When a bad employee is a family member.

[Guest]

So I work for the family business, just for the last few months while we get back on our feet from our own business failing. I'm really blessed to have this option. I have the flexibility to work mostly during school hours and my kids are always home with either my husband or I. My bosses are really good to me, and reciprocally I feel that I should keep the work commitments I make and work hard when I'm there, and take care of them as much as I can.

Another family member does not have this attitude. She shows up when she pleases, works slowly and inaccurately, and often brings a negative attitude. Many, many attempts have been made to help her correct these things, which she has mostly resisted and pouted about. 

 

So so it's pretty clear to me that she's not a good fit for the job. Her role is important and these issues are costing my bosses a lot of time and money. But it's important to them to handle this with love and not burn bridges.

 

How would you handle a situation like this?

[Guest Godless]

Sounds like a situation where some "tough love" might be warranted. This individual needs to be reminded that working for the family business is a privilege, not a right. The bosses need to have a very frank and honest conversation with her and outline exactly what their expectations are. Give her a chance to meet those expectations and make it clear that continued incompetence will result in her looking for a new job.

[Guest]

I'd treat it like any other business.  I'd treat this relative just like any other employee.

This may sound like I'm saying "fire her now."  No.  With any real employment situation, firing someone for this type of behavior is not the first route an employer or supervisor should take.  There are ways of dealing with it, including some penalties short of dismissal.

I don't know the details of

59 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Many, many attempts have been made to help her correct these things, which she has mostly resisted and pouted about. 

So, I don't know how far down the road the company has gone.  Yes, we start with the conversations.  We start with trying to love, encourage, and teach.  But with some individuals, this is not going to work. 

You may try some form of discipline (such as formal reprimand from HR that she has to sign).  Eventually, though, the road either goes to improvement or dismissal.  The bottom line is that if the employers are not willing to take that option (dismissal) that gives her too much power and permission to continue as she has been.  There's no escaping it.

[person0]

I have a personal rule, I don't hire family members, nor do I do business with family unless they have a long proven track record of being amazing employee's/owners with other companies/businesses to the extent that I am certain a problem like this would never occur outside of unforeseen depression causing events (i.e. death of spouse/child).

I also don't ever loan money to family.  Either I give them money as a gift, so that there is no repayment, or I don't give them money but point them to resources where I am confident they might obtain it.

[Guest]

Ours is an unusual business and generally having family running it has been fantastic. But it can't be just anyone... it has to be the right family. This one was an unfortunate error in judgment. 

[Rob Osborn]

50 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Ours is an unusual business and generally having family running it has been fantastic. But it can't be just anyone... it has to be the right family. This one was an unfortunate error in judgment. 

I work in a small family business and we constantly deal with these kinds of issues. They can be solved but the conversations and meetings are tricky and take a lot of patience. Lots of open dialogue must take place and open communication is paramount. Ive seen sabatoge and every kind of personal attack also. In our business no one can really be fired or let go and no one has a desire to work elsewhere either. Open dialogue in meetings have to progress in a way where coworkers get to a point where self reflection and self judging come into play and become self aware of their own problems. Sometimes even very heated discussions are paramount to progress. Making team oriented goals and reward systems work very well where if one person is slacking it is readily seen and everyone is penalized such as not bonusing for that period. The reward on the other hand has to he substancial enough that it drives the dead weight, so to speak, to get moving and be productive. In our business we have found that something such as a weekly cash bonus is motivating enough that everyone ends up working together better to make it happen. When that goal isnt met though, mandatory working on days off serves at the other end as motivation to make it happen.

Above all though, everyone must get to a point if personal accountability and be willing to have open discussion on their own personal weaknesses versus finger pointing and accusations or excuses.

[mordorbund]

13 hours ago, Eowyn said:

So I work for the family business, just for the last few months while we get back on our feet from our own business failing. I'm really blessed to have this option. I have the flexibility to work mostly during school hours and my kids are always home with either my husband or I. My bosses are really good to me, and reciprocally I feel that I should keep the work commitments I make and work hard when I'm there, and take care of them as much as I can.

Another family member does not have this attitude. She shows up when she pleases, works slowly and inaccurately, and often brings a negative attitude. Many, many attempts have been made to help her correct these things, which she has mostly resisted and pouted about. 

 

So so it's pretty clear to me that she's not a good fit for the job. Her role is important and these issues are costing my bosses a lot of time and money. But it's important to them to handle this with love and not burn bridges.

 

How would you handle a situation like this?

 

10 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Ours is an unusual business and generally having family running it has been fantastic. But it can't be just anyone... it has to be the right family. This one was an unfortunate error in judgment. 

I don't know if the fact that we're dealing with a woman changes the dynamic, but I think this is how the meeting is supposed to go down.

After that, she can coast until her mother's death but her days with the company are numbered.

[Guest]

[Fether]

20 hours ago, Eowyn said:

So I work for the family business, just for the last few months while we get back on our feet from our own business failing. I'm really blessed to have this option. I have the flexibility to work mostly during school hours and my kids are always home with either my husband or I. My bosses are really good to me, and reciprocally I feel that I should keep the work commitments I make and work hard when I'm there, and take care of them as much as I can.

Another family member does not have this attitude. She shows up when she pleases, works slowly and inaccurately, and often brings a negative attitude. Many, many attempts have been made to help her correct these things, which she has mostly resisted and pouted about. 

 

So so it's pretty clear to me that she's not a good fit for the job. Her role is important and these issues are costing my bosses a lot of time and money. But it's important to them to handle this with love and not burn bridges.

 

How would you handle a situation like this?

I would be pretty blunt but help her understand so that it is clear why she is being "removed" from the job. I tend to have a keen sense of justice and am really not afraid to hurt someone's feelings when it is clearly the best decision (and if they brought it upon themselves in particular). 

It's a classic case of business vs family. Which one comes out on top? Well that depends on the playing field. This playing field is all business and any damage done to family will not be your doing, but the doing of the bad employee.

[Guest]

@Eowyn,

Believe it or not @mordorbund's post is more true than we may realize.  Your relative needs to understand that this isn't just about her and what she does.  It's about how she's affecting everyone around her.  She's breaking your hearts.  You depend on her.  You NEED her to be there for you, and she's disappointing you.

Find your own words, of course.  But I get the feeling that she's fairly self-centered.  She needs to understand how her behavior is affecting other people.

One of the older brothers in the ward told me a story of when he was a young priest.  He really hated wearing a tie.  One day he just decided it was time to stop wearing it.  The bishop brought him in for a talk.  The young man objected and asked why it was so important.  He was still doing his duties.  He was still worthy in other ways.  And it was just so uncomfortable and so tedious to tie it every week.

The bishop responded that, yes, he was doing a fine job.  And he didn't need to wear the tie for his own benefit, but for the benefit of others.  Other deacons, teachers, and priests looked up to him because he was one of the oldest and prominent young men of the ward.  Some of them may not be as strong as he was.  And when he comes there without the tie, it sends a message to them that they don't need to take Church seriously or even their priesthood obligations very seriously.

After that he realized that his behavior was not just about him.  It was about how others behaved because of him.  He never forgot the tie from that day onward.

[Traveler]

@Eowyn

I know how my father handled things with family at his business – I worked for my father through jr. high, high school and college.  If someone was not performing, he would ask them to take additional assignments.  He would say, “I need you to stay late and close up tonight.”  Or he would tell them to clean the bathrooms.  If they asked why or complained – he would simply say – everybody else is busy.

My father had several places for work.  He never offered money.  If I ever asked for money his response was always “I have some jobs for you if you need some extra money.”  They were always the crap jobs.  But my father was always the hardest worker.  He also loved the hard-dirty jobs and prided himself in out working everybody.  Though he had office with more easy work to do there, he spent at least half of his own time at his proprieties fixing, painting and cleaning – cement work was the worse.  If anyone was slow – he would have them work next to him constantly saying, “You need to keep up”.

My father never fired anyone – ever.  And if anyone ever needed a job or asked him for work (or money) – there was always plenty to do.  He never turned anyone down but then there were a lot that quit on their own the first day or within an hour or two.  I know well these things – my father for many years would remind me that I was the hardest of all his children to teach to work.  Everywhere else and everyone else I have worked for has told me I was their best worker.  Just as a side note – only one time in my life did my father ever say he was proud of me – that was on his death bed just before he died.  I ski almost every day with a couple of my brothers (when there is snow) and come to find out – he told them the same thing he told me. 

BTW - my father took up skiing when he retired and decided to compete – he was soon ranked 2nd in the nation for over 65 competing against former professionals and Olympians.  I just ski and cycle for fun.  My dad was one of a kind but I learned a couple of things from him.  From time to time someone will show up at my door selling stuff - I always offer them something I need done and tell them what I will pay them for it - once in a while I will get a taker and later they are the first I call when I need help - It always seems like I need help.  But unlike my dad - I will fire someone when they do not or will not do what they agreed to do.

 

I thought to add something extra - @Eowyn - I do not think the problem lies with your relative at the family business - I think the problem is with the owner of the family business (and the rest of the family).  Work is a principle of faith and character that must be learned - it does not come natural to anybody.  If someone, that is willing and able is not learning - I believe the fault is with the teacher.

 

The Traveler

Edited April 19, 2017 by Traveler

[my two cents]

Not sure how many employees there are so this may or may not work but my father-in-law started a small business to help his kids earn money during the summers and if they were slacking he would tell them that "right now you're earning about $5 per hour" and they knew to step it up cuz that's what they'd get paid if they didn't.

[JohnsonJones]

I think part of this is where you place is in the company and who is over the company.  If the individual is NOT working under you, I would let whoever they ARE working under handle it.  In this way you do not get involved in a family complication that can leave bad feelings (and sometimes, family feuding can be the worst type of feuding...afterall, after a little research on the clip that mordorbund posted...though I'm not positive as I haven't seen the movie, it appears that clip is where Fredo is being marked for death and he is killed shortly after that?...family feuding is the worst)...

If they are under you...good luck.  Bad feelings in a family is something one probably wants to avoid...that can be a tough situation.  Glad I've never had to deal with it personally.

[my two cents]

Had another thought - If there's someone in particular that she would listen to, have that person address things with her since she would (hopefully) be more receptive of the message.