Mixed Emotions

[TheCraCraMormon]

This might be long, so bravo if you take the time read it. Hopefully it wont be too bad.

Im currently having mixed emotions about the church. I was baptized, my dad was lds but he is no longer an active member. I have always been a very faithful person, following th commandments and the word of wisdom, praying before bed and reading my scriptures.

But recently, when I think about church, I feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Becuse I know Ive done something wrong (that I cant share). I cannot bring myself to talk to the bishop, and I know i never will.

I have been told that this feeling is a good thing, but I am having some mixed emotions from it. I feel like I am not good enough for God. That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be. This sin I have commited has beeen told to be okay to by everyone outside the church. I really just want to start over. This feeling is giving me depression, and I feel like I am just pulling further and further away from the church.

And dont try to tell me I CAN go to my bishop, because I am telling you now that it is not going to happen. 

Some doubt also comes from just that. I thought God could personally forgive us, so why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?

I know Satan has come over me. He is winning, and Im trying so hard to push through but I just cant anymore.

I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin. 

So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now,  celestial glory is not possible for me.

[Sunday21]

Hmmm. You know bishops are really not that scary. I would certainly prefer to go see the bishop rather than give up the celestial kingdom.

But if your bishop has you terrified, how about seeing your stake president instead?

if you can't face that, then you and Heavenly Father need to have a talk. Pour out your soul to him. Perhaps read scriptures first. Make a few notes about what you want to say first. Be respectful if possible. Good luck!

Edited July 31, 2017 by Sunday21

[my two cents]

It really does sound like you need to talk to someone and I agree with @Sunday about reaching out to the stake pres instead. Going through a little discomfort for a short time is way better than feeling the way you do for a lifetime. 

[Grunt]

6 hours ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

This might be long, so bravo if you take the time read it. Hopefully it wont be too bad.

Im currently having mixed emotions about the church. I was baptized, my dad was lds but he is no longer an active member. I have always been a very faithful person, following th commandments and the word of wisdom, praying before bed and reading my scriptures.

But recently, when I think about church, I feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Becuse I know Ive done something wrong (that I cant share). I cannot bring myself to talk to the bishop, and I know i never will.

I have been told that this feeling is a good thing, but I am having some mixed emotions from it. I feel like I am not good enough for God. That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be. This sin I have commited has beeen told to be okay to by everyone outside the church. I really just want to start over. This feeling is giving me depression, and I feel like I am just pulling further and further away from the church.

And dont try to tell me I CAN go to my bishop, because I am telling you now that it is not going to happen. 

Some doubt also comes from just that. I thought God could personally forgive us, so why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?

I know Satan has come over me. He is winning, and Im trying so hard to push through but I just cant anymore.

I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin. 

So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now,  celestial glory is not possible for me.

Can you talk to another bishop?  Is this allowed in your faith?  I know when I was active in my church, several friends went to talk to other pastors about issues they were having but were embarrassed to discuss them "on the home court".  The more embarrassing the issue, the further they'd go.   It seemed worth it to them.

[Jane_Doe]

1 hour ago, Grunt said:

Can you talk to another bishop?  Is this allowed in your faith?  I know when I was active in my church, several friends went to talk to other pastors about issues they were having but were embarrassed to discuss them "on the home court".  The more embarrassing the issue, the further they'd go.   It seemed worth it to them.

You're bishop is the one with jurisdiction over you.  Being embarrassed about your sin is not a valid reason not go to your bishop. Yes, your bishop does know you: that's the point!  He's knows you, he was here before the the repentance process, during, and after.  He's walking through this with you every step of the way, helping you as you need it.  And no, the bishop knowing you sinned doesn't mean the congregation will know or a person's parents.  

There are extremely rare exceptions where your bishop isn't the proper person to help you through the repentance process.  Such as if the sin was you and the bishop had an affair (extremely rare, but I can't say it's never never happened).  In that case, going to the Stake Presidency will be the proper move.  The Stake Presidency is over all the local wards, which are known as a "stake".   

[NeuroTypical]

Hi CraCraMormon,

Trying to be LDS when one or both parents aren't?  That's rough.  My dad was anti-religious, my mom was an inactive mormon who sent me to church but didn't go herself.  I remember that sucked.  

At the end of the day, the best reason to be Mormon, is you believe God wants you to be one.  If He does, it doesn't matter what sucks or how hard something is, or what people think, the right choice is to be Mormon.  You just lower your head and plow forward knowing you are doing what God wants.  

8 hours ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

And dont try to tell me I CAN go to my bishop, because I am telling you now that it is not going to happen. 
[...]
I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin. 
So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now,  celestial glory is not possible for me.

What can I say - I've been here too.  Here's what you do - you face down your terrors and guilt and shame, and you go confess to your bishop.  You call the executive secretary and ask for an appointment with the bishop.  Ask for his last appointment of the day. Show up, grab the box of kleenex, and let that man help you get back on the right side of sin.  That's what he's there for - not to berate or shame you - to help you avail yourself of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  

Scariest dang thing I ever did, was point myself into the bishop's 'hot seat'.  But it was one of the top three most liberating, freeing, burden-lifting, cleansing things I've ever done in my life.  

Go do it.

[zil]

20 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Being embarrassed about your sin is not a valid reason not go to your bishop.

IMO, this is actually a benefit...

7 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

What can I say - I've been here too.  Here's what you do - you face down your terrors and guilt and shame, and you go confess to your bishop. ...

Scariest dang thing I ever did, was point myself into the bishop's 'hot seat'.  But it was one of the top three most liberating, freeing, burden-lifting, cleansing things I've ever done in my life.  

In order to fully repent, one must humble oneself.  In order to go seek the Lord's help through the bishop requires humbling oneself.  Thus, the mere act of setting and keeping the appointment has put you into the best possible state for repentance.  This is a gift (as it's hard, if not impossible, to truly humble yourself in secret).

As NT said, go do it!

[Fether]

You need to go to the bishop  andblikebstates above, it isn't that scary  

God has always required men and women to repent before feeling clean and that won't change. Currently, God has revealed that for major sins, a visit to the bishop is required.

This feeling you have will not go away until you are in good standings  

Remember, repentance isn't just a bath, but a completely changing of your skin, to become a whole new person. Until that happens the repentance isn't complete. It appears that the person you need to become is one that wants to repent and visit the bishop when you need to. Become one that isn't fearful of such repentance.

[Snigmorder]

As far as I understand, the reason we have to tell the bishop these things is in case they warrant some kind of action, Bishops are judges in Israel. In my case I was told not to take the sacrament.

As far as I'm concerned, it isn't our place to determine who or what qualifies as being "savable." We're talking about an exalted Man who holds in his hand, worlds without end and the inhabitants thereof. What know ye of power?

I'll assume you've committed adultery or homicide. If this really is the kingdom of God on earth, a colony of the Eternal Civilization, then there's no reason not to submit to the will of your Father and enter into full repentance (if you really are penitent.)

Repentance is between you and God, but the judges determine if you are worthy to participate in sacred ordinances or even attend church.

It comes down to what you ultimately care about most. Your own pride and ego, or obedience, even at the cost of discomfort and tribulation.

To quote Alma: 

"And now, behold, I say unto you, and I would that ye should remember, that God is merciful unto all who believe on his name; therefore he desireth, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word." – Alma 32:22

It's God's desire to be merciful to you.

Edited July 31, 2017 by Snigmorder

[Jane_Doe]

1 minute ago, Snigmorder said:

As far as I understand, the reason we have to tell the bishop these things is in case they warrant some kind of action, Bishops are judges in Israel. In my case I was told not to take the sacrament.

Action needed: yes, specifically repenting.  The Bishop is there to help you through the repentance process.  This helping may or may not include any formal temporary discipline.  

[Snigmorder]

19 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Action needed: yes, specifically repenting.  The Bishop is there to help you through the repentance process.  This helping may or may not include any formal temporary discipline.  

Thank you