Am I Expecting Too Much?

[Bini]

Being a man, totally ignorant of cars, I do the manly thing--rely on my brother.

Ha ha!

Consider it a blessing that it's at least a brother and not a sister? I only say that because it might appear less manly if your go-to-guy, is in fact, a woman (in such a case).

[Maureen]

...I hate asking for help, but I am feeling like no one cares.

If you don't ask for help, how is anyone going to know you need it?

So done with this site . And the church. And life. So not with it any more.

The majority of these posts have given you good, caring advice. But one post that you feel has offended you is the be all and end all of everything. You don't think you're being a little overly dramatic here? Ignore the posts you don't like and listen to those who are trying to help you.

M.

[Vort]

If you want it done right, do it yourself. Besides, you will save money by being an informed consumer. Buying cars is not a man job, nor is it a Priesthood holder job.

My sister would ask about wipers, I would stare at her and say, read the package. She would ask about oil, tire pressure, etc. Not because she was interested in actually learnining, but because she wanted someone to do it for her, which did not garner any respect points. Reading does wonders for such issues.

You are expecting too much of people. Playing the damsel in distress, is not enouraging assistance either. Its not surprising the responses that she has gotten, considering her initial query came across that she was being mistreated.

I disagree. I see nothing wrong with a woman who knows little about cars asking for help from her Priesthood brethren. On the contrary, I think it's not only reasonable, but appropriate. I think it is the duty of the Priesthood holders to assist this sister however they can. Asking your home teacher to drive across the state is one thing; asking his advice and perhaps hands-on help for an afternoon when picking out a car is quite another.

[prisonchaplain]

Ha ha!

Consider it a blessing that it's at least a brother and not a sister? I only say that because it might appear less manly if your go-to-guy, is in fact, a woman (in such a case).

True enough. I might not have been able to make a cute, humorous post here...then again, if my go-to-car-'guy' was a gal my car would still be restored to working order.

[Irishcolleen]

I have been blessed to have a brother that is a car salesman. He manages for us to get a car that we would never be able to afford without his help.

My BFF is divorced and heres how she handles buying a car- If you are buying from a private party and can't get anyone to go with you have them meet you at a repair shop. If you like the car tell the owner that you will pay to have the car inspected by a mechanic at the shop, if he/she is willing. If they won't let you do that don't buy the car. If the car turns out to have a lot of problems you will have saved yourself from buying a clunker, or given yourself an edge in negotiations, for very little money. Most shops will inspect a car for $35 or so.

[Guest]

No its not degrading to women. Good Grief! Leah is not talking in generalities. She's talking and asking for help with her situation and knowledge of cars.

I can buy a car without my husband, son, etc. BUT I won't because I know I don't know enough about mechanics to choose wisely. Leah was wise in asking for help. I wish more women were. The feminism thing has gotten so out of hand that any woman who asks for help get blasted and that's wrong.

Read my first post again. I did not say she shouldn't ask for help. The feminism thing applies to this situation only because first and foremost, Leah made her being a girl important and asking help from only Men and lamenting over Men not helping was paramount in her OP. I suggested she considers help from women such as contacting her Visiting Teachers.

[applepansy]

Read my first post again. I did not say she shouldn't ask for help. The feminism thing applies to this situation only because first and foremost, Leah made her being a girl important and asking help from only Men and lamenting over Men not helping was paramount in her OP. I suggested she considers help from women such as contacting her Visiting Teachers.

I'm back on topic. Leah needs to ask help where she can find it. Her home teachers are an appropriate place to start. Her VTs will probably refer the issue to their husbands. There is nothing wrong with that. She needs to ask for help and get help from whomever can help.

[Guest]

I'm back on topic. Leah needs to ask help where she can find it. Her home teachers are an appropriate place to start. Her VTs will probably refer the issue to their husbands. There is nothing wrong with that. She needs to ask for help and get help from whomever can help.

I thought that was the problem... That her Home Teachers are not helping...

Not to derail the thread again... But in my ward, for some reason, the HT is not too good at visiting. The VTs are a lot better at it. Wierd.

Edited November 10, 2012 by anatess

[Vort]

Not to derail the thread again... But in my ward, for some reason, the HT is not too good at visiting. The VTs are a lot better at it. Wierd.

This is typical, and is often used as a prod to shame the brethren into being a bit more diligent (though that can backfire, with the men excusing the performance by saying, "Well, everyone knows the women are more righteous than us"). I see several other explanations for this phenomenon:

• Women, especially stay-at-home moms, often have more time to meet during the day than men.
• Leaving a note or making a telephone call often are counted as visits for VTs. For HTs, these might occasionally be counted, but in general a monthly, face-to-face visit is required.
• VT appointments are sometimes much more casual than HT appointments and more social in nature, making the VT recipient more prone to accept the invitation.
• Visiting teachers are always women; home teachers are almost always men, with very rare exceptions. Women are simply more likely to accept a visit request from two other women than they are from two men.
• The social structure of VT/HT favors women. It is more in line with how women act and relate naturally anyway. Like public school, it favors women by its intrinsic structure.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but these are a few that suggest why visiting teaching numbers are almost always better than home teaching numbers, beyond a simple-minded belief in women's greater spiritual merit.

[Just_A_Guy]

Leah, if you're still around, consider that even the best-intentioned home teachers aren't always great at anticipating a woman's needs.

What you say about meeting strangers from a Craigslist car ad makes sense, but as a male I've never given it a second thought and it frankly never occurred to me that a female might see things differently, until I saw your post to this thread.

Also, bear in mind that there are women who would nearly bite a man's head off just for suggesting that she might want a man to accompany her when car-shopping.

Bottom line: the feminist movement has left males even more clueless as to what women really want. So if you need something from us, please don't be shy about just coming out and asking.

[MorningStar]

This is typical, and is often used as a prod to shame the brethren into being a bit more diligent (though that can backfire, with the men excusing the performance by saying, "Well, everyone knows the women are more righteous than us"). I see several other explanations for this phenomenon:

• Women, especially stay-at-home moms, often have more time to meet during the day than men.
• Leaving a note or making a telephone call often are counted as visits for VTs. For HTs, these might occasionally be counted, but in general a monthly, face-to-face visit is required.
• VT appointments are sometimes much more casual than HT appointments and more social in nature, making the VT recipient more prone to accept the invitation.
• Visiting teachers are always women; home teachers are almost always men, with very rare exceptions. Women are simply more likely to accept a visit request from two other women than they are from two men.
• The social structure of VT/HT favors women. It is more in line with how women act and relate naturally anyway. Like public school, it favors women by its intrinsic structure.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but these are a few that suggest why visiting teaching numbers are almost always better than home teaching numbers, beyond a simple-minded belief in women's greater spiritual merit.

I remember being in Relief Society and being told the guys did 100% of their home teaching. I told the RS Pres, "No they didn't." She said, "How do you know?" "Because we haven't been visited in a year." She was getting stressed that we weren't measuring up to the men. I would rather not see it as a competition and numbers don't show the quality of the visits. My friend might be visited less often, but her home teacher is so awesome at serving her when she is in need.

[MorningStar]

Leah, you can have a mechanic inspect the vehicle, so if you have a trusted mechanic, I would do that if you can't find anyone to car shop with you. My dad always says to open the oil cap and if it looks all black and gummy in there, pass. It hasn't had regular oil changes.

[MorningStar]

Leah's OP is degrading to women. It implies that women are not to be expected to purchase their cars nor buy from Craigslist. And of course, when I point out the error in that thinking, it's interpreted as condescending and one upmanship and that she was the one to be made to feel inferior.

And the war on women goes on. Unchallenged.

Good luck.

It's more of a safety thing to me. When you do things exchanges, they typically want cash, so if they know you are alone and you have a big wad of cash on you, that's a good way to get mugged and it has happened.

A male friend of mine went to look at a rug in the U District in Seattle. The guy told him, "Everyone who enters my apartment gets their picture taken naked." His first mistake was going to the U District.

I would first have a phone conversation and if the person doesn't sound like an obvious psycho, meet in a public place.

Leah, I would also watch for cars that are driving around and in working order that have for sale signs on them. Ask for their service records to so you know if it has been well maintained. You might even find someone in your ward or stake who wants to sell an old car.

[pam]

Leah's OP is degrading to women. It implies that women are not to be expected to purchase their cars nor buy from Craigslist. And of course, when I point out the error in that thinking, it's interpreted as condescending and one upmanship and that she was the one to be made to feel inferior.

And the war on women goes on. Unchallenged.

Good luck.

Her post wasn't degrading to women at all. She mentioned SHE didn't know anything about cars. She didn't say ALL women know nothing about cars. And to be honest, as a female, I wouldn't go by myself to look at a privately owned car either if I found it in Craigslist or by other means. It just isn't safe these days.

I really know nothing about cars either. But I've learned that with the make of car that I've been driving for about 20+ years (I stick with Nissan) I can't go wrong. Plus it helps having a brother in law that is a Nissan master tech. :)

[MsMagnolia]

There are two sites I use to research and find cars. kbb.com and cars.com

kbb (kelly blue book) tells you how much you should spend on a car and cars.com shows you all sorts of cars in your price range. Happy Car hunting!

[Guest]

Her post wasn't degrading to women at all. She mentioned SHE didn't know anything about cars. She didn't say ALL women know nothing about cars. And to be honest, as a female, I wouldn't go by myself to look at a privately owned car either if I found it in Craigslist or by other means. It just isn't safe these days.

I really know nothing about cars either. But I've learned that with the make of car that I've been driving for about 20+ years (I stick with Nissan) I can't go wrong. Plus it helps having a brother in law that is a Nissan master tech. :)

No. First she said "I'm a girl". This says she didn't know anything about cars because she's a girl. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a point to mentioning she's a girl. Her name is Leah after all.

The rest of the post says Men shouldn't expect a woman to check out craigs lists on their own. Nobody - man or woman - would expect a woman to check out craigs on their own. And she goes on to lament about unhelpful men. The message is the Men in her ward do not care. The women... Dunno. She never bothered to ask them. At least she never mentioned them on the OP.

In any case, my response was to tell her that Craigslist is not a good place to find cars. Auto Trader is better. And to tell her that men are not the only people who can buy cars... I'm a woman and I've been buying cars for a long time. So I told her to not wait for the Priesthood to do something. I told her to go bug Relief Society.

And, of course, she went ballistic over it. This is Leah's usual reaction to my posts. Even the ones that are as benign as "the sky is blue". There is something about the way I put my sentences together that just doesn't sound reasonable in Leah's communication style. I know this and if I would've paid attention to who was asking the question and not just raced to offer advice after reading the post, I would have refrained from offering advice.

Edited November 11, 2012 by anatess

[Guest]

And here's free advice on cars. If all you got is $2,500, you will have to go for the high mileage (100K+ miles) cars. In this situation, a well-cared for Honda Civic is a great choice. Toyota Corollas are great too and Nissan Sentras. Mazda Protege or MX6 are very reliable old cars. They dont make them anymore - well, the Protege is now Mazda3 and MX6 is now 626. I have a 1996 Mazda Protege that I sold to my dad for one dollar at 150K miles and it's still ticking reliably at 200K+.

The good thing about these cars besides being reliable is they're popular cars so most mechanics know how to fix them properly and so they're cheap to maintain. Parts are readily available and if you're interested in attempting a do-it-yourself, these cars are easy to learn on.

P.S. You will probably find a lot of old-model Kias and Hyundais in this price range. I wouldn't buy one unless there's really no other option. These cars have really improved on their reliability lately but the older cars are not as good.

Edited November 11, 2012 by anatess

[skippy740]

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