quick temple divorce

[treceboehme]

My male cousin was just asked for a divorce by his wife. she sent him a text then changed her phone number and email address and told him to deal with her father for details of the divorce. they had a temple marriage and were married less than one year. they had moved out of state for his job and she was homesick and erratic in her moods. none of us really liked her because she was standoffish and never acted like she liked us. she would refuse to talk to him for days if he would not do just what she asked. she would call and gossip about him on the phone with her mom for hours and hours. she told her mom that he was controlling and was always telling her what to do. they got a very quick divorce and she immediately started dating good returned missionaries. Their bishop, who she had spoken to, said that she wanted a divorce because she just couldn't stand how he was always right and wouldn't listen to her feelings. He wouldn't go to counseling because he didn't think that they needed it. He recognizes now that he should have listened to that. there was no abuse in the marriage. they often stayed with us when traveling back here and it seems to me that she was the one that had all the control with her changes in moods and jerking him all over. I am not active LDS, but can't figure out how someone can get such a quick divorce, date and the church and all these returned missionaries are okay with this. doesn't the LDS church believe in divorce is forever? don't they offer counseling? I can't figure out how she ended up with no consequences and he is devastated. will she be allowed to marry one of these guys she is dating in the temple?

[estradling75]

You have a misunderstanding... there is no such thing as a "temple" divorce (or temple marriage for that matter). There is a temple sealing of a civil marriage which generally occurs at the same time in a temple ceremony.

While the church would advise counseling and doing everything that the couple can do save their marriage it has no power (or right) to compel such. A divorce is pretty much a legal thing.

Now should the Sister in question at some point in the future attempt to get remarried and Sealed to someone else, that is when the Church can do something. It absolutely can control who gets Sealed. The Sister will find that it is not so easy to get permission to get Sealed a second time (it can be done just not as easily)

[pam]

Their bishop, who she had spoken to, said that she wanted a divorce because she just couldn't stand how he was always right and wouldn't listen to her feelings

Who exactly did this Bishop say this to and how do you know the Bishop said this?

[mnn727]

There is no such thing as a Temple Divorce. Temples are for Sealing families together for eternity, not about breaking families apart. The First Presidency can grant a Cancellation of Sealing, however to get a divorce is a civil matter involving lawyers and the federal or state Court system.

The woman in question will be able to get married but will not be allowed to be sealed in a Temple without first getting a cancellation of sealing.

The Church only controls who can get sealed in our Temples and has no control over dating or civil marriages.

We do not allow married people to go to Church Singles activities without the divorce being finalized first (Church Singles Dances, etc)

Every Bishop will suggest counseling but has no power or authority to compel.

We are a Church, not a legal system.

Edited October 31, 2013 by mnn727

[treceboehme]

that is what the bishop told my cousin when he went in after she emailed him. she had a lot of issues with her family and an eating disorder and general unhappiness that she discussed with him.

[Quin]

that is what the bishop told my cousin when he went in after she emailed him. she had a lot of issues with her family and an eating disorder and general unhappiness that she discussed with him.

1) I think the point being made is that this is what you were TOLD he said.

Which may or may not be the case.

Actually... It disturbs me a lot more that someone is going around talking about what happened in a private counseling session, gossiping, and mudslinging... Than whatever was actually said in the session.

2) Divorces almost never happen because both people really love and respect each other and have no problems whatsoever. At BEST, most divorces are amicable ... At worst they're vicious & ugly & people die. Point being... It's pretty naturall that your cousin & his wife don't like each other right now. That doesn't mean that they're terrible people who should each go into seclusion and never grace society again.

[Lakumi]

slightly off topic, but if a member marries a non member where do they have the ceremony?

[estradling75]

slightly off topic, but if a member marries a non member where do they have the ceremony?

The same places everyone else can have them

[mnn727]

slightly off topic, but if a member marries a non member where do they have the ceremony?

Anyplace except a Temple

[Zeitgeist]

Coincidentally, I just listened to a podcast today of a faithful LDS member who was married in the temple, got divorced, and then decided to marry a 2nd wife. He applied for a cancellation of sealing so he could marry the 2nd wife in the temple. Both he and his first wife had to write letters to the Church (perhaps even to the First Presidency?). No letter was required from the 2nd wife. His request was denied. He was devastated and began calling everyone in sight. He said he pestered one Seventy so much that he was told not to call again. Officials in his stake quietly suggested that he get married in a civil ceremony and re-apply to the Church after a year.

Obviously, this podcast only gives a tiny subset of one side of a hideously complex story, so I simply listened without forming any opinions of anything. But the husband's comments led me to think that the Church moves very slowly on these matters.

[Lakumi]

The same places everyone else can have them

Chuck-E-Cheese it is!

[Just_A_Guy]

Coincidentally, I just listened to a podcast today of a faithful LDS member who was married in the temple, got divorced, and then decided to marry a 2nd wife. He applied for a cancellation of sealing so he could marry the 2nd wife in the temple. Both he and his first wife had to write letters to the Church (perhaps even to the First Presidency?). No letter was required from the 2nd wife. His request was denied. He was devastated and began calling everyone in sight. He said he pestered one Seventy so much that he was told not to call again. Officials in his stake quietly suggested that he get married in a civil ceremony and re-apply to the Church after a year.

Obviously, this podcast only gives a tiny subset of one side of a hideously complex story, so I simply listened without forming any opinions of anything. But the husband's comments led me to think that the Church moves very slowly on these matters.

Was he requesting a cancellation or a clearance? Given the potentially serious theological consequences that the former would have for the first wife, I think that probably should be denied until she is ready to remarry. But a major delay on the latter might leave me scratching my head a bit.

[Backroads]

Coincidentally, I just listened to a podcast today of a faithful LDS member who was married in the temple, got divorced, and then decided to marry a 2nd wife. He applied for a cancellation of sealing so he could marry the 2nd wife in the temple. Both he and his first wife had to write letters to the Church (perhaps even to the First Presidency?). No letter was required from the 2nd wife. His request was denied. He was devastated and began calling everyone in sight. He said he pestered one Seventy so much that he was told not to call again. Officials in his stake quietly suggested that he get married in a civil ceremony and re-apply to the Church after a year.

Obviously, this podcast only gives a tiny subset of one side of a hideously complex story, so I simply listened without forming any opinions of anything. But the husband's comments led me to think that the Church moves very slowly on these matters.

Stuff like that does make me wonder about what exactly goes on. My husband's experience was a matter of weeks (and I as the second wife did have to write a letter.) But I also hear of stuff like this.

[Backroads]

Chuck-E-Cheese it is!

Bowling alley.

(Husband's best friend not wanting to wait a year after his wife was baptized.)

[Lakumi]

Bowling alley.

(Husband's best friend not wanting to wait a year after his wife was baptized.)

what to be baptized?

Every girl I have been involved with was an atheist

[Backroads]

LDS. In the States one must wait a year after baptism before going through the temple.

[Lakumi]

LDS. In the States one must wait a year after baptism before going through the temple.

Oh right... how did I miss that:lol:

(I assume its the same in Canada)

[Just_A_Guy]

LDS. In the States one must wait a year after baptism before going through the temple.

(That's a global Church policy, isn't it?)

[Torostoros]

(That's a global Church policy, isn't it?)

A husband and wife who were married outside a temple may be sealed after one full year from the date of their civil marriage. However, this one-year waiting period does not apply to worthy couples in the following cases:

1. Both the civil marriage and the temple sealing take place in countries that do not recognize a temple marriage and that require a civil marriage.

2. The couple live in a country where there is not a temple and the laws of the country do not recognize a marriage performed outside the country.

3. A couple could not be married in a temple because one or both had not been a member of the Church for one year at the time of their civil marriage. They may receive their endowments and be sealed any time after at least one year has passed from the confirmation date of both members.

If you're referring to it being global that one must wait at least a year to be endowed then that's correct.

Edited November 2, 2013 by Torostoros

[Guest]

A husband and wife who were married outside a temple may be sealed after one full year from the date of their civil marriage. However, this one-year waiting period does not apply to worthy couples in the following cases:

1. Both the civil marriage and the temple sealing take place in countries that do not recognize a temple marriage and that require a civil marriage.

2. The couple live in a country where there is not a temple and the laws of the country do not recognize a marriage performed outside the country.

3. A couple could not be married in a temple because one or both had not been a member of the Church for one year at the time of their civil marriage. They may receive their endowments and be sealed any time after at least one year has passed from the confirmation date of both members.

If you're referring to it being global that one must wait at least a year to be endowed then that's correct.

This is not the issue discussed. We are talking about members needing to wait One Year to get sealed in the temple after getting BAPTIZED.

[Torostoros]

This is not the issue discussed. We are talking about members needing to wait One Year to get sealed in the temple after getting BAPTIZED.

That's in Point 3.

[Guest]

That's in Point 3.

Yes. We weren't talking about 1 or 2 when we said the one year rule applies to all countries.

[Backroads]

(That's a global Church policy, isn't it?)

Yes it is! Somehow I combined two concepts in my mind.

Global church policy does indeed state a year before going through the temple.

Also, global church policy with exceptions based on various countries' laws is that one must wait a year after a civil marriage to be sealed in the temple.

[Misshalfway]

My male cousin was just asked for a divorce by his wife. she sent him a text then changed her phone number and email address and told him to deal with her father for details of the divorce. they had a temple marriage and were married less than one year. they had moved out of state for his job and she was homesick and erratic in her moods. none of us really liked her because she was standoffish and never acted like she liked us. she would refuse to talk to him for days if he would not do just what she asked. she would call and gossip about him on the phone with her mom for hours and hours. she told her mom that he was controlling and was always telling her what to do. they got a very quick divorce and she immediately started dating good returned missionaries. Their bishop, who she had spoken to, said that she wanted a divorce because she just couldn't stand how he was always right and wouldn't listen to her feelings. He wouldn't go to counseling because he didn't think that they needed it. He recognizes now that he should have listened to that. there was no abuse in the marriage. they often stayed with us when traveling back here and it seems to me that she was the one that had all the control with her changes in moods and jerking him all over. I am not active LDS, but can't figure out how someone can get such a quick divorce, date and the church and all these returned missionaries are okay with this. doesn't the LDS church believe in divorce is forever? don't they offer counseling? I can't figure out how she ended up with no consequences and he is devastated. will she be allowed to marry one of these guys she is dating in the temple?

I don't think anyone ends up with "no consequences" after a divorce regardless of the situation. But it's hard when we see someone we love devastated by the choices of another. We get angry and we want there to be some sort of punishment. Sounds like that's the case here. And yes, the church does offer counseling and often the church helps pay for it too. But the church can't make anyone go to counseling. The church can't make people save their marriages if they don't want to.

I am interested, though, in your descriptions of this wife. It sounds like she wasn't your favorite person and that you blame her the problems in the marriage. You apparently don't agree that your cousin "always had to be right" and "didn't listen to her feelings". If that is in fact true and your cousin is a saint and this woman really is as disturbed as you describe, then didn't she do him a favor?

Edited November 2, 2013 by Misshalfway

[HoplessMarriageReject]

LDS. In the States one must wait a year after baptism before going through the temple.

Why? Why can't they get married immediately after a civil ceremony like they do in the United Kingdom?