zil Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 Possibly the first documented instance of the standard teenage answers to questions: Quote 2 Kings 5:25 But he went in, and stood before his master. And Elisha said unto him, Whence comest thou, Gehazi? And he said, Thy servant went no whither. Elisha: Where have you been, Gehazi? ::foot-tapping:: Gehazi: Nowhere. (OK, the story itself isn't really funny, poor Gehazi paid a high price for his greed, but still...) Anybody else have a favorite scripture with an amusing angle to it? (All the usuals are assumed: Satan is a woman, there are no women in heaven, blah blah.) seashmore and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 30 minutes ago, zil said: Possibly the first documented instance of the standard teenage answers to questions: Elisha: Where have you been, Gehazi? ::foot-tapping:: Gehazi: Nowhere. (OK, the story itself isn't really funny, poor Gehazi paid a high price for his greed, but still...) Anybody else have a favorite scripture with an amusing angle to it? (All the usuals are assumed: Satan is a woman, there are no women in heaven, blah blah.) There is the good ole account when Laman and Lemuel complained about going to get the plates, but didn’t complain when they went to get wives Anddenex, seashmore, zil and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentOne Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 My sister likes this verse, told by John, with "the other disciple" commonly understood to be John: Quote John 20:4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre. seashmore, zil and Sunday21 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 3 minutes ago, SilentOne said: My sister likes this verse, told by John, with "the other disciple" commonly understood to be John: Ah, yeah, that's a good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashmore Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 Not exactly what you're looking for, but whenever I read Alma 29:1 "O that I were an angel," this symphonic metal song starts playing in my head. It takes great effort to read the rest of that chapter. zil and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 I tend to find it amusing that L&L murmured about everything they were told to do EXCEPT go to Ishmael's family so you can find a wife. "Hey, Nephi, Sam, let's get a move on! You heard father. We don't have all day!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted November 4, 2017 Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 (edited) 21 hours ago, seashmore said: Not exactly what you're looking for, but whenever I read Alma 29:1 "O that I were an angel," this symphonic metal song starts playing in my head. It takes great effort to read the rest of that chapter. "I wish I had an angel for one moment of love. I wish I had your angel; your Virgin Mary undone. I'm in love with my lust, burning angel wings to dust. I wish I had your angel tonight." There's just something about Scandanavian metal... Edited November 4, 2017 by Vort Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted November 4, 2017 Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 Zechariah 5:1–world’s first recorded food fight. zil and Fether 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted November 4, 2017 Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 (edited) Ezekiel 4:12; the reason I don't go to the Bible for cooking advice. II Kings 2:23-24; really? Mass death penalty for making fun of a bald guy? Proverbs 31:6-7; anguish and a hangover is not better than anguish alone. John 21:25; I'm bored with this, so you'll just have to do without the rest of the story. Edited November 4, 2017 by NightSG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said: Zechariah 5:1–world’s first recorded food fight. https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/zech/5?lang=eng 1 hour ago, NightSG said: Ezekiel 4:12; the reason I don't go to the Bible for cooking advice. II Kings 2:23-24; really? Mass death penalty for making fun of a bald guy? Proverbs 31:6-7; anguish and a hangover is not better than anguish alone. John 21:25; I'm bored with this, so you'll just have to do without the rest of the story. Nope, sorry, not amusing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Godless Posted November 4, 2017 Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 One day I want a death metal band to write a song about Judges Chapter 4. Specifically the last 8 verses or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 8 hours ago, Godless said: One day I want a death metal band to write a song about Judges Chapter 4. Specifically the last 8 verses or so. Nope, not amusing. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 Ehud in Judges 3. The left-handed assassin abandons his dagger when it gets stuck in the fatty folds of his target. I'm pretty sure this is why Luke didn't attack Jabba with a light saber. zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 22 minutes ago, mordorbund said: Ehud in Judges 3. The left-handed assassin abandons his dagger when it gets stuck in the fatty folds of his target. I'm pretty sure this is why Luke didn't attack Jabba with a light saber. One of the most graphically violent scriptural stories, definitely R-rated. Also proof that morbid obesity is not solely a modern problem. zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 One can start reading here, if so inclined: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/judg/3.16?lang=eng#p15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 4 minutes ago, zil said: One can start reading here, if so inclined: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/judg/3.16?lang=eng#p15 Just reread @zil's link, and it occurs to me that this is a great example of what the euphemism "to cover one's feet" means. We normally encounter this euphemism when talking about David being hunted by King Saul. When Saul went into a cave to "cover his feet", David cut off part of his robe to show he could have killed Saul. Various Biblical commentators have said that Saul went into the cave to take a nap; "cover one's feet" was said to be the practice of those sleeping. I'm pretty sure this is bogus -- and not merely because I, who don't live in a hot desert area, insist that my feet be uncovered or I can't sleep. "To cover one's feet" means to relieve oneself through defecation. This euphemism came about because the robes one wore typically came no closer to the ground than six inches, to keep from soiling and destroying the material of the hem. But if one squatted down -- as, say, to relieve oneself -- one's feet would be covered by the robe. The Ehud account specifies that when Eglon (the morbidly obese king) was killed, "the dirt came out" (v. 22). This would have provided the, um, aroma of defecation, adding to the idea that the king was "covering his feet". Anyway, I'm no authority on ancient euphemisms, so I might be wrong. But I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong in this case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 38 minutes ago, Vort said: it occurs to me that this is a great example of what the euphemism "to cover one's feet" means. How did I know you were gonna go there? I read that phrase and thought, ah, was that Vort talking about this phrase...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 34 minutes ago, zil said: How did I know you were gonna go there? I read that phrase and thought, ah, was that Vort talking about this phrase...? How embarrassing. zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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