Unrighteous Dominion

[StrawberryFields]

What is Unrighteous Dominion?

Unrighteous Dominion: Spouse to Spouse, Parent to Child, Child to Parent

by Candace Salima | More from this Blogger

This is, sadly, an all too common problem in the LDS community. But let me make this clear right up front: There are millions of good people belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately, there are also far too many who have succumbed to weaker passions and abuse their spouses and children, continuing to do so until the day they pass from this mortal life. This problem is not unique to the LDS Church, or even Christianity. Unrighteous dominion is found in every society, culture and religion.

In reading several talks the brethren have given on this subject, I came across one by Elder H. Burke Peterson, Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage, Ensign, July 1989 which I believe gives the best counsel.

He listed several questions, which he geared toward men, but I am going to tweak them a little and simply gear them toward the abuser period, be they man or woman, parent, child or spouse.

1. Do I criticize family members more than I compliment them? 2. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the father or husband and hold the priesthood? 3. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the mother or wife, and therefore the giver of life? 4. Do I seek happiness more at work, church, social functions or somewhere other than in my home? 5. Do my children or parents seem reluctant to talk to me about some of their feelings and concerns? 6. Do I attempt to guarantee my place of authority by physical discipline or punishment? 7. Do I find myself setting and enforcing numerous rules to control family members? 8. Do family members appear to be fearful of me? 9. Do I feel threatened by the notion of sharing with other family members the power and responsibility for decision-making in the family? 10. Is my wife highly dependent on me and unable to make decisions for herself? 11. Is my husband distancing himself from the home because I nag, criticize or demean incessantly? 12. Does my wife complain that she has insufficient funds to manage the household because I control all the money? 13. Do I insist on being the main source of inspiration for each individual family member rather than teaching each child or allowing my spouse to listen to the Spirit? 14. Do I often feel angry and critical toward family members?

These are good questions by which to judge your behavior. Answer them honestly and realize that if you have answered "yes" to any of them it is time to take a long hard look in the mirror and start making some changes. There are so many who abuse now, parents, children, spouses - it seems to a worldwide epidemic that increases as Satan rages in the hearts of men (and that is men in the generic sense).

Pride is a sore affliction for the abuser. It was pride that caused the Savior to be crucified. It was pride that caused Saul's hatred of King David. It was pride that caused King Noah to go against his better judgement and consign Abinadi to the flames. It is pride that has driven the abuser since the beginning of time. It is pride that drives that same abuser, eventually, to unspeakable acts for which great eternal costs await.

The most ". . . misunderstood and misused scripture is Doctrine & Covenants 121:43, which reads, "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy."

"Perhaps we should consider what it means to reprove with sharpness. Reproving with sharpness means reproving with clarity, with loving firmness, with serious intent. It does not mean reproving with sarcasm, or with bitterness, or with clenched teeth and raised voice. One who reproves as the Lord has directed deals in principles, not personalities. He does not attack character or humiliate or demean an individual." H. Burke Peterson, Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage, Ensign, July 1989

One of the basics of the ten commandments is to "honor thy father and thy mother" and no one is exempt from this. Those two people gave you life. Sometimes the appreciation stops there due to the extremely inappropriate, not to mention illegal, behavior of some parents. Honor does not mean to succumb to abuse. In other words, "Dad, Mom, I respect you for giving me life but I will not continue to be abused."

Treating one another with such disrespect and anger is completely contrary to the teachings of Jesus Christ. We are to be kind, loving, nurturing, supportive, teach . . . we are to listen more than we are to command. There are great promises for those who learn self-discipline, who pattern themselves after a loving Heavenly Father: "This power from heaven is the power to bless, to strengthen, to heal, to comfort, to bring peace to a household. To lift and encourage is priesthood power. To those who learn how to develop this power will come the promises described in Doctrine & Covenants 132:20-21:

"Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory." H. Burke Peterson, Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage, Ensign, July 1989

We are divine children of a loving Heavenly Father. Within us, that spark of divinity can be fanned into a glorious flame or crushed until there is no trace of our glorious heritage. We must, without equivocation, be the types of parents, children and spouses that our Heavenly Father knows us to be - capable of great things if we only tap into the godly attributes within us rather than indulging in the carnal.

http://lds.families.com/blog/unrighteous-d...child-to-parent

[Guest Yediyd]

Thank you for that< Strawberry...I just went and hugged my daughter and told her how grateful I am that she is not like "the world's" teenagers!! She is so soft spoken and has such a sweet spirit. She does not have a rebellious spirit about her at all!! I am so thankful for her, and this artical helped me to remember that and to tell her so!!! My son is not home right now as he goes to day treatment every day, but I have decided that when he gets home, I am going to find something nice I can say about him...sometimes his disorder gets in the way of my true love for him. I love him fiercely, but I get so frustrated with him on a daily basis...Thank you for reminding me that he needs to hear positive things as well as the seemingly constant re-direction that he gets on a daily basis!!!

[StrawberryFields]

Here is another one.

Controlling Your Controlling Relationships

I've gotten the telephone calls from friends. They've relayed the stories about the friend who was once an independently minded woman with strong goals and outspoken opinions. I've listened to the latest news of how that friend is now in a relationship with a guy who is suddenly the be all and end all of everything in her life. It comes through in a variety of ways. The guy who reads all his girlfriend's emails and checks all her cell phone records. As a friend who's been asked for and willingly given her opinion and advice on the virtues of a loving relationship, I've had to shudder and bite my lip when I hear friends repeat over and over in daily context how they are hungry but afraid to eat because their boyfriend wants them to lose weight, or have had to cut entire people and activities out of their lives because their boyfriend doesn't want them hanging out with certain people or doing certain things.

We all know what they look like from the outside. Some of us may even know what it feels like to be in one. The fact is that controlling relationships happen frequently, and while the people who do the controlling are most at fault, a relationship can not be commandeered by one single member without the other one's permission, if only through passivity. The fact is that there should really be no "control" in a relationship. As a basic building block in the very foundation of a good relationship, trust is in essence the ability to allow someone else to do things without any vigilance or supervision and still be strong enough to believe in all their words and actions. Trust cannot exist if one person in a relationship is controlling every aspect of the other person's life. Neither does trust exist if one person in a relationship begins a set of controlling behaviors and the other person enacts their own reciprocal set of controlling behaviors in an attempt to counterbalance. If not caught in your own controlling relationship, you may have a close friend or even know the stories of someone, perhaps a coworker or family member, who is in the midst of a relationship that is off balance and out of touch with the realities of a healthy relationship. Its hard to be the confidant and be the shoulder who gets cried on and be honest and open with advice and help when you are dealing with someone, friend or not, who is not in a stable and clear state of being when it comes to making good decisions. The very nature of this conflict has been used as fodder for our favorite relationship based TV shows. On Sex and the City, we saw how many times Carrie's relationship with Mr. Big caused rifts between her and her friends because they didn't agree with the decisions she was making in her life as a result of his involvement. At one point, early in their relationship, Carrie even admitted to Miranda that she was "exhausted" by the way she felt she needed to act when she was with Mr. Big in order to conform to what she felt he expected of her. While there is definitely no straight answer nor solution to getting out of a controlling relationship, or even how to deal with a friend who is in one. there are definitely steps to be taken to lessen the damage of the situation, hopefully saving friendships and perhaps even enabling people to be strong enough to find their own way out.

If you have a friend who is in a controlling relationship:

*Give advice when asked for.

*Lend support when necessary.

*If you witness controlling/unhealthy behaviors, bring it to your friend's attention.

*Do no vilify the controlling party, this may only make your friend see you as the negative influence.

*Reiterate unendingly how much you care about your friend and their welfare.

If you are in a controlling relationship:

*Work to identify what the specific controlling behaviors are.

*When faced with a situation, let the controller know that the behavior is not normal and unhealthy and you are not comfortable with it.

*If the behaviors persist, you need to make a decision whether or not to continue with your relationship.

Bottom line, someone is always going to be unhappy in a controlling relationship if the behaviors are never corrected. Either the person who is being controlled will feel used and abused, or the person who is doing the controlling will stagnate emotionally and be unable to be a loving, giving, trusting person. Most likely, both will occur. Whether you are in the relationship, or having to watch it from the outside, the only thing we can all hope for is that people in controlling relationships will find the inner strength, courage, confidence, and self-esteem to be able to stand as strong individual, regardless of what their relationship status is.

http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:kw8vJu...cd=10&gl=us

[Elphaba]

I have moved this post to it's own thread, called "Elphaba's Experience with Stewardship."

[BenRaines]

Please correct me if I am wrong and misunderstand.

From your earlier post it sounds as if you believe the Stake Patriarch was acting in his official capacity. That is not what Stake Patriarchs do. He may have been asking as a friend of your mothers but not in his capacity as a Patriarch. If I am correct in understanding what you are saying there would be no one to call you and offer an apology for his actions since they were not due to his calling. Sounds to me like a friend of your mothers making a plea to you.

Ben Raines

[Elphaba]

Please correct me if I am wrong and misunderstand.

From your earlier post it sounds as if you believe the Stake Patriarch was acting in his official capacity. That is not what Stake Patriarchs do. He may have been asking as a friend of your mothers but not in his capacity as a Patriarch. If I am correct in understanding what you are saying there would be no one to call you and offer an apology for his actions since they were not due to his calling. Sounds to me like a friend of your mothers making a plea to you.

Ben Raines

I see Ben. If that's true I can see he was not acting officially as the Stake Patriarch. I'm sure you're right that he was doing it as a favor to my mother.

However, I want to be clear. He did not "ask" me anything, or make any plea.

Rather, he insisted "God had prompted" him to tell me that I must stay in Utah. He literally used those words. There's a huge difference.

So I'm not sure it matters whether he was acting as the patriarch or not. According to my branch president, God would not have given him any inspiration about me as he had no stewardship over me. Why would it matter if he were not acting as a stake patriatrch at the time.

Additionally, he still could have written to me to apologize and correct himself, even though not officially as the Stake President. And while I see your point that no one else would have been in an official position to do so, what does that matter? How about in a moral position? How about as a caring human being, realizing what an egregious offense the man had commited? Telling me God had spoken to him about me is not a little thing.

I know my branch president called someone to straighten everything out, as he picked up the phone the minute I left his office. As I said, he was livid. So, people in the Davis County Stake (not sure of the correct ame) did know about it. But apparently I wasn't important enough to make sure everything was okay. However, I can see they probably depended on my branch president to take care of that.

I just think an apology was in order. But please know, it's not as if I obsses over this. It happened so long ago, and I only think about it when something triggers the memory. I hold no resentment against the Church in general, and realize this man is the only guilty party, though I consider his actions to be heinous and thoughtless.

I truly believe he is an example of "unrighteous dominion."

Elphaba

[BenRaines]

As an aside to this all. My wife was in the towers in the fall of '75. I lived south of campus, 400 N 200 E, and would make that walk every day as she worked me, to work on her MRS degree. It must have worked here we are 32 years later. :)

When she first moved there she had to stay that the Kimball house until her spot was available. Kimball house was next to the Creamery.

Ben Raines

[Elphaba]

As an aside to this all. My wife was in the towers in the fall of '75. I lived south of campus, 400 N 200 E, and would make that walk every day as she worked me, to work on her MRS degree. It must have worked here we are 32 years later. :)

When she first moved there she had to stay that the Kimball house until her spot was available. Kimball house was next to the Creamery.

Ben Raines

Ahh! I just missed her! Thirty-two years. I can't even imagine. What a lovely story.

Hey, it's not as if I would have passed up my "MRS" degree if he had been the right one. It's just that that's not why I was there.

<-------------Elphaba in 1975

[Alaskagain]

What is Unrighteous Dominion?

Unrighteous Dominion: Spouse to Spouse, Parent to Child, Child to Parent

by Candace Salima | More from this Blogger

. . .

He listed several questions, which he geared toward men, but I am going to tweak them a little and simply gear them toward the abuser period, be they man or woman, parent, child or spouse.

1. Do I criticize family members more than I compliment them? 2. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the father or husband and hold the priesthood? 3. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the mother or wife, and therefore the giver of life? 4. Do I seek happiness more at work, church, social functions or somewhere other than in my home? 5. Do my children or parents seem reluctant to talk to me about some of their feelings and concerns? 6. Do I attempt to guarantee my place of authority by physical discipline or punishment? 7. Do I find myself setting and enforcing numerous rules to control family members? 8. Do family members appear to be fearful of me? 9. Do I feel threatened by the notion of sharing with other family members the power and responsibility for decision-making in the family? 10. Is my wife highly dependent on me and unable to make decisions for herself? 11. Is my husband distancing himself from the home because I nag, criticize or demean incessantly? 12. Does my wife complain that she has insufficient funds to manage the household because I control all the money? 13. Do I insist on being the main source of inspiration for each individual family member rather than teaching each child or allowing my spouse to listen to the Spirit? 14. Do I often feel angry and critical toward family members?

. . .

There are so many who abuse now, parents, children, spouses - it seems to a worldwide epidemic that increases as Satan rages in the hearts of men (and that is men in the generic sense).

What great questions! Even when there may not be outright physical abuse, here are clues to emotional abuse that parents (or other caregivers or spouses) sometimes might not be aware they are dishing out. Great reminder that we must pay attention to the cues our loved ones give us.

Thanks, SF, great post!

[Palerider]

hey SF...thanks for the post......as I served as a Bishop I seen and dealt with this stuff alot. It would get under my skin real bad when I would walk thru the halls and over hear a conversation between 2 Sisters talking about how their husbands never help them around the house or a sister in my office telling me that their husband doesn't lift a finger. I had some very very long talks with several Brothers about this topic.....GGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

[tiancum]

Every time we use force and manipulation, we are using unrighteous dominion. EVEN when we are forcing people to do what is right.

I have not known a single person on earth who has not used UD (me included). Sometimes it is very subtle, but it is always there, sorta like pride.

Elphaba, i bet most, if not all of us have stories like that to tell, some perpetrated upon us, and some where we are the perpetrators...I know I have been both.

The most difficult part is forgiving, and moving on...

I have found in my life that when I am unwilling to truly forgive and let go of the bitter, i am using unrighteous dominion. Essentially, holding on to the hate anger hurt was me wanting them to "owe me".

[Elphaba]

I can see my story did not belong in this thread, and therefore I'm going to take it out.

However, it is such an important piece of my history, that I am going to start a separate thread about it. I realize I will likely get litte response as those who would read it probably already have. But I would like to have more response to it than I received here, and for that to happen I think it needs it's own thread.

I am aware, however, that it likely won't happen. If not, that's okay.

Elphaba

[Moksha]

At BYU I felt as if I had been plunged into a bottomless lake of vapidness. I even asked to be moved to the section where the graduate students lived because I felt I had more in common with them, but the "house mother," or whatever she was called refused. Her cold-hearted manner was completely uncalled for, and I felt trapped. I knew I had to leave.

Elf, I can relate. Many of us have felt trapped by the majority Mormons at one time or other. You and BYU were not a good fit. That is okay, because being a marginalized Mormon is in itself okay. The majority were giddy and you were serious, they wanted to play and you wanted to study. Perhaps you were like Jonathan Livingston Seagull among the mundane birds.

[pushka]

I believe my ex husband used Unrighteous Dominion over me and over our kids when we married. Of course, I should have been stronger and left him earlier, before we were married even...I did try, but he always had a way of persuading me to give him another chance, promising to change, to reason with me instead of continue arguing and using brawn as a weapon to threaten me with...he never actually beat me or anything, but he did bruise my arm for a month once, when he was holding me back from walking out from him...I told him after that time that if he ever went for me I would scream and bang the walls to get my neighbour's attention if I couldn't phone the police...this was before mobile phones were popular.

My husband, when we were just going out together, was one of the reasons I stopped attending the LDS church at 18. True, I was not keeping the WoW and had started to disagree with some of the Church's ways of coping with people who lived different lifestyles from them, so I probably would have left eventually anyway, as my life experiences filled. However, part of the way in which he persuaded me to leave was to use his dominion over me by stating that he would never allow me to take our children, if we married, to the LDS church, and at that time that was very important to me...I was not a confident girl, therefore I gave in to his pressure to conform to what he wanted me to do in that respect...ie. give up the church...he also used lies to make me fall out with friends he didn't approve of, and made me feel I had to walk on eggshells whenever I was in the company of his family, lest I say anything that he felt was offensive...even if it wasn't and if his family disagreed with him in private with me...

Unfortunately, I allowed his behaviour towards me to continue for 17 years. He said things against my closest friends, criticising them, and I felt I had to agree with him, when with him, in order to stop another argument. He used anger in order to get his own way with me, others and our children. He still uses that against the children now...he doesn't hit them, but he roughly throws them onto the settee when arguing with them, slams things and throws things about in order to scare them, and me at the time of our marriage. He told me that the children were not to be 'reasoned with', they were to be dominated and controlled by us...I refused to do that, so we had many arguments over this.

There were other aspects of our married life which he coerced me into taking part in, and only after our divorce could I see that he had manipulated me over the years. We now can speak together without arguing, but only because I rarely complain about what he is doing with the kids now...they are now 18 and 14 so are more than aware of his manipulative ways. They speak to me about it, and I sympathise with them...I offer to help them if they really want to be helped, but otherwise just remind them that this was the behaviour that ultimately made me leave him, and that one day they will feel strong enough not to take the verbal abuse from him any longer too.

[Traveler]

Perhaps we have missed the point of unrighteous dominion:

This is to use the gift of dominion from G-d in unrighteous or self serving manner. I do think it is interesting that a common reference has to do with the marriage covenant where we (mankind) are given a dominion over creating life and some have suggested that the misuse of that dominion focused only on self serving pleasures, attractions and preferences, is a unrighteous dominion without realizing the full spectrum of unrighteous dominion.

The Traveler

[Iggy]

My first husband did much the same to me Pushka. I wasn't active in Church, but he was so anti-religion and very vocal about it that I never told him I was a Mormon or even a Christian.

After 28 years of marriage full of emotional, verbal and physical abuse I left him. What I have since learned is that his behaviour is manipulative and typical of alcoholics. Yes, my ex is an alcoholic. I went to Al Anon for years in an attempt to save my marriage and my own sanity. That angered him too, but I wouldn't give in to him to quit going. When I went back to Church he told everyone who would listen to him that "Her Church made her leave me." Such a crock of poo - The only thing the Church made me do was follow my heart and to teach me to listen to the Spirit. Most of the people who he complained to shot back at him that I left him because he was a nasty, viscious mean drunk - that even a junk-yard dog would leave him he was that vile. His next line of complaint was that I had turned all of his friends against him! Pathetic.

Throwing a person onto a chair is abuse. He is abusive and there will be no warning when he escalates to hitting, punching or worse. Are the children underage? IF they are then keep them away from him, and report it to law enforcement . If they are adults then they need to put a stop to his aggressive abusive behaviour, and bring charges of assult against him, and avoid being around him.

Al Anon taught me that I am not at fault for my ex's drinking or for his behaviour. It was not my fault that he got angry and threw things around. I was not the guilty one. He would come home from the bar after spending 8 or 10 hours drinking. He would crash open the door and start blaming me for his bad mood. Al Anon also taught me how to not trigger or feed into his anger. How to not accept his attempts to throw his guilt at me and make it mine.

[Iggy]

Perhaps we have missed the point of unrighteous dominion:

This is to use the gift of dominion from G-d in unrighteous or self serving manner. I do think it is interesting that a common reference has to do with the marriage covenant where we (mankind) are given a dominion over creating life and some have suggested that the misuse of that dominion focused only on self serving pleasures, attractions and preferences, is a unrighteous dominion without realizing the full spectrum of unrighteous dominion.

The Traveler

Traveler, you don't think that a husband and father who physcially, verbally and emotionally abuses his wife, children, parents is not doing so in a self serving manner?

[pushka]

Hi Iggy, thanks for your reply to my post.

The children are now 14 and 18. I don't think that he has used physical violence against them recently, I think he's finally too scared of the consequences of the children reporting him, now that the law in the UK has recognised physical abuse of children in ways that were not considered abuse previously. I would definitely come to their rescue if I thought that he was still hurting them physically. I hear from the children almost daily when they stay with their dad..we have the children on alternate weeks, it's sometimes difficult to know just how verbally abusive he is towards one or another of the children, because if you ask the other child to verify their story, they have a different view of what occurred...believing that the other child 'asked' for whatever response they got off their dad.

I must admit that I am intimidated too, by the possible outcome of arguing with him anymore about the children, in view of our experiences of this within the last 5 years. At that time I stuck up for the children whenever they refused to see their dad, but ended up having to fight possible custody battles with him via our solicitors, and having my mental state of health discussed at length, which was terrible.

I've had counselling myself, over the years, and assertiveness classes. I'm currently having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and learning better ways to cope with feelings that I am to blame for others' happiness or sadness, caused by a number of things I witnessed in my life, during my marriage and before then, as a child.

[Snow]

At BYU I felt as if I had been plunged into a bottomless lake of vapidness. I even asked to be moved to the section where the graduate students lived because I felt I had more in common with them, but the "house mother," or whatever she was called refused. Her cold-hearted manner was completely uncalled for, and I felt trapped. I knew I had to leave.

Elf, I can relate. Many of us have felt trapped by the majority Mormons at one time or other. You and BYU were not a good fit. That is okay, because being a marginalized Mormon is in itself okay. The majority were giddy and you were serious, they wanted to play and you wanted to study. Perhaps you were like Jonathan Livingston Seagull among the mundane birds.

And perhaps not. An honest assessment of BYU shows that it is a national leader in the number of students that go beyond an undergraduate degree and on to earn doctorate degrees... more than Stanford, more than Yale, more than MIT. Many of BYU's graduates get the doctorates at the nation's most elite schools.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn41...16/ai_n16639375

[CrimsonKairos]

I never went to BYU, but I lived with two of my brothers in Provo for a year before my mission about seven years ago. I enjoy reading and thinking more than the parties and other things the majority of students enjoyed.

That was a reflection on me, not them. They were great people who I just happened not to enjoy hanging out with most of the time. I'm an odd guy. It was tempting to assume they were just not as smart as me, or as serious as me, or as interested in the gospel as me because they partied instead of reading the Messiah Series. Yeah, I was 19 and full of myself.

I quickly realized that just because others aren't interested in the same things I am, that doesn't mean they aren't intelligent or worthy of respect. I'd probably go crazy if I had to live in Provo long-term, but then again, maybe I'd just mellow out and relax. That's largely what I've done since then.

[Elphaba]

And perhaps not. An honest assessment of BYU shows that it is a national leader in the number of students that go beyond an undergraduate degree and on to earn doctorate degrees... more than Stanford, more than Yale, more than MIT. Many of BYU's graduates get the doctorates at the nation's most elite schools.

This is true. BYU has a well-earned, stellar reputation.

When I speak of my BYU experience, it was exactly that: my experience. I acknowledge this is not reflective of the school as a whole. I think BYU is a superb university with a fine reputation. As long as you’re not an intelligent, scholastically driven 19 year old stuck with a gaggle of 17-year-old giggle pusses for the summer.

I think what happened is that because it was summer semester, the new freshman students looked at school as more of a summer camp where they could flirt with the boys and show off their tans. I suspect if it had been fall semester the students would have been more serious about their studies and I may have found some kindred spirits.

There is no denying, however, the girls on my floor at Deseret Towers were constantly discussing dates, dances, and dark and handsome. Of course I was their intellectual superior; they’d admit it! And of course, I was the wilting wall flower. Oh well.

I remember the song "I'm Not in Love," by 10cc was on the radio that summer, and my roommate was confused as to why the singer would call (phone) the girl when he didn’t love her. I explained to her that he really did love the girl, but my roommate‘s reply, after she popped her gum, was “Unhuh, because he keeps singing, “I’m Not In Love.” This young woman could not wrap her brain around the abstract.

I spent most of a lunch hour continuing to try to convince her that the singer really did love the girl, but my roommates eyes were crossed with confusion until I explained the picture was not really on the wall to cover a stain. I‘ll never forget the look on her face when the light bulb went off. “Oh! I get it. . . he really does love her, but he doesn‘t want to admit it!!” Finally. My work there was done.

Vapid is the perfect word to describe the girls I had the fortune to be rooming with that summer and no amount of bullying will change that fact. It’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it! (My thanks to Pam.)

Elphaba

I'm Not In Love by 10cc

I'm not in love, so don't forget it

It's just a silly phase I'm going through

And just because I call you up

Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made

I'm not in love, no-no

(It's because...)

I like to see you, but then again

That doesn't mean you mean that much to me

So if I call you, don't make a fuss

Don't tell your friends about the two of us

I'm not in love, no-no

(It's because...)

(Be quiet, big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

(Big boys don't cry)

I keep your picture upon the wall

It hides a nasty stain that's lyin' there

So don't you ask me to give it back

I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me

I'm not in love, no-no

(It's because...)

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me

Ooh, you'll wait a long time

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me

Ooh, you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love, so don't forget it

It's just a silly phase I'm going through

And just because I call you up

Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made, ooh

I'm not in love, I'm not in love...

[Guest Yediyd]

I'd give my right eye for a chance to room with those gum popping boobs for even just one semester!!! I would room with Lizzy Borden if it ment a chance to go to BYU!!!!

[Elphaba]

I'd give my right eye for a chance to room with those gum popping boobs for even just one semester!!! I would room with Lizzy Borden if it ment a chance to go to BYU!!!!

Yedyid, I've heard you yell! You'd shut them up in a Provo minute and make it just fine. I'm sure you'd love every minute of it!

Plus you never know. These days, it's never too late. I have no problem at all picturing you striding around campus!:)

Elphie

[Guest Yediyd]

<div class='quotemain'>I'd give my right eye for a chance to room with those gum popping boobs for even just one semester!!! I would room with Lizzy Borden if it ment a chance to go to BYU!!!!

Yedyid, I've heard you yell! You'd shut them up in a Provo minute and make it just fine. I'm sure you'd love every minute of it!

Elphie

I plan on getting these little "darlings" raised and if there is anything left of me...heading out to BYU...it is a dream....

[Elphaba]

<div class='quotemain'> <div class='quotemain'>I'd give my right eye for a chance to room with those gum popping boobs for even just one semester!!! I would room with Lizzy Borden if it ment a chance to go to BYU!!!!

Yedyid, I've heard you yell! You'd shut them up in a Provo minute and make it just fine. I'm sure you'd love every minute of it!

Elphie

I plan on getting these little "darlings" raised and if there is anything left of me...heading out to BYU...it is a dream.... It'll happen. I'll help you! I know you--nothing will stop you if that's what you really want.

Elphie