Bishops Daughter Dating Before 16

[mrbean]

I have a friend (he's the bishop), who's 14 year old daughter is dating. He has strict rules in his family against it. One day I caught his daughter, and another nonmember boy kissing. I promised not to tell their father, but now, I don't know what I should do. Any ideas?

[Guest Yediyd]

Ummm, TELL HER FATHER!!!!!!! He is the Bishop, G-d will direct him, and as a mother of a 14 year old, I would want to be informed!!! You may feel like you are betraying the kid, but in fact...you are helping her in the long run!!!!

[Aphrodite]

I wouldnt. So what if shes kissing a boy?? Its not the crime of the century, and not all 14 year olds are sex crazed maniacs that parents/leaders seem to think they are. The girl will hate you for telling on her, then hate her father for probably forbidding her to see the boy, making her teen angst greater and her life harder than it already is at 14. My parents were forever hauling my sister up over things that just made her rebel even more. Id leave it.

[Doctor Steuss]

I have a friend (he's the bishop), who's 14 year old daughter is dating. He has strict rules in his family against it. One day I caught his daughter, and another nonmember boy kissing. I promised not to tell their father, but now, I don't know what I should do. Any ideas?

I guess you just need to think about what is more important. Keeping it from her father (I assume in order to maintain her trust), or letting her father know?

Two sides to the coin:

Looking back on your youth, would you ultimately understand if you were "ratted out" (sorry for the saying)?

or...

Would you, as a father, hope that someone who saw your daughter going against your established rules would let you know?

In the end, you know more about the family, girl, and circumstances than any of us; and it is you that must make the judgment call (personally though [given my first-hand experience with being a 14 year old boy, and what my mind was after], I would let the dad know).

[Alaskagain]

Another tactic:

Does this girl have an older sister? If so, consider contacting the sister. (Depending on the maturity of the sister.)

The girl may respond better to guidance coming from a sister at this point, and a wise sister may be able to encourage the 14 year old to approach the father herself, to talk about it.

If she is the oldest daughter, then yes, go to the father.

[Palerider]

I wouldnt. So what if shes kissing a boy?? Its not the crime of the century, and not all 14 year olds are sex crazed maniacs that parents/leaders seem to think they are. The girl will hate you for telling on her, then hate her father for probably forbidding her to see the boy, making her teen angst greater and her life harder than it already is at 14. My parents were forever hauling my sister up over things that just made her rebel even more. Id leave it.

I am under the impression you don't have children

[BenRaines]

Let me give you an example of something that happened a couple of months ago. My wife and I, with the Bishop and his wife, came out of a movie and saw one of the Beehives waiting to be picked up with some friends. The young beehive, 12-13 year old young women for non LDS types, was wearing a skirt so short and when she saw the Bishop, his wife and my wife and I she tried to hide behind her friends. Bishops wife went over and said hi and had they enjoyed the movie. The next day my wife, YW Pres, asked the girl if she had told her parents what had happened. She had not and my wife said that she would like for her to tell her mom what she had done, borrowed girlfriends very short skirt to go out and had been seen by Bishop wearing it. She would give her a week to talk to her mom or my wife would. The girl told her mom, the mom thanked my wife and three weeks later they all had a great time at girl's camp.

Believe it or not kids like to know the rules and benefits and penalties if they obey or disobey.

The girl was given a choice to do as she saw fit but knew better from her than her YW Pres.

Ben Raines

[mrbean]

Another tactic:

Does this girl have an older sister? If so, consider contacting the sister.

She does. As I understand it, however the older sister told her to date him in the first place. The older sister also told the younger, 12 year old brother, to date someone too.

[Alaskagain]

NEVER MIND! Tell the DAD.

[john doe]

Tell the dad. I would want to know if my kids were doing things they shouldn't.

Aphrodite Posted Today, 03:09 PM

I wouldnt. So what if shes kissing a boy?? Its not the crime of the century, and not all 14 year olds are sex crazed maniacs that parents/leaders seem to think they are. The girl will hate you for telling on her, then hate her father for probably forbidding her to see the boy, making her teen angst greater and her life harder than it already is at 14. My parents were forever hauling my sister up over things that just made her rebel even more. Id leave it.

Maybe you've just got crappy parents, or maybe you're still in that rebelious mode. I'm voting for the latter.

What if she was meeting pervs from Myspace? Would that be okay with you? At what point would you draw the line? When she 'accidentally' gets pregnant?

The parent is responsible for the child until they reach the age of majority. They need to know what their kids are up to.

[mrbean]

Ok, if I do tell, any idea on how I should do it?

[Guest Yediyd]

Ok, if I do tell, any idea on how I should do it?

Yeah, pick up your telephone!!....or, give the girl the option of telling her father first like Ben said....personally...I would just call the Bishop.

[Alaskagain]

You could start out by asking him when's the last time he led a family home evening on the subject of friendships and peer pressure?

And then when he asks, why, tell him.

[gabelpa]

I like alaskagain's approach, it's how I'd want to find out as a father, if I didn't see for myself. However pulling from experience, Bishop's daughters (and sons for that matter) are either good as gold, or go off the rails. I've been in branches/wards where the bishop's daughter is pregnant, marrying outside the Temple, inactive, etc, or the son is having problems with the law, drugs, girls, and/or violence.

The Bishop may very well be aware of his daughter's actions and despite his best efforts, things are spiraling out of control.

[Adomini22]

Tell the father. Him knowing is worth more than the possible short wrath of the daughter.

[prisonchaplain]

Ummm, TELL HER FATHER!!!!!!! He is the Bishop, G-d will direct him, and as a mother of a 14 year old, I would want to be informed!!! You may feel like you are betraying the kid, but in fact...you are helping her in the long run!!!!

I don't disagree. But, if the OP wants to keep integrity, he she tell her that he's going to tell--perhaps giving her the chance to do so, first (I'll check with the bishop in 2 days).

[bunnzy]

I like the idea of going to the girl and saying honestly -

"Look, i know i promised i wouldnt tell, but i feel it is the right thing for your father to know. I will give you one week to fess up and if you dont, then i will."

Its better to nip these things in the bud. The Bishop is entitled to recieve revelation for his family and that includes the girl, but you however are not. (entitled to such revelation) He will know the best route to take. If by chance he messes up (noone is perfect) It will be on his head, and not on yours.

[Moksha]

Smooching with a Boy?

I tell you there is trouble. Right here in River City. It begins with a T and ends with an S and it stands for Teens.

Get her to a nunnery hence...

[onyx]

I have a friend (he's the bishop), who's 14 year old daughter is dating. He has strict rules in his family against it. One day I caught his daughter, and another nonmember boy kissing. I promised not to tell their father, but now, I don't know what I should do. Any ideas?

Hi Mr Bean.

I'm just wondering why you promised her that you wouldn't tell?

Was it at her request?

[Garylai]

I am a Dad of two teenage girls...I'm not a Bishop, but they had both made different choices before they were 16 and decided to kiss some other boy.

As a very suspicious father, I seem to know my kids behaviors very well, and some things had lead to me asking each of them if there was anything in their life that had happened that was not in accordance to the Strength for the Youth program. I had asked them individually at different times, and they both had admitted that they had kissed someone. It was heartbreaking to know that they had chosen to do so. Something about being raised with certain standards, telling everyone that you live by those standards, then it all falls apart.

Anyway, my daughters are wonderful, honest kids that have made mistakes like the rest of us. I have a saying that I have raised all of my kids with..."Good people can make Bad Choices", that is why we are here right...to learn from our choices and to make as many good ones as possible!

I would bet it is as said above, that the Dad already knows there is something going on, maybe not to the extent that it is, but I'm sure he knows something. I have found that whenever I have taken something to the Bishop that I thought was new news, he had already known what I was telling him.

However, if he doesn't know, it would be your duty to report to him what information you have. Then it is his choice to do with it what he will. I had to tell the bishop once of a person that I had working for me that I caught him smoking...I felt like I was in grade school telling on someone, but he assured me that I was taking the proper steps for this person. I don't know what came of it, but I never saw him smoking again and he never said anything to me about it.

[onyx]

<div class='quotemain'>

I have a friend (he's the bishop), who's 14 year old daughter is dating. He has strict rules in his family against it. One day I caught his daughter, and another nonmember boy kissing. I promised not to tell their father, but now, I don't know what I should do. Any ideas?

Hi Mr Bean.

I'm just wondering why you promised her that you wouldn't tell?

Was it at her request?

Mr Bean,

You didn't answer my question....

In your first few words you say that the Bishop is your friend.

That being the case, I think your loyalty should be to your friend.

It is unfortunate that you have made the promise that you have made.

By doing so you are letting your friend (the Bishop) down.

Should he find out that you have kept it from him he may be disappointed.

I've heard it said that it takes a community to raise a child.

I think you should be a good "uncle" and tell the girl's parents.

As a mother I would want to know this kind of information.

How to do that without breaking the promise you made to a disobediant 14 year old, I don't know.

You have placed yourself in an awkward situation.

If the teenage girl asked you to promise not to tell than she has drawn you into her disobedience.

It's not a good message to be sending to her.

If you don't tell you are being disloyal in your freindship with the Bishop.

If you do tell you break a promise to a friend's child.

Tough one.

Perhaps you can tell her mother.....she can then tell the Bishop.

You didn't promise not to tell the mother....did you?

In any case the parents need to know so that they can guide her.

Onyx

[a-train]

Tell the boy's folks and have them tell the girl's. Crafty.

-a-train

[onyx]

Tell the boy's folks and have them tell the girl's. Crafty.

-a-train

Now that is a good idea!!

[inthearmsofsleep]

I can tell you what I know from my own experiences.

I began dating a girl at 14, who was a non-member.

This opened up a door to a lot of hurt, a lot of confusion, and began leading me my way down the road to an unhappy and sin-ridden life.

Tell her father.

[MadHatter]

I can tell you what I know from my own experiences.

I began dating a girl at 14, who was a non-member.

This opened up a door to a lot of hurt, a lot of confusion, and began leading me my way down the road to an unhappy and sin-ridden life.

Tell her father.

I can relate to you completely bro. I just recently came back from inactiveness in a very sin-ridden life. She is never going to learn to take responsibility for her actions if she is never "caught" if you don't have to worry about "concequences" you're more likely to do things you shouldn't... a 14 year old has no idea the concequences of descisions he/she is going to make in her life. some peopel have to learn from thier own mistakes, and some people are smart enough to learn from the mistakes of others.

President Kimball said,

"A person who cannot learn from the mistakes of others is stupid. a person who doesn't learn from thier own mistakes is a fool"