worked from home this morning, and had a brief conversation with my wife (as documented) before jumping in the shower. That's where I got the idea for this short essay, which I quickly wrote up after the shower and before catching the bus into Seattle. But I meant for it to be lighthearted and funny; as I reread it, it looks quite a bit whinier and less funny than I had intended. Oops. Sorry. Too late to rewrite it now, I guess.

According to estradling's infographic, I'm a bit more of a nerd than a geek, anyway. Except I didn't marry a nerd.

Oh see, now I feel good about myself because I'm the only one - so far - that clicked on the laugh button. I get you Vort, I really get you.

[Just_A_Guy]

My dear brother Vort,

It was with great consternation that I read your open letter in which you chose to proclaim your so-called “geek”ness. As your brother I felt I must respond. As you read this, please accept it in the spirit with which it was written. Understand I have no problem with the geek people. I have many friends who are geeks. (By which I mean, I know a couple of guys who wear glasses when they could wear contacts. I mean, really. In this day and age? Who does that?)

I’m sure you are aware that it has been decreed that word games, use of obscure vocabulary, and general mathematics, are sacred powers to be used only between academics and instructors legally and lawfully employed by an educational institution. Any other use of these powers is a grave sin. Moreover, it is dangerous for society. History unfortunately shows us that every civilization that embraces and glorifies geekdom, is overthrown within a few generations.

It may be that you feel you were “born this way”. Whatever led you to your unfortunate condition with its impulses is, frankly, irrelevant. Your urges may not be, in and of themselves, sinful. But they must be resisted. It is possible. You do not have to live the geek lifestyle. If you find yourself in a moment of intellectual stimulation, you can quickly consult great books such as “See Spot Run (Run, Spot, Run)”, which will usually erase such urges. If this fails, you may also try singing to yourself. (“The Song that Never Ends” is best; but if you find this fatiguing, “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith is clinically proven to be 95% effective at making you feel dumber”).

I was nonplussed to see your claim that you have passed your geekness on to your children. This is, of course, nonsense. Everyone knows that geekness is not hereditary. The fact that geeks can’t reproduce in their natural state, is the exact reason you’re here, recruiting, now.

I hope you come to see the error of your ways. But until you do; take your false doctrine and your self-pity and your hippie liberal notions elsewhere, sir. I will pray for your soul.

[Guest]

(“The Song that Never Ends” is best; but if you find this fatiguing, “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith is clinically proven to be 95% effective at making you feel dumber”).

[Vort]

My dear brother Vort,

See, now, THAT's the kind of funny I was intending.

[Anddenex]

(By which I mean, I know a couple of guys who wear glasses when they could wear contacts. I mean, really. In this day and age? Who does that?)

Oh JAG, I do, and now I must hang my head low since I have now been categorized as a "Geek".

I grew up a jock, now I am a geek.

[LittleWyvern]

The fact that geeks can’t reproduce in their natural state,

Ok, JaG wins this thread. Let's all go home.