Am I Expecting Too Much?

[Leah]

I was in a crash a couple of weeks ago. The insurance is a about to cut me a check for $2500. That is all I will have to buy a car with. The insurance will not pay for a rental past Saturday.

I'm a girl. I know next to nothing about cars.

I was told by someone in the ward that this is where my home teacher could be helpful. And that if he is unable (or unwilling), he would pass the information on to the brethren so that someone could be found who could help me. He has not done this.

Would a man really expect a woman to meet strangers from Craigslist by herself? Is it asking too my h to think that someone in the ward or stake could help out in a situation such as this?

I have no husband, father, brother , uncle. Any close male friends were out of my life once my late husband was in it.

I hate asking for help, but I am feeling like no one cares.

[Guest]

I was in a crash a couple of weeks ago. The insurance is a about to cut me a check for $2500. That is all I will have to buy a car with. The insurance will not pay for a rental past Saturday.

I'm a girl. I know next to nothing about cars.

I was told by someone in the ward that this is where my home teacher could be helpful. And that if he is unable (or unwilling), he would pass the information on to the brethren so that someone could be found who could help me. He has not done this.

Would a man really expect a woman to meet strangers from Craigslist by herself? Is it asking too my h to think that someone in the ward or stake could help out in a situation such as this?

I have no husband, father, brother , uncle. Any close male friends were out of my life once my late husband was in it.

I hate asking for help, but I am feeling like no one cares.

Craigslist is not the best place to find a car. I would try auto trader. And I don't understand why a woman requires a man to buy a car. I've been buying my own car for over 20 years.

Don't just wait for somebody to help. Go talk to your visiting teachers if you don't get the help from the home teachers. If that doesn't pan out either, go talk to somebody else, like the Elders Quorom Prez or the RS Prez, or the bishopric, etc.

[Guest]

I can understand why you'd want someone with you for a craigslist sale. I can also understand why a man would be uncomfortable accompanying a single sister somewhere. Maybe ask if he and his wife could help you? Or a friend (with or without her husband)? It's not asking too much but they might be worried about propriety without wanting to come right out and say it.

I don't trust used car dealers any more than private sellers, and their markup is higher. Just have your mechanic check it out.

[Leah]

Craigslist is not the best place to find a car. I would try auto trader. And I don't understand why a woman requires a man to buy a car. I've been buying my own car for over 20 years.

Don't just wait for somebody to help. Go talk to your visiting teachers if you don't get the help from the home teachers. If that doesn't pan out either, go talk to somebody else, like the Elders Quorom Prez or the RS Prez, or the bishopric, etc.

Wow, is that how you always respond when people ask a question or need help? Remind them you are superior and are the expert in everything?

I didn't ask for condescension and judgment, I asked a question. I realize you think me interior because I don't know all the ins and outs of car mechanics, but I am not ashamed to say that that is not my area of expertise.

And I am exploring all those avenues you mentioned. I have been working hard on this, but once again, thanks for being judgmental and assuming i am lazy and just sitting on my butt. Believe it or not, I do have a few working brain cells even after the head injury from the crash.

[Leah]

So done with this site . And the church. And life. So not with it any more.

[Guest]

Wow, is that how you always respond when people ask a question or need help? Remind them you are superior and are the expert in everything?

I didn't ask for condescension and judgment, I asked a question. I realize you think me interior because I don't know all the ins and outs of car mechanics, but I am not ashamed to say that that is not my area of expertise.

And I am exploring all those avenues you mentioned. I have been working hard on this, but once again, thanks for being judgmental and assuming i am lazy and just sitting on my butt. Believe it or not, I do have a few working brain cells even after the head injury from the crash.

Sorry, I forgot this is Leah asking the question. The person who doesn't seem to understand my English. You asked for advice, I gave you one. I did not give judgement. If this is how you treat people trying to help you, then maybe that's why nobody wants to. Yes, I'm being harsh. On purpose this time.

Moving on.

Edited November 8, 2012 by anatess

[annewandering]

So done with this site . And the church. And life. So not with it any more.

Are you ok? I would not go to craigslist people alone. Another women should be good. Women sell cars on craigslist. That would solve some of the danger issue.

If it were me, and i was not confident about my knowledge, I would go to the internet and do a little research as to what to look for. There are plenty of sites that will tell you a lot. Oh and check out the modal of car before you go see it. I liked to check the gas mileage on the web. You can get a fair idea of what the car would be going for in price as well.

You can get some good deals if you are persistent and cautious.

[Vort]

I was in a crash a couple of weeks ago. The insurance is a about to cut me a check for $2500. That is all I will have to buy a car with. The insurance will not pay for a rental past Saturday.

I'm a girl. I know next to nothing about cars.

I was told by someone in the ward that this is where my home teacher could be helpful. And that if he is unable (or unwilling), he would pass the information on to the brethren so that someone could be found who could help me. He has not done this.

Would a man really expect a woman to meet strangers from Craigslist by herself? Is it asking too my h to think that someone in the ward or stake could help out in a situation such as this?

I have no husband, father, brother , uncle. Any close male friends were out of my life once my late husband was in it.

I hate asking for help, but I am feeling like no one cares.

I suggest you call your high priest group leader. He's in charge of situations like this. He should know you, and he certainly knows your name. Ideally, your home teachers would take care of this...but they are not. They report to him, anyway. He's the man the stake president has put in charge of watching over you.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your high priest group leader, talk to your bishop. He can always help, though in this case, he's likely to pick up the phone and call the high priest group leader, anyway.

[pam]

While I think some of the responses a bit harsh going both ways let's take this the way I think Leah saw this.

I'm a girl. I know next to nothing about cars.

Leah admits right here that she knows next to nothing about cars. Many women don't. In fact many men don't.

Then you have a response:

And I don't understand why a woman requires a man to buy a car. I've been buying my own car for over 20 years.

Just because one may have been buying their own car for over 20 years, it does come off a bit as condescending and a one upmanship. Especially in the light that Leah did already admit she knows next to nothing about cars.

She asked for advice on whether she should contact her priesthood leaders. Instead she was made to feel somewhat inferior to someone else.

Just my two cents.

[Praetorian_Brow]

If you want it done right, do it yourself. Besides, you will save money by being an informed consumer. Buying cars is not a man job, nor is it a Priesthood holder job.

My sister would ask about wipers, I would stare at her and say, read the package. She would ask about oil, tire pressure, etc. Not because she was interested in actually learnining, but because she wanted someone to do it for her, which did not garner any respect points. Reading does wonders for such issues.

You are expecting too much of people. Playing the damsel in distress, is not enouraging assistance either. Its not surprising the responses that she has gotten, considering her initial query came across that she was being mistreated.

[pam]

I'm a hands on person. I don't learn that well from reading packages and instructions. I want someone to show and teach me but let me do it while they are teaching me. I learn much better.

[ditd]

If I was Russell M Nelson I would say

Ask the missionaries! They can help you!

[Dravin]

Just have your mechanic check it out.

This. This takes care of not knowing much about cars in general. You'll still want to do some research on things like expected mileage, if the car is known for reliability, if the model is known for particular problems, what sort of value a car of that type and mileage is generally worth, and various other things. It doesn't take knowing much about cars to understand mileage estimates, number of doors, how big a trunk is, and if it's known for having it's transmission die at X miles (some known issues may take asking someone more car savvy to understand the consequences of them, or some additional research). Not just so that you can come to the table from an informed perspective but so you can rule out cars that won't meet your needs and thus not waste your and other's time*.

*I'm not saying having someone help you is wasting their time, just it's a waste of time to find out deal breakers in person that you could have found out online.

Edited November 8, 2012 by Dravin

[pam]

These days with only $2500 to spend, you don't get to be too picky. It's not like looking into purchasing a new car.

[Guest]

While I think some of the responses a bit harsh going both ways let's take this the way I think Leah saw this.

Leah admits right here that she knows next to nothing about cars. Many women don't. In fact many men don't.

Then you have a response:

Just because one may have been buying their own car for over 20 years, it does come off a bit as condescending and a one upmanship. Especially in the light that Leah did already admit she knows next to nothing about cars.

She asked for advice on whether she should contact her priesthood leaders. Instead she was made to feel somewhat inferior to someone else.

Just my two cents.

Leah's OP is degrading to women. It implies that women are not to be expected to purchase their cars nor buy from Craigslist. And of course, when I point out the error in that thinking, it's interpreted as condescending and one upmanship and that she was the one to be made to feel inferior.

And the war on women goes on. Unchallenged.

Good luck.

[Bini]

This forum has had its fair share of blunt comments before by certain posters, and rarely do they get a thumbs down but a 'Thank You', even when the comment grossly lacked sensitivity. Boggles my mind sometimes but it's a reminder that we all interpret things differently. I don't believe Anatess meant to be insensitive.

So done with this site . And the church. And life. So not with it any more.

A car crash can be traumatising, even small ones, like the one I was in a few years back. So being out of sorts isn't uncommon. But I wonder if there's something else going on that would spark this disheartening comment? If there is something else that weighs heavily on your mind, I encourage you to speak with your bishop or at the very least, consider a blessing from a priesthood holder to help relieve whatever it is that burdens you.

Back on topic. I have used Craigslist and KSL many times (not to buy a car, though), and it's perfectly acceptable to want to be accompanied when meeting strangers from online. I don't believe you necessarily need a male to accompany you, in terms of safety, I think another female would be just fine - or a combination of the two like someone else had suggested. Also, I see absolutely no problem with having someone come along that is specifically knowledgeable on vehicles. That's a great idea, and anyone who says it isn't, BAH - it is. But before you seriously consider buying (wherever it be: private or dealer) brush up on the basics of cars. If you're interested in a certain car, do a little research, drive a bunch at a dealership and get a feel for how it SHOULD drive.

Best of luck, Leah.

[Guest]

anatess, any woman with two brain cells to run together would not want to meet a strange man alone to test drive a car. You're being antagonistic.

Leah, I hope you're feeling better today and able to find the help you need. I know a guy in Hillsboro. I don't know how busy he is but he and his wife are really nice people. They just moved there from here. If you're close to there and would like me to try and help you find someone to give you a hand I'm sure happy to do so.

[applepansy]

Leah's OP is degrading to women. It implies that women are not to be expected to purchase their cars nor buy from Craigslist. And of course, when I point out the error in that thinking, it's interpreted as condescending and one upmanship and that she was the one to be made to feel inferior.

And the war on women goes on. Unchallenged.

Good luck.

No its not degrading to women. Good Grief! Leah is not talking in generalities. She's talking and asking for help with her situation and knowledge of cars.

I can buy a car without my husband, son, etc. BUT I won't because I know I don't know enough about mechanics to choose wisely. Leah was wise in asking for help. I wish more women were. The feminism thing has gotten so out of hand that any woman who asks for help get blasted and that's wrong.

[Bini]

I value the feminist perspective and I rely on my husband A LOT.

[applepansy]

I value the feminist perspective and I rely on my husband A LOT.

So do I. Mormon women were among the first to have the right to vote. But the pendulum has swung so far past gospel principles that often the feminism movement makes LDS women feel inferior. The attitudes of women can and should do it all are counter productive to what the Lord has taught us.

[Bini]

So do I. Mormon women were among the first to have the right to vote. But the pendulum has swung so far past gospel principles that often the feminism movement makes LDS women feel inferior. The attitudes of women can and should do it all are counter productive to what the Lord has taught us.

I call those kinds of feminist "Amazonian". I, am not one of them. Yes, I want to be an equal to my husband in terms of respect but I'm just fine with HIM being the breadwinner, and HIM footing the restaurant bill :) I should add (before anyone gets upset) reversed roles are fine too - couples gotta do what is BEST for their family. And sometimes, mama's gotta work and foot the bills, and papa is Mister Mum.

[applepansy]

Back on topic.

[Bini]

Back on topic.

Yes. What was that again? Oh right! Is OP expecting too much?

Nutshell: NO. Test drive a few vehicles, get a feeling of them and get yourself help if you need it :)

[Guest]

A healthy couple plays to their strengths and relies on each other to help with their weaknesses.

In absence of a spouse to help with other things, it is not inappropriate to ask priesthood leaders in the ward for help. I thought this was pretty basic. One of the priesthood responsibilities is to assist widows.

[prisonchaplain]

I value the feminist perspective and I rely on my husband A LOT.

Being a man, totally ignorant of cars, I do the manly thing--rely on my brother.