Sunday21 Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 In my area, women often have to choose between life long celibacy or marrying out. We have about 10 single women per single man. Some feel this is a sign of the times. What do you think is the correct decision? I think that the church would recommend not marrying because if you marry out you are more likely to fall away. But not marrying means no kids. Interestingly my stake pres suggested that I foster a child. I was surprised as many feel that choosing to be a single mom puts a burden on the church. Still it is an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 I don't think there's a universal answer to this. You have to learn to have open, frequent discussions with the Lord and evaluate what decisions will bring you the most joy and happiness in life. We can't always make "ideal" decisions, and in those times, we're left to make the best decisions with what is available to us. Backroads and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 You marry because you found someone you can pledge eternal devotion to and who pledges the same - member or not. You don't marry (member or not) just because you're worried about staying single forever and not ever having children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Even with those odds I still have some cards stacked against me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Even with those odds I still have some cards stacked against me I have lots of cousins... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 With the internet, you aren't limited to your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 With the internet, you aren't limited to your area. Indeed I am not, but it was just a joke, though my chances are still low because I am utterly crazy lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Indeed I am not, but it was just a joke, though my chances are still low because I am utterly crazy lolI was responding to the OP's statement that women in her area have to choose between celibacy and marrying "out". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 I was responding to the OP's statement that women in her area have to choose between celibacy and marrying "out".I know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 In my area, women often have to choose between life long celibacy or marrying out. We have about 10 single women per single man. Some feel this is a sign of the times. What do you think is the correct decision? I think that the church would recommend not marrying because if you marry out you are more likely to fall away. But not marrying means no kids. Interestingly my stake pres suggested that I foster a child. I was surprised as many feel that choosing to be a single mom puts a burden on the church. Still it is an option. Have you made every effort to find a mate? We live in a global society the advent of the internet has enabled us to reach everywhere. Expand your circle. You live in an area with few worthy male members you can relocate to an area with more members. The choice is not to marry "out" or not at all. You have to make the choice to find your mate. He is out there and sacrifices may need to be made in order to accomplish your goal. mdfxdb 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Why don't you go to where the men are, and find one to marry? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Str8Shooter Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Do NOT ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, marry unless you are living worthily and KNOW that you have found someone that you are to spend eternity with......EVER! Marrying because of feelings of guilt, pressure, fear, social status, missing out, etc is extremely risky. Roseslipper 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Do NOT ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, marry unless you are living worthily and KNOW that you have found someone that you are to spend eternity with......EVER! Marrying because of feelings of guilt, pressure, fear, social status, missing out, etc is extremely risky. How worthy do I have to be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Honestly I would have moved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 How worthy do I have to be? Temple recommend worthy. Str8Shooter 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 I'm not even a Mormon so that wouldn't work out for me lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quin Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 All the (other) LDS kids in my area are toddlers. So I encourage my teens to date out. Using that as a guideline, I suspect I would also encourage them to marry out. (It's become a parenting "rule" of mine to never ever ever say "I'm going to ________ when MY kids are blah blah blah." because so often, it's 180 degrees opposite of what I actually do. I've learned that I can look at what I've already done & use those trends to see what I'll PROBABLY do,,but it's still not a sure thing until it's actually happened AND I like the results / keep doing it.)There's no way on earth, however, that I would ever encourage my kids to be alone their whole lives, unless that was what they wanted. I have a sister, for example, who is a "confirmed bachelor". She doesn't want to date/marry, and likes being alone. I support her. I have another sister who is alone and doesn't want to be. I support her finding someone. Q Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 With the internet, you aren't limited to your area. Unfortunately, the statistics of LDS single adult females outnumbering LDS single adult males is Church-wide... so, unless we go back to our polygamous roots, it's gonna be a problem anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Unfortunately, the statistics of LDS single adult females outnumbering LDS single adult males is Church-wide... so, unless we go back to our polygamous roots, it's gonna be a problem anywhere. Oh hey I was right... good...good for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Unfortunately, the statistics of LDS single adult females outnumbering LDS single adult males is Church-wide... so, unless we go back to our polygamous roots, it's gonna be a problem anywhere. This is true, but not a valid reason to throw in the towel and date/marry out. Leah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 This is true, but not a valid reason to throw in the towel and date/marry out. Actually...it kind of does... I would imagine it would be easier to keep members if they are happy even if married to a non member, then sad and alone.What is a valid reason to throw in a towel? You don't think its a tad cruel to tell people "so sorry, you'll be alone forever cause people out there are terrible, sucks to be you I guess" I just don't understand the both open and closed Mormon culture Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 I just don't understand the both open and closed Mormon culture That makes two of us... Well, actually, I do know the importance of Temple marriage and how that shapes the LDS thinking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 That makes two of us... Well, actually, I do know the importance of Temple marriage and how that shapes the LDS thinking... Yeah I can understand that, but there's other things that baffle me that, originally I just thought was an American Mormon thing but the ones here do it too.They seem to want nothing to do with the community, all the other churches do a huge amount of things (its always advertized in the paper) and the LDS one never does.You'd think a church that is actively trying to get members would...I donno, let people know they exist? My family has lived here for decades and had no idea they were there, most don't and this isn't a big city, actually its more like a large town.Kind of hard to hide things, but they do it pretty well.One would assume they'd be all gung ho about community involvement, not just their own community. That doesn't exactly draw people in when you keep to yourselves. Any bunch of people who keep to themselves and within their own culture, exclusively, everyone on the outside is gonna think they're weird. People think the Amish and Mennonites are weird, and I try not to think Mormons are weird (at times) but when I hear things akin to "don't marry outsiders, better to be alone then with them" you're weird!I'm weird too, it's not a bad thing, but you can't act surprised when people think that's weird. Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveNine Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 While I have been actively involved in the church as an investigator my now ex girlfriend had no interest in pursuing anything with me involving the Church. Marriage was an idea when we were more financially stable although clearly now that we are separated well... To be honest I don't really want to marry an LDS girl, but we will see where the future takes me eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quin Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 Tongue-Barely-In-CheekI just think there's this huge untapped market of good Catholic Boys who would have become priests without that whole pesky vow of celibacy. Over heeeeeeere. Yooohoo. I'm a terrible person. Q Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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