Necking and Petting

[Marie23]

I am a 14 year old girl, unfortunately i have had a boyfriend. I let him touch my breast ONCE and he also kissed my neck. That was about a month ago and i broke it off with him and completely forgot about it. I got a temple recommend today and i said that i kept the law of chastity and I had no idea what necking and petting were, but then i looked it up after and it said necking and petting aren't allowed and stuff. I am feeling terrible. What should i do? I have prayed several times but i feel like i am missing something

Edited July 21, 2013 by Marie23
needs more information

[TalkativeIntrovert]

Hi Marie, I suggest going to see your Bishop and tell him what you said here.

At the time you answered the temple worthy questions, you answered to the best of your knowledge, so don't panic - you haven't lied.

You will need to tell bishop though so he can help moving forward.

[Marie23]

Thank you! I will set up a meeting next sunday, but will i need to get a new recommend? Also do i need to tell my parents about this? i know they will be extremely disappointed in me if they found out i had a boyfriend and that he touched me inappropriately

Edited July 21, 2013 by Marie23

[TalkativeIntrovert]

I don't know about the recommend - only bishop can determine that.

As for telling your parents.... wow - that is hard. I am mum to 15yr old twin girls so I am coming from the parents perspective!

I would hope my girls have the confidence and trust in me to be able to talk to me about something like that. However if they felt that it is something too personal, and they were mature enough to take it to Bishop, I would respect their privacy. Perhaps bishop can advise on this as well?

[Marie23]

Okay thank you so so much for your help

[Anddenex]

Some clarification.

Necking is when a persons mouth touches your private parts, not when someone kisses your neck. As petting is accomplished with the hands on a persons private parts, necking is accomplished with the mouth.

Thus, so their is no confusion, if a woman allowed a man to kiss her breasts -- this is necking.

[Anddenex]

Thank you! I will set up a meeting next sunday, but will i need to get a new recommend? Also do i need to tell my parents about this? i know they will be extremely disappointed in me if they found out i had a boyfriend and that he touched me inappropriately

Yes, bishops are recommended to inform young men and young women to inform their parents of their transgression. Parents have what is called a "stewardship" and stewardships allow them the right to know about their children's actions.

This is also so that parents are aware and they also can seek to assist their son or daughter through repentance process.

[pam]

Some clarification.

Necking is when a persons mouth touches your private parts, not when someone kisses your neck. As petting is accomplished with the hands on a persons private parts, necking is accomplished with the mouth.

Thus, so their is no confusion, if a woman allowed a man to kiss her breasts -- this is necking.

Not exactly true with the necking. Necking is having a big make out section. Per Wikipedia:

Necking can refer to:

• Making out, a term for heavy kissing of the neck or petting of that area

[skalenfehl]

Marie23, the Lord knows your heart. That is what matters. He knows if you are humble and repentant. If you have some time today, you can research at lds.org what it means to have a "broken heart and a contrite spirit." You are a daughter of God and He loves you more than you know. Your bishop will help you make things right with Him.

[Anddenex]

Not exactly true with the necking. Necking is having a big make out section. Per Wikipedia:

Necking can refer to:

• Making out, a term for heavy kissing of the neck or petting of that area

Thanks pam. This is very interesting. If BYU were to follow this guideline of necking the majority of couples would be seeing the bishop every week

Petting of the neck would imply massages -- yep, no more massages BYU. This is why the Church needs to stop using terms that are vague and use terms that are actually descriptive of what is meant, or make sure it is defined.

I don't know of many couple at BYU who didn't have a heavy make out with their fiance.

[pam]

I understand where you are coming from. Even as a youth it was defined that way for us. Probably due to the fact that heavy make out sessions or necking as it was called could lead to more.

[Leah]

Some clarification.

Necking is when a persons mouth touches your private parts, not when someone kisses your neck. As petting is accomplished with the hands on a persons private parts, necking is accomplished with the mouth.

Thus, so their is no confusion, if a woman allowed a man to kiss her breasts -- this is necking.

Where in the world did you hear that definition? Mouth on private parts would be oral sex. Necking is a make-out session.

[skalenfehl]

Uh..is the direction of this discussion appropriate for the OP who is 14 years old?

[Dravin]

Uh..is the direction of this discussion appropriate for the OP who is 14 years old?

The definitions of words? Probably. And if it isn't appropriate for the OP then it isn't appropriate for the board.

[Wingnut]

Petting of the neck would imply massages -- yep, no more massages BYU.

I understand where you are coming from. Even as a youth it was defined that way for us. Probably due to the fact that heavy make out sessions or necking as it was called could lead to more.

"Back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room."

[Anddenex]

Where in the world did you hear that definition? Mouth on private parts would be oral sex. Necking is a make-out session.

Oral sex deals with genitals not all private parts, necking, as I was taught, referred to the upper portion (private parts) of a woman.

[Anddenex]

"Back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room."

When your married....indeed.

[Suzie]

Necking: passionate kissing and intimate contact (see President Kimball Speaks Out, p. 8).

Petting: “fondling of the private parts of the body for the purpose of sexual arousal” (President Kimball Speaks Out, p. 8).

LDS.org - Aaronic Priesthood Chapter Detail - Personal Purity through Self-discipline

President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality:

"Since courtship is prelude to marriage and encourages close associations, many have convinced themselves that intimacies are legitimate—a part of the courting process. Many have cast off bridle and harness and have relaxed the restraints. Instead of remaining in the field of simple expressions of affection, some have turned themselves loose to fondling, often called “necking,” with its intimate contacts and its passionate kissing. Necking is the younger member of this unholy family. Its bigger sister is called “petting.”

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1980/10/president-kimball-speaks-out-on-morality?lang=eng

[Leah]

Oral sex deals with genitals not all private parts, necking, as I was taught, referred to the upper portion (private parts) of a woman.

I have never heard of breasts being referred to as "private parts". That is a uni-sex term used to refer the genitals of both sexes. The legal definition specifically excludes breasts.

Including breasts when referring to private parts is not in common use. It is apparently a uniquely - strangely - Mormon definition of the term.

[Wingnut]

"...some have turned themselves loose to fondling, often called “necking,” with its intimate contacts and its passionate kissing. Necking is the younger member of this unholy family. Its bigger sister is called “petting.”

Perhaps President Kimball needed to rethink his definition of "often." That could have helped a lot.

[Anddenex]

I have never heard of breasts being referred to as "private parts". That is a uni-sex term used to refer the genitals of both sexes. The legal definition specifically excludes breasts.

Including breasts when referring to private parts is not in common use. It is apparently a uniquely - strangely - Mormon definition of the term.

My parents are converts, and this is how they described "private parts" from the time I was young. Private parts were anything the swim suit covered.

[Suzie]

I have never heard of breasts being referred to as "private parts". That is a uni-sex term used to refer the genitals of both sexes. The legal definition specifically excludes breasts.

Including breasts when referring to private parts is not in common use. It is apparently a uniquely - strangely - Mormon definition of the term.

Breasts might not fit the average definition of "private" (genitalia) yet, I think it seems to be about semantics. What about intimate parts of the body? (if the word private isn't acceptable).

[Dravin]

Including breasts when referring to private parts is not in common use. It is apparently a uniquely - strangely - Mormon definition of the term.

It is by no means a uniquely Mormon definition, unless you are proposing it was a Mormon (or Mormons) who edited the Wikipedia article (and not subsequently been corrected), or created the documentaries "Private Parts: The Trouble with my Breasts" or the book "Breasts: Our Most Public Private Parts", or sparked debate over the inclusion of breasts in the term on the internet (those titles and knowledge of the debates brought to you by the power of Google).

Admittedly, It may not be the predominate use of the the term to include breasts as I can certainly find uses of it that excludes breasts. I have no clue which use is predominate, but it certainly isn't a uniquely Mormon definition of the term.

Edited July 23, 2013 by Dravin

[NightSG]

Including breasts when referring to private parts is not in common use. It is apparently a uniquely - strangely - Mormon definition of the term.

Actually, it's amusing to note how few people here (TX) know that the state law doesn't differentiate between male and female breasts. (AFAICT, unwanted touching of a man's breast can be sexual assault, too.)

What's not amusing (rather, downright revolting) is the number of men that don't seem to understand that b-cup and larger moobs should not be displayed...ever...not even at the pool. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it should be done.

[Still_Small_Voice]

The For the Strength of Youth pamphlet is pretty clear:

Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires. Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body. Pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit so that you can be clean and virtuous. The Spirit of the Lord will withdraw from one who is in sexual transgression.

Avoid situations that invite increased temptation, such as late-night or overnight activities away from home or activities where there is a lack of adult supervision. Do not participate in discussions or any media that arouse sexual feelings. Do not participate in any type of pornography. The Spirit can help you know when you are at risk and give you the strength to remove yourself from the situation. Have faith in and be obedient to the righteous counsel of your parents and leaders.

https://www.lds.org/youth/for-the-strength-of-youth/sexual-purity?lang=eng