A person cannot be happy without....

[MarginOfError]

As to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I am sure you would agree (maybe not) that many people have everything that Maslow lays out and are very unhappy people. So, what makes the difference?

 

We live in a day where the word "love" has become a bumper sticker. I gave you two examples where the term love is rendered meaningless. For example, many in the Nazi party "loved" their family’s (and i am sure their family’s "loved" them to), and at the same time sent Jews to gas chambers. Can someone who sends innocent men, women and children to gas chambers be happy?

Yes, they can.  And if you don't believe that, then you have a very poor understanding of the complexity of human beings.

 

The discussion of what qualifies as the 'essential ingredient' to happiness is ludicrious.  The very premise suggests a failure to comprehend the human condition.

 

Humans don't find happiness from any one thing.  They feel happiness from a combination of things.  The best model I've ever come across to describe it is the dialectics model.  It describes the human need for both novelty and consistency; for selfishness and selflessness; for intimacy and independence.  Happy people typically have a good balance of competing needs.  

 

So if you try to boil happiness down to a simple ingredient, you'll never be satisfied with the answer.

[Guest]

My husband recently read a great article about happiness. One of the key things is that we must be open to feeling more than one thing at once, even if they're conflicting. For instance, we can feel stress and frustration about things in life but still feel happy about other things. We don't have to be prisoners to the negative. Pushing out happiness just because everything isn't perfect (and when is it ever?) is no way to have a happy life, obviously. 

 

Anyhoo, probably best to read it for yourself. :) 

 

http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.inc.com%2Fjeff-haden%2F10-surprisingly-counterintuitive-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNG4mW2Ox0TJxhA1In_1RUpcCkHofQ

[srmaher]

Yes, they can.  And if you don't believe that, then you have a very poor understanding of the complexity of human beings.

 

The discussion of what qualifies as the 'essential ingredient' to happiness is ludicrious.  The very premise suggests a failure to comprehend the human condition.

 

Humans don't find happiness from any one thing.  They feel happiness from a combination of things.  The best model I've ever come across to describe it is the dialectics model.  It describes the human need for both novelty and consistency; for selfishness and selflessness; for intimacy and independence.  Happy people typically have a good balance of competing needs.  

 

So if you try to boil happiness down to a simple ingredient, you'll never be satisfied with the answer.

 

 

My husband recently read a great article about happiness. One of the key things is that we must be open to feeling more than one thing at once, even if they're conflicting. For instance, we can feel stress and frustration about things in life but still feel happy about other things. We don't have to be prisoners to the negative. Pushing out happiness just because everything isn't perfect (and when is it ever?) is no way to have a happy life, obviously. 

 

Anyhoo, probably best to read it for yourself. :)

 

http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.inc.com%2Fjeff-haden%2F10-surprisingly-counterintuitive-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNG4mW2Ox0TJxhA1In_1RUpcCkHofQ

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing this, I am going to check it out :) 

[srmaher]

Yes, they can.  And if you don't believe that, then you have a very poor understanding of the complexity of human beings.

 

The discussion of what qualifies as the 'essential ingredient' to happiness is ludicrious.  The very premise suggests a failure to comprehend the human condition.

 

Humans don't find happiness from any one thing.  They feel happiness from a combination of things.  The best model I've ever come across to describe it is the dialectics model.  It describes the human need for both novelty and consistency; for selfishness and selflessness; for intimacy and independence.  Happy people typically have a good balance of competing needs.  

 

So if you try to boil happiness down to a simple ingredient, you'll never be satisfied with the answer.

 

If you think a person who sends innocent people to a gas chamber, and at the same time be happy than we live in alternate universes. We are born with a thing called, the light of Christ. The more we have his light within us, the happier we will be. Those who send innocent people to be gassed, don't have much light within them.

 

(In the voice of Mater from The movie cars) Shoooot, i am just a poor uneducated fool from the south who can't comprehend such complex things like human condition, heck, i hope if my reading improves that can read as many books as you have, so i don't have to look so dumb.

Edited September 24, 2014 by srmaher

[estradling75]

Elder Holland's thoughts on the matter

 

http://lds.net/blog/faith/belief/elder-holland-shares-secrets-happiness-byu-idaho-devotional/

[srmaher]

“All happiness depends on courage and work.” Honore de Balzac

[mordorbund]

If you think a person who sends innocent people to a gas chamber, and at the same time be happy than we live in alternate universes. We are born with a thing called, the light of Christ. The more we have his light within us, the happier we will be. Those who send innocent people to be gassed, don't have much light within them.

Counterpoint:

 

You started this thread with some very broad terms. Happiness includes everything from cheerfulness, optimism, positivity, serenity, contentment, joy, laughter, exultation, bliss, and nirvana.

 

Just to clarify, are you confining this discussion to only forms of happiness that magnify the light of Christ? Was that your initial intent?

[MarginOfError]

If you think a person who sends innocent people to a gas chamber, and at the same time be happy than we live in alternate universes. We are born with a thing called, the light of Christ. The more we have his light within us, the happier we will be. Those who send innocent people to be gassed, don't have much light within them.

 

(In the voice of Mater from The movie cars) Shoooot, i am just a poor uneducated fool from the south who can't comprehend such complex things like human condition, heck, i hope if my reading improves that can read as many books as you have, so i don't have to look so dumb.

 

I have no doubt that our interpretations of life are universes apart.  What you fail to realize is that this is not a matter of education, but a matter of empathy.  That is, the ability to perceive the world through someone else's interpretation of reality.

[Crypto]

Going along with the above post, my first thought was "What exactly do you define as happiness"

Are you talking about dopamine and serotonin level in the brain?

I'm sure you will find plenty of people who find or think that:
excitement
peace
fun

control

etc... is happiness. 

 

 

As a raw emotional state? Happiness is an emotion, Joy is a state of being.

 

Happiness can be independent of needs, and my experience is those who have the most gratitude tend to see things the most positively which reflects into positive moods. There are certainly many other factors.

[Crypto]

wrong thread! oops

Edited September 24, 2014 by Crypto

[srmaher]

Happiness Defined

Several people have asked me what I mean by happiness. Now, I am assuming that 99.9% of people who come to lds.net are actually LDS. That being said, when I refer to happiness, I am referring to the same concept that the Brethren refer to in their talks. For example, Elder Holland just a few days ago gave a talk about happiness. I doubt that anyone who read his talk didn't ask themselves, "I wonder what he means by happiness." The happiness that I am refering to is the same as in Elder Hollands talk.

Edited September 25, 2014 by srmaher

[dahlia]

Drugs do seem to help. I'm only being a little facetious. I spoke to one of my sisters today for about 30 minutes. She's been so depressed she wouldn't come out of her room, hasn't worked in years, and unable to engage in conversation for even a few minutes. She finally got the drugs she needed to help her depression and is coming around to the bright and funny woman I used to know.

 

I think one needs love to be happy, but I'm going to frame it this way - one needs a parent's love and a sense of 'if the rest of the world goes to hell, I am still secure in the (literal or figurative) arms of my parent. I see people on TV who had a parent abandon them and they still want to meet that parent, many say they love that parent, even though they've never had a relationship with them. These people will never be satisfied (i.e. happy) until they fill that hole in their lives.

 

I look at Clinton, who has a deep psychological need to please in order to get, I maintain, the love he must not have received as a child. Bush, on the other hand, is still Barbara's 'boy' and knowing that, was able to handle all the terrible things said about him, the hard work of being a war time president, etc. And if you didn't like it? No problem for him. He was gonna go back to Texas and be in the bosom of his parents and their complete acceptance of him.

 

So, to me, parental love is the basis for happiness. Without that, or without feeling that you had that kind of love, you go looking for love in all the wrong places. : )  Or things that should make you happy, often seem hollow or incomplete. I don't think I had it, but my husband and I tried to give that feeling to our son. I think my husband had that kind of love from his mother, so it was good that one of us had that experience.

[james12]

As spirit beings we are full of joy and abundance. The spirit inside us does not associate itself with fear, doubts, and troubles. Here is how Brigham Young put it, "You need not expect to see sorrow, unless your own conduct, conversation, and acts bring it to your hearts. Do you not know that sorrow to you can exist only in your own hearts? ...You never saw a true Saint in the world that had sorrow, neither can you find one" (JD 6:40-41). We need not try and create happiness through external circumstances. It does not matter how others perceive us, if we are married or single, if we are rich or poor. No such searching will ever bring happiness. Through our spirit we have a special link to God. Our task is to let our spirit shine forth, unhampered by the myriad of challenges and concerns we conjure up in our minds. If we can accomplish such a task we will find that happiness was always ours.

 

 

[applepansy]

Be more specific, alot of people "love" themselvs, even members of the Nazi party loved their family and at the same time sent Jews to the gas chambers.

I don't think she needs to be more specific.  Without "love" in your heart everything is grey.  It doesn't have to be love for something or someone.  Love is a state of mind.

[applepansy]

Happiness Defined

Several people have asked me what I mean by happiness. Now, I am assuming that 99.9% of people who come to lds.net are actually LDS. That being said, when I refer to happiness, I am referring to the same concept that the Brethren refer to in their talks. For example, Elder Holland just a few days ago gave a talk about happiness. I doubt that anyone who read his talk didn't ask themselves, "I wonder what he means by happiness." The happiness that I am refering to is the same as in Elder Hollands talk.

where did he give the talk?  Do you have a link?

[notquiteperfect]

apple - 

 

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865611629/Elder-Holland-shares-keys-to-happiness-during-BYU-Idaho-devotional.html

Edited September 25, 2014 by notquiteperfect

[Windseeker]

I don't think it's possible to have lasting happiness without experiencing misery. 

And this is the account of Ammon and his brethren, their journeyings in the land of Nephi, their sufferings in the land, their sorrows, and their afflictions, and their incomprehensible joy.” (Alma 28:8; italics added.)

There, in Alma’s words, is Lehi’s paradoxical compound in one. There is a link between sorrow, affliction, and incomprehensible joy. Without opposition, “They would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery.” (2 Ne. 2:23.)

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/12/opposition-joy-and-the-nice-life?lang=eng

 

[Dewster9]

Doing the things that bring happiness into their life. Specifically noticing God's hand in their life, be thankful for the blessings they have, and choosing to keep the commandments. 

[srmaher]

where did he give the talk?  Do you have a link?

 

If you go to the home page of LDS.NET and scroll down you should see it.

[srmaher]

Elder Holland said in his talk on happiness, "The best chance for being happy is to do the things that happy people do."

 

What kind of thigs DO happy people DO? having love in your heart is not something you do, its the "by-product" of what you do. (allot of Do's here i know)

 

Therefore, what is the mot effective things to DO to be happy? Some have already made some great sugestions.

-Greatitude

-Self discipline

-Having loving parents

-Medication :)

[Windseeker]

Elder Holland said in his talk on happiness, "The best chance for being happy is to do the things that happy people do."

 

What kind of thigs DO happy people DO? having love in your heart is not something you do, its the "by-product" of what you do. (allot of Do's here i know)

 

Therefore, what is the mot effective things to DO to be happy? Some have already made some great sugestions.

-Greatitude

-Self discipline

-Having loving parents

-Medication :)

- be Miserable 

 

..fixed 

[srmaher]

Here is a featured article from the home page of lds.net, about HAPPINESS! YEA 

 

http://lds.net/blog/faith/10-things-supremely-happy-people/

Edited September 25, 2014 by srmaher

[faith4]

 Here is how Brigham Young put it, "You need not expect to see sorrow, unless your own conduct, conversation, and acts bring it to your hearts. Do you not know that sorrow to you can exist only in your own hearts? ...You never saw a true Saint in the world that had sorrow, neither can you find one" (JD 6:40-41).

 

Although I agree w/most of what you wrote, I couldn't disagree more than with the part in bold.  All of our experiences as humans, including sorrow, can be used to lift us up to sainthood.  Of the thousands of saints throughout history, sorrow was always a part of their life, b/c they were all human, there is no way to avoid sorrow in this life.  However, it's how Saints have chosen to handle sorrow, that have made them Saints.  I guess as a simple example, Jesus wasn't exaclty joyful while he was being scourged and crucified.  His mother, Mary, wasn't exactly joyful & happy as she watched her son carry his cross and continually fall.  I'm sure those weren't happy tears falling from her eyes as He was crucified and hung their dying for 3 hours.  But she trusted in God, knowing that He would make good come of this unhappy time, even if she didn't quite understand what that was yet.  Little did any of them know (Apostles and other followers), that it was through this great sorrowful trial and death, that the greatest graces would flow to all.  That this is what is meant to love and trust in God, our Father, without holding anything back, even if it's our very life.  What makes a saint, a Saint, is being able to lift up our sorrows (when they come) to God, and trust in Him that good will come of it, even if we don't understand what good that could be yet.  So when something sorrowful happens to us (b/c it will), rather than force joy and happiness out of ourselves to try and ignore it, we should recognize it for what it is, and offer it to God, so that we are made stronger through our trials.  It is through these that we are refined! 

 

Just last week, a 2nd grade girl from my kids school, died in a car accident.  Just terrible for such a young life to be lost so suddenly.  Her family is LDS, and I would bet that they would disagree w/this statement as well, b/c I'm sure their hearts are full of sorrow right now at the loss of their daughter, yet they are faithful mormons.  Can they no longer be saints b/c of their deep sorrow and grief?  Should they try to hide their sorrow and joyfully move on with their life?  What will make them saints is how they handle this sorrow, whether allowing it to refine them as they turn to God for comfort & healing, or allowing it to make them bitter and angry, blaming God for not saving their daughter.  Our sorrows are our greatest tests in life. 

    

So I wouldn't consider anyone a Saint, unless they've experienced sorrow in their life, and overcame it through their greater love of God. 

[Bini]

I think you need an aspiration in order to be happy. Whether that is a long term happiness, or short term happiness, may vary. But achieving an aspiration, whether spiritual or worldly, usually leaves someone with a sense of happiness.

[Urstadt]

I wanted to add some side comments that are still on point with the thread.

 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is counseling's leading umbrella therapy (meaning there are many cognitive-based therapies that fall under the CBT umbrella). In the early 1990's, more than 80% of therapists considered themselves to be some kind of cognitive-based therapist. The umbrella itself also has some of the worst forms of therapy out there, despite their "empirical" support.

 

The most basic premise of CBT is this: all emotion is caused by thought; if you feel something, it's because a thought first caused it. So, the most common/basic way to practice CBT is challenge cognitive distortions (thinking errors), negative thinking, and irrational/negative core beliefs. By challenging them, clients learn how to "reframe" their negative and/or distorted thoughts into something more positive and "logical."

 

I kid no one on here when I say that I have seen therapists first hand tell clients that they can be happy without one or more of the following, or challenge clients' "cognitive distortion" when they say they need one or more of the following to be happy:

 

Love

 

Gratitude

 

happiness is found in losing yourself...

 

parental love is the basis for happiness.

 

Now I want to demonstrate what a CBT therapist might say to four comments on this thread:

 

Humans don't find happiness from any one thing.  They feel happiness from a combination of things.

 

A CBT therapist would call this belief "all-or-nothing" thinking, "black-and-white" thinking, or "arbitrary inference" (jumping to conclusions). They would then prompt you to reframe this cognitive distortion. The reason: that kind of thinking challenges the basic premise of CBT: your thoughts alone can change your emotions from sad to happy.

 

choosing to keep the commandments.

 

A CBT therapist is going to question the effects of these "constraints" on your emotional state and prompt you to challenge your thinking by helping you to see that these commandments restrict your access to unlimited happiness.

 

Elder Holland said in his talk on happiness, "The best chance for being happy is to do the things that happy people do."

 

A CBT therapist might say here that you should only worry about yourself, that you are the sole source of happiness. On the other hand, a CBT therapist may agree with this mind set so long as the therapist approves of who you choose and what the person you choose is doing.

 

I don't think it's possible to have lasting happiness without experiencing misery.

 

The job of the CBT therapist is to look for incongruent thoughts. A comment like this will throw flags up and sounds alarms in a CBT therapist's mind. They will help you to challenge this belief by helping you "logically" work out that the two thoughts are contradictory and that entertaining them both is restricting your overall happiness.

---------------------------------------------

 

I agree with every user's comment I've quoted in this post. That's one reason why I hate CBT with a dire passion and have out right attacked it in my scholarship. Fortunately, I am not the only scholar who has.

 

But, here's the catch I would like to share with all who are interested: CBT is considered an evidenced-based practice. Meaning, it's "scientifically" proven to work. The upshot: psychology and science have proven everyone of you wrong.

 

And to that, I say:

Edited September 27, 2014 by Urstadt