Church with two under 2s

[Twisted_Fairytales]

Feels almost like a waste of time My 2 year old is struggling to settle in Nursery so I usually am in there settling him for most of RS. If it works and I get into Sunday School that is the baby's feeding time so Im off to the Mothers lounge. Sacrament is spent chasing my toddler and retrieving him from escaping from the chapel Then we come home again. It takes me a godd couple of hours each Sunday morning to get us all ready for 3 hours of church and I spend most of it in a room on my own or in a corridor! How long will this last before I can get something out of church again? I realise that I am sacrificing my own church experience in order for my children to learn how to behave at church and what its all about. But some Sundays come round and Im so exhausted, Ill admit that I just dont go as the thought of all the effort for so little return doesn't seem worth it.

[Bini]

Will your husband trade off with you? I think that would help immensely. My daughter is almost 2 and she can be a handful but I don't take her on all by myself, my husband will trade off with me, so we take turns.

[pam]

I can totally feel and relate to this. I had 3 kids under the age of 2. My ex was a non member at the time so I took all three kids to church by myself. Got them ready, sat through meetings..I did it all. Sundays were so exhausting.

[Vort]

Feels almost like a waste of time My 2 year old is struggling to settle in Nursery so I usually am in there settling him for most of RS. If it works and I get into Sunday School that is the baby's feeding time so Im off to the Mothers lounge. Sacrament is spent chasing my toddler and retrieving him from escaping from the chapel Then we come home again. It takes me a godd couple of hours each Sunday morning to get us all ready for 3 hours of church and I spend most of it in a room on my own or in a corridor! How long will this last before I can get something out of church again? I realise that I am sacrificing my own church experience in order for my children to learn how to behave at church and what its all about. But some Sundays come round and Im so exhausted, Ill admit that I just dont go as the thought of all the effort for so little return doesn't seem worth it.

It usually lasts until your child is about 1 or 2. But you have to train your children; they won't naturally just sit quietly through Church on their own initiative.

For example, ideally, you should never be chasing your toddler down during sacrament meeting. In reality, all of us experience that, and it's almost impossible to insure that the kid never gets away from you. But it should be a monthly occurrence or less, not several times per sacrament meeting. If it's happening a lot, that is a sign you should be holding your child on your lap, giving him/her something quiet to do, and so forth.

As your child gets well into his third year (say, by about two and a half), he should be able to sit through sacrament meeting and do something quiet for an hour. If he acts up and makes a scene, it's your duty as a parent to correct him and teach him manners.

I have found that the best way to do this is to take a screaming or non-compliant child out into the foyer, where he is forced to sit against the wall with his arms folded. He isn't allowed to walk around or even speak. If he won't sit (and they often won't), he gets sat on my lap, where I (gently) hold him down and don't let him run around. If he screams, he gets a hand over his mouth. If he freaks out, we go to an empty room (or outside, or something like that) where he can scream all he likes -- BUT IS NOT ALLOWED TO RUN AROUND. I never use physical force (except making him sit and possibly covering his mouth if he's screaming), but I do see to his relative discomfort, in the sense that he IS NOT ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND OR PLAY AT ALL. In short, being outside the chapel is a great deal less fun than being inside the chapel. When he finally quiets down and sits still, you let him do so for maybe 20 seconds, then tell him you like how quiet he's being and ask if he'd rather go in the chapel and read or play quietly. After you do this once or twice (or ten times), the child, being quite smart, will figure out that it's in his own best interest to keep quiet and play. And he will.

I am continually amazed at the young parents who take their children into the foyer, let them run and play freely, and then lament that their kids just won't behave in sacrament meeting. Well, of course they won't! You wouldn't, either! Who in their right mind would choose to sit quietly and be bored out of their minds while people talk about stuff they have no ability to comprehend instead of getting to run around and play? My advice to you is: Don't be one of those parents.

In any case, at three the kids go into the Primary, so the nursery load lightens up at that point.

[Bini]

Well said, Vort.

[Twisted_Fairytales]

Vort, I agree with your strategy however, the baby is 7 months old and my 2 year old hasnt sat still for longer than 10 minutes since he was born unless hes ill or asleep!! I have started to get him to sit reverently during sacrament which is progress but thats his limit at the moment. I hopefully can build on that as you suggested. How old are your kids? When did you start this strategy? I have always said I would do this myself but I didnt envisage doing it until they were a bit older. However, I know he understands what I tell him but I just cannot see him sitting still!!

Yes my husband helps but he often teaches EQ so I have to have both kids during RS and he cant feed the baby. He obviously helos out during sacrament but its hard to try and concentrate on a talk knowing ur husband and toddler are running down the corridor!!

[beefche]

Find a nice older lady or single person. Hand them the baby to entertain while you deal with the 2 y/o. Grandmas and single women love babies. Even if they cry, they know how to comfort and entertain.

I've had moms ask me to help and even had moms just hand me the baby without asking. I loved it!

[MarginOfError]

Someone in my ward, whom I respect a great deal, once shared with me something that his bishop had told him when he was in Texas. It was, essentially, those years when you have young children are going to be the years that you get the least out of church. That's normal and okay.

You are rightfully placing the needs of your children ahead of your own at this point in time. That balance will rectify itself in a few years. That isn't very comforting for the here and now, but it gets better.

The best advice I can give is to focus on the things you can do outside of Church. Make sure your visiting teachers are coming regularly. start a monthly brunch group to get together and talk about conference talks or scripture readings.

The truth is that, for the time being, the format of our worship service isn't highly conducive to the enrichment of the parents of young children. Don't try to get everything at the worship service. Instead, try to get more enrichment on your terms.

[Vort]

Vort, I agree with your strategy however, the baby is 7 months old and my 2 year old hasnt sat still for longer than 10 minutes since he was born unless hes ill or asleep!! I have started to get him to sit reverently during sacrament which is progress but thats his limit at the moment. I hopefully can build on that as you suggested. How old are your kids? When did you start this strategy? I have always said I would do this myself but I didnt envisage doing it until they were a bit older. However, I know he understands what I tell him but I just cannot see him sitting still!!

Yes my husband helps but he often teaches EQ so I have to have both kids during RS and he cant feed the baby. He obviously helos out during sacrament but its hard to try and concentrate on a talk knowing ur husband and toddler are running down the corridor!!

My children range in age from 20 to 6. We started with the discipline described when they were old enough to understand what was expected of them, probably right around two and a half or so. No real discipline is possible or should be attempted before that, beyond encouraging the child to keep quiet. To some extent, you simply have to wait out the infancy and early childhood years. Enjoy them, but wait out until the time you'll be able to pay strict attention in sacrament meeting.

Last Sunday, my twelve-year-old was playing with her six-year-old brother during the sacrament meeting. I had told them both to quiet down and be reverent, but they kept drifting into distracting play and I kept getting distracted by the speaker :). An older lady sitting at the end of the pew beside us, someone we had never before seen (pretty sure she was new to the ward -- I saw her speak to the bishop after the meeting) said something to the two kids. My daughter snuggled close to me and whispered something about the lady telling her to stop and "that was rude". I told her that no, it was not rude, that she shouldn't have been playing, and that the lady was an adult and she (my daughter) was expected to do what she said.

So the moral is, the disciplining doesn't stop. If you are careful early on, you will save yourself tons of grief in upcoming years; but even then, as my bad example demonstrates, if you get caught sleeping on the job, things can get away from you. It doesn't help that we sit almost in the front row...

[Vort]

Let me add that even when they are very small, children should never be allowed to play in the foyer during sacrament meeting. This serves two purposes:

1. It teaches the child almost from infancy that sitting in the foyer is not playtime.

2. It maintains a more reverent atmosphere for the benefit of others sitting in the foyer trying to listen to the meeting; or, equivalently, it sets an example of reverence for those in the foyer who might be less inclined to be reverent in that setting.

[Twisted_Fairytales]

Thanks for that. Everyone keeps telling me 'it will get easier'. Whilst I long for this to come true I dont want to wish their babyhood away :) Its just so very tough having an age gap this close I wouldnt recommend it!!!

[applepansy]

Try to stop and enjoy the time with your children at church. Try to look at this time as a teaching time you'll never get back. Yes, its exhausting and you might miss out on something in RS.

But......

The most important thing you can do right now is be with your children and teach them what they need to know. Who better to teach them than Mom. :)

Don't wish your life away. In 20 years holding a baby during RS, or playing on the floor in the nursery will seem like a wonderful blessing. I'm 55 (raising my grandson who is now 4-1/2) and I already miss having him on my lap in RS. I have to listen and pay attention now. LOL

[Traveler]

Thanks for that. Everyone keeps telling me 'it will get easier'. Whilst I long for this to come true I dont want to wish their babyhood away :) Its just so very tough having an age gap this close I wouldnt recommend it!!!

Every child is different and what works for one child may not work for another - Nothing worked for all of our 5 children. Plus children are intelligent in that they learn and try new things so often things that work - will not work for long for the same child.

As difficult at toddlers are - they are a joy compared to teenagers. My personal goal was twofold - first that my children learn that attending church is a positive experience. If I ever had to remove a child from a meeting or class I wanted them to feel that whatever the circumstance was outside of the class or meeting that it would be much less desirable than being in the meeting or class.

Second was that the discipline for church was always less than what was expected in the home - for whatever was their age.

As a rule of thumb a child’s attention span is about 1 minute for each year of age. That means that a 2 year old will focus on something new every two minutes. An increased attention span is one sign that your child is possibly smarter than the average - as is the ability to occupy themselves. But then very exceptionally intelligent individuals often do not develop social skills - because they do not need others to occupy their attentions.

The most important thing I learned about my own children is that although it was somewhat difficult for my wife to handle things in my absence - it was a disaster whenever I attempted any such things on my own. -- So take everything I say with a grain of salt.

The Traveler