The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Backroads gave some great examples. On almost every forum I've ever been on "personal attacks" are against the rules. The general consensus is that that means debate ideas not people. There's a difference between "I disagree with your view on illegal immigration because . . . " and "you are just a bleeding heart liberal, and your view on immigration are stupid." Additionally, if one is clever, one can work around the technical site rules and personally attack without actually personally attacking through innuendo and other subtle means (something Annie alluded to). This is something I used to sometimes consciously do back a year or so ago. I have worked very hard to eliminate the purposeful doing of it, and think I've mostly succeeded, with the exception of a few times when I get really out of hand. (I actually self moderated one of my posts just yesterday because it was so conniving and rude in an it's-not-really-an-attack-but-obviously-an-attack way.) But even with my efforts, the accusations I get have not diminished. I am still fairly consistently berated by those who disagree with me for being (insert accusation against TFP here). Point being, those who disagree tend to feel attacked whether they are or not. I know I have felt the same. Though I would contend that it's more of a liberal thing. Liberal ideology tends to argue from the feeling, offended, emotionally rooted style points. Conservative views tend to be based on what one might call cold logic, and the feeling of the matter isn't really part of it. It's funny how often I get accused of having my feelings hurt by liberals when I haven't "felt" a thing concerning the matter. Even when I accuse someone's view of being offensive, its more from a logical point of view than a "this offends me deeply" point of view. (Not always. There are, of course, things that do deeply offend me. But when I state that, I'm pretty clear on it I believe). It is interesting though. I get personally attacked all the time, usually by way of something akin to, "it's impossible to argue with TFP. He always has to be right", or other accusations about my style, character, or what-have-you. I don't usually report it though because I don't want to be a big-baby tattle-tale type. I suspect that is a challenge across the board for all. No one really likes the idea of winning their points by ratting out someone else. No one likes the idea of being the tattle-tale. So it does become an interesting challenge. I don't have a problem with the idea that we should be held to a higher standard (in spite of the fact that I differ greatly with some as to what constitutes being on that higher plane). But I find it funny when someone, in an effort to advocate for growth, engages simultaneously in the same theoretically lower-plane tactics they themselves are decrying. beefche 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieCarvalho Posted November 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I just left the website then came back in and found myself on the page with tonight's Family Home Evening lesson on it. Perfect. http://www.ldsdaily.com/home-and-family/fhe-lessons/developing-compassion-fhe-lesson/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) "You're wrong because of a past incident with no bearing here.""You're wrong and I will call you mean names in lieu of a rational argument.""You're wrong because we differ on a point of political/social views or perhaps a matter of minor doctrine." I'm gonna make this Big Letters, because, I guess, writing in Big Letters is the thing... What's happening here is more like: I'm New Jerseyan - I call bad potato a freaking bad potato. I'm Utahn - I call potato a nice, aromatic, nutritious food if cooked properly but this one just kinda lack some ingredient, but it's okay, I'll eat it. I'm Filipino - I call a good potato a bad potato because it doesn't taste like rice. Seriously, folks... this is the INTERNET. We don't all have the same way of communicating. You may think somebody is being a bully when he's just being direct because that's the way people communicate in their neck of the woods, or in his circle of friends, or his family... because when he says it (with all the facial expressions and inflections and hand movements, etc.) it is perfectly Utahn, but when he writes it (without the facial expressions, etc.) it sounds like New Jerseyan. And then there's the poor Filipino who, after figuring out how to say things in English, has to THEN figure out if the English sentence conforms to everybody's idea of Politeness! Give us all a break! Let You be You and let Me be Me and stop making Me into You! STOP GETTING OFFENDED! Read every post as if it was written by a cherubim. And if you read some nastiness, then give the cherubim the benefit of the doubt that he may be on his monthly period and focus on the message rather than the MANNER in which the message was given. If even after you do that, you still think it's nasty, then send it to Pam... or send the guy a PM to clarify his intentions... and then send to Pam if you can't come to a mutual understanding. Calling them out for nastiness is just gonna bring the nasty out! There are no Bullies here. If you don't like the way people communicate on LDS.net, you always have the option to go find somewhere else to hang out in... or just turn the computer off. Bullies can only be bullies if you, and Pam, let them. Edited November 9, 2015 by anatess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Very likely... Also note that in the real world face to face... people who regularly miss various social cues while interacting with other people are commonly said to have a social disorders of some kind. Yet on the internet we try to have social interactions in a medium that strips away a lot of the various social cues we use in real life, and then we wonder why people misunderstand us. Perhaps understanding that, we would be more likely realize that our reactions need to adjust accordingly I think this is only half the story though. In many ways, I communicate much, much more effectively with the written word. Crypto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I think this is only half the story though. In many ways, I communicate much, much more effectively with the written word.A lot of us here do. That's probably why we all enjoy the forum so much, at least to a small degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 It is interesting though. I get personally attacked all the time, usually by way of something akin to, "it's impossible to argue with TFP. He always has to be right", or other accusations about my style, character, or what-have-you. I don't usually report it though because I don't want to be a big-baby tattle-tale type. I suspect that is a challenge across the board for all. No one really likes the idea of winning their points by ratting out someone else. No one likes the idea of being the tattle-tale. So it does become an interesting challenge. Ignoring personal attack is the main part of that we ask. Reporting is technically optional... It only becomes and issue if you later want to complain about being attacked(or other issue you think the mods should deal with) but haven't reported anything. The Folk Prophet 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 4. No...nit-picking toward others. D'oh! Sorry Carborendum. I guess I owe you an apology for that nit-picking the other day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I think this is only half the story though. In many ways, I communicate much, much more effectively with the written word. There is always a variety in skills and talents... Some will undoubtedly better depending on skill, talents, experience, but I think as a rule of thumb it works pretty well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I've learned the hard way that my own humor doesn't translate well I find this to be the case for me in real life or in Interwebland. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I find this to be the case for me in real life or in Interwebland. Amen to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 D'oh! Sorry Carborendum. I guess I owe you an apology for that nit-picking the other day. When I read that, I was thinking: But that's how some of us have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I've learned in taking certain delight in making a joke that no one picks up, or that no one will acknowledge. I guess I'm weird like that. "If Eowyn makes a joke and no one makes a sound, was it funny?" She thinks so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieCarvalho Posted November 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I'm gonna make this Big Letters, because, I guess, writing in Big Letters is the thing... Sorry if any of my big-letter posts offended.They were either because 1) they were cut and pasted and I can't figure out how to delete the original text formatting or2) I am old and can't see very well. The larger letters are easier for me to read. Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) I think this is only half the story though. In many ways, I communicate much, much more effectively with the written word. I prefer the written word because I have a thick non-American accent and people tend to react to the accent and have it color the message. Also, I like that I can pause to think what the proper English word to use. And I have a back-button and can even delete and re-write whole paragraphs. But even then.. when you write, "It's pretty good"... I really have a very limited idea of what you mean by Pretty. Is that more good than good, not quite good as good, or you just like three words instead of two. When it's spoken, I can get visual and auditory cues as to what you mean by it. Make sense? Edited November 9, 2015 by anatess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Sorry if any of my big-letter posts offended.They were either because 1) they were cut and pasted and I can't figure out how to delete the original text formatting or2) I am old and can't see very well. The larger letters are easier for me to read. Oh my gosh.. I just got done writing about "STOP BEING OFFENDED"... and you turn around and think I'm offended. I guess I'm just gonna have to resign to the fact that we're not quite communicating on the same wavelength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I prefer the written word because I have a thick non-American accent and people tend to react to the accent and have it color the message. Also, I like that I can pause to think what the proper English word to use. And I have a back-button and can even delete and re-write whole paragraphs. But even then.. when you write, "It's pretty good"... I really have a very limited idea of what you mean by Pretty. Is that more good than good, not quite good as good, or you just like three words instead of two. When it's spoken, I can get visual and auditory cues as to what you mean by it. Make sense? Maybe you only think you're better at the written word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Maybe you only think you're better at the written word. You have not heard me speak... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 I'm Filipino - I call a good potato a bad potato because it doesn't taste like rice. - Anatess For years, I've wondered if there would ever be a short phrase that would cause me to dump my current sig. This is by far the best contender. At the very least, it deserves to be made into a t-shirt or a bumper sticker. Crypto and jerome1232 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 You have not heard me speak... But I went on a mission to the Philippines, remember? So to me it's just talking. :) Oh....whoops...more nit-picking. Dang it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 But I went on a mission to the Philippines, remember? So to me it's just talking. :) Oh....whoops...more nit-picking. Dang it! You know how Filipinos say bedsheets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieCarvalho Posted November 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Oh my gosh.. I just got done writing about "STOP BEING OFFENDED"... and you turn around and think I'm offended. I guess I'm just gonna have to resign to the fact that we're not quite communicating on the same wavelength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Oh my gosh.. I just got done writing about "STOP BEING OFFENDED"... and you turn around and think I'm offended. I guess I'm just gonna have to resign to the fact that we're not quite communicating on the same wavelength. Yup, it's best to move on from this. I love that answer actually, Anatess. Even marriages have to learn to accept this reality in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Yup, it's best to move on from this. I love that answer actually, Anatess. Even marriages have to learn to accept this reality in life. Definitely! I've been married 18 years to this dude and even today, I still scratch my head sometimes (and I'm sure he does too). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Definitely! I've been married 18 years to this dude and even today, I still scratch my head sometimes (and I'm sure he does too). Especially when you say, "bedsheets". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 You are welcome to ignore the thread. Do you honestly believe that that's the point, Annie? Or are you just being snarky for the joy of it?Does such snarkiness constitute bullying when you do it to others? Or only when others do it to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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