Vort Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 http://www.aalto.fi/en/current/news/2015-10-27/ What confuses me about this is that the maps are asymmetric. Not sure what's up with that. "You may touch my left buttock, but I draw the line at touching the right." Also, why were only women asked about an aunt touching them, and only men asked about an uncle? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) I'm concerned that my buttocks isn't taboo for my friend or sister to touch. Edited October 27, 2015 by The Folk Prophet Crypto and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 I didn't see any kind of key, but I took it as red meant female relative/friend, blue meant male relative/friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 If I was seeing this thread anywhere else besides lds.net, and that link posted by anyone but Vort, I'd just assume NSFW. :) Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 I didn't see any kind of key, but I took it as red meant female relative/friend, blue meant male relative/friend. I bet you're right. So this is either a graph for men or for women. (I assume they kept distinct fields, and didn't just lump all test subjects into a single "Human" category.) (As opposed to a "single human" category, which might also show illuminating variations.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David13 Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 I didn't click on the link after Neuro's admonition about it. I'll just answer the title question. I'm single, no I touch no one and no one touches me. Mostly.Some of the guys will pat me on the back or the shoulder, you know, as men do in encouragement of one and another. And then there's shaking hands. Mostly that's ok. BUT, and that is a very large but. I had 'pre-cancer' on the back of my hands. It's now cancer in one spot. And frequently in shaking hands, mostly with men, particularly if they have large hands, they tend to wrap their thumb around your hand and AGONY! They manage to hit that cancer every time.Particularly one brother, way taller than me, and I'm tall, he grabs my hand, contacts the spot with the thumb and twists. So this is my burden to bear, my cross. Sort of minor, really, but that's the only touching that bothers me.I also have cancer, lymphoma, stage four, but that doesn't bother me. Nor does the chemotherapy. Just only the way some people shake hands.I'm seeing a surgeon Thursday to cut off the skin cancer. Hopefully that will help.dc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) David, Give him a boy scout handshake. To the OP: This is just another survey of completely meaningless data. I don't know any friends (including the best man at my wedding) that I would feel comfortable touching my buttock unless I'd just been bitten by a cobra. In which case, I think he'd just let me die; and I wouldn't blame him. Edited October 28, 2015 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 David, Give him a boy scout handshake. To the OP: This is just another survey of completely meaningless data. I don't know any friends (including the best man at my wedding) that I would feel comfortable touching my buttock unless I'd just been bitten by a cobra. In which case, I think he'd just let me die; and I wouldn't blame him.Um, yeah. I'm with you. I love my guy friends and I'll give them a hug in greeting, but that's about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 I can't help but giggle over this map. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackmarch Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 There was a guy in my office that threatened to report me to HR for patting him on the shoulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 And there was this big boss guy at my previous job who greeted me on my first day at work by kissing the back of my hand like an English gentleman... lips on the back of my hand... and then my direct boss gal greeted me by putting both her hands right on my stomach - yes, I was 5 months pregnant on my first day at work... But yeah, I was a bit creeped out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Anatess, I'd agee that both those actions were inappropriate. I'd be creeped out too. But patting on a shoulder? That's what co-workers do. They don't even have to be friends. It's a common manner of congratulating people and saying "attaboy". I found out later that he had many odd behaviors witnessed by many people. And he died about two months after his HR threat. Some wondered if he had some condition that we were not aware of that made him behave weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Anatess, I'd agee that both those actions were inappropriate. I'd be creeped out too. But patting on a shoulder? That's what co-workers do. They don't even have to be friends. It's a common manner of congratulating people and saying "attaboy". I found out later that he had many odd behaviors witnessed by many people. And he died about two months after his HR threat. Some wondered if he had some condition that we were not aware of that made him behave weird. Yeah, that used to be the case. Not anymore. At my current work place it's complete no touch, not even handshake! Some incident happened about a woman filing an HR complaint for a man holding a handshake with her for longer than she wanted or some such... so no more handshakes with women which eventually led to just plain no handshakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 But patting on a shoulder? That's what co-workers do. They don't even have to be friends. It's a common manner of congratulating people and saying "attaboy". And if you are friends, apparently, you may alternatively pat them on the buttocks. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Touch and physical contact is an important element in my interpersonal relations. Though it is not my own culture, I would be naturally comfortable in a culture that encouraged more touch, such as embraces. For example, I think I would do fine in a situation where (male) friends greeted each other with an embrace rather than just a handshake or backpat, though that is not any part of my cultural background. I tend to be suspicious and distrustful of people who are "no-touch" types; I have to remind myself that different folks have different boundaries, and that some might even have awful experiences that have warped their perceptions around such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 And there was this big boss guy at my previous job who greeted me on my first day at work by kissing the back of my hand like an English gentleman... lips on the back of my hand... and then my direct boss gal greeted me by putting both her hands right on my stomach - yes, I was 5 months pregnant on my first day at work... But yeah, I was a bit creeped out. My life since school started back in August has been kids, not even my own students, grabbing my stomach. I had a student with autism last year, and every time he sees me in the hall he demands to know where my baby is. Kids are a lot different than adults, though. David13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Outside of my wife - I do not like physical contact. I will hold my wife's hand and may put my arm around her - especially when she is cold - in public but I am uncomfortable with public display of affection. When traveling I do not like kissing my wife goodbye at the airport. This does not mean that I do not do such things - just that it makes me uncomfortable. My children and their spouses and even my grand children delight in making me uncomfortable. I personally like eye contact with anyone that I am communicating with. Touching - especially anything other than a handshake interferes with my ability to fully read a person. If I want to express something or understand them - even at a very personal level; I prefer direct eye contact. However, it does seem to me that just about everybody in this world prefers touching over eye contact. I think it is because it is much easier to keep some things hidden that way. As an observation - usually it seems those that enjoy the hugging touchy feelie stuff and are anxious to touch others often have a very difficult time with eye contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David13 Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) I always make a lot of eye contact.And, with regard to a woman with whom I am involved, touch very much, including at the airport saying goodbye or hello.i don't hug men, tho' if I can escape it, unless it is one of my best buddies, and only then on special occasions.i also don't 'high five.'I know a guy white, with a black wife. And I disagree with his wife on just about everything on this earth from the White House on down. And she thinks that a part of every conversation is 'high five' several times. I avoid this by telling them 'we are not supposed to do high five.'I think they think it's because I'm white, or they think I'm a jew, which is funny 'cause I'm not.dc Edited October 28, 2015 by David13 Blackmarch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 I personally like eye contact with anyone that I am communicating with. ...it does seem to me that just about everybody in this world prefers touching over eye contact. I think it is because it is much easier to keep some things hidden that way. As an observation - usually it seems those that enjoy the hugging touchy feelie stuff and are anxious to touch others often have a very difficult time with eye contact. A note from the other side: I don't have a problem with eye contact. And I'll hug a lot more than normal. I try to keep that down in professional settings. Here's the secret: When I make eye contact, I'm trying to read people (receive communication). When I don't make eye contact, I'm trying to say something (send communication). Some people have the ability to read and talk at the same time. I don't. It doesn't mean I'm hiding anything when I'm talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 A note from the other side: I don't have a problem with eye contact. And I'll hug a lot more than normal. I try to keep that down in professional settings. Here's the secret: When I make eye contact, I'm trying to read people (receive communication). When I don't make eye contact, I'm trying to say something (send communication). Some people have the ability to read and talk at the same time. I don't. It doesn't mean I'm hiding anything when I'm talking. Interestingly I married a wonderful lady that is very much into contact comfort. Her family not only hugs but will kiss when meeting - not the pretend kind but smack on the lips stuff. We have an agreement - I will not criticize them for how they great each other if they do not criticize me for how I great them and others. I believe it to be one sided thought - they love trying to catch me off guard. I do understand that not everyone is like me - I am beginning to realize that outside of the family I grew up in - there are not very many like us - except some of the few that for some reason seem to gravitate to technical (Scientific and Engineering) professions. The one thing you cannot do while reading is observing how others are reacting to what you are communicating. One list thing from me - touching does make me feel uncomfortable but I do realize that touching is important to many others and I will endue it because of my love and respect for them - but it still makes me uncomfortable but sometimes my comfort is not as important as others are to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) Traveler, That reminds me of when I was younger, it was traditional in our family to kiss each other with a peck on the lips. But this was only with family. One day I came into the living room and my dad was talking with someone I'd never seen before. My dad said, "Say hi to Uncle Len." I went and gave him a kiss and hug. He reacted as I'm sure you might expect. My dad was a bit embarrassed and tried recovering by saying, "He's a very affectionate child" I was only 7. It was later that I found out that he was not, in fact, an uncle. My dad was only saying that as a term of friendship. I felt disgusted that I kissed a strange man on the lips and he wasn't even family. I stopped kissing people after that -- even my own family. Edited October 28, 2015 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 That's a funny story, Carborendum, but somehow it struck me as more sad than funny. An uncomfortable situation for the "uncle" and a traumatic event for a seven-year-old boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted October 30, 2015 Report Share Posted October 30, 2015 Um, yeah. I'm with you. I love my guy friends and I'll give them a hug in greeting, but that's about it.That's about it with me too .......I have a window , once that closes no touching me. I have very nicely told some people over the years ....please stop touching me. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted October 30, 2015 Report Share Posted October 30, 2015 I had a customer come into our dealership a few years ago. He started yelling and cussing at me right away. I very nicely told him that if he cusses at me one more time ....I am done with him. He did and I stop talking to him and turned my back on him and started doing other work. He turned to his wife and said ....I don't think he is going to help me. He wife said .....I wouldn't either you big jerk. Lol He started apologizing and we then went outside to look at his RV. He kept apologizing and putting his arm around me patting me on the back. I then said ....apology accepted and please stop touching me. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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