Adult Children Living In Parent's Home

[Annabelli]

My younger son is thinking of going into the workforce after graduation and living at home. I told him that he would be responsible for half of the household expenses to include rent/utilities. I also advised him that he would be independently responsible for his personal expenses and his household chores to include transportation expenses. It's not as though I'm going to ask him to leave if he is working toward these goals. But I do expect to maintain structure like financial counseling.

Many of his classmates are thinking of entering the workforce and living at home too. But their parents are on the "live at home and save your money" policy. They are not going to be expected to pay for anything and have their meals and laundry taken care of....etc.

That really makes me look like the demon of all.

The examples that I have seen so far:

The granny who lived across the street had her adult grandchildren living with her. She paid for everything to include emergency car repairs (flat tires) and medical expenses for the two of them. She was living on a small pension and fell short occasionally toward the end of the month. We could hear them yelling at her when she needed them to help her buy groceries. When she died last year (70+ years old), the grandchildren were evicted by the landlord for not paying the rent and trying to live in the house without any utilities.

By the time kids living at home reach 25, they have car payments, credit cards, and other expenses and cannot afford to move. So they really have not saved anything if they are living paycheck to paycheck.

Then there are the parents who have been receiving child support for approx 15 years and budgeted it into their household expenses and they need their children to stay living at home to make up for the lost income which stopped when that child turned 18 years old.

Some parents have used their children's identity and ruined their kid's credit long before they were 18 years of age and they have trouble passing a credit check to move into a place of their own without looking for a roommate.

Then there are the parents who allow their child's spouse to move in and start a family.

To me it looks like a "dead end life." I just don't think that I'm being that unreasonable.

[prisonchaplain]

If the govt is viewed as the ultimate parent, then I work and live in an adult daycare world. :-)

[pam]

I have told my kids that as long as they were attending school full time I wouldn't expect them pay rent etc. Right now they do pay for their portion of car insurance. But the moment they were no longer attending school and still living at home, then they would start paying rent/utilities/food etc.

[Palerider]

After high school I did not attend college. I did work full time and my Dad said I will pay rent and if I did not like it I could move out. I was not happy about this and soon discovered other friends living at home and paying more rent than me.

right now I have 2 kids at home attending college full time. I will not ask them to pay rent, but they will pay for car insurance.

[pam]

Amazing we agree on something again Pale.

[Palerider]

Amazing we agree on something again Pale.

[Annabelli]

I have told my kids that as long as they were attending school full time I wouldn't expect them pay rent etc. Right now they do pay for their portion of car insurance. But the moment they were no longer attending school and still living at home, then they would start paying rent/utilities/food etc.

I told my child to investigate the job market before selecting a major in college. So many kids are graduating college with outdated and useless majors. Some of them do not even know how to look for a job in their field of study. Then end result in some cases is that they decide to get a master's degree....prolonging and racking up more college loans. Then they have to stay in school so the loans don't come due.

A lot of wealthy parents are making their kids work part time jobs and summer jobs to help pay for college. Too many parents are supplementing their income with the college loans.

A student can take a few vocational classes part time at the community college to get better jobs.

If kids don't see the money coming out of their pockets, they pay about as much attention in college as they did in high school.

I expect the first year will be touch & go but no plan at all is very depressing.

[pam]

I am also not paying for their college. I paid for mine when I went. Probably sounds harsh but I agree with you in that...if it's coming out of THEIR pocket they might be more motivated and dedicated to it.

[Annabelli]

If the govt is viewed as the ultimate parent, then I work and live in an adult daycare world. :-)

I have served as a volunteer GED teacher in halfway houses for released inmates. Their struggles are just so great. Mainly they have no support systems and so many are illiterate. Imagine going through life without a family. Most say "I never knew my mom/dad." A lot of those mom/dad are in prison too. They could be serving time in the same penitentiary and never know their relatives if they saw them.

There are people who just need a prayer more than anything else in the world.

Most states are requiring them to pay for their food, clothing, shelter. They do have factories at most penitentiarys.

[Maureen]

My younger son is thinking of going into the workforce after graduation and living at home. I told him that he would be responsible for half of the household expenses to include rent/utilities. I also advised him that he would be independently responsible for his personal expenses and his household chores to include transportation expenses. It's not as though I'm going to ask him to leave if he is working toward these goals. But I do expect to maintain structure like financial counseling.

I can see asking him to pay a set amount as he starts off but half seems a lot, especially if there are other siblings or family members in the household. When I started fulltime employment at the age of 18 my parents charged me what you could call "room and board"; which was about $50/month (late '70's). It was cheap rent, but it was a start. I lived at home until I married and saved enough money to buy myself a car and pay for the majority of my wedding.

My daughter graduated HS last year and took the year off working before applying for University. She's worked since graduating HS and saved money to pay for her University tuition. She will be in school fulltime this fall, and we will not charge her "room and board". And during the summer she will get a summer job.

Then there are the parents who allow their child's spouse to move in and start a family.

I know parents who have allowed their just married kids to move in with them for a few months; which I don't get. To me, if you can't afford to find your own place after you marry, how can you afford to get married in the first place.

M.

[Gabelma]

Actually as long as I can afford it I would pay most expenses, things have changed at least in the UK house prices have risen to the point where it is hard to get a house or rent a place on your own you need to seriously save. If my child was dilligently saving no I wouldn't charge rent, if my child wasn't I would and put it away.

-Charley

[susieSA]

In some cultures it is the norm for adult children to live at home & even for young a young married couple to move in with a spouses family...

There are even some cultures where a whole house is filled with varies members of a family with thier spouses & children.

For me personally the best thing my parents did for me as soon as I had my first real job was to ask for room & board from me... At that moment in my life it seemed like allot.. Now when I look back it wasn't all that much considering what it was costing them for me to stay at home.. I still did my usual chores.. But what did change as far as chores went was that I had to now do my own laundry...

I did eventually move out for a few years.. They let me move back home after I got engaged so that I could save up for my wedding & life with my hubby...

[StrawberryFields]

I would only charge my children rent if I feel we were being taken advantage of.

When my kids turn 16 and want to drive the need to pay for their own car insurance and cell phone bills. We have purchased cars for them when they first start driving which has been both good and bad. Good for them and bad for us in the fact that they were hard on the vehicles and we paid to have them repaired.

NOW things are different. They are responsible for their repairs. My child who is 20 wanted to upgrade the car we bought for him so he is responsible to those pmts.

[prisonchaplain]

I told my child to investigate the job market before selecting a major in college. So many kids are graduating college with outdated and useless majors. Some of them do not even know how to look for a job in their field of study. Then end result in some cases is that they decide to get a master's degree....prolonging and racking up more college loans. Then they have to stay in school so the loans don't come due.

Maybe things have changed since I was a college student. The average student changes majors three times. I started out with a business major, and ended majoring in History/Political Studies and Elementary Education. That coupled with two different exchange programs doesn't seem very practical or well-paying. And, yes, I did have student loans.

However, gaining communications and research skills always pays for itself, and I turned out just fine. It is still the case, I believe, that the first two years of college are for general education, and the last two for specializing. So, maybe a little less pressure to decide early will result in less likelihood they end up studying something they hate, because they thought it would be practical.

I am also not paying for their college. I paid for mine when I went. Probably sounds harsh but I agree with you in that...if it's coming out of THEIR pocket they might be more motivated and dedicated to it.

I paid for my own and have the student loans to prove it. I do not blame my parents, nor do I see college education as a right. On the other hand, I highly value education, and believe it will benefit my children. More and more, the job market is going towards high vs. low middle. College = high middle income or better, no college = service industry. If I possibly can, I'm paying for their education--even if it means they have to chip in for their weddings.

I have served as a volunteer GED teacher in halfway houses for released inmates. Their struggles are just so great. Mainly they have no support systems and so many are illiterate. Imagine going through life without a family. Most say "I never knew my mom/dad." A lot of those mom/dad are in prison too. They could be serving time in the same penitentiary and never know their relatives if they saw them.

There are people who just need a prayer more than anything else in the world.

Most states are requiring them to pay for their food, clothing, shelter. They do have factories at most penitentiarys.

Kudos to you for volunteering. Religious support and education are the two best predictors of success. BTW, those institutions that require inmates to "pay" for food, clothing and shelter actually pay "real world wages" at those factories. Other systems, like the feds, pay very low wages, but do not charge for the basics.

[Annabelli]

I occasionally take a class at the community college and the cost is usually around $300 plus $50-$90 for the book. Six classes would be about $1,800 plus $600 for books per semester. Not to include a hundred thousand fees. (parking fee, library fee, computer lab fee, lecture fees, seminar fees, gym/sports fees, semester exam fees, etc. etc. etc.) Then there is the mandatory medical clinic charge (reduced to 20% if you have proof of medical insurance).

Community College cost $20,000 or more for an incoming freshman, and $20,000 plus for a returning sophomore.

For neighboring Universities the cost is $40,000 each year. These cost do not include room & board.

I am not expecting my child to declare a major if he is unsure, but for the comfort of a parent couldn't they make a random guess in a general category ???

[pushka]

When I first left school and could only get employment on Youth Opportunity Programmes...we worked full time but only received a wage of about a third the other workers got, for instance I was paid £23.50 per week to work as a telephonist, the other girls my age who were employed by BT rather than working on a YOP were paid £69...I don't think it was a fair system, but that's beside the point.

My parents charged me a nominal fee as board, and I contributed to life insurance that my parents had paid for me until I gained employment. I saved regularly too. When I got real full time employment my parents continued to charge me board only, at a slightly higher rate, and we all shared the laundry tasks/cleaning...my parents did all the cooking however, and I didn't drive so didn't have those extra expenses.

I left home at 24 to get married and got a mortgage with my fiance at that time...

My daughter has just turned 18 and is at college full time till next July. She gets £30 each week that she attends college, but I do not charge her any living expenses as I'm still receiving child benefit and additions to my other benefits as she is still classed as my dependent. When she gains full time employment and I stop getting any benefits for her, I will charge her a nominal amount for board...I will encourage her to save, and she has already stated that she will contribute to bills whenever she can.

I'm not sure what the deal will be if she carries on to University, and will assess the situation at the time.

[Annabelli]

I thank you for your responses and they were mingled in through my prayers concerning this. My prayers were answered and this have I received from the Lord:

If your child is paying his Church Tithes, I am satisfied.

If your child is attending Church Services and meetings, I am satisfied.

I can see that my aforementioned values were not appropriate. Humbly, I am on the narrow path and very happy.

[StrawberryFields]

I thank you for your responses and they were mingled in through my prayers concerning this. My prayers were answered and this have I received from the Lord:

If your child is paying his Church Tithes, I am satisfied.

If your child is attending Church Services and meetings, I am satisfied.

I can see that my aforementioned values were not appropriate. Humbly, I am on the narrow path and very happy.

WOW. Thanks for sharing your answer. :)

[Canuck Mormon]

Up until July, I was 34 and living in my parents basement for the previous 2 years. I didn't pay rent, buy groceries or any of that. I tried, but my parents would have nothing to do with it. They said that I was to save my money for when I get married, then I could buy a house. As it turns out, the housing market here went berserk and I couldn't afford to move out even if I wanted to. I paid my tithing and was blessed with finding my eternal companion and we married and bought a house in July. I think every situation is different. Will I allow my son to stay at home and not pay rent? Depends on what he is doing with his life and what his goals are. I know of a few married couples with young children living with their parents so they can save up for a large downpayment on a house. Like I said, every situation is different.

[bunnzy]

When i graduated from High school my plans for University fell through. I worked casually for a while and paid tithing first (10%) and my parents charged me (15%) rent 50% i saved for my course in Business Administration and the rest i had to spend.

When i was doing my course i didnt have to pay rent because i wasnt earning any money. After my course i got a traineeship as a receptionist and tithed, saved and payed rent again with the same percentages, although this time the amounts were more, because i was working fulltime and earning more. Eventually i saved up enough to buy my own car (outright with no debt - i was so proud of myself!)

Paying every time i was paid 10% tithing, 15% Rent 50% Saving and 25% Spending (which was broken down to phone credit, fuel, entertainment etc...) taught me how to budget and be smart in how i organised my money.

[Annabelli]

I thank you for your responses and they were mingled in through my prayers concerning this. My prayers were answered and this have I received from the Lord:

If your child is paying his Church Tithes, I am satisfied.

If your child is attending Church Services and meetings, I am satisfied.

I can see that my aforementioned values were not appropriate. Humbly, I am on the narrow path and very happy.

I had received answers to my prayers after my child had left for school. I told him about the Lord's answer this evening. At first he thought it was odd. As the evening progressed I noticed a lot of things changing. He is happier than he has been in three years, more confident in himself. We were having all around good conversations. He pulled out a long assignment and then to my surprise, he started to prepare for a class whose teacher he does not like. In three short hours, his spirit for education rekindled.

You should know that in this house, the Lord's Will is the ultimate word and no matter who's prayers are answered, we respect what the Lord has given us.

[Jbs2763]

I am 28 and had recently moved back in to my mom's house, on paper anyways. I am a long haul truck driver and am only here maybe 4 days a month, basicly every other weekend. I had made some very poor fincial decisons, one of them being a move to utah from the midwest, where the job i had set up in SLC paid about 30% of what was promised. So i am stayhing here until i get outta the whole i dug out there.

I do feel like a total winner for being 28 and back in my mom's house, but i onlyh plan to stay here for about 6 months or so unil i get a few bills paid off...

dunno if that helps any

[Annabelli]

Thank you for sharing your post here Jaime. I know the honesty comes from your heart. You have made some good goals. It seems that your Mom's home is mostly a mailing address and a place to store your gear. Oh yeah and a home cooked meal now and then and lots of TLC.

May your travels be safe. Keep in touch.

[Alaskagain]

Hi Jaime,

I consider you a "winner" for taking responsibility for that hole you dug, and taking the necessary steps to get out!

On those 4 days you are at your mom's, I'm sure I don't have to remind you to do something extra nice to help her out (but I am anyway! :) )

As my sister says, "Once a mama, always a mama."

Stay safe out there!

[Jbs2763]

Thank you for sharing your post here Jaime. I know the honesty comes from your heart. You have made some good goals. It seems that your Mom's home is mostly a mailing address and a place to store your gear. Oh yeah and a home cooked meal now and then and lots of TLC.

May your travels be safe. Keep in touch.

that is pretty much it, but my stuff is in a storage unit down the road but yeah, mostly its a mailin address, a home cooked meal and a place to do my laundry.