Is there a point when this should stop?

[CommanderSouth]

I am sitting in my parents church right now and I feel the feelin I have been unable to shake in the last 3 years of my membership. That I am uncomfortable here and I have the feeling that they will say something and I will know the church isn't true

I know this is a lack of testimony I think. And I know I am only very recently getting back into doing the things I should be doing so I figure I will need to wait, but I worry because even when I was baptized I remember these feelings, I would love for them to just stop and my belief be strong enough to exist outside the church walls and my home and work and be able to sit in the midst of many who don't believe and not have worry in me.

At thoughts?

[Backroads]

I think doubt is natural. And one does have to exercise faith. You have just begun, so... have faith your faith will improve, be positive, and give it time.

[NeuroTypical]

Doubt is a good thing, when it pushes one to reach the truth. But when it goes unresolved, it festers and becomes not so good.

You should resolve your doubt.

[CommanderSouth]

Is it normal to even have been present so early, even when I was baptized? It may be, my expectations may be off. I know the spirit works in a still small voice and the tree of faith/testimony begins small so I may just be thinking wrong.

This is in reply toBackroads just to be clear.

[CommanderSouth]

You know it's funny Loudmouth_Mormon. I can't necessarily put my finger on a specific doubt, its just this ongoing worry ill start speaking in tongues and have to leave the church, and this worries me, and sense I don't want that I have this idea that I don't truly want the will if God sense I don't want to do that.

[pam]

Why do you feel that if you started speaking in tongues you would have to leave the church?

[Guest]

Is it normal to even have been present so early, even when I was baptized? It may be, my expectations may be off. I know the spirit works in a still small voice and the tree of faith/testimony begins small so I may just be thinking wrong.

This is in reply toBackroads just to be clear.

You're okay.

If after learning truths line upon line, precept upon precept, you find out the LDS church is not true, that's okay too. Don't be afraid of it.

What really matters is that you seek after spiritual truth all the days of your life diligently, humbly, and with all your heart, mind, and strength with heartfelt appeal to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will testify of Christ regardless of what church you belong or not belong to.

But this is my testimony that this church, the LDS church, is true. And that the more I learn, the deeper this conviction becomes. And I came upon this conclusion by separating the wheat from the tares... recognizing the eternal purpose of God in the hands of flawed Man.

Seek diligently. With hunger for truth. Go on the journey with a passion and the faith that the Holy Spirit will reveal the heavens.

[CommanderSouth]

In my mind it would confirm my parents (the Pentecostals) were right all along. This seems exacerbated by the idea that when I am around those of the hard headed "very forward almost to arrogance in their beliefs" type of persons I feel like they see through me and that I know better than what I am professing.

[tubaloth]

A good testimony takes time. (Time on our part). I will have to admit I never prayed if the Book of Mormon is true. I know you are probably saying What whaaat? From my teenage years I just had that feeling as I was reading it that it wasn't made up, that Joseph Smith did not write this. That Nephi and Alma and Mormon did exist. So any time I thought about praying for it, I would just have the thought you already know its true.

I grew up in the church (In Utah). Time came for me to go on a mission. I knew why I was going. In the MTC (Missionary Training center) one of the classes wanted us to give a small talk on different subjects. I was assigned Joseph Smith. No big deal right. I knew part of it I was going to need to bare my testimony about Joseph Smith. I had this doubt. I didn't know for sure that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I'm like of course he is a prophet he translated the Book of Mormon which I know is true. I tried to convince myself logically that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I couldn't do it. That doubt kept coming back. I realize I had to figure out something before I actually go out on my mission. The answer is prayer. I needed to ask my Heavenly Father if Joseph Smith was a prophet, and had the first version.

The MTC isn't really set up for you to have your own time. Yes there is quiet time. I grew up sharing a room with my brother so I tend to say my prayers in my bed after the lights were out. I did the same thing here. I asked Heavenly Father if Joseph Smith did have the first version. Nothing came for a couple of nights. But then that one night as I asked again, pleading to know, I had that feeling that comes over you. (if you haven't had that feeling you should). I then knew.

Kind of like one of my favorite Joseph Smith History verses.

25 So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.

In the Lectures on Faith (some teachings by Joseph Smith about Faith). One of the things we learn is that we have to know (Through the faith in God) that the path we are on is the one Heavenly Father wants us on. We have to know that the path we are is the one that gets us (back) to Heavenly Father. That the Gospel of Jesus Christ is there to help me get back to my Heavenly Father and to gain Eternal Life.

This is what you need to come to know. So when Satan throws in those doubts you can throw them away. Because you know this is the right path. Its not always going to be easy (People do ask you to help them move) but you know in the end if you do what your Heavenly Father tells you, you will see Him again.

I could probably go on more... but this is long enough.

[CommanderSouth]

And Anatess, I want to believe that. The wall I am running into seems to be the fact that, because I want the lds church to be true, and because I try to stick in the faith promoting areas of stuff a good portion of the time, I feel like I am running from God, and because I don't want to go to church wi my parents because of this worry I am running, and NOT willing to follow the spirit.

[Guest]

And Anatess, I want to believe that. The wall I am running into seems to be the fact that, because I want the lds church to be true, and because I try to stick in the faith promoting areas of stuff a good portion of the time, I feel like I am running from God, and because I don't want to go to church wi my parents because of this worry I am running, and NOT willing to follow the spirit.

You get this feeling because you WANT the LDS church to be true, not that you FOUND that the LDS church is true. It is more important to learn what is true than to want something to be true.

I grew up Catholic. My parents and most of my family, extended family, closest of friends, and neighbors are Catholic. Boy, do I want the Catholic Church to be true! It is not fun to be different and isolated from those I love and who love me. But I know I can't just want the Catholic Church to be true. I have to learn for myself - not because it is what my parents believe and what I grew up in, but because I experienced it myself.

I had my conversion at 30 years old. It was a hard road and I went through a lot of emotional pain with my family. But when I had the truth that I can't deny right in my face, I had to follow it. The pain becomes just another hurdle in this thing called life that I needed to overcome to follow Chriist.

Even those born in the church has to go through this point of conversion. If you are honest and humble and diligent in your search, you will find it. Don't be afraid that it will lead you outside of the church. Every person's journey is different. Just don't stop searching. My children are born in the LDS church. If they go through their period of learning and end up getting baptized Catholic, I'm okay with that. My only hope is that they sought the truth diligently and honestly and humbly with prayerful appeal to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

My direct answer to your question is... It doesn't have to stop. Conversion is not a one-time thing. I experience doubt and conversion over and over and over. I welcome the doubt because it drives me to seek after the answer diligently. Then I learn some more.

Edited September 8, 2013 by anatess

[SpiritDragon]

Commander your concerns are legitimate, and I think everyone has doubts that need to be overcome. Your concern about even having doubts when you were baptized is also normal... but you obviously had sufficient faith to go through with it. Our faith is built as we strive to do the Lords will.

Tubaloth has great advice. Pray my friend, and don't stop praying until you are satisfied one way or the other. Joseph smith was also confused... and his answer was

If any of you lack wisdom... ask God

That is how the church was restored, and that is how we are to develop living testimonies. each of us needs to develop a relationship with God and relationships do not exist without communication.

May the peace of the spirit be with you.

Edited September 8, 2013 by SpiritDragon

[Backroads]

Is it normal to even have been present so early, even when I was baptized? It may be, my expectations may be off. I know the spirit works in a still small voice and the tree of faith/testimony begins small so I may just be thinking wrong.

This is in reply toBackroads just to be clear.

If I interpreted your original post correctly, you haven't been working on your faith for quite some time.

I would say, yes, it isn't abnormal to have wonderings even at baptism. The trick is working on clearing your doubts.

[CommanderSouth]

That is correct, I have been off the log for quite some time and now I am working on my faith again. But yeah that was what I was asking, your opinion if you felt that was normal to feel those things even at baptism be you are supposed to be sure of what you are doing.

[Guest]

This is a scripture that often comes to mind:

Alma 32:27

Book of Mormon

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

[CommanderSouth]

It's ironic you mention that verse. It was the first verse of the Book of Mormon that I would say I "felt". I had uttered those words almost verbatim months before I started investigating the church. My mom asked me if I believed in God anymore, my response was, I want to believe.

[Still_Small_Voice]

My knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ comes from this truth:

Jesus answered them, “My doctrine is not Mine, but His that sent Me. If any man will do His will, he shall know of the doctrine whether it be from God, or whether I speak from Myself. -- John 7:16-17

The more I do in the Gospel the greater my knowledge grows in truth. I try to exercise my faith by following the commandments of God and the counsel of His prophets.

[Misshalfway]

I might be getting this wrong, but it sounds to me like there might be a contest of sorts in your mind concerning what church is right....or maybe its just a right fight between what your parents believe and what you want to believe. And it sounds to me like you've got more fear than doubt. "What if...?"

I wonder what it would be like for you to perhaps reorganize how you view testimony building. I get it that the question about what church is true is an important one. It's certainly one of the fundamental questions that the LDS church originates from. But at the end of the day it isn't about a church at all. The church is just an earthly tool God uses to get His work done. All truth works like light. It fills the darkness without separations or borders. As far as I can tell, both churches believe in gifts of the spirit. Sounds like both have it pretty right, at least on that score. But even that isn't the most important thing. It's really about relationship with the Godhead. It's really about Jesus Christ. If you hitch your star to that wagon, the only question after is "Where do you want me to go, dear Lord?" In this headspace, there is no need for a right fight. There is only room for love and the decisions love would dictate. And if you are loving, there isn't much room (or need) for fear.

[prisonchaplain]

Why do you feel that if you started speaking in tongues you would have to leave the church?

Are there active LDS members who regularly practice praying in tongues?

[Traveler]

Commander:

I am not sure how to relate to you postings that seem to have some fear of truth. I would like to communicate warm fuzzes and give you comfort but for what-ever-reason I am on a very different wavelength and your fear of truth just does not make sense to me.

For me, to be on the path of discovery of something I have not before realized is exciting, fun and a major rush for me. Especially if I have the impression that I am one of the first to figure out something others (including myself) have previously missed. Quite often when considering other churches and religious ideas - I recognize that I have already traversed the current landscape and know the answers. My frustration is knowing where a particular path leads but finding those determined on such a path are unwilling to realize where it is taking them. Having to in essence wave goodby to individuals I care about is heart wrenching - but having found a "better path" I realize that our paths are taking us in very different directions.

It has been my observation that the path of saints of G-d is not a popular or easy path and that often one must walk such a path alone but each step is a lesson in truths and to me so exciting, so fulfilling and most of all so spiritually rewarding to discover the foot prints of G-d and when needed most; experience the love of Saints. But will it all I will gladly switch to a better path if I can find one. The right path is seldom the easiest but it is always the one of greatest worth.

The Traveler

Edited September 11, 2013 by Traveler

[Still_Small_Voice]

Are there active LDS members who regularly practice praying in tongues?

I have experienced the gift of tongues a few times in my life. It is not a regular occurrence.

[CommanderSouth]

That's probably right traveler, maybe, I have to work it out in my head, but it very well could be a fear of truth, or possibly since I want the church to be true, and all of it doesn't have answers that satiate me (or ones that I am fine having, but since I can't answer anyone else, it bothers me) makes me worry I am in fact afraid of the truth.

I apologize, don't always articulate these feelings properly, especially when I don't understand exactly what they are myself...