Your relationship with death.

[Guest]

(How's that for a title?)

What is your relationship with death? Or in other words, do you deal with it well? Is it hard for you?

[NeuroTypical]

This is in mod discussion? Did someone die?

[Guest]

Oh geez. I didn't mean to put it here.

[Lakumi]

My death or other peoples' deaths?

I've never lost anyone close to me, I've had family due but I didn't know them, so I felt nothing.

My own death? I am not afraid of it, and my funeral will be my last farewell in a huge way

[Guest]

Either, I guess, though I had others' deaths in mind when I started the thread.

[Just_A_Guy]

Either, I guess, though I had others' deaths in mind when I started the thread.

Gosh, Eowyn, how many times do I have to say I'M SORRY?!? Sheesh.

More seriously: I tend to stew for a while. The older I get, the more death bugs me more and the more . . . hollow this world seems; both for the absence of those I loved as a child and for the institutional knowledge/memory/morality that disappears as the earlier generation passes on. The hymn seems, ever more achingly, true to life:

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day.

Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away.

Change and decay in all around I see;

O thou who changest not, abide with me!.

Edited March 11, 2014 by Just_A_Guy

[Guest]

I used to have a really difficult time with death. Even hypothetically. For instance, when I was a newlywed my MIL told us her wishes for when she dies and it was very uncomfortable for me. She said death is a part of life and we need to be comfortable with it. I can't say I am now, not totally; but it doesn't upset me as deeply as it used to, either.

[Lakumi]

I hope to offend as many people as I can... they'll be like "why did he take it so lightly, having a funeral on a pirate ship prop" but they couldn't yell at me because I'd be dead!

Death will be another path for me, like life, and I will see if I was right or wrong in life (about my beliefs)

[skippy740]

Um... I'm a life insurance agent... so how do YOU think I feel about death?

It simply doesn't pay to die without sufficient life insurance in place.

[dahlia]

My husband, bio & step fathers, a couple of friends from school, a couple of co-workers, and a sibling (crib death) have passed on. I guess I think about it more these days, especially as my mother is elderly. She is in good health, but at her age, I guess could go any time.

Mostly, though, I feel like the mother Sally Fields played in 'Forest Gump.' She tells Forest she's going to miss him. That's the way I feel about my son. I cannot imagine being without him. I have no idea what that will be like and I don't want to know.

I've given him a list of where my assets are and what message boards to inform of my passing. I find myself thinking of music to play at my funeral. Then I turn into a 12 yr old and try to think of music that will mess with people's minds. : )

Will they let me play Sid Vicious' version of 'I did it my way' at an LDS funeral?

[mirkwood]

I'm around death quite a bit. I've become kind of numb towards it. Little kids still really bother me. I shed quite a few tears last year when my neighbor and good friend passed away. I shed some the other day visiting my terminally friend who I've know since Junior High. I'll shed some more when he passes.

I avoid funerals if I can. Usually I can't, so I go and deal with it.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I have always had a really hard time with death. As I get older, it's getting better, but I still have a ways to go.

You know it's interesting my oldest son left on his mission recently. He was excited, of course, and he does not tend to be emotional/sentimental anyway, so he didn't seem a bit phased by leaving. His father and I, on the other hand, are having a much more difficult time with it.

I couldn't help but be reminded about death...such a wonderful step for those that take it, but sad for those who are "left behind."

[Windseeker]

I think I'm a little strange in this respect. I remember when my father called our family together to announce that my grandfather (his dad) passed away. My entire family was crying except for me. I know I'll see them again and while there are many joys in this life I know they are in a better place.

I do cry when animals die, I don't know why I feel differently. Perhaps its because they are so innocent and bound by creation to fulfill the measure of their creation. It's like they are living testaments to the Love our Heavenly Father has for us as his Children. (not sure if that all makes sense).

I do think the worst possible experience would be to lose a child. I have been blessed that I have not had to go thru that and pray I never do.

[applepansy]

(How's that for a title?)

What is your relationship with death? Or in other words, do you deal with it well? Is it hard for you?

Death is a doorway, just like Birth is a doorway. So that's how I deal with it. I will miss the person but I KNOW where they are going and that I will see them again.

I worked in home care and hospice. I've had experiences that helped me gain a testimony of what to expect when we die and after. As a child in the 60s I listened to the experiences my mother had as an RN when a patient passed away. (Confidentiality wasn't compromised, not names or specific information about the patient.) The book Grieving: The Pain and the Promise was another resource that taught me about death.

I will always remember the first patient who died on my watch. There are a few others I will always remember. These people and families were either very sure of life after death and handled the death of a loved one in a remarkable way OR it was a patient and family who didn't believe in life after death. The ones who didn't believe didn't deal with death well.

I am so very grateful for the knowledge I've received through scriptures, family and work. Understanding that Life is bigger than what happens on this earth has helped me love my Heavenly Father more.

After reading through the thread I would like to add:

I have lost a child. He was 21 when he was in a car accident (he was in the back seat). It was very difficult and even though its been 14 years (last Nov), it is still difficult sometimes. Even with all the problems he had brought on himself I would love to have him back. The morning after he died we were at my husband's grandmother's funeral. My husband and I were dry eyed. But other family members were devastated. I remember my husband's brother-in-law saying something about he was crying because I wasn't. My MIL was beside herself and as friends came up to her one said "I didn't realize you were so close to your mother-in-law." Which then made the tears worse as she had to explain that the family had lost a grandchild the night before.

Because I had been blessed to understand Life I think I was better prepared. Also, I was spiritually prepared several years before in a sacred experience. I knew I would out-live my oldest son. I had time to deal with some of it. So when it finally happened and while it was sudden, I wasn't taken by surprise and neither was my husband. Because we were prepared we were better able to help others deal with their grief.

Again I noticed the striking difference between those who truly believe in life after death and those who only hope or don't believe.

Edited March 11, 2014 by applepansy

[Suzie]

What is your relationship with death?

It is good, I don't want to sound depressing in your thread but I wouldn't mind dying at all.

[applepansy]

It is good, I don't want to sound depressing in your thread but I wouldn't mind dying at all.

:) There are worse things than death.

[Suzie]

:) There are worse things than death.

Tell me about it. I know it very well unfortunately.

[applepansy]

Tell me about it. I know it very well unfortunately.

I'm sorry Suzie. Living through those things are extremely difficult. (((soft hugs)))

[classylady]

Coming from a large extended family I've experienced a lot of funerals. I always get misty or teary eyed. I don't necessarily cry for the departed one, but for those who are left behind.

But, when it has come to close family members dying, their death has literally changed and shaped me into who I am today. My father died when I was six years old, a few months shy of my seventh birthday. His death left a huge impact on me. I believe going through that experience as a young child made me a more sober and introspective person. As a teenager, I could never fully get involved with stupid teenager jokes and pranks. I knew I wasn't immortal. I knew that I could die today or tomorrow, and I couldn't "let myself go", for fear I would die before I could repent. I knew I would see my father again, but that didn't/doesn't take away the pain of not having my father to go to for advice, hugs, or reassurance. I needed my father in my youth. And, I still need him. I'll go years without shedding a tear, and then all of a sudden something will trigger the loss I feel, and I can break down in sobs missing him so terribly.

The death of my 19 year old daughter in a car accident was also a profound and traumatic event, probably the most painful experience I've ever gone through in my life. I can still remember the anguish I felt (and at times still do). I wanted to scream out loud when I learned of her death. But, I didn't. The knowledge that I will see her again, has not taken away the grief and sense of loss that I feel. But, knowing I will see her again brings me peace. And I look forward to when I pass through the veil of death and can embrace her in my arms again. I weep and grieve over her loss, though, I could not cry for some time after her death as I was in such shock, plus I had to be strong for my family. I miss her smile. I miss her love. I wonder about the "what ifs". What would she be doing if she was still alive? Would she be married? How many children would she have? Would she have finished college? Before her death I didn't realize that I had a subconscious idea that she was the one who would be there for me in later years to help with family reunions. She loved close and extended family. I have grieved over that loss, even though it was subconscious. I grieve that her nieces and nephews, and her two-month old son at the time of her death, won't know who she is. I miss her tremendously. That will never go away. Her youngest brother, (he was nine at the time of her death), came to me in tears several years after her death and said "Mom, I'm starting to forget Shelly". This breaks my heart. Even though our life here on earth is such a short blip of time, to me it seems to be an eternity because I want to see my daughter and be with her again.

Edited March 12, 2014 by classylady

[Iggy]

(How's that for a title?)

What is your relationship with death? Or in other words, do you deal with it well? Is it hard for you?

When I was 11 and had been going to Sunday School at the LDS church since I was 8 - my little sister passed away. She had a brain tumor and it was inoperable. The funeral service was held at the funeral home, but the Bishop of the Ward my siblings and I went to officiated.

Hers was the first death/funeral I had ever experienced. She and I were inseparable. I was born in June and she was born in September the following year. We wore each others clothes, we slept in the same bed, we took our baths together, etc.

I was inconsolable. Mom said I cried almost non-stop for a week. I refused to sit at the dining room table - or to even sleep in either one of our beds. I slept on the floor in my parents room, next to their dresser.

I didn't know about the Plan of Salvation, or where she went or anything at all. Weeks before she died she would talk about how she was going to go visit Jesus. "Soon, Iggy, I will be with Jesus. He will take the headaches away, soon."

She would hold me at night and tell me that I couldn't be sad. Not to cry too much. That it will be a good and happy thing, her going to be with Jesus.

About a month later I went off the rails. She passed on Thanksgiving day in 1963. It was storming outside, and I went out standing in the rain and wind and screamed at God. That I hated Him. I called Him every hurtful, hateful name and thing my 11 year old mind could think of.

Dad found me in a heap in the back yard. Wet, in my flannel pj's, and all cried out. I was almost asleep. He and Mom bathed me, put me in dry pj's and put me in their bed. Dad had to go to work, so Mom got in bed with me.

From 1963 until 1971 there was one death per year in our extended family. Relatives I only heard about but never knew. I had no tears - and I felt bad because I couldn't shed any for these unknown relatives.

On Dec 21, 1971 my Dad passed away. First and last heart attack. I was numb. My older siblings and I traveled from Seattle to Hot Springs South Dakota for his funeral. I cried, but not the torrential tears back in 1963. I still didn't understand where he had gone other than in the ground.

The Stake President turned out to be my parents best friend when they lived in South Dakota where I was born. His wife was my pediatric nurse AND they were members of the church back then too.

When we all got home after the service they came to the house and he explained the Plan of Salvation, where Daddy was and that death was not The End, it was just the next part of our eternal life. Daddy's nieces & nephews and their children, plus his older brother and his wife were all there. There was Mom's extended family from So. Dak. there too. Mom's kin belong to the Salvation Army - So, Stake President Joe B. Marsh sat at our dining room table and *taught* our vast extended family about the Plan of Salvation.

The comfort that I drew from him - it is still alive in me 43 years later. In 1983 my maternal Grandmother passed. She had been ill for about 2 years, and one week before she passed she insisted that I come to Hot Springs. Mom finally caved and called me up. Fortunately there was enough money for me to fly there.

In 1966 Mom passed - complications of diabetes. By now I know where she is going, that there is no pain and physical misery. She was baptized in 1974, received her endowment in 1987 and did the proxy work for Daddy and her own parents in 1989.

The night before Mom's services, my next oldest sister explains the Plan of Salvation to our eldest brothers two children. He chose not to remain active in church or to raise his children in the church. The kids were asking questions, so my sister taught them. Once again I absorbed the lesson and once again the Holy Ghost enveloped me in comfort.

In Jan of 2004 my brothers son passes - drug overdose. He is 29 years old. Then in Nov of 2004 my oldest sister passes - complications of diabetes & morbid obesity.

I did cry tears of sorrow for Mom, Nephew and Sister. But they were not devastating tears. I never use the word LOST in reference to someone passing. They are not lost - we know exactly where they are. Thy have passed over to the next phase of their eternal life.

It comforts me knowing this. My nephew's ordinance work is not done. His mother will not give her permission. Patience, in time she will.

Death is not the terrifying unknown to me. It is the next step in our eternal life.

Will I be this collected when my eternal companion passes over? I sure hope so. I am just too old to experience the heart wrenching sorrow and grief of my first death.

As for my death - I don't worry about it. I want a celebration not a mournful service. Be happy for me - I have taken the next step forward.

[Roseslipper]

I suppose Im use to it. I lost all my family mother father grandparents @ a young age. Friends too!! Does it hurt sure does, and my beloved dog too, do I miss them, yes, have I ached for them yes at times. But because I have the gospel It is alright for I know families can be forever and this life is our shortest phase and life is eternal and so are we!!! When some one leaves earth life and we morn their loss or the seperation we now have I know they are in a very good place and they are happy and healthy. As for babies and children we feel its sad because they miss out on so much. But the truth because they are so innocent they have it made in the shade. They get to go back home to their eternal home, they just needed to get their bodies....they are very special spirits!!!

I had to face my own possible death I had cancer so I planned out my funereal, But that was like 8 yrs ago and I am well. Am I ready to pass on? No, I still feel like I have to repent more and clean up my life more and learn to trust in the Lord more. I want to become like Him and help Him build His kingdom from the inside and outside. So i'm not ready yet!! But the thing is none of us knows the time or place so hopefully were on the right track when it happens....

Edited March 12, 2014 by Roseslipper